by eliza_000
Suddenly, his hands were shoving up her shirt, unzipping her jeans, and pulling down her panties. Their harsh breathing filled the room. All she could think about was the feel of his rigid length inside her, thrusting, making love.
Love…
Overwhelmed by the reality of what was happening, she snapped into full consciousness. It was love for her, but what was it to him? Another meaningless encounter? Even though his hands communicated need and desire, it wasn’t enough. She needed for him to say it.
“Randy, stop.” She tore her mouth from his and pushed hard against his chest. “No,” she said. “Stop it. I mean it.”
“What?” The dark gray eyes flew open in alarm. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
“No, I’m fine,” she panted, jerking her clothes back into place. “You were trying to fuck me.”
“No. I wasn’t,” he said with a frown. “I might’ve fucked you the first time, but not this time, not the last time, and never again.” He rolled onto his back, fully aroused and tenting the front of his boxers.
What was that comment supposed to mean? Scalding heat rushed into her cheeks. She turned away, cringing inside, but not before Randy caught the trajectory of her glance.
“That wasn’t fair,” she said, summoning her anger to keep some emotional distance between then.
“You can’t expect me to sleep in the same bed and not be turned on,” he replied practically. With a creak of the mattress, he rose to his feet and stripped out of his boxers then walked in front of her on his way to the bathroom. The sight of his tight buttocks and muscular thighs brought a flood of attraction to her core. She scowled at her reflection in the mirror, cheeks flushed and hair disheveled. He came back out of the bathroom, still naked, and pointed an accusing finger at her. “You make me crazy.”
“I can’t make you into something you already are,” she snapped.
“Why does everything have to mean something?” he shouted. “Why can’t we just be?”
“Because I love you, and you don’t love me back,” she said. She felt exhausted, too drained to function. “Nothing’s changed for us, Randy. You don’t want a relationship, and I do. I have a daughter to think about. We need someone we can count on. You’re the one who said I deserve better, and you’re right.”
He scrubbed over his face with both hands as if restoring the circulation. “Don’t be like that, Karly.” When he reached for her, she shrank back and shook her head.
“I can’t keep doing this, Randy.”
When the door clicked shut behind Karly, rage swept through him like a forest fire, searing his soul and breaking his heart. Always before the anger had saved him, consumed the emptiness, and protected him from pain, but this time the anger was directed at himself. What the hell was wrong with him? Why was he so determined to be miserable that he couldn’t accept happiness when it was offered up on a silver platter? Feeling empty, he sagged back against the mattress and swept a shaking hand through his hair. All he had to do was tell her how he felt, how much he loved her.
Damn her. Damn her innocent kitten eyes, and damn her for making him feel so helpless. He didn't want to care. He didn't want to feel. He didn't ask for any of this. And yet, here he stood with his back against the wall, feeling as if the bottom had dropped out of his life. The sense of loss was so deep he might never recover.
Chapter 57
Karly arrived an hour early for the preliminary hearing regarding Emma’s custody. Under Moseley’s direction, she wore her navy blue interview suit and swept her hair into a low chignon at the nape of her neck. Ally loaned her a silk print scarf to cover the threadbare collar of her blouse. Nothing could mask the pallor of her skin or her clammy hands.
She waited alone on a bench in the grand hallway outside the courtroom. Her stomach twisted and churned each time the double doors opened and a name was called. A cold sweat dotted her forehead. Her future and Emma’s fate rested on the outcome of this meeting.
Sick with worry, she stared at the floor tiles, hands clasped in her lap. Her mind raced with possible outcomes. Moseley had prepared her for the worst, but she held onto hope. Even if things didn’t go her way, she wouldn’t give up. She would never stop trying to get Emma back.
Tears stung her eyes and blurred the patterned tiles into blobs. A familiar pair of black boots entered her field of vision. One of them nudged the toe of her shoe. She looked up to find Randy standing in front of her. Her heart thudded against her chest at the sight of him.
