Raine stopped immediately, wondering if Carice was about to be sick. He drew his horse to a halt and dismounted, releasing the reins. ‘What is it?’
She turned back and sent him a secret smile. ‘Only an impulse.’
He didn’t know what she meant by that, but it didn’t seem that she was feeling unwell. He watched her for a moment before he dismounted.
Snow blanketed the stream banks, and Carice trudged through it, moving towards the frozen stream. The water was hardly a stream at all, only twice the length of his arm. He doubted if it came up to his knees when it wasn’t frozen solid.
She approached the stream and touched the ice gingerly with one foot. He couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out what she was doing. Was she thirsty?
‘What is it?’ he asked.
This time, she stepped on the ice and turned back to look at him. ‘Killian and I used to race upon the ice when we were young.’
He continued staring at her, not understanding at all. Was she suggesting that they stop their travels to...run upon ice?
She beckoned to him. ‘Come here, Raine.’
He shook his head. ‘You’re going to fall and get hurt.’ What she was suggesting was not only a waste of time, it was also dangerous.
‘It’s only ice. It doesn’t hurt that badly. Or I may fall into the snowbank.’ She crooked her finger to him. ‘I’ll wager that you can’t beat me in a race.’
Why on earth would she want to race? She hardly had the strength to walk, much less run. He dismissed the idea immediately. ‘We don’t have time for this. Your father—’
‘My father would have to ride for hours to catch up to us. And it will only be for a little while. Unless you think I’m going to win? Or perhaps you’re too frightened of the ice?’
It was a bold dare, and the teasing look she shot him was bewildering. He hadn’t seen this mischievous side to her before. When he reached the frozen stream, he stepped carefully onto the ice, amazed that it didn’t shatter or break beneath their weight.
‘What is your wager?’ he asked.
‘Whoever reaches that bank first can choose the reward.’
He sent her a sidelong glance, wondering what she meant by that. There was nothing he could give her, and he couldn’t see any point to this.
‘I do not need anything from you.’ He started to step back towards the snowbank, but she caught his hand and pulled back.
‘You’re assuming you’re going to win.’
Of course he would. ‘You’ve been ill,’ he reminded her. ‘We’ve been riding for hours, and you need to preserve your strength.’
She looked back at him, and in her eyes, he saw the look of a woman whose days were numbered. ‘I want to enjoy the time I have left, Raine. Before it’s gone forever.’
The thought of her dying was a reminder he hadn’t wanted to face. He might not know Carice very well, but he knew how hard she’d fought to live. He’d watched her suffer, and he’d seen her smile. He knew the taste of her lips and the softness of her body in sleep.
‘Only for a moment,’ he acceded. ‘But you’re going to lose.’
She ignored his prediction and said, ‘Killian and I used to play in return for power.’
He frowned at that. ‘What do you mean?’
‘If I won, I gave him commands for an hour. If he won, he told me what to do, and I had to obey.’
Though he knew she was speaking of children ordering each other around, her suggestion made his wayward thoughts grow stronger. The idea was wicked, and he ought to tell her no.
‘Are you ready?’ she murmured.
‘We’re both going to break our necks,’ he predicted. But when she gave the signal, he began sliding his feet across the ice, struggling to run. His feet went flying out from under him, and he hit the ice hard while she continued sliding one foot, then the other, in a steady pace.
‘Are you all right?’ she asked, grinning at him. Her brown hair had fallen loose from its plait, and it tousled around her face. There was a brightness in her light blue eyes, and she continued moving forward.
Raine got back to his feet and took longer strides, attempting to catch up to her. When he reached her side, she tried to push him down, but he maintained his balance.
‘No cheating,’ he warned. But as he spoke the words, he pushed back against her, moving ahead. Almost there...
At the last moment, she leaped from the ice back into the snowbank. She raced ahead of him, running through the drifts until she reached the end of the ice. ‘I won.’
