by Denise Vega
I turned and looked at him. “Mark, this is a big deal. She really likes you. You broke up with her. She sees you with me and even though we’re just friends, it hurts.”
Mark sighed. His eyes shifted and his face relaxed. “She’s gone.” We started down the hall again. “This really sucks,” he said. “I mean, am I not supposed to be with any friends who are girls because she’ll get upset? What are the rules here?” He ran his hand through his hair and I had a brief peek at the eye underneath his bangs before the curtain closed over it again. “Is there some kind of a time limit on this? Like, after two months can I actually live my life without worrying about how it will make Kara feel?”
He had a point. “I don’t know,” I said. “I guess it shouldn’t be so complicated, but it is.”
“You’re right,” he said. “It shouldn’t be.” He shifted his backpack on his shoulder. “Why don’t you girls go figure out a way to make it less complicated and then let us guys in on it.”
I laughed. “I’ll get right on that, Sacks.”
He rolled his eyes. “Did you know she thinks I broke up with her because she thinks I like you?”
“Well that’s dumb,” I said, though a teeny tiny part of me hoped he’d say it wasn’t.
Why?
I sighed and told him about the Harry and Sally thing.
“That makes no sense,” he said. “We’re proof you can be friends.”
“I know.” I didn’t point out that we’d never really been just friends without one of us liking someone else. Darn Jilly and her stupid theories.
* * *
Jilly was sitting on my front porch when I got home. “Okay, so this is stupid,” she said, standing up.
“Yeah, it is,” I said, relieved. “I didn’t mean what I said. I do have fun going to the mall with you.”
Jilly laughed. “No, you don’t. You hate it. And I’m sorry I’ve been acting so stupid and ignoring you.”
“I knew why,” I said. “It’s okay.” I smiled. “And I don’t hate going to the mall. I just don’t like all the shopping.”
Jilly furrowed her brow. “So you didn’t shop with Reede?”
“No, we—” How do you describe wandering around, following guys that you were pretending you weren’t following, and flirting like crazy?
“You what?”
So I told her. She squealed at all the right places and asked all the right questions.
“Wow,” she said, when I was finished. “I wish I could have been there.”
“Me, too.”
“Oh, I almost forgot,” she said, pulling a cherry Tootsie Pop out of her pocket. “This is for you.”
I took it and grinned, thinking about Mr. F and the wisdom of the Pop. I was glad that good friends lasted a long time, even when you gave them a little nip.
“I don’t know what happened, Erin,” Jilly said as we headed up to my room. “When I saw you totally laughing and having fun with Reede, I just flipped out. I mean, I was a little jealous last year with Rosie but there’s something about Reede—” She shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t really like her but you should be able to be friends with her if you want.”
“Thanks. I think.” We both laughed as we sat down on my bed. I took a breath and told her about Blake.
“So what are you going to do?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” Part of me wanted to keep seeing him because I liked the idea of having a boyfriend, of knowing someone was there, thinking about me, sending me e-mails and IMing me. I’d probably never have what Jilly had with Bus Boy so I should take what I could, right?
But I knew that wasn’t fair to Blake.
I sighed heavily. “That’s a lie. I do know what I’m going to do.”
Jilly reached over and held my hand as I considered the fact that Erin Penelope Swift, the girl who never got the guy, was about to dump a really cute, really nice one who actually liked her.
CHAPTER 24
SINGLE GIRL
ON SATURDAY I PLANNED TO meet Blake at the park, far from “our tree spot.” I told my parents I was going to Jilly’s again. It didn’t really feel like a lie because I knew I’d go to her house afterward, when it was over.
I took my time getting there, putting off what I was about to do. My hands were sweating, my heart was pounding, and I was completely out of breath even though I was riding as slowly as possible without actually stopping completely. When I got to the bench where we’d agreed to meet, Blake was already there. His face lit up when he saw me and I felt like the biggest loser in the world.
I got off my bike and rolled it over to where he stood, putting it between us. He tried to kiss me right away but I pulled back.
