by Jayne Blue
“You’re the most patient and understanding woman on the planet. I get that I won the lottery. Just hang in there and I’ll make it up to you. I promise. Soon as I fucking pummel whoever’s making my life more fucking complicated tonight.”
“Do what you have to do, but be careful,” she said.
Any other woman would have bitched, I swear, about me leaving all the time. About having to fucking feed the MC. About every stinking piece of bullshit the last few days had thrown at her. But she didn’t. She was a saint, an actual one.
I turned away. If I looked at her again, I’d crawl back in a bed that suddenly looked like that best place on Earth.
I needed her, plain and simple, and the MC needed me. So, I had to leave. For now.
11
JJ
* * *
“I have to trust everyone around me or we’re dead.”
Shep’s words rang in my ears over and over. I tried to sleep. I tried to imagine a life in this little house with Shep.
He also told me he loved me. But he didn’t really know me. He only knew part of me and it was a lie.
I pretended for a second that this was my life. I could see myself working at the MC. Hell, I could see myself making the occasional chili. I could see what life would be like, in love with Shep. I pretended for a second The Hawks didn’t exist. But they did.
And I was a pawn in their game.
E.Z. was dead, either because he betrayed The Hawks or The Saints. I wasn’t different in any way. I was E.Z. It was against my will. If I had a choice though, I’d pick Shep and The Dark Saints.
But I was betraying The Saints if I snitched and The Hawks if I didn’t. This was a death sentence. Even Shep himself had said so. I was next… I was sure to end up like E.Z. And I’d hurt the one person in this world who wanted to protect me.
I didn’t have a choice. My brain was working through it. And I knew what I had to do.
I resorted to re-wearing my jeans and stealing a white-t-shirt from Shep. I needed my stuff, if I was going to move on this.
Late in the morning, Machop dropped off my bag. I had one bag for my entire life. It was pathetic, but it was convenient. And now Machop had seen me, checked in on me, and could report I was safe and sound at Shep’s.
I was untrustworthy. Plain and simple. I was a danger to Shep and the MC. I was also in danger from their enemies.
There was only one way out, and it was to go on the run. Run now, run fast, and not turn back. I’d drive to the bus station and get the hell out of Port Az. I’d leave the car there at the station. They could maybe find it when they figured out that I was gone. The thought ripped a hole in my heart.
I’d have a lot of hiding to do once I got out of Port Az. No one could know. My Mom, my Uncle, Shep – I needed to leave them all behind.
I left Shep’s house after looking around and pretending one last time that this was my future. It wasn’t. I blinked back a tear. This wasn’t for me, it couldn’t be.
As I drove to the bus station, I tried to pull it together. I failed. I was a sobbing mess most of the way.
I parked the car, walked into the station, and looked at the board. I had enough money for a ticket anywhere. I picked California. That was as far as I could go without hitting an ocean.
I paid.
All that was left was to wait for my bus and to hope that A.J. Moss wasn’t on to me.
I had just settled into a seat in the corner when a woman sat down next to me.
“So, where you headed?”
It was Mama Bear, Josie Bullock.
“What are you doing here?”
“I saw you leave the MC with suitcase in hand. I was curious. I was curious about a lot of things. So, I followed you.”
Josie Bullock scared me. She wasn’t any taller than me but there was steel in her eyes that matched her hair. I had no idea what she must have thought about my bolting.
“Let me answer my own question. You’re headed to California. And I think I even know why.”
“Listen, Mrs. Bullock, I don’t want to be rude, it’s just not going to work out for me here and I need to go.”
“Gotcha. You know I believe you saved my son’s life by telling him you were going to walk into that fire with him.”
I didn’t react. I knew Josie Bullock was a woman who could see through me. I knew that a lie would be a waste of my time. My only hope was to sit here and ride this confrontation out. Hope that she just let it go. Let me go.
