“Hell yeah, he was good in bed. And on the kitchen table and the kitchen counter,” I told him with a smile.
Ryan’s eyes opened wide. “You serious?”
I nodded.
“Wow,” Ryan said, sounding impressed. Then he added, “It figures. As much as he gets around, I’m sure he’s done it everywhere and in every position.”
Pain stabbed at my heart. I knew what Ryan said was true, but I didn’t like thinking about it. “Ryan, please don’t say stuff like that. He’s not like that anymore.”
Ryan shot me a doubtful look.
“I mean it. Johnny’s amazing. He has no problem just sitting and talking with me for hours about all my dreams and ambitions, and he tells me about how he’s still trying to figure out who he is and what he wants to do with his life. He’s wonderful, Ryan. Really. I know it’s hard to understand after how horrible he used to be, but he really is sorry for the way he used to treat me. He’s so sweet now. So different.”
Ryan seemed to be listening to me, but he still looked doubtful.
“Come on, Ryan. You’ve spent enough time with him lately to see he’s not the same jerk he was. I mean, he sang to me, and in front of all our friends.”
“That took balls, I’ll grant you that. But maybe he was just trying to get you into bed. Worked, didn’t it?”
“You callin’ me easy, ya prick?” I teased.
“No, of course not. I’m just worried that he’s using you. That’s what guys like him do.”
“He’s not using me, Ryan!” I said, exasperated that I couldn’t make him see Johnny the way I did. I didn’t want to give up, though. Johnny and Ryan were my two favorite guys in the whole world, and it was important to me that they got along. “When you all left that night at my apartment and things started getting all hot and heavy between us … you know what he did?”
Ryan shook his head.
“We were in my living room making out, and I told him I wanted to move to the bedroom. He stopped and looked me right in the eye and asked, ‘Are you sure?’”
Ryan’s expression finally softened a bit, and I knew I was on to something by telling him this part.
“Johnny knows that I take sex very seriously and he was worried that we were moving too fast, so he slowed down a little to make absolutely sure that it was what I wanted. How many guys do you know would do that?”
Ryan slowly shook his head. “Not many.”
I smiled at him and said softly, “We made love in my bed and then he stayed and held me all night.”
“That’s good.” I saw the relief in Ryan’s eyes, and it reminded me of why I loved him so much. All he wanted was for me to be happy.
I reached across the coffee table so I could squeeze his hand. “Please don’t worry about me.”
“I’m always gonna worry about you, sweetie.”
“I know,” I said with a smile. “Now come on. Let’s rehearse so I can have some wine already.”
*****
Rosemary and I had been dating for a few weeks, and everything was wonderful. Puttering around in my bedroom on a rainy Saturday night waiting for her to come over, I was looking forward to just hanging out at my place with her. It was so much better than the old days when I would get drunk at The Federal and pick up some random woman to fuck. Now I got to have fabulous sex with a gorgeous woman in my own bed, and she’d be there to keep me warm all night. I wouldn’t trade Rosemary for anything or anybody in the world.
Rosemary was forever playing showtunes around her place, which was why I found myself singing “If I Were a Rich Man” from Fiddler on the Roof as I got myself dressed and ready. I was right in the middle of singing my daidle-deedle-daidle-dums when I heard a noise in the kitchen. I closed my eyes and winced. Rosemary and I had keys to each other’s apartments now, and she must have let herself in.
Which meant she’d overheard my singing.
Well, I could be totally embarrassed or I could just own it. I chose the latter, and sang a bit louder. Then I announced, “Your showtunes are rubbing off on me, Rosemary!”
I heard her giggle from out in the hallway. That laugh of hers was one of my favorite sounds in the world. I opened the bedroom door and she started clapping for me. I took a gracious bow and then pulled her into my arms.
“Hey, princess.”
“Hey,” she said, before planting a kiss on my lips. “Guess what?”
“Tell me what.”
“I got the part,” she said with a smile.
