by Marian Tee
She just looked at him.
He said hastily, “Good job.”
She looked at her dad hopefully.
Ian said in a reluctant voice, “I guess we could go out to celebrate?”
I guess we could? The words hurt so much Ianne had tonelessly answered, “It’s okay. It’s not a big deal really.” And it wasn’t – to him. Her dad. She had cried a bit after that. Did she really have to pretend she had testosterone just so her family would be whole again?
Washing her hands after eating her toast, she started off for the hobby shop that her dad owned, which specialized in games, anime DVD, and manga imported from Japan. If Alex knew about the new Ianne 2.0, he’d be proud of her, Ianne thought. She was sure of that. After all, if he liked the Zeldas of the world, then the new Ianne would be more attractive to him than the old Ianne, who was more prone to admire the setup of his limited-edition Barebone PC than his biceps.
Game Desu had been Ian Clayton’s way of coping with his wife’s unexpected death. Widowed with two young kids, he had chosen to give up his executive job in a billion-dollar company and instead divided his time between manning the shop and looking after his kids.
It was proof of how much Ian loved her and Ivan, and it was a fact that she reminded herself doggedly when her dad’s cold-heartedness got to her.
Punching in the digits on the keypad, Ianne waited for a second for the system to deactivate the lock. “Welcome,” a female robotic voice immediately greeted her as Ianne pushed the door open.
She hadn’t stepped a foot inside the shop the entire summer, having been busy practicing and preparing herself for tryouts. A feeling of nostalgia washed over Ianne as she breathed in the familiar scent of imported, plastic-wrapped merchandise.
Home sweet home, she thought with a wry smile to herself. She might look a lot more like a girl now, but there was no hiding it. She really was a geek-slash-gamer-girl at heart. As she took out the mop from the closet at the back and started mopping the floor, Ianne’s mind gave her another dose of memories featuring Alex.
It was here where they had first met. He had come in with a friend, and they had been talking about Prince of Persia, totally obvious at the way Ianne had gaped at him. Even at fourteen, he had been…stunning. Almost pretty, if not for the hard angles of his high cheekbones. He had looked very mature for his age, and if she hadn’t overheard him talking about his adjustments being a first-year transferee in her school, Ianne would have mistaken him for a college student.
He had been complaining about graphics then but when he looked at her, he had a stunned look on his face, as if he couldn’t believe there was a girl in a shop that mostly catered to men.
She had said shyly then, “Maybe an upgrade of your video card should be considered. Video cards matter the most when it comes to PC gaming.”
The rest, as they said, had been history.
But then Zelda happened, and that was that. Alex no longer visited their shop.
Carl, the only shop assistant working full-time for them, came in a few moments later. He was long-haired, tattooed, and gay, but the last part was a secret. “Gimme that,” Carl said when he saw her mopping.
“Did you miss me?” she teased him.
“I think you missed this shop more than we missed you,” Carl retorted.
Ugh. She had forgotten how blunt Carl could be.
“You look really good, though,” he said, his lips forming a proud smile. “Good for you, making your dad realize he can’t force you into changing sexes.”
“Don’t make this into an LGBT issue,” she warned him.
His answer was drowned by the buzz of the doorbell, and Ianne absently reached for the switch under the counter to deactivate the lock. Years of customer service training under her dad came back to her, so with a ready smile on her lips, she straightened and said “Good mor—” Ianne stopped speaking, her heart going into full panic attack mode.
“Hi.”
Almost two freaking long years. She had not heard him speak for that long and yet hearing him say ‘hi’ in that poignantly familiar Texan drawl of his, it felt like not even a second had passed.
Just like that, and the truth hit her.
She was still attracted to Alex Rockford.
His hair gleamed under the fluorescent light, making the sexy stud on his left ear wink at her like a long-lost friend. Alex had always been the favorite of their teachers back in high school because of his old-fashioned ways, which were more Southern gentleman than rough cowboy – a perfect complement to the conservative and traditional lifestyle that older Regalians wanted the younger generations to adapt.
That earring had been the one clue hinting at Alex’s darker side, a subtle but tantalizing promise that he was not the perfect (and perfectly wealthy) boy next door everyone thought him to be.
Looking at him, there was only one thing uppermost on her mind.
Gorgeous. So gorgeous. Like, really gorgeous. Too gorgeous. My God. Gorgeous.
Chapter Four
Alex Rockford tried to relax, but it was like his entire body had turned into stone.
Ianne.
After such a long goddamn time, he had finally found the guts to seek her out again. He had heard guys talking about her ever since the first day of classes. She was one of the hottest girls in freshmen year. That was what the guys were saying. Did she know that?
Alex had to walk out several times whenever the guys started to open their big mouths and talk about her. It was that or kick everyone’s ass, which he was more than capable of. But he didn’t want to. Rather, he didn’t feel like he had the right to…for now.
When Ianne only continued to gaze at him with wide brown eyes, he asked quietly, “Did I surprise you?”
Slowly, she nodded.
And was it a good surprise?
