Ania shook her head. “I’m too exhausted to be aware. I feel like I did the first day of my Khalsa training. I saw my death then too.”
“Look, I left as much of the other eight hundred years as I could. I made a bridge inside your mind. On one side is the warrior, and on the other is the rest. To access, you just need to walk across the bridge,” Malachi said. “You will always have that choice, but I couldn’t stand looking at that spiritual stuff all the time.”
“Thank you,” Ania said, and then she fell sideways on her bed and into a solid sleep.
Malachi sighed at his growing weakness for caring about Ania Looren. It exceeded the normal concern he felt for most hosts.
Then he went back inside her to double-check that all was well.
Chapter 14
Dorian and Sarinnea were having dinner when Dorian felt the first tremor inside himself. “Something is wrong. I am suddenly filled with dread.”
“What is it?” Sarinnea asked, closing her eyes and opening them again quickly. “I feel nothing.”
“Sarinnea, I have to check on someone. Will you be okay alone?” he asked.
Seeing Chiang come in, he motioned him over, ignoring the Greggor’s reluctance.
“Sarinnea, this is Chiang. Chiang, this is Sarinnea. She is my guest, but I must leave her. Will you keep her company until I return?” Dorian asked.
“Of course, Lieutenant. It would be my honor to spend time with someone so lovely,” Chiang said, bowing over the hand she offered him. “Let me collect my food and I will return shortly.”
After Chiang left for food, Sarinnea waved her child away. “Go do what you must. I can see to myself. You didn’t have to appoint me a keeper.”
“There are a lot of unmated males on our ship and only a couple of females. It is not safe for you to be alone. I will return to collect you later if I can. If I do not return, have Chiang walk you to your room,” he ordered.
“Dorian, you worry too much. Go—now,” Sarinnea ordered in return.
Finally, Dorian gave in and headed to the door, almost running over everyone in his haste to get to Ania.
***
Ania heard the pounding on the door and pushed her body reluctantly upright. She looked at her arms and her legs. They still seemed mostly normal. She palmed her chest glands, gasping in shock at the increased size of the mounds.
“Malachi, why did you make my chest glands larger?” Ania said out loud.
Synar likes big ones, he sent back. Answer the door. Dorian Zade is worried. It is delightful to have my energy be this free from yours.
Ania snorted, but pulled on her bathing robe, wrapping it around her, annoyed to find it barely fit anywhere.
“I’m coming,” she yelled at the door, pausing at the mirrors to check the back of her.
It looked like Malachi had increased the size of several parts of her anatomy.
She pulled open the door, still frowning about her body.
Dorian stared open-mouthed at the dark haired beauty with deep blue eyes glaring at him.
“Come in,” she said. “I survived the change.”
“Indeed,” Dorian said, coming across the threshold. “How are you?”
“I don’t know yet,” she said honestly. “I just woke up. What time is it?”
“Still early evening. I was having dinner with Sarinnea and got a strong sense that something was wrong,” Dorian said, amazed that he sensed nothing amiss even though his eyes bore witness to magnitude of changes that had occurred.
“Sarinnea is here on the ship? Oh of course, she heard you’d chosen another mate and decided to deliver the organics for Gwen herself. It will be good to see her again,” Ania said.
“Ania, I got a sense of dread. Terrible dread. I thought something had gone terribly wrong with you,” Dorian explained. “How can you sound so normal when I felt that way?”
Ania looked inside herself for problems, but saw none. It was remarkably easy to see what was going on. She could even see Malachi floating around inside her.
None of what she was aware of happening really bothered her other than the liberties Malachi had taken to convert her body into a more voluptuous version of what she had once been.
“I think I am fine, Dorian. You may read me if you wish. Do you still feel concerned?” she asked.
Dorian turned, saw himself in the series of mirrors, and suddenly had flashes of Ania talking to Malachi. His intuition was functioning at panic level, everything happening instantly. “Is that how you talked to the demon?”
Ania nodded. “Yes, but I won’t need them anymore. I can hear Malachi, and he can hear me. We can talk at will by projecting our thoughts. I am finding it much easier and oddly comforting.”
“It does not seem wise to be on such friendly terms with a demon,” Dorian warned.
Ania pulled out the desk chair for him and pointed at it while she went back to the bed to sit. “I know, but I have a sense that this was meant. As soon as I’ve fully recovered, I will think about this some more. I may try to meditate on it.”
Dorian held a hand over his stomach. “There it is again. It’s very strong.”
“Have you checked on Gwen?” Ania said, starting to get a bit alarmed herself because she trusted Dorian’s intuition more than her own. She was not experiencing what Dorian was, but she wasn’t yet sure she was back to functioning at peak levels.
“Gwen reported in again just a little while ago right after she arrived at some political dinner she’s attending. She’ll report in again in a few hours,” Dorian said.
“Just a moment—I want to try something,” Ania said.
Malachi, can you see if Gwen is okay?
Only if I am allowed to go inside Dorian Zade. He has the connection. I could follow that to her, he sent.
“If she doesn’t report in after a couple of hours, Malachi said he could read you if you would let him,” Ania told him.