“Lady of the Lake? Sweet! Congratulations!” I said, hugging her tighter. “I’m not the least bit surprised.”
“Thanks! I’m so excited. It’s such a fun part.”
“Did Ryan get the part he wanted? King whoever?”
“Yes! He got the part of King Arthur!”
Oh yippee. I tried not to grit my teeth. I hoped Ryan wouldn’t get to kiss her in the show. I loved seeing Rosemary perform, but I really didn’t need to see that. Times like these, I wondered what the hell Rosemary saw in me. Sure, I could sing, but I was no professional performer. It scared me to death to think someday she might leave me for another actor. One playing the romantic lead opposite her.
“Rehearsal schedule is gonna be kinda busy soon,” Rosemary said. “And if you still like me during tech week, then I’ll know we were made for each other. Things are gonna be crazy between rehearsal and work, but I promise I’ll always make time for you.”
I gazed into those pretty, green eyes of hers, wishing for the millionth time that I had enough money to give her so she could tell her boss to fuck off. Then she could concentrate on performing. But maybe I could help in other ways.
“I know you will. If things get too crazy, I can always cook you some dinners ahead of time that you can freeze and eat later. I don’t want you getting overwhelmed with everything, so you know, whatever I can do to help. Just tell me.”
“Thank you so much, Johnny.”
“Want some wine?”
“Have I ever said no to that question?”
I smiled at her and we went to the kitchen to get our drinks before settling in on the couch. Rosemary took off her shoes, and snuggled up next to me. I loved the simple stuff, like that my girlfriend was comfortable enough to make herself at home here with me. More and more, I felt like home for me was wherever she was. As long as she was close by, I was happy. Even so, her happiness was more important to me than my own, which was why I brought up the subject of her leaving.
“Have you given any more thought to going to New York?”
“Only all the time, constantly, and always,” she said with a smile. My heart clenched in my chest at the mere thought of her going away, but I sure as fuck was not about to stand in the way of her dreams. Whatever happened, we would work it out somehow. “I feel like I have to at least give it a shot, you know? It just seems so impossible sometimes.”
“It’s a competitive business, that’s for sure,” I said. I wanted her to pursue her dreams, but I didn’t want her heart broken if it didn’t work out.
“That’s not even the half of it. I mean, just getting to New York seems impossible. I’d have to scrape together enough money to be able to afford a place somewhere. Outside the city, obviously. Maybe even New Jersey. I’d just need to be close enough to be able to get to auditions.”
Rosemary sat up so she could reach her wine. She took a thoughtful sip, and I could see her mind spinning. As I watched the stress lines form on her face, I couldn’t help but be angry at my dad for getting mixed up in all the mess with his business partner. If we were still rich, I could solve all of Rosemary’s problems with the stroke of a pen. I could write her a check so big, she could do whatever the hell she wanted. I knew it was dumb of me to be mad, though. It was my father’s money, not mine. I had no right to be pissed at him just because my free ride was over.
“I wouldn’t want to do it forever,” Rosemary said quietly.
“What do you mean?” I asked, gently stroking her back.<
br />
“It’s a tough life, you know? I mean, if you don’t make it. There are tons of actors who go to New York and spend years, even decades, living in crappy apartments, just scratching out a living. I admire people like that. I really do. People that just won’t give up, no matter what. I don’t think I could be like that. I do want to give it a try. An honest try, like I’d give it a few years and work my tail off, and do whatever I can to get into a show somewhere in New York but …”
“But …?” I encouraged her to continue while still rubbing her back.
“But I don’t want to wake up someday and be forty years old, living in some terrible apartment and still working a day job. You know, with no family and nothing to really show for my life.”
“I can understand that.”