“Hi,” I said, looking everywhere but at his face.
“Hey,” he said. “You want to sit down?”
“I’m okay.” I rocked my bike forward and backward in front of me. Say it, Erin. “I wanted to talk to you, Blake.”
I could feel his eyes on me. I knew I should look at him but I couldn’t.
“Is your mom freaking about us?”
I bit my lip. It would be easy to use her as an excuse; that she was worried about us getting too serious. But that wasn’t right.
I smiled. “My mom freaks about everything lately,” I said, looking out across the park toward the playground. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Okaaay.” I could feel his eyes burning a hole in my forehead but I still couldn’t look at him.
“Blake, um—” I wrung my hands and look at the ground. “This is really hard.”
“What’s hard?” he said.
“I—well.” Finally, I looked up at him. I took a breath. “I think I’d just like to be friends.”
“Friends?” He rammed his bike tire against a bench. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m really sorry,” I said. “My feelings—well, I don’t know. I have a lot of fun with you and I still want to have that foosball rematch but—”
“Are you saying you don’t like me anymore?” Blake interrupted. “You, Erin Swift, don’t like me, Blake Thornton, anymore?”
“I like you,” I said quietly. “Just not that way.”
“How exactly does that happen?” His voice was steel and I knew if I looked up, his blue eyes would be icy. “It’s only been a few weeks.”
“I don’t know,” I said, my foot tracing a pattern in the grass. “It just did.”
He snorted. “You like someone else, right?”
“No,” I said. “It’s not that.”
He shook his head. “People told me not to go out with an eighth grader, but I thought you were different. More mature, like Jilly,” he said. “Guess I was wrong.”
That got my attention.
“So I’m not mature because I don’t like you anymore? Is that what you’re saying?”
He glared at me. “Whatever. I was going to call it quits anyway. You just beat me to it.”
What? A minute ago he was about to kiss me.
“Then you must feel the same way,” I said. “So it’s not a big deal.”
“You’re not a big deal,” he said, smacking his bike tire one last time against the bench before yanking it toward the path. “Have a nice life.”
I watched him ride away, my heart sinking a bit. Had I made a mistake? Maybe if we’d spent more time together, the feelings would have come back. I was new at this relationship stuff. What did I know? Maybe I hadn’t given it a chance and Jilly the Relationship Expert hadn’t bothered to tell me. I almost raised my hand to call him back, tell him I was kidding, I was wrong, I didn’t know what I was saying.
But I didn’t. I just got on my own bike and pedaled straight to Jilly’s house.
“What a jerk,” Jilly said, when I got to her house. “Of course he’s hurt but he should appreciate your honesty. At least you didn’t do it in a text or e-mail like a lot of people do.”
“Don’t say anything to Bus Boy,” I said. “It
will just make it worse.” I wanted to forget about it and move on but the scene kept replaying itself in my mind like a bad music video.
If only the music would stop.
Saturday, October 11
Got a bunch of e-mails from Blake. 1 said I led him on & he couldn’t believe he’d wasted so much time on me. Hello? We were together like 5 times or something. It wasn’t like we spent every minute 2gether. True we also spent time IMing, texting, & calling, but that’s all part of it. I feel bad that he’s upset but what does he want me 2 do, pretend I still like him? When I asked him that, he said no way, he didn’t want me in his life @ all.
HOT——METER
#1 Greg @ mall—h.s. soccer player—yum
#2 Mark Sacks—the hair, the butt in shorts—need I say more?
#3 Tyler Galleon—well, not exactly hot but definitely on the Cute-o-Meter, mostly cuz of that dimple I never saw before
#4 Mr. Perkins
SO WHY DOES HE KEEP SENDING ME E-MAILS?
Talked 2 J again 2nite. Blake had already talked 2 Bus Boy. Told BB he “made a mistake going out w/ someone in middle school.” SMACK. But BB was cool… guess he said I was really cool & he was sorry it didn’t work out.
