by Dean, Taylor
He let out a sigh. He was falling in love with her. She was everything he could ask for in a woman. He just wasn’t sure what step to take next. He’d almost kissed her on several occasions, almost being the key word. He wanted to kiss her so much, he found himself staring at her mouth as she spoke, imagining what it would be like to feel her lips on his. What was holding him back?
He knew the answer.
He wasn’t positive how she felt about him. Would she slap him and be completely offended? Did she look upon him as her employer? Would she claim sexual harassment? Or did she feel as though they were family of sorts? Would he be crossing some forbidden line between them that should never be crossed? He simply wasn’t sure. There was something in her eyes that told him she felt the same. She didn’t shy away from him, just the opposite. She seemed to like the physical contact they’d shared. But what if he was misreading the situation? What if he was dead wrong? He’d be breaking her trust in him. Maybe she looked upon him as the playful big brother she’d never had. He just wasn’t sure which way to go with this. He wasn’t exactly a ladies’ man but, he wasn’t naïve either. He was pretty sure she was an innocent when it came to love, so perhaps she didn’t recognize the messages she was sending him. He’d never felt so unsure about anything in his life and he didn’t like the feeling, not at all.
One thing was for sure, though. He wasn’t just falling.
He was hopelessly in love with her.
–8–
Marisa had been in Texas for a little over three weeks now and as far as she was concerned they’d been the best three weeks of her entire life, but she knew in her heart that things were about to get better. She knew Josh had come close to kissing her on several occasions, she also knew that he’d held back. Perhaps he felt it was too soon, but it couldn’t be soon enough for her. She was completely head over heels in love with him and she didn’t care if it showed all over her face or in her actions. She wanted him to know. Her heart soared, knowing it was going to be like this long before she’d ever arrived.
Presently, Marisa sat with Josh and Bethany on the patio, having just finished with a late lunch. Josh complimented Bethany on her yellow blouse and she informed him that it was chartreuse. Josh said nothing in response, having learned to accept the fact that he’d never get a color right with Bethany around. Josh, who’d just returned from a trip into town, had purchased a pack of bubble gum for Bethany as a treat. They were trying to teach her how to blow a bubble and laughing rowdily when it landed all over her mouth and nose. They helped her to peel the gum off her face, and then she tried again. Before long, she was blowing huge bubbles. This quickly turned into a bubble gum blowing contest between them. Josh ran upstairs to retrieve the other packages he’d bought for another day. Soon, they each had huge wads of gum in their mouths and were blowing bubbles like mad. Bethany creamed them, blowing bubbles practically the size of her face. They were having so much fun, they ignored the passing of time and played the afternoon away, skipping Bethany’s nap. When a bubble popped and landed partly in Bethany’s hair, Marisa took her upstairs to deal with the minor emergency. Just as Marisa finished the delicate task of cleaning her up, the doorbell chimed through the house and she heard Josh answer it. Marisa, holding a clean and pajama clad Bethany, wet hair and all, made her way downstairs.
“Hey, Josh,” she heard a woman say, “How’s life treating you?”
It was the flirty UPS girl, Leila, wearing her tight shorts and knee-high socks. Somehow she managed to still look good in the unflattering uniform, a feat of unparalleled proportions. She was cute and friendly, with a killer smile. No wonder Josh was not immune to her charms.
“Hi, Leila. It’s late. Last stop of the day?”
“Yep, I’m running behind. You know what they say, rain, sleet, or snow.”
Oh brother, Marisa thought to herself, while at the same time telling herself to stop being catty. She hung back, eavesdropping on the conversation, but not participating in it.
“Well, hello there, sweet Bethany. How are you, little Miss Blondie?” Her interest in Bethany didn’t last long. “How’d you get a blond daughter, Josh? You with all that silky jet black hair?”
“Luck of the draw, I guess,” he drawled, as he signed his name on the clipboard.
“Hello,” she said with her eyes on Marisa. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”
Marisa smiled politely.
“This is Marisa Michaels. She’s Bethany’s nanny for the summer,” Josh stated quickly. Too quickly. Marisa felt her smile die a sudden death on her face.
Ouch.
“Nice to meet you, Marisa,” Leila said with renewed enthusiasm. Marisa knew why. She no longer viewed her as a threat. She was nothing but the nanny.
Nanny.
Is that all she was to Josh? Marisa said nothing in response. She suddenly felt frozen, as cold as ice, her veins filled with slush. Her heart sunk into her stomach as she stared rather blankly, feeling somehow as though her life had just ended in that one small little moment in time. With just one simple word, her world came crashing down. She met Josh’s eyes. He was looking at her oddly, as if he was seeing her, really seeing her, for the first time in his life. It seemed as though they stood there looking at each other for several minutes, but in reality it was only seconds.
“Where are you from, Marisa?” Leila asked curiously. She was friendly and well, dare she admit it, sweet.
