She’s such a sweetheart. Always standing up for the little guy.
I pictured Rosemary the way she looked on opening night of her show. I smiled, remembering the way she looked like an angel as she crouched down to hand those little girls some of her roses. All those years in the office, and I never paid any damned attention to her. Rosemary, the loveliest person I had ever known, and I treated her like my personal goddamned slave.
At the same time I was realizing how amazing Rosemary was, I was beginning to understand that I was one wretched excuse for a human being.
Yeah. It was gonna be a while before I fell asleep.
Chapter 9
The next day started as just as horrible, if not worse, than yesterday. I went into town for that stupid job fair, which turned out to be a complete waste of time. It was mostly low-level blue-collar jobs. I wasn’t interested in truck driving or loading heavy equipment or anything like that. But the days were ticking by on the eviction notice, and if I didn’t come up with at least some cash to give to the landlord, I’d be in big trouble.
It fucking poured rain all day, which did nothing to help my mood. I wanted to grab some McDonald’s for dinner but I only had five dollars left in my wallet, and I needed that just to get home since my Metro card was empty.
When I got back to the station at close to 6pm I was hungry, soaking wet, and completely demoralized. I stood in line at the Metro machine, tapping my foot on the ground as I waited for the idiot in front of me to finish up, then I wondered why I was so impatient. Why should I be in a hurry to get home? So I could microwave a frozen dinner and then jerk off again? Still, at least once I got home I could dry off.
I stepped up to the machine when it was my turn, and it promptly ate my five bucks. The last five dollars I had to my name. It gave me some kind of error message, and then said “Transaction Canceled.”
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ! Now how the fuck am I supposed to get home?”
I was acutely aware of the people in line behind me, so I couldn’t have a complete meltdown. I had never felt so utterly defeated in my life. I didn’t want to look at anyone, so I stepped off to the side and slumped to the ground. I put my head in my hands as I felt the cold, damp ground soaking my ass. Coming to terms with the fact that I was a horrible person with no marketable skills and absolutely nothing to show for my life sucked. I wished this disgusting, dirty Metro floor would just swallow me up and end my misery.
“It’s okay, dude,” came a voice above me. “I’ve been there, believe me. I can cover you so you can get home.”
I wearily lifted my head. My heart pounded in my chest when I saw my savior.
“Rosemary!” I was filled with equal parts joy and horror. She was a vision of light in my dreary existence, but she had caught me at the lowest point of my life. I scrambled to my feet and straightened out my wet hair with my hands, trying to make myself look at least halfway presentable. She appeared a bit disheveled from the rain too, but she still looked like a goddess. Her wet blouse clung to her breasts and I had to force myself to look her in the eye. I was so ashamed to be caught in this pathetic state, that it was tough to meet her gaze.
“Johnny?” Rosemary said with astonishment. She looked me up and down, seemingly horrified with what she saw. “My God, you’re not homeless, are you?”
Shit. I must have looked pretty awful.
“N—no of course not. I’m fine. Just, you know, having a bad day is all.”
Her pretty, green eyes were full of concern. “I hear you and your family have been going through a rough time lately. I’m really sorry.”
I gazed at her skeptically. “Are you really sorry?” I figured she’d been gloating pretty hard after hearing how far I had fallen. I wouldn’t blame her.
She paused, looking at my wet clothes and overall miserable state. “Well, now I’m sorry. Are you all right?”
“Oh, yeah. Yeah. I’m fine. It’s just my damned Metro card isn’t working.”
“Because it’s empty,” Rosemary observed dryly.
“Well, yeah.”
“Have you eaten dinner yet?” she asked.
“No.” Skipped lunch too, because money was tight. I wasn’t about to tell her that, though.
“Come on. Let’s go grab a bite to eat. It’s on me.”
A wave of humiliation crashed over me. Just when I thought I couldn’t sink any lower, I had the woman of my dreams standing here feeling sorry for me.