“Hey,” he said, and took a seat beside her.
“What are you doing here?” The surprise in her voice caused him to raise an eyebrow. He was clean-shaven and dressed in a dark green sweater over charcoal gray dress pants. His movement stirred up the scent of woodsy cologne and shampoo.
“I heard this is your big day. I thought maybe you could use some support.” He pushed the sleeves of his sweater up his arms and stretched his long legs out in front of him.
“It’s just a preliminary,” she said. Her stomach churned again. “You seriously came all the way down here to sit with me?” She bit her lower lip.
“I did,” he replied. Their gazes met and locked. The somberness in the dark depths of his eyes made her breath catch. He took one of her hands in his and held it tight. “I know you’re still pissed at me, but I thought…” His voice broke. It took a second for him to recover and continue. “I just couldn’t stand the thought of you here by yourself.”
“You didn’t have to,” she said. Tears stung her eyes. Her emotions were all over the place. His hand squeezed around hers, solid and reassuring.
“There’s no place I’d rather be.” He smiled and swept a loose tendril of hair back from her temple with a forefinger.
“I’m scared out of my mind,” she whispered.
“Don’t be. It’ll be fine,” he said. “I have a good feeling about this.” He put an arm around her and pulled her close.
They sat side by side in silence. The warmth and heat of him filled the empty spaces inside her. The appointed hearing time came and went without any word. After an interminable wait, Moseley returned, a stack of papers beneath his arm and a smile on his face. He waved the documents in front of her.
“Neither of your parents showed for the preliminary,” he said. “And Judge Winston is willing to revisit your petition for custody. Emma is to stay in foster care until your case is heard.” Karly drew in a startled breath. “We still have a long way to go, but it’s a start.”
She stared at him, trying to comprehend. “But I didn’t even talk to the judge.”
Moseley shrugged. “She was in a hurry. And like I said, this is just the beginning.”
The joy on Karly’s face washed over Randy like warm sunshine. She gave a little squeal and hopped to her feet. Moseley, the shady bastard, blushed when she grabbed him by the lapels and kissed his cheek. Still overcome with excitement, she threw her arms around Randy’s neck and gave him a squeeze. It was the best feeling in the world. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of her body against his, happiness palpable in her touch. After a few seconds, she drew back and straightened her skirt, but the light in her eyes made his world brighter and more colorful.
“Can I drive you home?” he asked. “Or drop you somewhere?”
“No, I’m good,” she said, still breathless with excitement. “Ally loaned me her car.” Her expression stiffened as she put physical distance between them and her tone became formal. “I appreciate you coming down here. It was sweet, but it doesn’t change anything between us.”
His heart plummeted, but he understood. It would take time to regain her trust. “Well, I’m happy it went well.” He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and fell into step beside her. When they reached Ally’s car, he opened the door for her but stepped in front of it before she could get in. “I need you to know how sorry I am about the way I treated you. I feel terrible.”
She didn’t say anything but stared at him. He was overcome wi
th the urge to kiss her sweet mouth, hold her close, and tell her how much he loved her. The words hovered on his lips. His chest constricted in panic. He had to tell her. Before he could change his mind, he took her hand in his and kissed the back of it.
“I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I wonder where you are and what you’re doing. I think about you all the time,” he whispered. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too.” She reclaimed her hand and cupped his cheek. The gentle touch rocketed straight to his heart and squeezed it. “But nothing has changed.”
“Yes, it has,” he said, desperation welling inside him. She was going to drive away and there was nothing he could do to stop her. “The minute you walked away from me, everything changed.”
The vulnerability in the depths of her eyes haunted him. It killed him to know he put that look there. How could he convince her of his sincerity without saying those three little words? I love you. How could something so simple be so difficult?
While he stood there, mulling over his thoughts, she pulled her hand away. “But you still can’t say it, can you?” She stepped around him and shook her head. “Thanks again for today. Maybe I’ll see you in class.”