It took her far too long to find her voice. “I’m from California.”
“Well, enjoy your time here. Josh has one of the nicest ranches around.”
“Thank you.” She was a nice girl. She could see why Josh liked her.
Marisa excused herself and took Bethany upstairs to blow dry her hair. She was beginning to shiver in the air conditioning. Her thoughts spun out of control as the implications of Josh’s words began to register. She held her feelings at bay, wanting to appear cheerful for Bethany’s sake. At least fifteen minutes had passed by the time Marisa and Bethany returned downstairs. Josh and Leila still stood at the front door, talking.
“You’ll have to drop by sometime. I live just outside of Amarillo. It doesn’t compare to what you have, but it’s about five acres, plus chickens, pigs, and four horses. I think that qualifies me as a small ranch, wouldn’t you say?” Leila gushed. Maybe gush was too strong of a word, but that was how it came across to Marisa.
“It certainly does. And I’d love to see it. I’ll stop by next time I go into town. It’ll be one day next week, for sure. I’ll let you know. Can I have your number?”
“You bet. It’ll have to be in the evening. I work days,” she grinned broadly and Josh did the same.
Not wanting to hear anymore, Marisa took Bethany to the dinner table, where dinner awaited them. It took a few minutes for what had just happened to sink in.
Josh had, in essence, just made a date with Leila. The UPS girl. When you live in the middle of nowhere, guess you have to get creative when meeting new people.
Their laughter echoed through the house as if their conversation had just reached a comical note. The sounds of their voices wafted into the room, not decipherable any longer, but distinctly male and female. It was five more minutes before Josh made an appearance at the dinner table. Was it her imagination or did he seem ever so slightly flushed?
It was then that several realizations hit Marisa. She willed herself to be calm when her thoughts were whirling through her mind wildly.
I feel so stupid. No wonder nothing has happened between us. He doesn’t look upon me like I think he does. I’m just here for the summer to take care of his daughter—the nanny. He loves me because I’m Mary’s foster daughter. I’m like a kid sister. It’s nothing more than that. I convinced myself there was more. I wanted there to be more. I came here believing there was more between us. If I don’t have Josh, I have nothing. Doesn’t he understand that he’s everything to me and that he has been the only one for me all of my life? I suddenly feel as though my lif
e has just ended. Now that I think about it, he’s never done or said anything to imply that there’s more between us than friendship, not one single thing. It was all in my imagination. He doesn’t want to kiss me. He’d probably be appalled that I even thought such a thing. Heaven help me, I could die right now of embarrassment. Can I die of humiliation? If only it were possible.
These thoughts left her reeling. She had to pull herself together. Somehow she had to face the rest of the evening with this knowledge tucked away deep inside and later, bring it out and examine it. She forced the imminent tears back down and pretended everything was fine.
Marisa stole a glance at Josh and their eyes met. He was looking at her strangely, as if he felt sorry for her. Her eyes burned, but she held his gaze as if nothing was wrong.
“Is the bubble gum catastrophe solved?”
“Yes,” she said, her tone sounding clipped.
“How’d you get it out?”
“Olive oil.”
“Very clever. How’d you know what to do?”
“Experience. Fourth grade and a boy who said he liked me.”
“That’s how all fourth grade boys show they like a girl. They stick gum in their hair. It gets their attention every time,” he laughed.
Marisa didn’t laugh with him and his smile slowly died. She picked at her dinner, not feeling hungry for a change. Emotional turmoil tended to ruin her appetite. Her thoughts began to wander.
Josh had been spending a lot of time with them lately, and less and less time working. Marisa remembered the day Josh surprised them in the pool. Bethany was doing really well with learning to swim by then.
“Where’s my daughter? I can’t find her anywhere. All I can see is a fish in the water. I’m fixin’ to call Charlie and tell him we have a fish in the pool. He can catch it and send it back to the ocean where it belongs.” He’d gone on and on while Bethany giggled and yelled, “It’s me, Daddy, Bethany, I’m right here.”
He’d jumped in with them and they’d frolicked in the pool together all afternoon. Over the past week, he’d joined them every day for their swim.
Marisa’s thoughts returned to the present. Josh liked Leila. He’d spent over twenty minutes at the door talking with her. That meant he didn’t look upon herself as she’d thought he did. Her stomach clenched uncomfortably. She tried to dismiss the thought. Too much had transpired between them, she was sure he knew it too.
But the thought persisted anyway.
She was hurt that Josh had announced she was nothing but the nanny. Heck, he hadn’t even mentioned their family connection. He could’ve at least mentioned that she was Mary’s foster daughter. The nanny just sounded so…formal, so distant, so employee and boss-like. They’d never had a business relationship. It’d been personal from the very beginning. Hadn’t it?