“I don’t need your pity,” I grumbled.
“Look at you. You’re the definition of pitiful right now,” Rosemary said. Then she added softly, “And you look like you could use a friend.”
I gazed into her eyes and knew I couldn’t possibly say no. My body warmed all over, and I wanted to be near her for as long as possible. Then my stomach picked that exact moment to growl loudly.
Rosemary giggled. “Come on.”
She started walking and I fell in step beside her. We got outside the Metro station where it was still pouring down rain.
I took off my jacket and held it over her head. “I’m sorry I don’t have an umbrella,” I said as we walked briskly down the street in search of food. Rosemary looked surprised but pleased at my attempt at chivalrousness. It was probably the only selfless thing she’d ever seen me do.
“There. That place should work,” Rosemary said, gesturing toward a food court-type place that usually catered to D.C. workers for lunch. I nodded, then held the door open for her. She smiled at me, still looking a bit surprised at my gentlemanly manner. I really was a dick to her, wasn’t I? I was nervous as hell, but I was determined to make a good impression on her.
However being broke, unemployed, and borderline homeless, I wasn’t sure how the hell I could do it.
Chapter 10
I wasn’t sure what the hell I was thinking, taking Johnny Creel to dinner, but I couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. He seemed so embarrassed to be in the position he was in. Of course, he never showed me any mercy when he was the big boss. He treated me like garbage. Now, he seemed so lost that I couldn’t bring myself to treat him the way he probably deserved. Life was already doing that to him.
Johnny appeared to be having second thoughts as we stood in the food line with our trays. He glanced up at the brightly lit menu on the wall. “You really don’t have to do this.” I knew he felt humiliated.
“Shut up and order. I just got paid, so I can afford it.” I was trying to be nice to him, but it felt good to tell him to shut up. So many times I had wanted to say that to him as his executive assistant.
“So you are working. Good. I was worried.”
Johnny actually did look worried about me, which was sweet and surprising. He never seemed to care about anybody but himself when he had money. He also seemed nervous, for some reason.
He ordered a burger and a small drink, and I knew he was ordering as little food as possible to keep it cheap. I thought about telling him to go ahead and order fries too, but I thought better of it. I didn’t want him to be hungry, but I didn’t want to embarrass him either. This was hard enough on his pride.
We sat down in a booth with our trays, and it was just so weird. Not every day you have dinner with your old boss, never mind one for a job where you had a total meltdown and quit.
“Thanks for dinner,” Johnny mumbled, unable to meet my eye. It was funny. I had always wanted to see Johnny Creel knocked off his high horse, but this was just sad.
“So how are you doing?” I asked.
“Not great. It’s so goddamned unfair, you know? It was my dad’s business partner who got mixed up in all this shit. My dad had nothing to do with it. And now we’ve lost everything. My dad even lost his job. Nobody trusts him, and they won’t until his name is cleared.”
“Yeah. That is unfair.”
“I mean, I don’t understand how this could have happened. My dad worked hard for everything he had,” Johnny told me.
That’s debatable. I was sure Walter Creel work
ed hard at his job, but he was also born into enormous privilege and wealth. He was no more a self-made man than Johnny was.
“It’s just not fair!” Johnny insisted.
Well, now you’re just whining. I almost said it out loud.
“Life isn’t fair sometimes,” I told him, feeling my patience rapidly depleting.
“Come on. You gotta admit, my dad and me got totally screwed. He was innocent and had nothing to with anything illegal. It’s not right that everything was taken from us!”
My patience went from depleting to gone.
“You know what’s not fair, Johnny? It’s not fair that everybody who worked for you had to put in forty or more hours a week to barely pay our rent and put food on our tables, while you made a professional career out of spending your father’s money. We spent half our lives in that office and you were awful to work for. That wasn’t fair!”
“Hey, I wasn’t that bad of a boss. I never yelled at you guys,” Johnny said defensively.
