by Ali Parker
He turned from the mirror and leaned against my dresser. “A girl I met. Her name is Audrey, and her Dad is the worship leader at church.”
“So you’re trying to impress him or her with that noose you’re tying on?”
“I’m trying to look presentable and respectable. You might try it sometime. Have you ever even worn a tie?” He lifted his shoulders and narrowed his eyes as if trying to remember ever seeing me in one.
“No way. Not even to funerals. Mama never made me because I fussed too much.” I remember Daddy trying to bust my ass over wearing a tie to Granddaddy’s funeral, but Mama had stopped him. Said we were all hurting enough and everyone should be comfortable.
“Oh, that’s right, you didn’t go to your prom.” He grinned and waited for my reaction which was an extended middle finger. “No, really, you should try one now and then. The ladies love this shit. They want us clean and pretty so they can dirty us up.”
“No thanks, I prefer them clean and pretty so I can dirty them up.” I laughed, and he shook his head. I punched his arm. “Well, I hope the pussy is worth it is all I’m saying.”
“Shit, it was worth it prom night. I thought I’d hate wearing that tux, but it was worth it.”
I realized I was the only one of my brothers that hadn’t gone. “Did it bother you to go to prom? I mean, did you see it as a bunch of girly shit?”
He laughed. “I had a blast prom night. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the dance and the pictures weren’t my favorite, but damn, my date was sexy.” He stared off into space for a moment as if he could still see her.
“I remember that girl. Lula was her name, right?”
“Lucinda. Lucinda Reese. Man, did she have curves and the nicest rack in school. After the dance, I took her down to the Dew Drop, fed her some peach schnapps, and peeled that dress off of her nice and slow. She sucked me off, swallowed, and sucked me hard again. Then she rode my cock till the fucking sun came up.” He wiped his brow. “That was a hot night.”
“Sounds like it. I’ve never been much for that kind of bullshit though. I wanted to take Lauralee to dinner and make it special, but no, not good enough.”
“You should step out of your comfort zone sometimes and compromise.” He turned back to my mirror and straightened his shirt collar again, then brushed down his shirt front. “Look what it did for David. He stepped way out of his for Sarah and now look at him. He’s the next big star.”
The last thing I wanted to do was talk about Luke’s idol, our older brother David, so I steered us back on point. “So what you’re saying is, you plan on getting laid after church?” I raked my fingers through my hair and grinned as he walked to the door.
He turned back, clicked his tongue, and winked at me. “If I’m lucky, right after Sunday supper.” I shook my head and disappeared into my bathroom.
I couldn’t help but think of what Mama had said about comfort zones, and now Luke was preaching the same sermon. While the rest of us boys had been made clones of our father, Luke had gotten Mama’s sense and reasoning. Even though I hated to admit it, he’d been right about David, too. He’d made a tough decision in changing his life around and putting it in Sarah’s hands. The two had barely known each other, but he’d decided to take a leap of faith with her.
I stripped out of my shorts and stepped into the shower, letting the shock of the cold water hit me as I turned it on.
I wondered if I could ever trust in someone other than Lauralee in the same way. It didn’t seem possible or feel right. As long as I could remember, she’d been there. Then it dawned on me, maybe she was, in a sense, my comfort zone. Being with her had always been comfortable, like breathing, at least when things were good. But they were miserable when they were bad. Like I had lost my only friend. Too comfortable, so comfortable I was miserable without her.
No, that wasn’t the comfort that mattered. I wanted her to feel the same way, and if it meant making myself miserable, I’d give her what she wanted, even if it was time as friends. Friendship wasn’t the worst thing in the world, and at least we’d be together. Then there’d at least be a chance to grow into more.
I needed more, and I knew it. But how? How did I go back to being more in her eyes? A simple line or move wasn’t going to work anymore. It simply wouldn’t do, and she deserved much better. No, I had to think of something that brought me away from my comfort zone just to prove to her that I was the man for her.
