by Gloria Bevan
The angry words threatened to tumble from her lips, but catching Paula’s amused glance, Lanie fought for control.
‘It’s temporary domestic work,’ she wished she could control the betraying wobble in her. voice, ‘and we’re not engaged to be married any more, remember?’
It was no use, she thought despairingly. Trevor was eyeing her with the indulgent glance of a parent coping with a difficult child, ‘We have our little upsets once in a while,’ he appealed to Paula, ‘don’t all engaged couples? But they don’t mean a thing. It all comes out right in the end. That’s why I’m going back to put a deposit on the house. I’ll never get the chance of a bargain like this again, and you have to grab opportunities when they fall into your lap!’
‘I’m with you there!’ Paula sent him a sparkling glance. She was enjoying her discomfiture, Lanie thought hotly, and doing her best to encourage Trevor.
To change the subject Lanie rushed into speech. ‘How on earth did you get here so quickly?’
He was looking as stupidly self-satisfied as ever. ‘Took off as soon as I could. When I rang you in town I caught you at an awkward moment with you just leaving the flat, but I knew if I could see you again we’d straighten everything out.’
‘No, we can’t!’ Lanie’s low troubled tone didn’t appear to penetrate his self-opinionated attitude. Nor did he seem to notice her tightly set lips and flushed cheeks. She wrenched her mind back to Paula’s voice. ‘Why not stay here for a day or two?’ she was saying with her brilliant smile. ‘Jard has endless folk pepping in and out—I’m on a visit myself, actually. There’s swags of room in the homestead, and out in the waybacks like this, you won’t come across any other accommodation. It’s the only way—’
To Lanie’s dismay, he leaped at the opportunity Paula had handed to him. ‘I’d like that.’
‘Come along, then.’ Paula rose, stretching her arms lazily above her head. ‘I’ll see you to the guest room, or one of them. Did you bring a bag with you?’
He nodded. ‘I was planning on putting up at a motel for the night.’
She laughed.
‘Not around here you won’t! Jard runs the only motel around in this district. You might as well stay for the night,’ she ran on, ‘everyone else does. Who knows,’ the dark eyes flashed a taunting glance in Lanie’s direction, ‘you might even enjoy the cooking!’
‘Thanks very much. I’ll take you up on that.’
Why was he thanking Paula? Lanie wondered resentfully. This wasn’t her home, so why was she being so free with her invitations? Unless—She wrenched the unwelcome explanation aside and brought her mind back to Trevor’s ponderous tones. ‘I’ll get my bag from the car.’
‘I’ll come with you.’ Lanie sprang to her feet. Somehow she had to see Trevor in private and make him see the true position between them. Already he had given Paula the impression that they were a couple engaged to be married and parted only by a temporary rift.
‘You don’t seem all that glad to see me,’ he was saying in an aggrieved tone as they went up the long hall together. ‘I thought you’d at least look a bit pleased that I was here.’
‘Pleased!’ She flung around to face him, all the suppressed frustration of the last few minutes bursting out in a flood of anger. ‘Of course I’m not pleased to see you! Chasing after me all this way, giving people here the wrong impression about us, about everything—how did you get my address anyway?’
‘No problem.’ He was positively smirking. ‘I asked your friend Ann at the office. Now all I have to do is to convince you I’m willing to overlook all that nonsense of yours about breaking things off between us. I really mean it.’
‘Oh, I know you mean it,’ she said in a low tone. Why hadn’t she realised long ago that Trevor was interested only in his own concerns? ‘It’s what I think that I’m trying to get through to you!’
‘You’ll come around all right.’ He was as supremely egotistical as ever, she thought frustratedly.
They had reached the dust-coated car and she put a hand on his arm. ‘It’s all over—over. Can’t you understand? We had this all out in town—’
‘Oh, that—’ He brushed aside her words as of no consequence, his colossal self-importance reasserting itself. ‘You were a bit uptight that night, had a big day at the office. I knew once you'd had time to think things over you’d feel differently. That’s why I came after you. I’ll tell you something,’ he accorded her an indulgent grin. ‘It was a good thing we had that little upset in a way, it made us appreciate each other!’