He was incredulous at her declaration. ‘No, you didn’t. You left the ice.’
‘I never said we had to stay on the ice,’ she countered. ‘You made that assumption.’
Her brazen cheating made him determined to claim the victory. ‘You cannot win by breaking the rules.’
‘Do you mean to say you won’t follow my orders?’ She reached out for his hand, leading him off the ice. From the tone of her voice, his suspicions sharpened. He tightened his palm around hers and lifted her back onto the horse. Her face was flushed from the exertion, and in that moment, she looked like a woman who had just awakened from sleep.
‘What orders?’ he asked, mounting his own horse.
She sent him a secretive smile and answered, ‘I’ll tell you later.’
Chapter Six
They arrived at Casheldrum by nightfall. Carice had never been to the settlement before, especially one so remote. The small crannog had a wooden walkway across a half-frozen lake that led to a gate and a ringfort at the centre of the island. Several wattle and daub roundhouses were gathered in a semicircle. Though it was isolated, it would provide a good shelter for the night.
She was in good spirits after winning the race. It had felt so good to run and feel the wind against her cheeks. Seeing the expression on Raine’s face after she’d won had made it even more enjoyable. Although he was a stoic man, she’d detected a softening within him. This day, she was feeling stronger than usual, and she was confident that her health would continue to improve.
Before they dismounted, Raine removed his helm and hid it among their travelling supplies to ensure that he appeared like an ordinary visitor instead of a soldier. The guards allowed them to enter, and Carice spoke to the chief, since Raine’s grasp of the Irish language wasn’t strong.
‘Have you travelled for long?’ the chief asked her. He was a man similar in age to her father, and she wondered if he knew Brian Faoilin. She hoped not, for she didn’t want him to alert her father’s men.
‘We visited with the MacEgans last night,’ she answered. ‘We are on our way home again.’ She reached into a pouch on her horse and withdrew a handful of silver, offering it to the chief. ‘I hope we may compensate you for your hospitality.’
The chief waved it away. ‘No. We do not take silver from our guests. Stay with us awhile, since my son and his wife are away. You may use their home for the night. And if we ever visit your lands, then return the same hospitality to us.’
He seemed friendly enough, and he bade one of his men to help Raine move hot stones into the space to heat the interior of the hut. Carice was glad that they would have their privacy, and she did not dissuade them of the assumption that she and Raine were husband and wife.
They joined the rest of the clan for an evening meal out of doors. Carice sat upon a log near the fire and accepted a bowl of venison stew. The hot broth and meat were soothing after a long day of riding, and she enjoyed the flavours of the stew. Raine sat beside her, and she took comfort in his presence. His arm rested behind her, almost in a half-embrace. Though she knew it was only to maintain the pretence of marriage, her skin warmed beneath his hand.
After she finished her meal, she leaned her head against his shoulder, fighting against the weariness that passed through her. As s
he watched the other women with their husbands, Carice envied them. She wanted so badly to live like a normal woman, to enjoy her days without pain.
Was it possible? She wanted to believe it, though her body was now growing tired from all the travelling. With each day, she grew stronger. And whether her body was simply healing or whether she was finding happiness in her last moments, she clung to hope.
Raine had kept silent throughout most of the meal and had only given a few minimal responses to the chief’s questions. ‘You look weary,’ he said, lowering his mouth to her ear. ‘Do you want to sleep now?’
‘I would, yes.’ She thanked the chief once more for letting them stay the night. Raine led her back to the hut, and inside, the space was now warm. He ducked inside and closed the door behind him. A few clay lamps were lit, illuminating the dark interior. There was a bed of furs in the corner, and it was so inviting, Carice longed to do nothing but collapse on top of the pallet.
But first, she wanted a moment alone with Raine. There were only a few days left with him, and she wanted to know him better. She still didn’t understand why he had agreed to set aside his duties and travel with her.