So bad was his response to the idea of the demon reading him, Dorian thought Ania might as well have asked for his blood to drink like those who worshipped creatures like Malachi. He was going to have to work on adjusting his opinion of the demon.
“We’ll monitor her progress, but Gwen told me it was all worked out,” Dorian said, willing his gut to settle. He would need to go meditate to shed this feeling. Maybe the mediation would reveal the source of what he felt.
***
Abandoning her uniforms until she could get bigger ones, Ania pulled on a pair of pants that were made of expandable material and a tunic top that gaped at the fasteners but still covered her.
“Thanks for bigger assets, Malachi. It’s not like there’s any place on the ship to buy new clothes,” she complained out loud, staring at her rounded figure in the mirrors.
You look like the most voluptuous female of your kind, Malachi sent.
“I liked my thin body. I worked hard to keep it that way,” Ania said sadly.
Warriors need muscles, Malachi responded.
Ania gave up trying to get the demon to appreciate the trauma she was feeling about getting bigger as she opened her door to leave. She went exploring, surprised to find herself walking lightly and taking in everything as if seeing it for the first time.
Her senses were sharpened, Ania decided, after realizing she could hear the smallest conversations if she listened with intent. She could also feel the true emotions of others just by studying them for a few moments, which meant the profound empathy the creators had given her was back as well.
She walked along until she found herself near the captain’s quarters. Ania walked up to it and felt herself staring at the door without exactly knowing why.
Yes. Yes. Synar is in there. Trust your new senses. I swear they all work, Malachi told her.
Ania felt Malachi’s irritation with her, but chose to ignore his wounded pride about her doubts. Give me a break. I’m getting used to these new abilities. It’s not like the change comes with a guide. I distinctly remember reading t
hat the outcome was contingent upon the host, she sent back.
You’re just stalling. Knock on the door and let’s get this argument over with, Malachi sent. You know you have to confront Synar with what we have done.
Having no way to deny that particular fact, Ania took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock. When no one answered, she knocked again, hearing someone moving around inside.
“Synar—it’s Ania. We need to talk,” she said, feeling silly for addressing the closed door.
Ania felt him standing on the other side, felt his hesitation to open the door, and could sense the exact moment he finally made the decision to do it anyway.
He swung it wide, staring at her in shock.
“What happened to you?” he demanded.
Synar’s anger hit her in a wave, and it was more painful than taking a blow from a fighting stick on the mat. Sighing with resignation, Ania pushed by him to walk inside. She wasn’t going to discuss her change standing in the hall.
“I changed my hair and went back to my natural color, Synar. This is what I looked like before I had the fairness enhancements done,” Ania said, trying for a teasing tone, hoping to give him time to adjust to the fact she was still the same in the ways that mattered. “It was seven hundred years ago. A female needs a change now and again.”
Synar walked around her.
“More than your appearance has changed,” he said, his whole being cringing. It was like Malachi had come to life in front of him. “Tell me now, Ania. What exactly have you done?”
“I told you I had choices to make. I chose healing over dying,” Ania said, looking at him defiantly. “I thought you would be pleased I did not choose my death.”
“You and the demon are now one,” Synar said, recoiling from her and stepping back. “How did you do this without my knowledge? I am the demon’s master.”
“This arrangement has nothing to do with the master. It is between the demon and his host,” Ania said, resentful that Synar cared more about losing control of her fate than what she had done and why.
“Malachi, I command you to come out and do no harm,” Synar said firmly, determined not to let Ania stop him from learning the truth for himself this time.
Ania felt Malachi leaving her. After he did, she walked calmly over to the desk chair, pulled it out, and sat down. “Fine. Ask Malachi. It won’t change the truth of what you are seeing. This was my decision—mine and Malachi’s. And yes, I knew it was going to be permanent when I agreed.”
Synar watched Ania walking and talking. Her body did not fall. Her eyes did not close in death. The female he knew was gone and in her place was now some stranger sitting in his chair looking bored and irritated.
Yet under it all, she was also still familiar, still his willful, strong-minded mate.
Synar wasn’t sure which fact bothered him most.
“Malachi, I command you to tell me what has occurred,” Synar ordered.
“You want me to repeat what Ania told you or just confirm everything she says is true?” Malachi asked snidely. “Ania Looren is healed. She will carry some of my essence for the rest of her life even if you put the rest of me into another host. It’s all in the training books, Liam, and I know you’ve read that far in your studies. Why are you choosing not to believe?”
“Ania, what have you done? Instead of carrying the demon, you have become him. Your very presence announces his life is tied to yours. As a Pleiadian, you may live a thousand more years with Malachi as a part of you,” Synar said.
“What were my other choices, Liam? Let you drop my nearly dead body to the floor whenever you chose to call Malachi out of me without my blessing—like you just did. Or choose a complete death for myself like I sought for weeks? I learned several methods to ensure that outcome, but I thought you didn’t want me to do that,” Ania said bitterly.
“I didn’t—I still don’t. But you chose a type of death for yourself anyway. You chose to become what most call the walking dead,” Synar said, looking at her in disgust.
“I don’t know why I thought I could make you understand,” Ania said, irritated and angry as much as she was sad. “Your listening skills are pathetic and you lack true compassion for me.”