“I also believe you would have done it too. As a mother, seeing a woman like you, willing to walk through fire to keep my boy safe, well. I didn’t thank you enough.”
“Don’t, you raised a good man.”
I tried not to cry, but tears were under the surface of every word she said to me.
“And yet you want to leave him? He’s going to be crushed. Hell, I’m crushed. It would be nice to have someone to help make the damn chili now and again. The old ladies, they’ve all got have bungled it so far. God love them, but you know, good chili’s tough.”
“I don’t want to, I...”
I needed to shut up. But Josie was reaching out. Was she giving me a way out?
“Your piece of shit mother is A.J. Moss’s sister.”
I felt my heart fall into my stomach. She knew who I was.
“How did you know that?”
“Ah, that one came from Bear. Even in the hospital, he’s got friends everywhere.”
“I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t have a choice. Just let me go so Shep doesn’t get hurt.”
“Honey, you going, that’s going to hurt Shep. But I think there’s a role you can play to help the MC.”
“If I don’t answer my Uncle, he’ll send someone to beat me up again or throw me back in prison. If Shep finds out anyone beat me up, or finds out I lied, or any of it, he’ll do something stupid. There’s no way out for me here. I have to run. Just let me run. I’m not going to hurt the MC. I won’t, I know that now. But I have to go.”
“Do you love my son?”
I paused. I should have said I was using him. I should have put on my best tough act. But I was emotionally raw, and the answer came out as a sob.
“Yes. More than anything in this shitty world.”
“Come on now, pull it together. You’re not alone.”
Mama Bear drew me into her arms and I cried. Why did this have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t I just be the person that Shep and his beautiful mother thought I was? Why did I have to be such damaged fucking goods?
“Okay, so what’s the first problem we have here, your Uncle?”
She was trying to sort through my mess like a mother was supposed to. My own mother would be making my mess worse. This was so kind it disarmed me. I didn’t really know how to react to someone who wanted to help me like this. Shep got it from somewhere and now I knew exactly where. His mother, she was a superhero.
“Yes, my phone’s going to ring and if I don’t answer it and give them information, they’ll send Miles.”
“When your phone rings, you’re going to tell them about the huge drug shipment that The Saints are getting from The Cartel.”
“No, I don’t want to ruin it. It’s the only shot that The Saints have at a big cash infusion. I heard them talk about that.”
“Honey, it’s not going to ruin it. Trust me.”
“Shep will never forgive me. And I’m not going to ruin the plans they have. That’s exactly why I’m running.”
As if on cue, my burner phone rang.
“You tell them everything you know about that score. And I’ll handle the rest. Don’t worry, Shep doesn’t have to know a damn thing about it.”
She winked at me as if it were no big deal.
“Hello.”
“Listen, you little bitch. It’s time to earn your keep. What the fuck is going on over there at the MC?”
It was my Uncle.
“Uh, well, they’ve got a plan to add cash and to establish the
MC as suppliers Port Az.”
“Details.”
I looked at Mama Bear, as the MC members called her. I hesitated. She motioned her hand, gesturing for me to spill what I’d heard.
She wrote down an address. I wanted to please her and be loyal to the club. I didn’t know how doing this would help. But I did it anyway. I told my Uncle every detail I’d heard about the quantity, the location, the plan to distribute, and how it would help the MC.
Josie Bullock held my hand and nodded throughout the phone call.
“If you don’t want to get shot in the head, stay away from the action you just told me about.”
“Uncle A.J., can I ask a question?”
“What?”
“Did The Hawks kill E.Z.?”
I don’t know what made me brave enough or gave me the presence of mind to ask. But it just came out.
“E.Z.’s dead? Ha! No, I didn’t but I owe whoever did that shit a beer. Fucking asshole rat. Ha, just like you. I will kill you if this information is bullshit or I catch even the smallest whiff of a lie, little miss.”
“I got it.”
We hung up. Josie smiled.