Carice turned back to him. ‘I never gave you my command, after I won our contest.’
‘You didn’t win. You cheated,’ he reminded her. But she sensed he wasn’t angry at all, from the softness in his tone.
‘I won,’ she insisted. ‘And now I wish to collect my reward.’
His expression turned wary. ‘And what was it you wanted?’ He moved closer and stood before her. In the faint light, she studied his harsh features. His dark blond hair was damp from the snow flurries, his face rough with bristle. She found herself staring at his mouth, wondering if she dared voice her true desire.
Kiss me, she wanted to say, but didn’t. Not because she was afraid he would refuse...but because she was afraid she wouldn’t want to stop.
‘Well?’ he prompted. ‘Name your reward.’
She tried to think of something and at last blurted out, ‘Never have I seen you smile. I would like to see that.’
Silence descended between them, and he remained stoic. It was a simple request, one he would have no difficulty obeying. But instead, he answered, ‘I have no reason to smile, Carice.’
His words troubled her, and she longed to understand what had happened to his family. But she would not press for secrets. ‘You endured a difficult life, I know,’ she acceded, ‘but surely you have smiled before.’
He released her hands and folded his arms across his chest. From the dark expression on his face, it was clear that he had no desire to indulge her—almost as if he believed he had no right to be happy about anything. ‘Go and rest now. We’ve more travelling to do, and you’ll need your sleep.’
She ignored his excuses and reached up to touch his cheeks. With her thumbs, she lifted the edges of his mouth, hoping to coax a smile. Instead, his face hardened, and he caught her wrists. ‘Don’t mock me.’
‘I—I wasn’t.’ That had never been her intention at all. It was merely idle teasing, nothing more than that.
‘My father was killed by King Henry’s men and his lands were seized. My mother killed herself after he died. We lost our home, and my sisters were taken by the king’s men.’ He softened his grip on her wrists and drew his hands down her sides to rest at her waist.
She was shocked by his words, unable to form a single word. Her heart ached for his suffering. ‘I didn’t know.’
But he wasn’t finished. ‘Do you think I don’t know what’s happened to my sisters? How many men have hurt them during the years I’ve been gone? But I obey the king’s orders to keep them alive. One day, I may be able to save them.’ His hands remained at her waist, and his green eyes stared into hers. ‘I have no reason to smile any more. Not even for you.’
The grief and helplessness behind his words broke her feelings into pieces. Carice stood on tiptoe, drawing his mouth down to hers. She kissed him in the need to offer sympathy and comfort, for words would do nothing to allay his pain. ‘I’m sorry,’ she murmured against his mouth.
He took her offering, kissing her back. She wasn’t afraid of the kiss, even though it overpowered her senses. Instead, she welcomed the intrusion of his tongue, feeling the aching echo between her legs.
Now she understood his reluctance at helping her. By disobeying his orders as a soldier, he was risking the lives of his sisters. Guilt cloaked her emotions, even as she slid her arms around Raine. He was strong in a way that went beyond physical prowess. He was the sort of man who would never stop fighting for those he loved. Undoubtedly, he would go back to find his sisters—she was certain of it.
Her own feelings were weakening, for with each kiss, she was more drawn to him. She didn’t want him to return to the life of a soldier...she wanted him to stay with her, impossible as that might be.
He continued kissing her, his hands sliding within her hair. He caressed the length of it, and she pressed her body against him, feeling the heated length of his arousal.
Need and desire poured over her, and she found it difficult to breathe. Right now, she wanted more, and he seemed to be fighting against his own urges. She shuddered when his mouth went to the line of her jaw, and she ran her hands over his hair, down to his broad shoulders. He was still wearing the chain mail, and she wanted it gone.
‘Take off your armour,’ she commanded. ‘Since you will not smile for me.’
He stepped back, and his eyes burned into hers. Though he said nothing at all, he obeyed, lifting the tunic away and then the chain mail hauberk and undertunic. His torso was bared, and she saw the hard ridges of muscles and the scars of battle. The need to touch him was undeniable.