He had expected her to be dressed…to be dressed like Zelda, Alex admitted to himself with a private grimace. That was what he had been led to expect, but the Ianne looking back at him now was the same Ianne he remembered from high school, the girl he had fallen in love with – and still loved.
She wore their orange company shirt and jeans, her dark brown hair tied up in a ponytail, with a few locks curling around her small oval-shaped face. She was dressed so ordinarily but in his eyes she was still the hottest girl he had ever met, her sexuality like a subtly powerful scent, invisible but irresistible.
Fuckable was the word that came to mind, but Alex had never told Ianne that, knowing instinctively that she had always thought of him as someone out of her league, someone she had put on a pedestal. She looked at him like he could do no wrong and so with her, he found himself being extra careful, making sure that she never knew how every time they were in each other’s presence all he could think of was making her his.
Ianne finally managed to make her throat work, but the one word she thought of saying still came out as a humiliating croak. “Hey.” She cringed at the sound of her voice. Why, God? Why did you have to let him see me like this? You have such a perverse sense of humor.
She had a closet full of new clothes, all feminine blouses and skirts. How was it fair that on the first time Alex Rockford would see her in years, she was wearing a company shirt that was two sizes larger because it was really Ivan’s shirt and not hers?
Would he take one look at her now and thank the heavens that he had chosen Zelda over her?
From the corner of her eye, she saw Carl looking at them with great interest, frozen in his spot with the mop still in one hand. His gaze was moving back and forth between her and Alex, the expectant expression on his face almost making her wince. She just knew he was waiting for her to embarrass herself.
And knowing herself, Ianne thought glumly, she probably would.
She nearly jumped when Alex suddenly spoke, his accent extremely pronounced as he asked, “Do you have some time to talk?”
She looked at him dumbly.
Alex wanted to talk…outside? He had never asked her
that before. And what would they talk about? Surely not about the latest Pokemon version that had just come out?
“Out?” she finally clarified.
He nodded, but one inquiring eyebrow went up as well. He asked politely, “Unless you don’t think you’re safe with me?”
She flushed. “Of course not.”
A smile curved on Alex’s lips and he said huskily, “I’m glad.” He turned away to hold the door open for her, and that achingly familiar smile hit Ianne like a bolt of lightning, making her suddenly and excruciatingly aware of his presence.
Oh God…
She had a hard time breathing.
Don’t let me—
But it was no use.
Her knees buckled and Ianne reached out wildly for the counter, clutching its edge to keep her balance.
The semi-crashing sound behind Alex made him look over his shoulder and he was bemused to see Ianne gripping the counter like she was trying to survive an 8.3 mega earthquake. “Ianne?” he asked in puzzled concern.
Carl, the traitor, was too busy laughing to come to Ianne’s rescue.
"The floor...newly mopped," Ianne managed to gasp out in explanation as Alex looked at the two of them strangely.
As she straightened to follow after Alex, Ianne vowed to herself that the next time Carl threw her under the bus like that, a homeless man would be earning more than he did come next payday.
****
Alex was grimly silent as he and Ianne walked to the nearby park, conscious of the awkwardness between the two of them. It hadn’t been like this before. But it was now, and he knew it was his fault.
Ianne tried to calm herself when Alex finally stopped walking. They were in front of the playground, where a few kids were playing under the watchful eyes of their nannies. Alex pointed to one of the empty benches at the far end. “Shall we sit there?”
She nodded jerkily. By now, she knew that something was seriously bothering Alex. In the years she had known him, he had never let her see him in a bad mood. Well, almost never. There was that one exception, the night when they had talked about friends who dated.
The leafy trees above them provided shade, and Alex, like he always did, waited for her to take a seat before lowering himself next to her. Again, his nearness nearly left her breathless, and Ianne carefully averted her face, not wanting him to know how much he affected her. She also did her very best to keep still. If she didn’t, her instincts might get the better of her and Ianne would end up scooting close and leaning against him.
She bit back a sigh. Obsessed was simply too mild a word for her.
The silence continued. Ianne was used to it. Alex had always been the type to think before speaking. Her lips quirked, the memory of a younger Alex considering her suggestion about changing the color of the custom case he ordered for his computer. It had taken him an hour and a half to simply say “No.”
“Ianne.”
The way he said her name made Ianne swallow. “Mm?”
It frustrated Alex that she still wasn’t looking at him, but it also strengthened his resolve. He had vowed to himself that if he was to have another chance with Ianne, he would no longer hide his real self.
“Ianne, look at me.”
The commanding tone in Alex’s quiet voice stunned her, making Ianne automatically look at him. Her eyes widened when she saw the hard look on his face. They were the same age, but Alex had always felt much older and experienced than she was. Now, it was more so than ever. This was no teenage boy. The person seated next to her was a man, and he was the kind of man that made her feel so very aware she was a woman.
“Zelda and I broke up.”
When Ianne didn’t say anything, he asked with a frown, “Ianne?”
She whispered, “I think I’m in shock.”
His lips twisted. “Don’t be. I know you think we were a match made in hell.”
She began to protest, “I didn’t—”
He said very politely, “The truth, please.”