Evidently not. Evidently she was better at imagining things than even she’d thought. Everything was going downhill fast and she had no way of stopping the descent. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. She’d let her imagination see things that simply weren’t there.
Josh stood to help Constance with a heavy dish and Marisa’s eyes traveled the length of him. He was wearing dark jeans and a black dress shirt. A black belt wrapped around his waist, slung low on his hips. The jeans fit his long legs perfectly. He was tall and lean, not too skinny, and muscular in all the right places. His stomach was flat and she knew the feel of the rippled muscles in his abdomen. His hands were strong, his fingers long, yet she knew their gentle touch.
She looked away. She’d never know the touch that she wanted from those hands. She felt like she was dying inside. She needed air, she was suffocating, she couldn’t breathe…
“Marisa?”
She looked up. “Yes?”
“Would you like some potatoes?” Josh asked, handing the bowl to her. She reached for it and their hands touched, their fingers sliding against each other’s. She held her fingers against his for a tiny second, longing for his touch. She served herself some potatoes, but could hardly choke down a bite. The evening suddenly loomed over her as if it would never end.
“Marisa?”
“Huh?” she replied distractedly for the second time.
“Are you okay? You’re lookin’ a little pale.”
“Actually I’m not feeling very well. And Bethany’s exhausted.” She could hardly sit up straight, much less keep her eyes open. “She missed her nap today. If you’ll excuse me, I think Bethany and I need to call it a night.” Marisa’s eyes skittered away from Joshua’s. She wondered if her distress showed in her body language.
“Would you like some help? If you’re not feeling well, I can take care of Bethany,” Josh said as he stood, looking concerned.
“No thanks,” she replied, the words coming out sounding slightly curt and inconsiderate. She paused, knowing her cheeks were on fire. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. I can handle it, really.” And with one final glance at Josh, she picked up Bethany and carried her up the stairs, feeling as if her heart was breaking in her chest. She was such a fool. Josh couldn’t have made things any clearer. Marisa was the nanny and nothing more. Not even family, for heaven’s sake. She was nothing but the hired help. And maybe an amusing diversion. That’s it.
He’d clarified it immediately in Leila’s presence so there would be no mistaking what they were to each other. She felt ridiculous, humiliated. All this time she’d thought they were falling in love with each other. How could she have been so wrong? How could she have misread the situation so pathetically? She swallowed and tried to catch her breath.
At least she had Bethany. It wasn’t exactly who she’d planned on falling in love with in Texas, nevertheless she had someone to love—and someone to love her in return.
Guess it would have to do.
Josh quickly finished his dinner in silence as he contemplated Marisa’s mood, concern lacing his thoughts. She didn’t look well and he wondered if she was coming down with something. Before she’d left the table, her eyes had rested on his own for a split second; sad eyes, unsure eyes, distressed eyes. Once gone, she’d taken all the warmth out of the room, leaving him feeling cold and bereft.
There was something else bothering him too. When Marisa had joined him at the door with Leila, he’d suddenly felt as though he’d been caught doing something very wrong and he actually felt guilty. It was the look on Marisa’s face, a look of devastation. And then there was her expression as he’d announced that she was the nanny. She’d looked so…hurt. He hadn’t meant anything by it, after all, she really was the nanny for the summer. But he could’ve sworn that she’d appeared ruffled by his announcement. There were several ramifications as to her response and they all settled upon him at once as he thought things through.
First of all, he knew they had an obvious chemistry between them and he was ready to take it a step further. The only thing holding him back was wondering if it was what she wanted. These thoughts had been rummaging around in his mind for days now. How exactly does she look upon him? As a family member of sorts? As a boss? Or as an equal?
He knew she liked him. He was sometimes sure that she wanted to kiss him as much as he wanted to kiss her. And then other times he was sure he’d misread her. What if he tried to kiss her and she was completely insulted? What if she thought he was a total pervert? These thoughts alone had held him back.
However, tonight he was positive he’d received the answer he was looking for. Her eyebrows had been deeply furrowed, indicative of how upset she was. The only time she furrowed her eyebrows was when she was displeased about something—not when she was deep in thought, and not when she was feeling anxious. Only when she was upset. He’d only known her for three weeks, but he knew enough to know when she wasn’t happy. He had the distinct impression that she didn’t like Leila and if she didn’t like Leila it was because she was jealous and if she was jealous it meant she had feelings for him, the same kinds of feelings he had for her. On one hand, he was happy, b
ut on the other hand, he could feel her pain and he didn’t like it, not at all. And she’d hardly taken a bite of dinner. That alone told him something was definitely wrong. The thought struck him with a touch of humor, only he wasn’t laughing. Marisa never turned down food. She was certainly a…peculiar eater, to say the least. He loved the way she ate her food, even if her tastes ran on the strange side. She derived so much enjoyment out of it that it was an adventure to eat with her. He loved that about her…he loved everything about her.