“So, I guess what I want to do is go to New York for a few years, hoping for best yet preparing for the worst. Then if it didn’t work out, it would be okay to come back home knowing that I did my best. I’d still be relatively young and would still have other options.” Those worry lines appeared on her face again. “Though, not having a college education might make it harder to get a good day job. Anyway, then it’s like … it’s like going to New York would be just be something really cool that I did once. I feel like it will be an amazing life experience, no matter what happens.”
Rosemary looked into my eyes and I felt like I could see right into her soul. I loved that she confided in me with stuff like this. She knew I was listening. She knew how much I cared.
“And I know it sounds corny, but I honestly believe that the only time you fail is when you don’t try. If I have to come home after going to New York, it won’t be with my tail between my legs. I’ll hold my head high, because I’ll know that I went out there and tried. I fucking got on a bus and went to New York and gave it everything I had.”
The passion in her voice gave me chills. This woman was goddamned amazing.
“And if I move back, I can always still do local theater. Maybe teach kids and teenagers about acting and singing, and maybe even start my own local theater. And I’ll sing showtunes to my own kids. I know theater will always be a part of my life, no matter where I am.”
“That sounds like a wonderful plan, princess,” I told her softly.
Rosemary glanced at me, a dreamy look on her face. “Have you ever heard that song ‘What I Did for Love’ from A Chorus Line?”
“Maybe. It sounds familiar.” I thought for a moment, then hummed a few bars.
Rosemary’s pretty, green eyes lit up. “Yeah, that’s the one. Do you know what it’s about?”
“I dunno. It’s a love song, I guess.”
“Yes, but not about a person. A Chorus Line is all about a bunch of dancers who are auditioning for a show, and they all really need the job. One of them hurts his ankle and he knows his career might be over.”
“Wow,” I said sadly. I had never thought much about stuff like that, but seeing how much performing meant to Rosemary, I understood what a crushing blow that would be.
“Yeah. So, in the show, they start talking about what they would do if it were the day they had to stop dancing. The song is about having no regrets over anything you’ve done or sacrificed, because it was all worth it. It would all be okay, because you spent your life pursuing what you love.”
“Will you sing it for me?”
Rosemary gazed deeply into my eyes and smiled. “Of course.”
She took a deep breath and prepared for the moment like the professional she was. Naturally, she didn’t belt out the song as if she was onstage and not in my apartment surrounded by nosy neighbors, but it was kind of a quiet song anyway.
As always, I was enraptured as I watched her sing. I listened carefully to the words and was touched by their meaning. It was a beautiful song, sorrowful but also full of hope. Like it really was okay if you didn’t make it, because, by God, you gave it all you had and that was more than most people did. That was my darling Rosemary, all right.
I swallowed hard as I listened to her sing, fighting the tears in my eyes. I couldn’t help it—Rosemary was the most passionate, kind, and extraordinary woman I had ever met.
It was at that exact moment when I realized I was in love with her.
I’d never been in love before, but that didn’t matter. I was never so sure of anything in my life.
Rosemary finished her song, and I watched as her already gentle features softened when she saw the tears in my eyes.
“Johnny,” she whispered. She gently brushed away my tears and I wrapped my arms around her.
Tell her. Tell her now that you love her. There will never be a more perfect moment.
I was suddenly struck by the fear that it was too soon. That she wouldn’t feel the same way. I chickened out.
Instead, I just pulled her closer into my arms.
Chapter 21
Spamalot was an incredibly fun show to do, and I was having a blast rehearsing with Ryan and all of my other friends. I didn’t get to see Johnny as much as I would have liked lately, but he had been really supportive. He was still learning how to cook, but he had made me several meals to keep in my freezer, for when I didn’t have time to grocery shop or cook. My past boyfriends had been cool about my rehearsal schedule, more or less, but it was like they tolerated it as best they could. Johnny was more than tolerant. He was always looking for ways to help. Even Ryan seemed impressed by his efforts, which was saying a lot.
Ryan and I were up onstage, rehearsing in plain clothes, when I saw Johnny walk into the back of the theater. Holding a dozen pink roses. I kept my focus and continued the scene, though all I wanted to do was rush over to see him. Seriously, he was the best boyfriend on the planet.
