My Thanks
Jennifer Macedo was the first person to ever ask to read my stories. The first to ever tell me I should always write. Someone who set me on my path with just a little bit of her time and a few kind words.
R A Davila a friend and fellow writer who has always been there when I needed help and a good swift kick in the ass. She acts as my Beta reader and shares ideas and honest opinions with me. Never afraid to give me honest praise or criticism when called for.
Kelly Kilroy is my best friend in the world. He has never actually helped me with my writing, but has been there when I needed him.
My family in particular my sister Susan Oliveira, my bother in law Louis Oliveira, and my mom Edite Chereta. Thank you for all your love and support.
Chapter 1
The Heroic White Mage
Fenton’s shoulders ached. That wasn’t a surprise. It was harvest time and the whole village was out in the fields from dawn to dusk. He was sure it was going to be at least another week before all the crops were in. Once that was done though, they would have the Harvest Festival. That was always a fun time, Connor would play on his string picker. Everyone would eat fresh picked corn and roast mutton, and since he was fifteen, a full-grown man, he’d get to have some corn whiskey right out in the open for once.
Best of all, he would get to dance with Maggie. She was the prettiest girl in the whole village, especially when she trimmed that hair coming out of her mole. He was thinking about asking her to marry him at the festival. She was seventeen after all, and people were beginning to talk. They said if she wasn’t careful she was going to end up an old maid. Fenton really loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with Maggie.
Plus, she’d already promised that once they were married she would let him do it sheep style with her as much as he wanted.
Still… marriage was a big step. He was a young man and not sure if he was ready to be tied down yet. He knew he would probably never leave the village, no one ever did. But he couldn’t help but think about what a big world it was. It might be fun to go out on an adventure, have a little excitement. He’d heard lots of stories about adventurers who fought monsters and found treasures and rescued beautiful princesses. How hard could it be? He just needed to learn how to swing a sword and then…
Right then he heard old lady Bartwick shouting that a White Mage and a woman were coming down the road.
“Isn’t it a little early for her to be drinking corn whiskey?” He muttered. The last time it had been a herd of werbils stampeding towards her. The time before that it had been an air elemental stealing her apples. Well, he and everyone else in the village would just have to go and calm her down. Otherwise, she would spend the rest of the day shouting about a White Mage pestering her over the dichotomy of good and evil or something.
As he and the rest of the village headed to her house to tell her everything was fine, he spotted Maggie with her pa. She sent him a smile and a quick wave of her chubby hand. When he got to old lady Bartwick’s hut he was not surprised to see her standing in front of her home with a broom in her hand. She was waving it over her head like a club.
What did catch him and everyone else by surprise was that there really was a White Mage and a woman coming up the road. Everyone knew about the White Mages. They came from a faraway land called Ablon. They all had yellow hair and yellow eyes and could use incredibly powerful magics. They could call down lightning and fire, turn lead to gold, and they rode the backs of dragons. They always helped people and killed monsters. Vedric the wool merchant said he’d talked to one when he was in the city of Lecshaven, many years ago. (Of course, he also said he’d met a half-elven fire dancer and a paladin on a holy quest and a centaur named Evan who sold special mushrooms.)
But an even more amazing sight was the woman walking beside the White Mage. She had fiery red hair, eyes the color of summer twilight, the graceful movement of a highborn lady, and huge firm tits the size of ripe cantaloupes! If this was what women from Ablon looked like, he was going to go find this place!
The two of them stopped in front of the villagers. The White Mage had an eager grin on his face. The big titted redhead had a much more serious expression. He noted that the woman was a head taller than the wizard. The wizard took a step forward and spread his hands out.
“Greetings! I am Master Waldo Rabbit, a White Mage of Avalon. I wish you Unity, Justice, and Peace. This is my wife, Alice Rabbit.”
The gorgeous woman (Alice!) performed a curtsey that gave Fenton a clear view of the top of her breasts. “I am pleased to meet you all.”
As soon as she stood back up the White Mage spoke again.
“I’m afraid I have some terrible news for you. I’m here because I’ve been chasing a Great Monster, an ogre. Of course, being a White Mage, I intend to kill it for you. However, it’s a very, very dangerous beast. While I will definitely slay it with my incredible magics, I can’t guarantee there won’t be any casualties. Some of you will probably be killed, so for your own safety, you should run away immediately. Without stopping to take your valuables first.”
Beautiful Alice rubbed a hand over her face as he said this.
Fenton and all his neighbors looked at one another. The idea of an ogre attack was hard to believe. There hadn’t even been any goblins in the area for at least seven or eight years. No one said anything out loud, who wanted to tell a magic user he was wrong? Old lady Bartwick was the one who spoke up.
