I gazed around at my friends. I had said my goodbyes to K’an II and his Nim-q’ij Family, and to Coatl and his priests. We had a special ceremony, with much iztāc-octli, at the Barracks when I said goodbye to Xico and Ehecatl, to the Q’eq Warriors, to the Nim-q’ij Guards, and the Warriors and Militia. There was even a game of pitz in honor of Xch’úup Xma’ K’aaba’ and the Great T’oit’ik-jolom Fuck. The Ajawinel of Ox Te’ Tuun, Yuknoom Head, attended at the invitation of K’an II and it gave the two Ajawinels the opportunity to reinforce their alliance. Already a stela was being carved by the artisans to commemorate the visit.
I looked, once more, at those around me, young men who had come with me to learn to be Warriors. There was Eztli, Nabe Ajch’o’j of Sib Juyub. He stood proudly as a Warrior did, his long bate’ held firmly at his side. There was Xipilli, Nabe K’ojol of Nito. He would soon return to Nito and fulfill his duties there as he tried to lessen the influences the southern kingdoms had on his region. There was Ukab K’ojol Xiuhcoatl of Pusilhá. He said that he was going back to command the Pusilhá Warriors and ensure that his father cement an alliance with Ox Witz Ha. Huehue, Alaxel of Yax Mutul, he had an uncertain future. He told me that he would no longer use the name Huehuetlotl as he wanted nothing to do with his Western heritage and that he would remain with the Q’eq Warriors for at least another tun, maybe more, before returning to his kingdom to build his own city and establish himself as Ajawinel. He told me that he was already negotiating with K’an II for support against the Ajawinel of Yax Mutul, should there be opposition to what he planned to do. Even Nabe K’ojol Atl of Zactun who had come only to catch up with Teul and Xipilli and his mials, he had become an impressive Warrior. I chuckled. I supposed Xipilli was going to end up with a wife and a concubine. Actually, Xipilli and Atl were cementing their relationship and planned to formalize an alliance between their two villages, soon to be cities according to them, which included building an army with Warriors from both ‘cities’ and the surrounding region. Atl had assured Xipilli that Zactun would assist, as much as possible, in rebuilding Nito and establishing it as a major trading post and he expected the same in return. They were also talking with Xiuhcoatl and Eztli about alliances, and one with Huehue once he had established his city and eventual kingdom. They had also met as a group, explaining their plans to K’an II and to ask him for his support. Extic, Loni, and Huitl had not come with us as they had already left for Tipú to help in the rebuilding and to continue their duties there.
Across from me were my own men, talking and saying their goodbyes, all except for two. Taylor had once again journeyed to Xibalba, killed at the river when we were attacked by members of the Kechelaj Komon. Anderson had recovered, but was still too weak to make the journey. Taylor, Hulse, Anderson, Clarke, Parham, and Bas would never return to their world. At least, all the men who had come with me on this journey were going back. Yet, I pained for those who couldn’t. I glanced at those going back with me, Taat, Rhys, Choc, Robertson, Choco, Teul. Taat would go back to Nah’ and his kool, and I would be there beside him at every opportunity I had. Rhys would most probably remain in the army, happy to be back with his family and the girl, Sarah May, who liked him. Robertson would take his family and go back to England. Choco and Teul would definitely continue their military career as I was going to. I knew no other profession. Then there was Choc. He was a civilian, but I could get him into the army, if he wanted, but I didn’t think that was the route he wanted. I knew that he liked Rosalia and was koatn538 with her, hoping she would marry him. There was nothing wrong with that. After all, there was no more Bas for Rosalia. Perhaps, I could try to put in a good word for him with Rosalia, but then maybe I shouldn’t. Rosalia still held me responsible for Bas’s death. So, Choc would have to do that on his own. If he succeeded, he could settle down in Santa Cruz. Since Alcalde Cucul had died at my aborted wedding, Choc could work along with Rosalia’s brother, Gus, and help take care of the kool and other businesses they had. I supposed Gus had stepped into his father’s footsteps and became Alcalde. I shook my head. All those things had happened because Gus invited Molly to visit Santa Cruz for Easter, one year ago. It seemed much much longer than that.