“No, you never yelled. You just criticized every single thing we did. It was a busy office, Johnny. Phones always ringing, orders constantly coming in, and you always wanted me to take on more projects. Not to mention that I had to handle all your personal business. You made me work late just to clean your mother’s damned fur coat! I don’t have a car, so I had to walk in the dark to the cleaner’s and then walk all the way to the Metro to get home,” I informed him, my hands shaking with anger. I was suddenly glad that I’d found him on the floor in the Metro. Now maybe he understood how it felt to not be surrounded by comfort and luxury all the time. “You made my life a living hell. You were so wrapped up in your own selfish life, that you never gave a damn about any of us. You made everybody miserable. People called you Johnny Creep behind your back!”
Johnny looked down at his hands, as though he was contemplating what I was telling him. He was quiet for a long time, and he seemed so upset I found myself feeling sorry for him again.
Finally, I asked, “Are you okay?”
Johnny looked up and said bluntly, “I’m an asshole, aren’t I?” He said it like he was truly having an epiphany, as if he had no idea what a jerk he was until that exact moment.
“You were an asshole,” I said. “Admitting it is the first step toward recovery.”
Johnny gazed deeply into my eyes, then he reached across the table and took my hand in both of his. “Rosemary, I’m so sorry I treated you like that.”
I was surprised both at his apology and at the tenderness in his voice. He sounded like he was speaking from the heart, and there was genuine sorrow in his gray eyes. My muscles relaxed and the tension in my body eased. I drew in a deep breath and released it slowly.
“Thank you, Johnny. It helps to hear you say that. It really does.” It was a tremendous relief, like having your old high school bully apologize for torturing you all those years. Johnny continued to hold my hand longer than seemed appropriate, but it was kind of nice. For the first time, he seemed real. Human. He’d clearly been knocked down a peg or two, and he was already more humble.
Johnny smiled at me, squeezed my hand, and finally let go. He ran his hand through his blondish-brown hair. He still seemed nervous. “So, I have kind of a confession to make.”
“Is that right?” I asked as I dug my fork into my salad and took a bite.
“I saw your performance in Thoroughly Modern Millie.”
I looked at him, stunned. I swallowed quickly so I could talk. “You did? When?”
“Opening night,” he said with a grin.
“You’re kidding! How did you even know about the show?” A ripple of excitement flowed through me. I loved when people I knew came to my shows. It was finally my chance to show that I was so much more than just a secretary. My day job was my obligation, but theater was my life.
“Well, I guess I was kinda stalking your Facebook page.” I must have looked a little unnerved, because Johnny quickly added, “I mean, not stalking exactly. It’s just, you know, after all that shit went down with my family, I wasn’t sure what to do. I remembered you always took care of all my stuff. You knew how to pay all the bills and you know all my passwords and everything.”
“Didn’t you hire somebody to replace me?”
“Yeah, but she sucks.”
“Good,” I said with a giggle.
“So yeah, I was just lookin’ for a phone number or email. Some way to get in touch with you. I saw your post about the show, so I thought maybe I’d catch up with you there.”
“I didn’t see you there. Why didn’t you come talk to me?”
“I don’t know,” Johnny said, looking embarrassed. “I guess I felt like an idiot asking you for help, so I left. Doesn’t matter. Rosemary,” he said, looking into my eyes, “you were incredible.”
“Thanks.”
“I mean it! I’m not usually a fan of musical theater, but you were amazing. You’re a terrific actress, and you’re so funny! And Rosemary, you have a beautiful singing voice,” Johnny said, shaking his head with wonder. “I had no idea you were so talented.”
I gazed into his eyes and I could see that he really meant what he was saying. I was amazed. I would have expected him to play on his phone the whole time, or nod off if he had to sit through a musical.
“Thank you for saying that, Johnny,” I said softly, genuinely touched by his words.
“I mean it,” he said, eyes wide. “You looked so happy after the show. I could see how important performing is to you. I’ve never seen you look more beautiful.”