Carice rested her fingers upon his chest, staring back at him. ‘If you had won our race, what boon would you have demanded of me?’
For a moment, he said nothing, and she wondered if his thoughts were as tangled as hers. ‘I have no commands for you, chérie. Sleep now, if that is your wish.’
It wasn’t. And so she eyed him once again. ‘May I touch you?’ The boldness that swept over her was born out of her realisation that every moment might be her last. She could not say what would happen between now and her last days. But she had this time with him.
‘It would not be wise.’
She knew that, but she wanted to. ‘I find myself not caring about wisdom any more. And we’ve only a few more days together.’ For a breathless moment, she studied him, wondering if he desired her at all.
‘Why would you want to? I am a Norman soldier.’ The tone of his voice held the edge of a tortured man, as if he believed himself unworthy. Though it was true that his back held the scars of the fire, she did not find him unattractive.
‘You are the man who saved my life,’ she said, meeting his stare.
He was looking at her with an expression of stone. For a moment, he said nothing, but merely took her hands in his. His eyes darkened, and he gave a single nod. ‘Do as you will.’
She explored his bare skin with her hands, tracing the muscles of his chest. He had the body of a soldier, and she admired the toned flesh. On impulse, she pressed her mouth to his heart, kissing his skin. He let out a ragged breath, revealing that he liked her touch.
She brought her lips to another part of his chest, marvelling at the feeling of him. But when her hands moved to his spine, she felt the scars from the fire. She walked around him and touched his shoulders, tracing the edges of the reddened flesh. She knew he had suffered in the flames, and that one of the monks had pulled him out. His scars had healed, but the flesh was mottled and red. Carice pressed her lips to his scars, as if she could heal him with a kiss.
And that was his breaking point. Raine spun and lifted her up, kissing her hard as he carried her to the pile of furs. She delighted in the flood of desire that rolled over her
in a wave of pleasure. He pressed her down and lay atop her, his erection nestled against her stomach. The sensation of his body upon hers awakened a craving that could not be satiated. She felt the need to arch her hips, to welcome him within her.
Though she was a virgin, instinctive needs rushed over her skin. Between her legs, she was wet, and with every kiss, her desire heightened. Raine was thrusting against her skirts, his eyes closed as he fought for control.
This was what a wedding night was meant to be—a desperate urge to be joined with the husband she desired.
She closed her own eyes, afraid that she might indeed be falling in love with this man. Never in her life had she wanted anything as much as she wanted him.
He rested his weight upon her, his expression tight as he slowed down. ‘Dieu, Carice, you’re killing me.’
She reached up to his hips. ‘I trust you, Raine. I know that you would never, ever do anything to hurt me.’ The words were meant to reassure him, but instead, they seemed to have the opposite effect.
He stopped immediately and rolled to the side. His expression grew shielded, allowing no emotions. ‘I should not have let it go this far.’
‘We only kissed,’ she started to say, but he touched a finger to her lips.
‘We did more than that, and you know this. It was wrong, Carice.’
‘I wanted to touch you,’ she confessed. ‘Why was it wrong?’
‘Because you are not mine to take.’ He stood up and donned his armour and tunic once more. ‘You don’t belong to me and never will.’
His words cut through the desire, leaving her cold. She didn’t know what to say, but it felt as if he’d tossed her aside. She should have been prepared for his response, but instead, her feelings were bruised by his rejection. Everything about his demeanour had shifted into cool indifference. She swallowed back the hurt. ‘Are you leaving?’
He nodded. ‘I’m going for a walk. Stay here and sleep. I’ll return soon.’
And when he closed the door behind him, an unexpected wave of anger passed over her. All of this was unfair...the illness, her body’s weakness. Why did this have to happen? What had she done to deserve this pain and suffering? Nothing at all.
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