I reflected on all the others who had been killed because of their being with me; those lost during the escape from Xibalba. I thought of Kish, the many Warrior slaves, the Warriors at Chay Abaj, and those lost in the flood. I recalled how I thought that I had lost Teul as well. I thought of the dead at Naj Tunich, the pain and suffering during the attack of Hach-k’ek’en Ajchaq’e when I was almost killed. I had been briefed on the battle at the river when Taylor died, when Nenetl also died trying to save Manauia; and the two boys and three girls as well. I relived the death of hundreds of Warriors and civilians at Topoxte and Yaxha and I shuddered at the slaughter of hundreds of enchanted animals who died through no fault of their own. I looked at my hands, as if I
could still see the blood of the many I had killed in battle … and those that died because of me.
“You’re not here,” said Choj.
I smiled. “I’m just thinking of what I’m leaving behind.”
“And what’s ahead?” asked Bo.
I shook my head and breathed in and out deeply then looked at them both. “I am definitely not looking at what’s ahead. I don’t know what the fok lies ahead.” I looked around me for the last time. “It’s time to go,” I shouted as I walked over to Molly, her face expressionless, her hand holding her Raax Ch’ayom Puag. “Ko’one’ex!”
Taat and Teul came over. “I want to talk to you, Paal,” said Taat.
I stared at them. Why the fok would he want to talk now? Something I don’t know if I can handle is going to happen. “Fok!” I shouted. I saw Molly look towards me.
“Let’s walk away, Paap.”
I let Taat guide me away from the rest, Teul walking close beside me. “What is it, Taat?”
“I’m not going back.”
I was hit with a force that was almost beyond my ability to endure. Over the last month, Taat and I had finally begun spending time together with the closeness of a father and son. I didn’t want to lose that now. I needed someone to be with me as Molly and I tried to return to a normal life, if that were ever possible.
“What do you mean you’re not fokin going back, Taat? I, Ineed you. What about Nah’? Are you just going to leave her there?” Teul was kicking the ground beside me. “You knew about this, Teul?” Teul looked at me and nodded. “Good fokin friend you are, Teul. You are like a fokin brother to me, Teul, and this is what you fokin do? Didn’t even tell me about something as important as this.”
“Don’t be angry with Teul, Paap. I only told him after we returned to Ox Witz Ha and I told him not to tell you anything because of all you were going through with Molly.”
I shook my head, angrily clenching my fists. “Why can’t my fokin life be simple? But what about Nah’? How can you just abandon her.”?
Teul kicked up more dirt.
“Stop that!” I barked.
“Paap. You know that I’ve grown tired of the way we now live. I almost feel foolish when I go to the kool and do the things the way of our ancestors. No one even wants to do the Ceremony of the Alux anymore. I’m told that I shouldn’t pray in the kool, that I should go to church. People tell
me I have to be modern. Maybe they are right, but I don’t want that modern life.”
“But no one’s forcing you to stop doing the things of our ancestors”
“Here there are all the medicines. People do not destroy the medicines of the jungle. I am a great Healer here.” He smiled, trying to reassure me, and took in a deep breath. “There is something else.”
Teul kicked up more dirt, looking down.
“I told you to stop doing that to fok, man,” I shouted, tightening my fist. I glared at Teul and as he looked back at me in a way that utterly convinced me that he had information I definitely didn’t want to know about. “There’s someth
ing else, Teul?” I shouted at him. “There is, isn’t that so? And you know all about it, don’t you?”
He developed an unreadable grin, his eyes filled with sadness. “I suppose I do, Chiac. And it’s okay. I am not like your brother. I am your brother, even though we don’t have the same nah’ and taat. You’re the closest to family I have ever had … and I love you, Chiac. I love you very much.” He started to sob.
I shook my head, trying to empty it of the tremendous emotions and foreboding Teul’s words gave me. “What is the other thing, Taat?” I asked in a rasping voice. When he answered, my world almost collapsed.
“When I was a young man, Paap, I fell in love with your nah’. I saw her in everything beautiful. I saw her in the flowers along the way to the kool. I saw her in the beauty of the creeks and the waterfalls, in the beautiful birds that flew among the trees. I saw her in the beauty of our jungle, the new corn bursting from the ground. I saw her in the rains that came to make the crops grow.” He looked up at me. “But she didn’t love me, not in the way I loved her. I wanted to marry her in the way of our people, take her into my house, make love to her in our hammock, let her have our children, have her help me at the kool.”
