by Ed Bemand
Thanks is due to Christopher Bathurst, who laboured thanklessly to make me appreciate his writings in the first place, Prof. Tom Winter, who has given the so-called rudest line ever written its academic due, and Prof. Rudy Negenborn for hosting the best web-site for translations of Catullus. Of course, credit to the great poet himself must be given. I’m sure he would be pleased that his work can still provoke a reaction two thousand years after it was first written. Plus uno maneat perenne saeclo.
Most of all I must thank Sioned Penny, for even going so far as to attempt to cook for herself on occasion to give me the time needed to complete the project. And of course Ben, who perhaps took my words about appreciating his interruptions last year a little too literally and has made it his business to not allow me more than a few minutes at a stretch before attempting to climb up the side of my chair. I have heard complaints from various people with cats about how their pets are inclined to climb onto the desk and stand on the keyboard when they want something. However intrusive it may be when a cat does it, I can assure you it is much harder to continue working when it is a dog stood on your keyboard.
I should also take a moment to express gratitude to my parents, Paul and Valerie Bemand. I didn’t do so in Sinful Submissions because I’d assumed that they would prefer not to be mentioned in such a lurid volume. They’re both dead now, so are in no position to object to this.
Finally, I must again express my gratitude to our narrator in telling us such diverse stories over the course of the month.
Catullus Carmen 16
I will fuck your arse and fuck your face,
You sissy-bitch, you cock-sucker.
You've read my stories and think
That because they can be girly, I am?
It's right that a story-teller should be manly, himself
But his stories don't have to be.
Stories can be clever and funny
If they're soft and a bit slutty
And can turn people on
And not just horny teenagers, but hairy old guys
Who can't get it up otherwise.
You've read much of my love-making
That makes you think I'm less of a man?
I will fuck your arse and fuck your face.