Lanie drew a deep breath. ‘Look, I’m serious about this, I really am.’
‘At this moment, maybe, but later when we’ve thrashed things out we can make a new start. Just wait until the news gets around the grapevine at the office that two of their staff are teaming up with wedding bells, the new house, the lot!’
‘You’re fooling yourself,’ she said on a sigh. It seemed that nothing but the truth would get through to him. ‘It’s over,’ she said gently. ‘You’ve just got to face up to it.’
‘If I thought for one moment you meant it—’
‘I do!’
‘We’ll see.’ It was incredible, she thought helplessly, that Trevor simply refused to take her seriously.
Later that day, when Trevor had showered and rested in his room, he came into the kitchen where she was starting to prepare the evening meal. Soon he was following her around, cheerfully discussing the house he was thinking of buying, with utter disregard of her stormy silence. As she peeled potatoes and kumeras and put them in the roasting pan in the oven with a leg of hogget, she had difficulty in keeping her mind on her tasks. He was making her so mad! ‘We’ll talk about it later,’ she said shortly.
Clara, coming into the room with a Maori flax kit bulging with freshly picked beans and peas from the garden, paused in surprise at sight of the stranger in his dark suit. She glanced enquiringly from Trevor to Lanie’s mutinous expression and heightened colour.
‘This is Clara,’ Lanie told Trevor. ‘She’s the housekeeper here.’
Clara nodded pleasantly. ‘We’re used to seeing strangers popping in and out. You’re—?’
‘Lanie’s fiancé,’ Trevor supplied. Did he really imagine, Lanie thought crossly, that saying the words could somehow make them come true, wipe out the past few days?
‘No! I’m not—’ She broke off, aware of Jard’s enigmatic gaze. Lean, rangy, ever so tall, he was standing in the doorway, taking in the little scene.
‘Jard,’ Lanie said breathlessly, ‘this is—’
‘Trevor’s the name!’ How flabby and pale were Trevor’s hands, Lanie thought. And how lifeless his handshake in Jard’s sinewy grip,
‘I saw there was a strange car out in the drive.’ Jard was speaking easily, almost friendly to her for once, Lanie realised. ‘You two will have a lot of things to talk about.’ His gaze swept towards Trevor. ‘No need for you to go hurrying back to town—we can put you up for the night,’ his mocking glance returned to Lanie’s flushed face, ‘dinner and all! If you’re in luck, Trevor, Lanie’ll put on something special, like a celebration dinner.’ She threw him an angry look. He was mocking her, dam him. He knew she wasn’t a cook, not a proper one. The thoughts ran through her mind. Why did Jard seem so pleased to have Trevor here? Was it because he had overheard Trevor referring to her as his fiancée? Well, she vowed, she would soon disillusion him on that score, once she had got through to Trevor that their association was over, no matter how hard he tried to make himself believe the contrary.
Her preparation of the evening meal wasn’t helped by Clara, who was fluttering about, saying at intervals: ‘Edna doesn’t do it like that.’ Until in the end Lanie’s taut nerves snapped. ‘I don’t care how she does it!’ she cried crossly. ‘This is the way I do it!’ Clara’s face puckered and immediately Lanie regretted her moment of anger.
‘It's okay, love. I know how you must feel with your fiancé coming all this way to see you and you s
tuck in the kitchen. It’s enough to make any girl feel mad!'
Lanie's smile was rueful. If only her relationship with Trevor were as simple as that, how easily her problems would be resolved.
In her haste and confusion she didn’t attempt to make a dessert but mixed custard powder in milk and opened a jar of preserved peaches from the stock she discovered on high shelves. Clara eyed her reprovingly. ‘Edna always uses fresh fruit when it’s in season. She keeps those for emergencies.’
‘This is an emergency!’
Clara subsided. ‘Of course, love, I understand.’