Her shoulders slumped. “Yeah. I thought you two were that. But then, I was wrong since you two lasted for years.” Try as might, she couldn’t keep the bitterness from coloring her tone.
Alex flinched. He knew what she was not saying. The whole time he had been with Zelda, he had also turned his back on Ianne and their friendship.
Before he could explain why that was, Ianne had spoken again. “Why did you break up?”
He tried to think of a way to explain the event that should have happened years ago – and would have happened if he had not been so damn proud or stubborn. But for once, words failed him and Alex took out Zelda’s letter from his pocket instead.
“This should explain it.”
Her heart was beating madly against her chest as she took the letter from his hands, her body jolting at the accidental brush of his fingers. She expected Alex to ignore it, like he always did in the past when Ianne’s body betrayed her, but this time she was shocked to see Alex’s nostrils flare, his eyes darkening with something that seemed like…
She hastily looked away, her heartbeat thunderous now. Had she imagined that? Had Alex really been looking at her like she was the sexiest woman alive?
Impossible, she told herself furiously. Alex Rockford had just broken up with his girlfriend. He was heartbroken right now, and it was grief – not pent-up lust – that she had seen.
But the fact still remained—
Alex and Zelda had broken up.
Oh my God, but Alex and Zelda had broken up.
Did that mean it was totally safe for her to dream about him again? To pretend that she was his girlfriend? To start stalking him on Facebook once more?
With shaking fingers, she unfolded the letter and her eyes widened as she took in its contents. It was written in French. Or, to be more specific, it was badly written in French.
“Is…is Zelda French?” she finally asked as she carefully folded the letter. She kept her head bowed down. She had to. She didn’t want him to see—
Alex said heavily, “Go ahead, Ianne. It really is funny.”
It was simply too much.
The letter, coupled with Alex’s pained tone, let loose what Ianne had been trying to hold back. The playground, now empty, was filled with the sound of her unrestricted laughter.
Ianne laughed and laughed until there were tears in her eyes. "I never ever knew..." Her eyes watered as she remembered the way Zelda had ended her overly emotional letter.
Merchi…
Her shoulders rocked. Oh my God, Zelda had spelled ‘merci’ as merchi!
“I knew,” Alex said so grimly she started laughing again. “I made the mistake of mentioning to her that you know French and that we used to converse in French as a way of practicing for class. Well, that was it. She kept talking to me in French, and most of the time I simply pretended I understood her. Even when we were in public, she’d insist on talking to me in French and I just let her be. She was my girlfriend.”
Ianne flinched.
Alex saw it and wanted to curse. “Ianne—”
She quickly changed the subject. “The letter didn’t really explain why you broke up.”
His face became cold. “Officially, it was because I wasn’t supportive enough for her.”
She was bewildered. “And unofficially?”
“Last night I saw her with Gordon Redding.”
Ianne choked. “What?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Was Zelda out of her mind? How could that bitch (now, Ianne can rightfully call her that) do something like that to someone like her (Ianne can also rightfully call him that now) Alex?
Alex was perfect, and he was worth a thousand Gordon Reddings in the world! Sure, Gordon was rich and passably attractive, but the guy was also a notoriously hot-headed idiot whose idea of a good time was getting drunk as early as possible and staying like that for the rest of the weekend.
He was nothing but a loud foul-mouthed jerk, and Ianne just couldn’t figure out how Zelda could
have been so blind as to choose an ape over someone like Alex.
Ianne clasped her hands, unclasped it, then clasped it again, and finally and quite truthfully said, "I just don't understand how she could choose someone like that over you."
Alex smirked. "He’s a famous athlete.”
“And you’re perfect,” Ianne blurted out before she could stop herself.
Silence.
Oh my God, what had she just said?
Alex said silkily, “Perfect, am I?”
She jumped to her feet in a panic. “I think I have to go.” She didn’t wait for Alex to answer, walking away as fast as she could. Oh my God. She wanted to kill herself. Had she just told Alex—
A gasp slipped past her lips when Alex caught her wrist and pulled, forcing her to whirl around to face him.
The look on Ianne’s gorgeous face said it all.
“You like me,” he breathed incredulously. It was there in her eyes. It was in the way she kept wetting her lips, the way her entire body shook in reaction to him. His eyes traveled down, and his eyes widened even more.
Fuck.
She was aroused. The realization had leapt out of nowhere, but he knew it was true. He couldn’t think of a single thing that he had done to make her aroused, and that only led to one conclusion.
He said flatly, “You’ve always liked me, haven’t you?”
So many wasted years, Alex couldn’t help thinking in patent frustration.
Ianne whitened at Alex’s words, but she managed to lie. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He shook his head, a swift aggressive movement that had her swallowing because it was so unlike the Alex she knew. The old Alex had always been gentle and careful with her but this one was…not. He was demanding and commanding, but not in a way that terrified her. It was worse. He was dominating in a way that thrilled her, and that wasn’t good. That just wasn’t good.
“I really have to go…” She tried to pull away from him, but his grip around her wrists only tightened.
“No. I’m done trying to be gentle with you.”
“Alex, let go—”