“Ain’t no ogres here abouts. We got werbils though, lots of ’em. They live in the cornfields, always sneaking into my hut and stealing my slippers! Could you do somethin’ about ’em?”
“You have werbils?” The White Mage sounded interested. “Their fur is a key ingredient in strength potions. Are they purple and gold or green and brown?”
“They’re black as night, almost so you can’t see ’em.”
“Black? Are you sure? Maybe they were carnivorous mole rats.”
Alice coughed into her hand. “Darling? I think you’re getting a bit off track here. There’s a dangerous ogre coming, remember?”
“Ah, right,” the White Mage said. “All of you should get as far away as you can as quick as you can. The ogre could attack at any moment.”
Fenton and the other villagers all stared back at him and remained where they were.
The White Mage then frowned and turned to look over at the cornfields. “I said,” he spoke in a louder voice. “The ogre could attack at any moment.”
And perhaps hearing him, there was a sudden blood curdling roar! Stomping out of the corn was a green beast at least eight feet tall! Its skin was green as alfalfa, two yellow tusks jutted up out of its jaw, its arms, legs, and chest were as think and hard as an old oak. Except for some burlap tied around its waist, it was naked. The beast pounded its chest and roared loud enough to make the ground shake.
“Gronk smash! Gronk eat all you! Tear off skin and eat! Yum!”
The White Mage stepped towards him and pulled a wand from out of his robe. “No! Foul monster! You may eat one or two, but I, Waldo Rabbit will stop you! Pyro!”
A stream of fire shot out of the wand. It passed over the monster’s head and set part of the field on fire. The ogre screamed in fury.
“Gronk no afraid of pretty man in white!” The monster lowered his head and charged towards them.
“Pyro!” Another stream of fire missed the monster as it made the ground shake.
That was when Fenton turned and ran as fast as he could. He was not alone, everyone took off down the road and away from the monster in blind panic. As he ran he suddenly realized he had wet himself. It was at that precise moment that he decided to marry Maggie and to never, eve
r, ever, EVER leave his village.
XXX
Gronk was running between the huts as Waldo cast more fire spells.
“All right, they’re gone, you can stop now.” Alice finally called out.
“Foul beast! I will-” Waldo stopped in mid-sentence and looked back at Alice. “Are you certain?”
“Yes,” Alice sighed.
Gronk stopped his rampage. “How did you like my performance, master?” The ogre asked in a lisping voice that was nothing like the one he’d used only a moment ago. “Was it scary enough?”
Waldo nodded and put his wand away. “You did wonderfully, Gronk, like always.”
“Joy.” The big ogre skipped over to his master’s side.
Alice was rubbing her temples. “Do we really have to keep doing this?”
“Are you willing to Charm people and let me rob them that way?” Waldo asked.
“No,” Alice replied instantly.
“Then we have to keep doing this. It not only allows me to steal from these villages, it also builds up my reputation. Dozens of villages will talk of the mighty Waldo Rabbit who drove off a monstrous ogre.”
“But never managed to kill it,” Alice pointed out.
“Driving it away is still impressive.”
“We could pretend you killed me. I could do a death scene.” Gronk switched to his original voice and slammed both hands to his heart as he staggered from side to side. “Noooo!! Pretty man in white kill Gronk! Gronk die!” He fell over with a loud thud. Both legs shot into the air and gave a dramatic shake before dropping back down.
Waldo clapped his hands. “Thank you, Gronk. But I think just driving you away is good enough.”
“Whatever you say, master,” Gronk replied with a lisp and got back on his feet.
“Darling,” Alice came over to stand beside her husband. “I really think we should stop doing this. We already have plenty of money.” She patted the bulging purse tied to her hip. “And we draw a lot of attention.”
“We can never have enough coin, and the more famous I become the better.”
“But what if we draw the wrong kind of attention?” She asked. “Your grandfather hasn’t bothered us in a while. Never mind any other people who might be chasing us.”
It had been three months since they’d left Lothas. In that time, Waldo’s grandfather had not contacted him, and no more summoned creatures had spied on them. There had also been no sign of any pursuit by Duke Griffinheart. They had travelled through seven different countries, always heading north.
“I’ve told you, my grandfather will never stop chasing me. The dead never tire, and I doubt he will suddenly lose interest in eating my heart. But they don’t have the same sense of urgency as the living do. At some point, he will come after me again regardless of what I do. As for other people, I don’t…”
Waldo paused and looked over his shoulder. There was an obvious expression of annoyance. He waved a hand. “Nunc.”