Two minutes later, she was gone, taking all the sunshine and all of his hope along with her.
Chapter 58
The scent of azaleas drifted across the front steps of the porch. Randy rang the doorbell a second time, waiting for Pilar to answer. She’d called him the day before—out of the blue—to ask if he’d take Caleb for the weekend, and he was overjoyed to comply. This unexpected turn of events had been the only bright spot in the otherwise bleak hell of his life. Karly hadn’t spoken to him in weeks, and he couldn’t blame her. It was like he didn’t exist to her anymore.
When no one came to the door, he walked around the side of the house toward the back yard, summoned by the sound of childish voices. The sight he found gave him pause. Mitch, Pilar, Caleb, and a few neighborhood children gathered around the picnic table, taking advantage of the bright spring sunshine. Their laughter floated across the green grass. Mitch balanced Caleb on his knee. The little boy giggled in delight. Pilar’s face shone with radiant content, the baby cradled in her arms. The happy tableau brought a stab of pain to his chest.
He’d been on the outside looking in for most of his life. He felt like a big, awkward troll trespassing on their world. He wanted all of these things for himself. The family, the kids, the home. And he’d never felt further from achieving them.
“Oh, you made it.” Pilar glanced up from the baby and waved him over.
“Daddy!” Caleb jumped from Mitch’s knee and sprinted to Randy, squeezing his knees with surprising strength.
“Hey, bud.” Randy swept the boy into his arms and lifted him high, eliciting a shriek of merriment.
“I’ve got his things ready,” Pilar said. “They’re right inside the door.” She returned a few seconds later with Caleb’s duffel bag. “Make sure he gets to bed early, okay? And no sugary drinks, or he’ll be up all night.”
“I know how to take care of him,” Randy replied. “We’ll be fine.”
“I know.” Pilar’s brown eyes studied him with an expression he’d never seen before. Trust, acceptance, and resignation? Was that possible? She dropped a kiss on Caleb’s forehead. “Be good for Daddy, okay?”
“Can I ask you why the turnaround?” He shifted Caleb in his arms, but the boy clung to his neck, making conversation difficult.
“Because of her. She convinced me to lighten up,” Pilar said.
Randy followed her gaze across the lawn to find Karly walking toward them. He sucked in a breath of surprise at the sight of her. She wore a flowered dress with a pink sweater, and her hair flowed in loose ringlets down her back. A young girl skipped at her side, sunlight glinting off her identical strawberry blond hair.
Emma?
Karly must have felt his gaze. She looked up, an expression of overwhelming happiness on her face that slipped just a little when she saw him. She waved, a polite sweep of the hand, more appropriate for a passing acquaintance than a friend, but they weren’t friends anymore. They weren’t anything. The stilted greeting cut him almost as much as the sight of her turning away and walking the other direction.
Chapter 59
The days he spent with Caleb were more than he could ever have hoped for, and he enjoyed every minute, but Karly stayed in the back of his mind. He just couldn’t shake the sight of her with Emma. She looked happy. She belonged in a place like that, a nice home with a big yard. They wanted the same things in life—their kids, a home, and an education.
So, why the fuck couldn’t he make it happen for her—for them both? He scrubbed both hands over his face and huffed out an exasperated breath. Life was too short for any more of this bullshit. Before he could over think things, he grabbed his wallet and truck keys, and headed out the door.
David had rented a posh penthouse apartment on the courthouse square. The spacious apartment boasted floor-to-ceiling windows, modern furniture, and gleamed with polished chrome and granite. Not so very long ago, Randy had admired David’s reckless abandon and relentless drive. Now they seemed cold and empty. The man lived a lonely life, and it was nothing that Randy wanted.
The housekeeper let him in and ushered him to the office. David sat behind an expansive mahogany monstrosity of a desk. The city skyline loomed behind him, lit with brilliant midday sunshine. He rose from the desk with animal-like grace and shook Randy’s hand.
“Good to see you, man,” David said, a genuine smile of affection on his face. “How do you like my crib?”