I could clean up and put on a tie as easily as the rest of them. Sure, I’d feel a bit ridiculous, but a tie wasn’t all that bad. I’d take her to dinner, buy her the best dinner of her life and then maybe get us a special room somewhere. It seemed fine to me, but then I realized that was the point.
Not only was that me keeping things in my own comfort zone, but I had already tried that idea on her six years ago when I wanted to take her out to dinner instead of prom. That had blown up in my face, and Andy’s.
The feel of his face as my fist connected with it, stung so bad. I’d never forget it, and I got an itch thinking about it. I washed my hair, soaped up, and then let the cold water wash it away. I watched the suds accumulate and then disappear down the drain and then I stepped out and pulled the towel from the hook on the door.
I dressed and went out to the barn to see the horses and couldn’t help but miss Dozer who’d usually accompanied me. I’d let the pain of losing him be buried until Tilly brought up the memories. I loved that old dog and wondered if I’d ever find another one as good as him.
I was awful with change. When Lauralee and I split up, I’d been so messed up I thought doing everything that moved would make things better. I sighed realizing that all my thoughts were leading back to her as usual.
As I brushed Major, I contemplated what I should do about Lauralee’s job. I had needed to hire two hands so it would free me up to be in the office more often, but I despised the thought of being tethered to that desk and computer the rest of my life. Sure, I’d still be working in the field, but even Daddy had put in many hours behind his desk and on the phone. Although now the phone wasn’t that big of a deal. I could forward the phone to my cell phone and take it with me, but that left the other work. Daddy was content to stay inside with Mama.
Then it hit me. If I hired Lauralee to man the office, I would be free to do more work in the field, and then I’d only need one ranch hand. That way her job wouldn’t run out, and I could keep her close.
Damn Bailey for interrupting things the day before. I would have made a move for sure. The dreamy look she had in her eyes made me feel like she wanted it, and who was I to refuse her anything she wanted?
Keeping her close would give me more of a chance to make things right, and make her mine again. I decided if I flirted with her relentlessly, she’d eventually break and I’d have her right where I wanted her.
I wasn’t sure she’d go for the job, but it was worth a try.
I moved on from Major to brush Midnight, and as I worked the stiff bristles across his back and down his flanks, Mason approached, stinking of booze, sweat, and his sex from the night before.
“I’m in love.” He tossed his shirt over his shoulder and stood there bare-chested leaning against the stall.
“In love? Please don’t tell me it’s Ella.” I didn’t want to hear about it if it was. I hated the woman enough since she’d corrupted my younger brother like a notch on her Dawson belt.
“No, I don’t know her name. I saw her at Kinsey’s last night, and I’m telling you, she’s the one.” He put his hand over his heart, and I studied his mannerisms wondering if he was still as drunk as he smelled.
“You stink. You should go bathe in the creek before Mama smells you.” Mama was about to tear him a new one over his staying out all night. I saw it coming. She’d done the same to David and me when we were his age and our habits had gotten the better of us.
“You’re not hearing me, man. She’s a goddess. She came into Kinsey’s and jaws dropped all over the bar.”
“I’m not fooling around. She’s the hottest girl that I’ve ever seen, and I’m going to ask her out. I would have made my move already if I hadn’t been with Gina.” The name sparked my memory, but only because I remembered her being a friend of Ella’s.
“So you were hanging with Ella and her posse again?” I shook my head. The boy would never learn and never slow down. Lauralee thought I was bad, but Mason was giving me a run for my money lately. I might still hold the record for most notches, but he’d pass me soon enough at this rate. I wondered how many women we’d both experienced but then shrugged off the thought. Some things are better left unknown, and besides, I didn’t have enough free time for comparisons.
“No, Ella wasn’t around. Gina didn’t want her knowing we’re hanging out. She said Ella had some family business with her mother. And before you keep giving me that look, I haven’t been hanging around her, and I haven’t slept with her again. Once was more than enough.”