Man, is Jilly lucky or what?
So Blake is off the Hot-o-Meter 4 obvious reasons. I also took off Dylan cuz he makes me think of Blake, which is 2 bad cuz D’s hot all by himself & deserved 2 be on the list.
This relationship stuff stinks. I’m not liking any1 else 4 a long, long time.
CHAPTER 25
HOMEWORK HELPER
“HEY, SWIFT.” MARK WALKED DOWN the hall toward me before the first bell on Monday. This was it. The first day we both didn’t like someone else and I was praying there would be no energy surges or sparks flying. The breakup with Blake stunk and I just wanted to be crush-free for awhile.
But I did want Mark to notice my new look. Lame, I know, but I couldn’t help it. One thing I learned from Jilly was that when you are feeling kind of down or bummed out, looking good can help. To get me out of my “eighth grade girls aren’t as mature as ninth grade SORE LOSERS funk,” I spent some serious time getting ready this morning. My hair was doing what I wanted it to, I was zit-free, and I was wearing a jean skirt that flattered my slightly-existent hips. Shaving had gone well—no nicks or cuts—and I’d even put on a little more makeup—not as much as I’d had on at the mall, but I did try the same shimmery eye shadow Reede wore sometimes.
When I’d come downstairs, my mom had stared at me. “Isn’t that skirt a little short?”
“No, it’s fine,” I said. Couldn’t she just tell me I looked good? Or ask why I was making a special effort? Not that I wanted to tell her I’d lied to her and had gone to the park to break up with Blake. But still.
“You look—”
“Beautiful?” I said, twirling around. “Wonderful?”
“Older.” My mom had sighed.
“I am older, Mom.” I had squeezed her arm. “Get used to it.”
But now I was standing in front of Mark and he didn’t seem to notice anything. Which was kind of annoying because Jilly and I both saw the looks I was getting—on the bus and as we walked into school. They were the kind of looks Jilly always got but I’d never gotten until today.
Except from Mark.
“Any chance I can get some algebra help?” he said. “I’m really confused.”
I sighed. Why did I want Mark to notice how I looked anyway? We were just friends and no way did I want any kind of relationship right after the Blake Break.
“When did you want to get together?” I asked.
“You got something after school?” he asked. “Maybe I can just come home with you.”
My first thought was, Mark Sacks and me on the bus together? I mean, he came over sometimes but not on the bus. My second thought was—
“Kara’s on my bus.”
Mark sighed an irritated sigh. “So, when’s the deadline? How long do I have to change my life so I don’t hurt her feelings?”
I pulled my books out of my locker. “Why don’t you try talking to her about it?”
Mark looked at me like I’d just said he had to stop watching ESPN. “I don’t think so.”
“I think you should try,” I said. “She’ll probably appreciate your honesty.”
“She’ll probably get mad at me.”
“Probably,” said a third person.
We both turned to see Reede standing behind us. She was wearing a tight black shirt and jeans that dragged on the floor, almost completely hiding her scuffed black boots.
“They always get mad,” Reede said, reaching in front of me for her own books. “But they get over it.” She looked from Mark to me. “Wow, Erin. You look great.”
I blushed. “Thanks.”
“Doesn’t she look great, Mark?”
Mark barely glanced at me. Obviously my hot factor was not registering on his meter. “Yeah,” he said. “Okay, so I just don’t think I have to ask Kara’s permission to go do homework with someone.”
“Well, aren’t you the lucky study partner.” Reede raised her eyebrows at me before turning to Mark. “You don’t have to ask permission,” she said. “But like Erin said, just give her a heads up so she doesn’t freak out when you get on the bus.”
“Maybe I should just go home first and ride my bike over,” Mark said. “But it’d be easier for me to just go home with you.” He groaned. “Why do girls have to be like this?”
“We like to drive you crazy.” Reede laughed as she walked down the hall. “Good luck.”
“Fine, I’ll say something,” Mark said. “But I know she’s going to get mad.”
“Then just come over later,” I said.