The meal Lanie served that evening, if not inspiring or adventurous, was at least satisfying, she decided. The meat was cooked to tender succulence, the roasted vegetables crisp and golden, and you couldn’t go far wrong with beans and peas freshly picked from the garden. Yet to Lanie the food had no taste and she picked at her plate, longing for the time to pass when she could at last straighten matters out with Trevor. She was only half aware of the conversation echoing around the table—Paula’s spirited account of a horse show she had once attended in England where she had successfully competed against internationally known riders, Jard’s deep attractive tones as he explained to Trevor the advantages of the use of aerial topdressing on the high hills surrounding the station.
When at last she began to clear away the coffee cups, Clara came hurrying towards her. ‘Look, love, your boy-friend has come all this way to see you, so don’t you worry about the dishes. I’ll see to them.’
‘Thanks a lot, Clara. I’ll just clear away.’
Trevor followed her into the kitchen. ’That was a pretty good effort of yours.’ He was looking as smug, she thought crossly, as if she had prepared the meal especially for him.’ I never knew you could rustle up a meal like that. A real celebration spread!’
Her soft lips tightened and she hung around to face him.
‘Whatever gave you that idea? I do the cooking around here, I told you, it’s my job!’
‘Off you go, you two!’ Clara smiled conspiratorially towards Trevor. ‘No lovers’ quarrels in the kitchen! I’ll take over here while you take Lanie out for a stroll. She hasn’t even seen the place properly yet.’
‘Good thinking!’ In two strides Trevor had reached her side, laying a hand on her bare arm. ‘Come along. You heard what the lady said? Thanks, Clara.’
They moved away together up the hall, passing the closed door of the lounge room where a popular dance recording echoed from the stereo. Were Jard and Paula dancing to the pulsing beat? Lanie wondered.
Trevor’s insistent voice brought her back to the present. ‘I’ve come to tell you to give up this crazy idea. You’re wasting your time, messing about with housework—’
‘It isn’t housework, it’s cooking—’
‘Let them find someone else. It won’t matter to them, but I,’ all at once his voice thickened, ‘I guess I need you. No one else will ever take your place with me, Lanie.’
She ignored his last words. ‘No, I promised. I won’t let them down.’
‘What about me? You don’t seem to mind letting me down!’
‘I’m not—Oh, what’s the use! You just won’t understand!’
They crossed the wide drive, moved through a small gate and were taking a narrow path winding up a grassy rise, but neither were aware of their surroundings. A purple haze lay over the bush in the gullies and a single star glittered in the deep soft blue above. Over it all brooded a stillness, broken only by the distant cry' of the native owl from nearby trees, ‘Morepork, morepork.’
‘This is far enough for me.’ Trevor paused in the shelter of a grove of karaka trees, then dropped down in the shadows. Swiftly he pulled Lanie down beside him on the dried grass. ‘You don’t know what it means to me, your trying to break things off—’ The ragged tones cracked and suddenly he was clasping her to him in a convulsive grip, raining kisses on her hands, her face, her throat. ‘You can’t mean what you said ... Tell me it’s all a mistake ... we can still—’
She barely caught the low muttered words as determinedly she strained away from his grasp. Never in all the time she had known him had she seen him at the mercy of his emotions. His breathing was uneven, his voice hoarse with passion. ‘Love me, girl!’
At last she managed to break free of his close embrace. ‘It’s no use—’ All at once her anger died away and in its place came a rush of pity for this man who had for so long kept his deepest feelings locked away.
‘I’m not asking you for anything you can’t give! We can put off the wedding plans, whatever you say.’
Whatever you say! Lanie could scarcely believe her ears. From Trevor, who as a rule considered only himself. Better to give it to him straight and make the position clear once and for all. ‘Don’t you see,’ she said softly, ‘it’s all over—over. You’ll meet someone else—’
‘Never! It’s you, Lanie. Darling—’
Gently she placed a hand over his mouth. ‘It’s no use going on and on like this.’
Pushing her hand aside, he carried her fingers to his lips. In a more controlled tone he said persuasively, ‘But if you thought it over—’
‘But I have,’ she cried, ‘and the more I’ve thought about it the more certain I am that I’m doing the right thing! I never dreamed you would follow me all the way down here.’