“What are you saying, Taat?”
He turned his head and looked into the jungle. Teul reached out and put his arm around my shoulder. I shook it off. “My brother. Please. This will be madafok hard.” Teul put back his arm and I left it.
My body began to shake as Taat continued. “Your mother loved someone else, but it was a marriage that could never happen. When she became pregnant for you, she came to me, knowing that I loved her. I took her, hoping to save her from shame. It didn’t matter to me that she did not carry my child. I still loved her.” I wasn’t able to respond. I just stood there shaking. I was cold. I felt lifeless. “She grew to love me, but never in the way she loved that other person. We were happy and were later blessed with your sister. Then we had no more children. In my own way, I have always loved you as my son, taught you everything I knew. Watched you grow. When you began to give us trouble, I accepted it, knowing that you would one day be the man you should be, that the Spirits of our ancestors would influence you when the time was right. And those Spirits have. You have become a great man, a great soldier … Warrior, the greatest of sons, and I love you, Eutimio. Paal. But I’m not going back.”
I threw Teul’s hand off my shoulder and stormed into the jungle, embracing a tree, hitting my forehead against it, trying to control my shaking, trying to feel warmth again for I had become very cold. Someone had followed me and I turned angrily. It was Teul, but when I saw the pain he was enduring, I immediately lost my anger. Tears were falling down his cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Chiac. I’m so sorry.” I slid down to the ground and Teul sat beside me.
“Did he tell you who my father is?”
“Yes.”
“Just tell me, Teul. Just fokin tell me.”
“Father Stiobhan.”
I didn’t react at first then I started laughing. No wonder he was always looking at me. No wonder he insisted that I go to school. No wonder he was always trying to help us. No wonder Taat disliked that foka. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“Calm yourself,” Teul urged me. “You must not be like this in front of the men, in front of Molly. She is still brittle.”
“How do you expect me to fokin control myself?”
“You must.”
I tried to take control of myself, breathing in deeply.
“Taat told me,” continued Teul, “that Father Stiobhan was a young priest, just out of the seminary. He was not angry with the priest for being attracted to Nah’, for Nah’ was beautiful. All the young men in Santa Cruz wanted to take her to their hammocks. He was angry with him for putting her in a position where she could have suffered great shame.” Teul chuckled. “His only concern was how you would look when you were born. Thanks to the ancestors, you looked Ke’kchi. Everything was okay for six or seven years then Father Stiobhan started drinking. It seemed that he could no longer be around you and Nah’ and not acknowledge that he was your taat and that he loved Nah’. Then suddenly he was gone. Taat said he didn’t know if he were recalled because of his drinking, or if he asked to be removed. Maybe he told his superiors what had happened and that’s why he left so suddenly. Taat still doesn’t know for sure why Father Stiobhan left. He does know, however, that Father Stiobhan eventually left the priesthood. Nah’ told him and she knew because she and Father Stiobhan wrote each other, from time to time. Taat did not object as it was mainly about you. That’s why, when you were getting married, he came.” When Teul finished telling me my story, I just held my exploding head.
Teul chuckled again, suddenly, much to my surprise and chagrin. But Teul was Teul. “You were always a bit different, Chiac. You were taller than us. When the sun hit your hair, it was not completely black. Your eyes too. Somewhere in them there was always a bit of a light brown … hazel? And you certainly don’t look like Taat.”
What the fok else could I do but chuckle too. “Thank God, not different enough that I couldn’t pass for Ke’kchi. Fok! Madafok! My father is a fokin bakra539 and I’m a half-breed.” I held my head even tighter. “I’m a half-breed, Teul. Not Ke’kchi,” I uttered, agonized, suddenly realizing that all I knew about me was wrong … untrue … a lie. I was no longer me.