Cleptus Daring suddenly popped into existence twelve feet behind Waldo. He was in mid sneak, moving silently on the balls of his feet. As soon as he appeared, he settled back on his heels and gave a laugh.
“You caught me this time.”
“And every time,” Waldo said with irritation. “I’ve told you, invisibility only works with mundanes. It can’t fool mages, we can sense magic.”
“Why do you keep trying to sneak up on him anyway?” Alice asked.
“It’s just practice, that’s all. A good thief needs to keep his skills sharp as his daggers.”
Alice narrowed her eyes. “It wouldn’t be anything else, would it?”
“No, it’s just practice.”
“You’re lying, I can tell.”
He smiled. “What makes you think so?”
“Your mouth is open, and words are coming out.”
“Have you finished searching this place?” Waldo asked.
When they put on their performance the entire audience would not always run away. A few brave souls occasionally stayed to try and fight the terrifying ogre. On those occasions, an invisible Cleptus would go through the village and take anything of value.
“Yes, I’m afraid it’s not much.” From his cloak, he produced a sack and tossed it to Waldo. “About six hundred copper coins, a few bronze bracelets, an amber broach, and three iron daggers. That’s all.”
Waldo opened the sack and looked over the contents. “Nothing else?”
“Nope, it’s about what you’d expect from such a small place.”
Waldo looked at him. “You certain this is everything?”
“Yes, believe me.”
Waldo stared at him for a moment. “Gronk.”
“Sure thing, master.” The ogre strolled over to the thief who put his hands up and began to backpedal.
“Hey! Hey! We don’t need to do this again! I put everything I found in the sack! May Wotal strike me blind if I lie!”
“Don’t be nervous, sweetheart. I’ll be gentle.”
Gronk grabbed him by both ankles and proceeded to shake him like a rag doll. As he did so a total of five silver coins came flying out. When nothing else shook loose, Gronk put him down.
Alice collected the silver and put the coins in her purse. “You never learn,” she muttered.
“All right, well let’s get going,” Waldo said.
Together the four of them left the village and continued north.
XXX
That evening, they made camp off in the woods. Waldo and Alice shared a tent, Cleptus had his own, and Gronk slept out on the grass beneath the stars. Alice and Waldo were both in their small clothes lying on their blankets. Alice turned to him and took a deep breath.
“Darling, there’s something I need to say to you.”
“Let me guess, you want to do ‘local lord and the innocent farm girl?’”
“No, not that.”
“You want to do ‘dread pirate captain and the innocent maiden?’”
She shook her head. “No.”
Waldo rubbed his chin. “If you want to do ‘slave master and the innocent new slave girl’ I’m feeling a little tired. Maybe we could do that tomorrow.”
“No! It’s nothing about that. I wanted to talk to you about Cleptus. I don’t trust him.”
“Well of course you don’t, he’s a thief after all. Only a fool would trust him. After all, ‘trust is-”
“A dagger pointed at your own heart,” Alice said. “Yes, yes, you really love all your sayings. But that’s my point. I don’t trust him. He hasn’t forgiven you for what happened back in Norwich. I really think he would stab you in the back if he could.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt it,” Waldo agreed. “That’s why I carved the morio seal in his chest.”
“A seal that’s fake,” she reminded him. “If he ever finds out the truth he really will try and kill you.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
“Then wouldn’t it be a good idea to get rid of him?”
“You mean kill him?” Waldo asked in surprise.
Alice nodded. “I don’t usually believe in murder, but in his case, I’d be okay with it. Normally, I would say to let him go, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing he was out there. He really hates you, darling.”
“I know, but that’s no reason to get rid of someone who is an asset. My mother’s familiar hates her like poison and she knows it, but a vampire is too valuable to just throw away. Cleptus is a good thief, and I can use him. Especially where we’ll be going.”
“But he’s dangerous!”
“He’d be a pretty poor thief if he wasn’t.”
“And what happens if he finds out the seal’s not real?”
“How could he? He doesn’t know how magic works. He’ll believe whatever I tell him.”
“But what happens if he does figure it out some day?”
“Then, at that point, you have my permission to kill him.”
“Wonderful, I hope it won’t be too late.”
“Oh, ah, actually…” She was pressing her fingers together.
Waldo sighed. He could guess what was coming. “Yes?”
Her eyes avoided his. “Pirate captain,” Alice blurted out.
He took a deep breath and readied himself. “Ar! Come ‘ere wench! The dread pirate Waldo has need of ye!”
“Oh! Please, no! I’m an innocent and helpless maiden!”
“Ar!” He pushed her down onto the blankets.
The Rabbit Great And Terrible Page 1