“No,” Mark said. “This is stupid. I should be able to go home on the bus with you.”
The first bell rang.
“Let me know how it goes,” I said.
* * *
When Mark told Kara, I guess she said, “What a surprise.” Then: “Gee, thanks for the news flash but I’m not even going to be on the bus today. I have a dentist appointment.”
So at least he didn’t have to see her on the bus. Mark and I took the seat in front of Rosie and Jilly and I ignored Jilly making her loveydovey face at me.
“See?” I said as the bus pulled away from the school. “That wasn’t so bad.”
Mark leaned back and crossed his arms. “Whatever. I just need help with algebra.”
When we got to my house, we tossed our backpacks next to the kitchen table and I started pawing through the cupboard for snacks. I tossed a box of Goldfish to Mark and he caught it neatly, setting it on the table. Then he helped himself to a glass of water.
“Here,” I said, holding out a stone-hard, half-eaten muffin Chris had left on the counter from breakfast that morning. “Chris wanted you to have this.”
Mark laughed, taking the muffin from me. “He’s a thoughtful guy.” He turned it around in his hand before holding back as if it were a football. “Go long.”
I grabbed the trash can from under the sink and hustled to the other side of the kitchen. I stopped in the doorway leading to the hall.
“Or short,” Mark said as he measured the distance with his eyes. He sent the muffin in a perfect end-over-end toss.
Thunk. Right into the trash can.
“Two points,” I said.
“Oh, that was easily a three-pointer.”
“No way,” I said. “You’re, like, eight feet from it.”
“But we’re in a smaller area overall.” Mark opened his arms to survey the kitchen. “Everything is on a smaller scale.”
“But the basket is huge compared to the muffin,” I said. “Cheater.”
“Meanie.”
I laughed.
“So, where is the Muffin Man?” Mark asked, grabbing a handful of Goldfish and tossing them back.
“Who knows?” I said, putting the trash can back under the sink. “He’s always got something after scho
ol.”
“Well, hello, Mark.” My mom came into the kitchen to refill her water bottle.
“Hi, Mrs. Swift.”
“Thanks for helping us carry boxes the other day,” she said. That was when he’d come over to tell me about Kara. “It was nice to get the basement cleared out.”
“No problem,” Mark said.
Mom smiled at both of us. “Study hard.”
Mark and I sat side-by-side at the kitchen table and worked through his algebra.
“I don’t see where you’re having a problem,” I said when we’d finished. “You got every single one right. I hardly helped at all.”
“Well, it was enough for the lightbulb to go on,” Mark said. “I don’t know why but it just made more sense when you explained it.” He smiled at me, then nudged his elbow against mine. “You’re in my elbow space.”
I nudged him back. “No, you’re in mine.”
We nudged back and forth until we both were rubbing our sore elbows. Then we looked at each other and our eyes caught. My heart fluttered a little, like old times. I had a flash that maybe we were about to kiss and I couldn’t believe I had just thought that because didn’t I just have a horrible experience with Blake Thornton and I was not going to like anyone for a long, long time?
But then the doorbell rang and Mark’s mom was standing there, ready to take him home, and I wasn’t sure what the flutter meant or if there would have been a kiss or if maybe I’d imagined the look in his eye as I stood on my porch, waving good-bye.
And in the next minute, none of that mattered because Chris pulled up with someone in his car who wasn’t his girlfriend, Bethany. And when this someone stepped out of the passenger seat, my heart triple-flipped and then stopped beating.
CHAPTER 26
BEYOND HOT TAMALES
OMIGOD. OH YOUR GOD. HE was a god.
The guy standing a dozen feet away in the driveway had deep tanned skin, brown eyes, and dark hair tied back in a ponytail.
I couldn’t breathe.
“Erin, right?” The god boy smiled. It was a smooth, easy smile. My heart flipped again at my name coming from those lips, softened by a southern accent. How had he known? Were we meant to be together? Why wasn’t I getting a vibe on his name to prove we had some psychic connection?