“You are Ke’kchi, Chiac. Get that madafok straight. No one will take that from you.” I kept holding my head and Teul was silent for a while then he spoke. “There’s something else, Chiac.” I looked at him, not saying anything, waiting for the next blow. “I’m not going back either.” I looked away, chuckling. “I have nothing in our other world, Chiac. As I’ve told you, I grew up pretty much on my own. Besides you, I have no family.” He grinned. “And I had to adopt you. I don’t even have a girlfriend. When I want to juk, I have to head to the room behind the nearest bar; and then I end up with bad-siknis.” He chuckled. “And that goes with most of my pay. It’s madafok expensive to have to pay a woman every time you want to juk. And, as you know, our pay wasn’t much.” He looked at me. “I’m not going back. Here I have Sacnite and I’m going with Xipilli to help him rebuild Nito. From there, who knows? I’ll just take it from there.” He laughed. “And I’ll look after Taat. I’ll get him a good woman so that Zyanya does not have to cut out his balls for jukin his wife.”
“But what do I tell Nah’?”
Teul jumped up. “That’s for Taat to handle. I’ll be right back.” He soon returned with Taat.
“What do I tell Nah’, Taat.”
Taat wrung his hands. It was the first time I had seen him do that. “Tell her that I was not able to make it back. Tell her that my last words were that I’ve always loved her and she should go to Stiobhan and live out the rest of their lives together. Tell her that would make me happy. Tell her that they gave me a wonderful paal and that paal has given me the greatest gift any paal can give his taat. I want you to accept him, Eutimio, as that will make Nah’ happy. Teach him our ways as I have thought you. And there is Isabella. I know that Gus likes her. He will make her a good husband. Look after them and tell Nah’ that I will always think of her … always love her.” He paused. “And there is Molly. You will need to look after her until she is able to decide what she really wants. Her life can never be the same and it will be difficult for you. Now go, Paap. Teul and I need to start our new lives and this is too painful. Teul goes to Nito and I stay in Ox Witz Ha. You and Molly go to our other world and find out what awaits you.”
There was obviously nothing I could do. “If you, either of you, do decide to come back, just hold the Raax Ch’ayom Puag and jump into the Ch’ajch’oj Chiyul. When you awaken, you will be in a small creek southeast of Victoria Peak.” I then continued, explaining to them the route to take to reach Cabbage Haul Gap and to access the Southern Highway.
Teul put out his hand and pulled me up. As I stood beside him, he embraced me
tightly and I returned his embrace. “I will miss you, my brother,” he said. I did not reply. I just hugged him tighter. “I have to spend some time with Choco. He is my brother too. Oh Madafok! I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”
I watched Teul and Choco talking quietly looking into each other’s eyes. Teul kissed him on the forehead. I heard someone shout, “Do better than that.” Teul responded by kissing Choco right or the lips. Uwa-Uwa-Roarrr! Uwa-Uwa-Roarrr! Then they hugged and I felt their tears. I walked towards the cave. Fok! Oh potato-cloth-dog-madafok!
Molly and I did not leave immediately. Molly waited quietly while the men and I had farewell mugs of iztāc-octli outside the entrance of the tunnel. Then, suddenly, we were standing before the Ch’ajch’oj Chiyul, Molly and those journeying with us holding onto their Raax Ch’ayom Puag, I holding onto my Green Scapular. I had already explained to the men what to expect as they passed through from this world to the next. They all knew that once we arrived, no one there could know what had actually happened in U Wach Ulew. I looked around and watched my friends. I looked at Bas, and he stared at me expressionless. Choj and Bo had assured me that they would look after Taat and Teul, and the rest of my men. In fact, everyone had made that promise.
But the time had come and we were in front of the Ch’ajch’oj Chiyul. I looked around for Teul, but he was not there. I held Molly as Rhys approached. He hesitated momentarily then, of all things, he began to sing, quietly:
“Fan mi soalja man, fan mi,
Fan mi soalja man, fan mi,
Fan mi soalja man, fan mi,
Gyal yu karakta gaahn, oah.540
He threw himself in and, in a momentary flash of green, he was ‘gaahn’, gone.
Then went Choc, then Robertson, then Choco. I held Molly close to me and had one last look around and threw ourselves into the Ch’ajch’oj Chiyul. The last thing I remembered was Teul running towards us, waving goodbye, tears flowing down his face, shouting “Madafok you, Chiac. Madafok you. Madafok you, my brother. Mada …” Then he was gone and the Sacred waters of the Ch’ajch’oj Chiyul continued to wash away emerald tears from my face as I drifted into unconsciousness.
Sisimito III--Topoxte Page 69