I stared at him, not knowing what to say. I never feel more alive or more like my true self than when I’m performing. Singing and acting isn’t just what I do, it’s who I am, and somehow Johnny seemed to understand that more than some people I’d known my whole life. I’d never pegged Johnny Creel for the insightful type, but in that moment, I knew he truly understood that part of me.
“You’re making it impossible to stay mad at you.”
Johnny smiled, a sexy kind of boyish grin, and for the first time I almost found him attractive. Almost. Sure, he was acting all charming now, but I couldn’t afford to forget the three years of degradation I’d suffered at his hands. Still, he looked rather handsome in this unshaven, disheveled state. To me, there was nothing wussier or unattractive than a rich guy who’s afraid to get his dainty little hands dirty. That was Johnny before, but now he seemed almost ruggedly handsome.
“So how have you been coping with everything?”
“Okay, I guess,” Johnny said, sounding tired. “Still recovering from the surgery.”
“Surgery?” I asked, horrified.
“Well, yeah,” he said with a straight face. “I had to get that monogrammed tire pump removed from my tailpipe.”
I covered my mouth and giggled, feeling my face get hot. “I’m sorry I said that.”
“Don’t be,” Johnny said with that boyish grin again, “It was pretty funny. I mean, I didn’t think so at the time, but it was pretty funny.”
Johnny was smiling, but he still looked tired and beaten down. I wondered what he had been up to since his family’s fortune was seized. I knew from watching him all those years that everything he did in life had to do with money.
“You could’ve talked to me after the show, Johnny. I would have helped you. I mean, I will help you. What can I do?”
He regarded me for a moment, and then said quietly, “You’re amazing, Rosemary. I’ve done nothing but give you grief for years. I wouldn’t blame you if you told me to fuck off and that I got what I deserved. Hell, you should’ve thrown a party when you found out what happened to me.”
I looked down at my plate, remembering the impromptu party Ryan and I had to celebrate the downfall of the Creels.
“Oh my God, you did have a party!”
I glanced up at him, laughing guiltily. “Of course not, Johnny. I’m not a monster. I just, you know, had a few celebratory drinks.”
Johnny laughed. It was a rich, deep sound,
and it may have been the first time I’d heard him genuinely laugh. It was so much better than his usual snobby, condescending type of chuckle. I was proud of him for being such a good sport.
“Good for you. You deserved that and a hell of a lot more for putting up with me.”
“What can I do to help?”
Johnny’s genuine smile was as warm as his laugh. “Honestly, I’m not even sure where to start. I keep thinking that any minute my dad’s name will be cleared and all the assets will be unfrozen.”
I nodded. Walter Creel was an asshole to be sure, but if he was innocent of a crime, it wasn’t fair that everything had been taken from him. I began to hope that maybe this would all be straightened out.
“I haven’t paid a bill in more than a month. I mean, it’s not like I have a job or anything. I’ve looked around a little. I was even at a job fair today. That’s where I was coming from when you found me in the gutter.”
I laughed. “You weren’t exactly in the gutter, Johnny.”
“I have to do something eventually. I’ve been dragging my feet because I haven’t found any halfway decent jobs, and I guess I keep hoping the money will be back any day now. Then I got a thirty-day eviction notice.”
I gasped. Suddenly the image of seeing Johnny in the gutter didn’t seem so far-fetched.
“Johnny, you gotta take that seriously! Get a job—any job—and give the landlord at least some money so they don’t kick you out.”
“They wouldn’t really do that, would they?” Johnny seemed surprised that such a thing could happen.
“Of course they would. It happened to me!” I said before realizing I’d said too much. I hadn’t planned to spill all my secrets—to Johnny Creel of all people.
“Oh no,” Johnny said, his eyes full of worry. He reached across the table and took my hand in his again. “It wasn’t when you quit, was it?”
Losing His Shirt Page 6