I shook my head and turned back to the horse. “I’m not the one you have to worry about being judgmental. You know David is coming home soon. You can tell him all about your adventures.”
“Hey, like I said, I’m going to pursue the goddess. Besides, David doesn’t have to know I banged Ella.” He crossed his arms as if challenging me.
“What if you don’t tell him and Ella does. Trust me, that’s even worse. You should be the one to tell him and not in a boastful way either.” I had regretted the way I handled things with Ella and me, even though at the time I didn’t. It seemed like a harmless move, but in the end, it had cost me my brother’s respect and things hadn’t been the same between us since.
“What am I supposed to do, bring it up over the breakfast table in front of Sarah? It’s not like he cares. He’s well past the days of being jealous over you fucking her, and he’s moved on to much better.”
“It’s not like that, Mase. Tell him or don’t, but you’ve got to own up to it when it comes back to bite you in the ass. And trust me, Ella’s that kind of dog. She’ll be around, especially if she catches wind of David coming home.” He had no idea what a rabid bitch that woman could be.
“Anyway, I came out here to tell you about the goddess.” He turned to leave but stopped in his tracks. “Oh yeah, and to ask you when you’re hiring the two hands? You know we have that big truck this week, and we’re going to have to round them all up for shots soon. I’d rather not have to do that all alone. If I take a hand and Luke takes a hand, we can knock it out much sooner.” I could sympathize with him. It wasn’t something I wanted to do alone either.
“I’m not hiring two hands. Lauralee’s back again, and she’s going to work the office. At least, I hope she’ll stay on. That will put me beside you, and I’ll hire Luke one hand.” I took a deep breath as his eyes narrowed and he grinned like an idiot.
“She came back? Man, you two deserve each other. You’re both gluttons for punishment.” He released a deep breath. “Well, I guess it can work. Maybe you two will finally work out.”
“No, it’s not like that. We’re trying to be friends and nothing more.” I couldn’t even keep a straight face saying it, and Mason belted a belly laugh in response.
“Yeah, right. Good luck with that,” he said. The laughter faded as he left the barn.
Chapter 24
Lauralee
I parked my car next to Ted’s truck and hurried to the office as the last bit of rain fell. The sky was clearing up, and even though it was only misting rain, I’d have been soaked by the time I walked the ten minutes from my house to the barn.
I couldn’t wait to see Ted and had even taken the time to brush out and curl my hair, instead of pulling it back into a braid as usual. It wasn’t the best day to do it, and I hoped the curl hadn’t completely fallen out by the time he came in. Staying away from him had been hard the day before, but being that we are doing the friends-only thing, I figured keeping busy at home was best, and talked myself out of taking a walk down to the creek which would have only made me miss him more.
My Sunday had been slow, but at least the news of my land going on the market had brightened my day. I might have been a little premature to call it my land, but that’s the way I felt. Like it was mine. All mine. And besides, my mama had always told me to claim the things I wanted in life with confidence. Of course, she’d been talking about Ted at the time, but I guess the same wisdom applied to houses and farms.
Granny had heard through a most reliable source that the house was going up for sale by the end of the month. Mr. Stutt had left it to his niece who was selling it with no intentions of fixing it up. I hadn’t wanted anyone to change anything, so I was excited that the place would be sold as is. I wanted to fix it up and make it my own. I did hope it was in good shape and contemplated sneaking over to check it out. Granny had squashed that idea, but I decided if I did, she’d never know about it. Keeping her in the dark about some things was healthy.
My only problem would be finding a lasting job. I turned on the computer and went to the local bulletin on Facebook to see if anyone had posted any job listings. Moments later I heard the door open behind me. Glancing around, I was greeted by Luke, Mason, and finally, Ted, whose eyes widened.
“You’re here early. You should have called. I would have picked you up.” He motioned to the roof referring to the rain.
“I brought my car, but thanks.” I glanced to his brothers, who stood smiling like idiots, and right about the time I started feeling uncomfortable, Mason crossed the room and found his worksheet.