“It’s over-the-fucking-top,” Randy said. “Even for you.”
“Five bedrooms. I’m sure one of those has your name on it, if you want it.” David resumed his seat behind the desk, straightening his tie and cuffs as he sat. “But judging by the expression on your face, you aren’t here to discuss my real estate. What gives?”
Randy wandered around the office, trailing a finger over the frame of an oil painting and the curved lines of a modernistic sculpture before he spoke. When he’d covered the entire room, he turned to face David. “I want out,” he said. That was a simple as he could put it.
“What do you mean, out?” David’s face morphed into a scowl. “Out of what? There is no out.”
“Yes. There is. I want out,” he repeated. “I’m done.”
David pushed back from his desk and ruffled a hand through his hair hundred dollar haircut. “What’s wrong? I thought we had things worked out. You always seemed to like this shit.”
“Everything’s wrong, but I want to make it right.” Randy scrubbed a hand over his face and wished he still smoked. A shot of nicotine would come in handy about now. “I want you to buy me out of the books and the loans. I’ve kept all of it going for you while you were away, but I’m done. I’ll be graduating from school next year. I’m ready to do something different. I don’t want to do your dirty work anymore.”
A full minute passed before David spoke. Randy watched the hands sweep around the chrome-and-onyx clock mounted above the fireplace mantle, ticking away his past and the seconds until he could begin his future.
“Are you kidding me? Does Jack know about this?” David’s chair creaked as he pushed back from the desk. He stood and began to pace along the window with his back to Randy.
“Yes. He’s the one who suggested it,” Randy said. He decided to change his approach. “I owe you a lot, man, and don’t think I don’t know it. You and Jack were there for me when no one else was. But this isn’t the life I want. Not anymore. So I’m asking you as a friend to do this for me.”
David let out a heavy sigh and turned to face him with a somber face. He walked around to the front of his desk and sat on the edge. His narrow-eyed stare made Randy’s palms sweat.
“I can’t,” David said eventually.
“You can’t or you won’t?”
“I can’t. All my money’s tied up. I’ve got the Feds w
atching me like a hawk. I can’t go doling out cash to people without them coming after me.”
Randy curbed the urge to hit something, overcome with helpless frustration. “If you’re money’s tied up, then how did you get this place?”
“Creativity. And I called in a few favors here and there.” His handsome face lightened with a smile. “It’s all about who you know or who you blow in this city.”
“Right. Well, thanks for nothing.” Randy turned to leave.
“She means that much to you, does she?”
Randy drew in a deep breath but didn’t reply. David studied him then shook his head. He stood and clapped a hand on Randy’s shoulder. Something in his touch gave Randy a mingled sense of dread and hope.
“Can you help me or not?” Randy asked.
David scrubbed a hand over his face, stopping short of his perfect hair. His face split into a smile. “I can’t give you any money, but I might have a solution that will work for both of us.”
Chapter 60
A month later, Randy watched Karly melt into the crowd at Felony, moving away from him. Ally and Jack both looked up from the bar, their eyes flitting from Randy to Karly and back again. Ally slid off her barstool and acted as if she meant to go after Karly, but Jack put a hand on her arm and shook his head. She frowned, threw a look of pure disgust in Randy's direction, and eased reluctantly back onto the barstool.
"Where’s she going? I need to talk to her,” Randy said to no one in particular.
“She’s got a date,” Ally said, still scowling at him in a way that let him know exactly how much of a jerk he really was.
Her words stabbed him straight in the heart. Was he too late?
“What do you mean, she has a date? With who?”
After years of friendship, Jack recognized the look in his eyes and stopped him with a hand on his chest. "Dude. Take a breath." Jack's voice cut through the thick haze of panic clouding his brain. "Randy." He could count the number of times Jack had called him by name on one hand. Instead, he always called him dude or bro. The unfamiliar address forced him back to reality. "I said take a breath. Don't make me beat you down, 'cause I will.”