“Now, let’s get you back to the MC.”
“How in the world did that help?”
“Like I said, trust me.”
“Okay, Mrs. Bullock.”
“Mrs. Bullock – no one calls me that. How about Mama Bear? The MC all calls me that.”
“I’m not a part of the MC. I don’t want to presume anything. Hell, I still have no idea what I just did, uh –” And then it came to me. “How about Mama Josie, MJ?”
“I like it, JJ. Good. Now, let’s get you back to the club. The boys worry about us when we’re roaming about and a lot is going to go down in the next few days. Let me warn you. Stay low, stay out of the way, and stay quiet from here on out. Let this work. Don’t be a distraction to Shep. His life depends on it.”
“You’re sure.”
“We bought you time, The Hawks have plenty. Just sit tight for a bit. That’s my best advice.”
I stood up and she gave me another hug.
“Thank you,” I said. It felt like she’d offered me a lifeline even though I had just snitched.
“You’re welcome. Now, I need to get back to the hospital. Oh, and here.”
Mama Josie handed me a piece of paper.
“What’s this?”
“This is the step-by-step of how I do Taco Tuesday for dozens of hungry bikers. But you don’t have to do it on Tuesday. You do have to use the right amount of French’s hot sauce in the meat though. That’s the key.”
I took the paper and put it in my pocket.
I hoped that I’d done the right thing. I hoped that trusting Mama Josie was right. I couldn’t believe I was headed back The Saints and to Shep.
And I let myself hope that it was all going to turn out right.
Though I had no idea how that would work.
12
Shep
* * *
“No one has a fucking clue?” We sat around the table and for the millionth time since this started the answers were hard to come by.
“Here’s what Jen said: shot in the chest, right in the heart. Probably shot there, at the water. No attempt to conceal the body or weight it,” Benz said, sharing what he’d learned about the body of our former VP.
“No one in this room did it?” Axle asked and we all looked around. No one said anything.
“Bo, you and I had the most reason – shit, probably Axle too, but I didn’t. You want to tell us anything, Bo?”
Bo’s life had been ripped apart thanks to E.Z. It had taken him over five years to get back to the woman and kid E.Z. had so easily torn him from. And E.Z. had put Deacon’s woman’s life in danger. Shit, he’d ordered Axle to kill Maya. The reasons to hate E.Z. were sitting at almost every chair at the table.
“If I could have shot him, I would have. But I’ll tell you this. I wouldn’t have done it without Club approval. I’ve been without that too long and it worked out shitty for me.”
“You know it very well could have been a Hawk that did it too,” Maddox pointed out. And that was true. E.Z. had exactly zero friends at this point. But I still felt unsettled not knowing who had done it. The number of things that were out of control was way too high for me and this was just another moving piece.
“Doesn’t change what we have to do for the MC right now.” Domino pointed out the truth. We could spend a lot of time looking at who killed E.Z. but, in the end, the point was he was dead. We had business to do if we wanted to move past any of our current shit.
“I agree with Domino. Let’s get it.”
“We’re good with The Cartel.”
Kade’s job was to set up the buy.
“And the terms?” I asked.
“We’re talking a lot of shit, a lot of money, but enough to bring in a least a million to the MC.”
“Good, if we’re going to do this, we don’t want it to be for nothing,” Chase said. And he was right. None of us was at ease with the plan, but it had to be go big or stay home.
“And we’re good for tomorrow night?”
Kade had the details worked out.
“I need to step out,” Benz said and we all agreed it was the right call for him. The less he had to lie to his old lady, the cop, the better. Better he didn’t know the details. Sure, he’d be splitting hairs about even participating but at least he didn’t know that particulars. We waited as he walked into the bar and then Kade outlined what he set up.
“Yep. It’s going to have to be at sunset. We need to travel the route at night and get into Port Az before most people even know we did it.”