We finished up and Ryan nodded grudgingly at me. It was his way of saying it was okay to go.
I jumped off the stage and walked toward Johnny; seeing his smile made me feel good all over. He never made me feel guilty for being so scarce. He just made me feel cherished, like he was grateful for any time he got to spend with me. He grinned and handed me the gorgeous, fragrant bouquet.
I held the flowers up to my nose and inhaled their lovely scent. “I often get flowers for opening night, but I’ve never gotten them just for showing up to rehearsal.”
“Well, you deserve them.”
“Thank you, Johnny. These are so beautiful.” I leaned over and kissed him.
“Hey, hey, none of that now!” Timothy called out as he walked up to us with a smile. “In here, she’s our leading lady.”
“Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to interrupt rehearsal,” Johnny said.
Timothy clapped him on the back. “It’s all good. We’re about done here anyway.”
From up on stage our director officially called it, so I was free to be with Johnny. I turned back to him and smiled.
“Hope you don’t mind me showing up here unannounced,” Johnny said. “I don’t like to interfere with your rehearsal and stuff. I just really missed you.”
“I missed you too, Johnny.”
His eyes lit up with eager excitement. “And there’s something really important I wanted to tell you, and I couldn’t wait any longer.”
My stomach dropped, and I was suddenly filled with dread. There was only one thing I could think of that would make Johnny this happy. He had gotten the money back.
I swallowed and forced myself to smile. “Oh. What is it?”
Just then, a bunch of my fellow actors streamed past on their way out the door. It was Friday night, and people were eager to get on with their weekend. The place emptied out pretty quickly.
“You got keys to lock up, yes?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah. I’ll take care of it,” I told him.
He kissed me on my cheek. “Goodnight, sweetie. Great job tonight.”
“You too,” I told him with a smile. “See ya soon.”
Ryan nodded at Johnny but didn’t smile. I figured I was gonna have to give Ryan another lecture about being nice to Johnny.
/> Once everyone else had left, I took Johnny’s hand and we walked back to the stage. I felt slightly sick, and I wanted to be sitting where I felt comfortable when Johnny broke the news to me. I reminded myself that this was what he wanted, and I should be happy for him.
We sat down on the stage together, our feet dangling over the edge. I nervously straightened out my dress. I took another deep sniff of my flowers, then set them down beside me.
“So,” I said, forcing myself to sound casual. “What’s up?”
“Rosemary,” Johnny began tentatively. “I just wanted to tell you that I love you.”
It took me a moment to register his words. My first emotion was immense relief that he was still poor like me. Then as I looked into those gentle gray eyes and that handsome, sweet face, I realized I truly felt the same way about him.
“Oh, Johnny,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. It was such a perfect moment, being in the place I loved most—the stage—with my most favorite person in the world. “I love you too. Thank you for being brave enough to say it first.”
Johnny let out a nervous breath. “It was a little scary.”
“Well, you had nothing to worry about, because I feel the same way about you,” I told him.
Johnny tilted his head and kissed me tenderly. I could still smell the sweet scent of the roses sitting next to me as I surrendered myself to his warm and wonderful kiss. I felt the sudden stir of desire tingling between my legs as his mouth traveled from my lips to my neck.
“Oh, Johnny, I’ve missed you so much.” It had been at least three weeks since we’d made love, which was a long time for us. A couple of weeks ago I had been on my period, and this week both my day job and rehearsal schedules had been crazy.
“I’ve missed you too, baby,” Johnny murmured in my ear. I could hear the need in his voice. I’d been tired during rehearsal, but now I found I had renewed energy. Both my hormones and emotions were suddenly supercharged. I needed the intense sexual relief I knew Johnny could give me, and knowing he loved me just made me want to be intimate with him as soon as possible. I began calculations on how long it would take to get back to my place, but Johnny had other plans.
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