‘I had to make you change your mind about me, about us.’ A faint tinge of hope coloured his tone. ‘If I can’t make you see things my way while I’m here, I’ll keep on trying when you come back to town.’
‘I’ll never feel any differently!’ She added thoughtfully, ‘And I’ve got a funny feeling that I won’t ever work in the city again. Somehow since coming here I’ve realised I’m a sort of country person really. I know I don’t look it, but I am. I like it here. Rangimarie might be the back of beyond, edge of the world and all that, but somehow,’ her voice was dreamy, ‘it’s my kind of place.’
‘It hasn’t taken you long to make up your mind about that?’ An ugly sneer coloured his tone. ‘Your sort of place—or do you really mean your sort of man? The boss of the whole show that you’ve set your sights on? He gave you the job, he brought you to his home. It hasn’t been long, but long enough for you to know that you’ve got a chance of being on to a good thing, if you play your cards right?’
‘Stop it!’ Lanie was trembling with rage and indignation. ‘You can do what you like,’ she said in a low tone. ‘I’m going back to the house.’
‘Not before you kiss me goodbye!’
She tried to spring to her feet, but Trevor pulled at her hand, holding her prisoner. She had never seen him in this mood, furiously angry and apparently beyond reasoning with.
‘Let me go, Trevor!’ The words came on a hissed breath. At that moment she hated him. A swift turn and she was free of his grasp and hurrying away. But almost at once he had caught up with her, his breathing heavy, his voice loud and rasping. ‘What’s your hurry? Even if you have ideas of making up to the great white chief, you can spare me a last goodbye!’ She tried to dodge past him, but he was too quick for her. Once again he caught her close, then his mouth came down on hers in fierce and hurtful pressure.
Locked in a tight embrace, neither heard the footfalls of rubber thongs on the grass, and only when a man’s tall figure appeared on the path did Lanie realise that Jard was striding past them. A brief ‘’Night’ and he had gone on down the slope.
At last Lanie managed to free herself and put a hand to bruised lips. There was a sick feeling welling up in her midriff. What if Jard had overheard Trevor’s damning words about her? Now she was hurrying away in the near-darkness, down the pale glimmer of the pathway. She was running, running in at the gate and into the sanctuary of her own rooms. How could Trevor have made those cruel accusations against her? And what ill fate had brought Jard within earshot in the stillness of the windless night? Useless to tell herself that he couldn’t possible distrust her any more than he already did. It didn’t
help her turmoil of mind, nothing did. For somehow it had become very important to her that he should think well of her. Not that it mattered, she assured herself, but deep down she knew that it did, it mattered terribly.
She didn’t know how long she lay in the darkness, her mouth dry, going over and over the scene on the darkening slopes. It seemed to her a long time later when the revving of a car engine cut across the intense stillness, and moving to the window she parted the curtains to see headlamps blazing across the driveway. The next minute Trevor’s car shot away at speed, clattering over the cattlestop and hurtling around the curves of the driveway. She stood at the window watching until the car lights vanished in the darkness and she knew that Trevor had gamed the main road. In his present black mood she feared for his safety, but the next minute she told herself that he was much too mindful of his own wellbeing to take any risks that might bring injury to himself.
Funny, she mused, how it was Jard’s strong masculine face that stayed in her mind and Trevor, who had caused such an upset to her nerves today, had somehow ceased to matter. Already he had become a part of her old life. Only Jard was important to her, and that of course was only because he was under such misapprehensions regarding her. Unconsciously she gave a deep sigh. And that was something she could do nothing about.
In the morning Lanie put sizzling hogget chops down on the breakfast table in front of the two men, Heavens, she thought, she’d have to come up with a change in the breakfast menu soon, for even sheep farmers might care for something different. Apparently, however, they had no complaints, maybe because this time the food was sufficiently cooked to be palatable. Sandy, seated opposite her at the table, was positively beaming. ‘You’re doing fine, lass. Keep on the way you’re going and you’ll make some young farmer a real good wife one of these days!’ He sent Jard a teasing glance. ‘Don’t you agree?’