Kade and Zig had coordinated the details. It was going to go down tomorrow night. The Cartel had been angling to make Port Az a profit center for years. We’d been at odds with them. They always had shit at the ready to bring in. So once we said go, we didn’t have to wait.
“Pilar’s group ask any questions about our change of heart?” I asked.
Ricardo Pilar was in prison, thanks to Benz’s girl, but he still ran shit. Someday he’d be out and richer than ever.
“Not that I know of,” Kade said.
It was all in place. We were set to go. If this worked, we’d have the upper hand in our town again. We’d have the means to push out The Hawks.
We’d be dirty as fuck, but dirty and in power was better than clean and out of it, I guessed. I hoped.
We finished the meeting and I made a b-line to the kitchen where my little bartender seemed to have switched into a little cook. She’d been whipping up something while we were in Church.
“Tacos? Man, you’re the best.”
JJ was sporting an apron. I could visualize how that would look without the clothes underneath. Everything I wanted was wrapped up in her. And it was also making me scared as shit. If this all went to hell, I’d lose it, her, the club. I was determined to enjoy every second I could with her. I took a whiff of the fantastic meal on the way.
“Meeting go okay?” she asked me.
“We’re good, plans are as good as they can be.”
“Everyone’s locked in,” she said as she laid out the fixings for dinner.
“We’ve all got a part to play, and we know what we have to do.”
I put a hand out ready to grab a few pieces of cheese and felt a familiar swat on the back of my head.
“Keep your mitts out of there! JJ has worked too hard for you to jump the gun.”
It was Mama Bear.
“Sorry, and yes she has.”
“Now, make way. Someone’s back just in time for your inaugural taco dinner.”
Mama Bear stepped aside, and I looked around her to see Maddox’s old lady, Tracy, wheeling Bear in.
“Dad!”
“Yeah, Tracy and your Mom busted me out.”
He looked good – weak, but his color was okay.
I bent down and kissed him on the cheek.
“Ther
e better be enough hot sauce in there,” Bear said to my Mom.
“Relax, she’s very good at this, better than me.”
I put my hand out to JJ and she stepped forward.
“This is JJ.”
“I hear you had to take it on the chin when E.Z. lost his shit. We’re all sorry about that. We underestimated his fucking level of crazy,” Bear said to JJ.
“We both took a bullet the same day. There ought to be a Hallmark card for it,” JJ said and Bear laughed so loud my Mom her fingers in her ears to muffle it.
“He needs to get settled,” Tracy said, and Mama Bear agreed.
“What? I just fucking got here. This one gonna eat my share of tacos?” Bear said to Tracy and an unmoved Mama Bear.
“The condition of your release was you listen to Tracy and me. I’ll haul your old ass back to the hospital as soon as look at you.”
Mama Bear was serious as shit. About that, I had no doubt.
“I’ll fix you a plate,” JJ said to Bear as Tracy wheeled him out of the MC kitchen. Mama had decided they were not going to be spending time in the MC. That was smart. She’d pulled him from the brink in record time, and whatever she was doing, we all wanted her to keep doing it. Bear was going to make it, but only if he continued to listen to Mama Bear.
“I like this girl, Shep. Don’t fuck it up,” Bear yelled at me as a parting shot.
“He’s funny!” JJ said, and I grabbed her and kissed her. I wanted to get her out of here. The next few days would be crazy. I wanted her to myself. As I said that, though, a dozen MC members filed in.
“Let JJ go, she’s too valuable to this MC for you to break,” Axle joked and gave JJ a wink. With every passing minute, JJ was charming the rest of my brothers. It made me very happy that most of them were already crazy in love with their old ladies. I was the late bloomer on that score. But if even one of them made a pass at JJ, I’d straight up have to kill them with my bare hands.
I watched as she served up saucy comebacks and hot sauce with an easy grace. She looked like her namesake but there was something so innately nurturing about her. Charming Bear and Mama Bear was no easy thing and she’d earned both of their trust.