“That is not true,” Synar denied, frowning.
“That is exactly true which is why this discussion is now over,” she said.
Ania looked at Malachi. “Can I command you back inside me when Synar calls you out?”
“Yes—but do not think to make me a battle in your contest of wills with Liam. I will assert my own in that case and the creators of all will allow it,” Malachi said, looking at her.
“Fine. Stay with your master until he sends you back, but don’t be surprised if he ends up putting what’s left of you into the amulet instead. I see it in his mind already,” Ania said, making sure Synar knew that she once again had the ability to intuit the truth.
“I see what Liam considers as well,” Malachi said softly with great disappointment. “Fine—I’m going with you. We will have enough to deal with shortly. I have a sense of foreboding that’s even stronger than Dorian Zade’s. The ship and its crew are at risk, which means you are at risk. My first duty is to preserve my host.”
He disappeared back into Ania while Synar watched their easy communication with growing shock.
Ania looked at the male she had mated with both loathing and pity.
“Why are you so surprised that I rescued my destiny from your hands? I told you many times I intended to do so. I’ve been talking to Malachi almost since the day you told me about him. I asked him how to have control of my life again and he told me about demon host healing. If you would let go of your anger that I did this without your knowledge, it would be a lot easier to explain why I made this decision,” Ania said, calmly.
“Fine—I’m listening. Enlighten me,” Synar said stiffly.
“Malachi doesn’t frighten me. I was just like him once in my life. I think my relationship to him is the reason you were so driven to save my life,” Ania said.
“No. I did not save you to give you to the cursed demon my family has inflicted on me. You are entranced with his power, Ania,” Synar said. “Malachi has created this illusion of who you were. None of it is true. He constructs your mental reality to serve his ends.”
“No, Liam—it is true. It was always true. Ask Dorian. He will confirm what I say is truth. I just never told you because it was hundreds of years before I knew you. And for a very long time I wanted to forget that I had ever been that kind of person,” Ania said, trying to be calm while she answered.
“You merely believe what Malachi wants you to believe. Ania, you must undo this,” Synar said. “This is a punishment I cannot bear. How can I look at you every day and always see the demon’s power in your eyes? This cannot be your fate.”
His words were hurtful, but not unexpected. Ania realized she had felt Synar’s disapproval and rejection before she’d even crossed the threshold into his room. Her intuition had given the answer, but she hadn’t been listening because she wanted to believe his feelings for her would override his disgust.
Ania stood at the door preparing to leave Synar, waiting for it to feel wrong to her like it always did, but no sense of wrongness came this time. That meant she could probably walk out and never look back. Evidently even the creators of all wouldn’t guilt a female into staying with a mate who kept rejecting her.
Perhaps her time as Liam Synar’s mate was truly done.
Ania closed her eyes and gripped the door handle as she prayed. Solra Kokum Ynati, hear me—I have become even more an instrument of your will.
Malachi fluttered inside her in response to hearing the sacred names. She already knew they both felt forced to serve the will of creators, but only one of them was not forced to serve the demon master.
Ania turned back to look fully into the face of the only male she had ever let into her life, grateful that he might also be the only one she likely ever would. “
It is regrettable that for all your wonderful speeches about fidelity and support, you are once again turning away from me instead of trying to understand.”
“Understand?” Synar demanded, running a restless hand over his hair. “I try not to even think about the demon until there is no other choice. You speak of him as if he was your savior, but Malachi only serves himself.”
“Malachi healed me because I asked him to. What I have done was my choice and I accept the consequences willingly,” Ania said firmly, shaking her head. “Until you can view this more logically, stay away from me, Synar.”
Ania closed the door on his rejection and made herself think of other things as she walked back towards her room. Malachi, something is wrong with Gwen. I feel it now. What can we do to find out?
Zade cringes at the idea of me reading him. Wait and be ready is the best thing we can do without his cooperation, Malachi sent in return. Do not fear being a warrior again. I will help.
I fear nothing but the pain Liam Synar causes my spirit, but thank you, Ania replied.
Give Liam time to adjust to the news. He’s never been good at accepting change.
“I’ve given Liam Synar too much time to accept me already. I’m tired of waiting for him to grow up,” Ania answered out loud, bypassing her room and walking with purpose to the training room.
Her body ached from the change still, but it was Synar’s disapproval that hurt most. It was going to be a rough night. Maybe it would help if she spent the time testing the limits of her new body.
Locking the training room behind her, Ania stripped off her clothing, leaving it in a heap by the bench. Before she had to face more crew members tomorrow, she needed to find herself some bigger clothes.
***
In the captain’s quarters, Synar paced after Ania left, flapping the edges of the training book pages as he flipped through them. Though not as fully trained as Conor, he had been taught the basics in case his brother had not lived. It had never even occurred to him that his brother would not be the one who inherited Malachi until his father had closed and locked the doors of his private study. Once he’d started performing the transference ritual, it had been punctuated with the broken story of Conor’s dark transgressions.
The Demon Master's Wife (Fantasy, Space Opera, Science Fiction Romance) (FORCED TO SERVE) Page 13