Luke regarded me with a nod. “Glad to have you back.” He glanced at Ted and shook his head, and I wondered what had been said about me taking the job back. I guessed it didn’t matter and turned back to my listings.
Ted crossed the room and stood right behind me, his presence radiating warmth at my back. “Is that the job bulletin?”
His voice was so close to my ear that I startled. “Yeah, I thought I’d check it out before I got to work. Did you need me to check and see if your ad was still listed?”
He pulled up a chair and then turned to his brothers, who stood around watching. He waved them away in a shooing motion, and they laughed, mumbling something under their breaths as they went. “I’d like to offer you to change it if you can. Well, I guess if you want.”
I narrowed my eyes, unsure of what he meant. “Change it?”
“I thought about something yesterday, and I’d like to keep you on. There will be lots of work here in the office, and if you’re in here tending to it, then I can be out working the ranch with my brothers. That would put me needing only one hired hand to work with Luke.”
My heart raced with excitement. “You can just leave the ad as it is. You’ll get a nice response, and you only need to hire one person. But are you sure? I mean, about me staying on?”
“Yeah, I’d like that. I know you said you needed something more permanent, and I don’t see why this has to be temporary with all the work ahead. Besides, I know you’re capable, dependable, and I can trust you. It makes more sense to me than hiring some stranger.”
I thought a moment about Ted hiring some other woman to work in his office and cringed. Images of him and this imaginary, sexy secretary flashed before my eyes. Ted leaning over her chair, whispering in her ear, him kissing her deep, and then lifting her up to lay her out on the desk. The fleeting thought was enough to make me nauseous. I shook my head. “No!”
His face fell and realizing his disappointment I placed my hand on his thigh. “No, I mean yes. Yes, I’d love to stay on.” I felt like a babbling fool and rushed to clarify. “It’s exciting and perfect timing. It’s like everything is falling into place.” I was so excited I hadn’t noticed my hand was still on his thigh and more than that, his hand was on top of mine. It was so comfortable that I didn’t discourage
it. Instead, I wanted to share my news. “I’m buying my own farm. Well, I’m going to try. I plan on making an offer on the Stutt place.”
His smile waned a bit, and then his eyes brightened. “That’s good. It’s a mighty big place for you, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but it’s always been my dream. You remember, right?” I didn’t see how he could have forgotten. He’d been the only person I’d told besides Granny, and even though I’d learned to keep it to myself when I was younger, I’d always talked about it with him.
“Yeah. I didn’t think you still wanted that, especially now that you’re all grown up and know how much work one is.”
“I’m keeping it small. It’s not like I’ll have cattle or anything. I love the house and the windmill and all its charm. I want to fix it up and make it mine.” I lifted a shoulder, not confident by the look on his face.
“So, one day when you’re married you want your family to live there?” He raked his hands through his hair and then leaned an elbow on the desk, resting his head against his palm.
“Why not? It would be right next door to my family. If I have kids, they’d be close to Granny and my Daddy. They’d be raised practically where I was, and I’m sure my husband would love the place too. I’d be a packaged deal, I suppose.” I giggled, but he still had that faraway look in his eyes and his expression was unreadable. His mouth turned down in a frown, but then he sat up and smiled.
“You’re right, we don’t need to change the ad. I’m glad you want to stick around.” Something seemed off, and I wondered if it bothered him thinking of me and another man and our children, especially that we’d end up right down the road. I wondered if I should tell him, that all my life, that man had been him, and our children had all looked like him as well. I decided I shouldn’t jump to conclusions and instead, let it be. I didn’t feel like arguing with him and if I wanted this to strengthen, I’d choose my battles carefully.
We sat there a minute, and I wondered if he was going to go to work. Instead, he piddled around the office looking busy until his phone sounded a loud alarm. We both jumped, and he quickly pulled it from his pocket. He stared at it like he wanted to throw it and then helplessly tried to end the annoyance. “Damn, this thing! I don’t know what it’s doing.”