by Gloria Bevan
‘Yes—no—’ Even in the dim light of the dashboard she caught the deep soft look in his eyes. She was trembling, her thoughts in such confusion that she scarcely knew what she was saying. The next moment his head was bent over her and his arms were around her, really around her, then his mouth came down on hers in urgent pressure. All the stars outside seemed to whirl in space and fire coursed through her veins as a tide of happiness carried her away to an unfamiliar world of ecstasy. At last Jard raised his head, to-run his hand down her soft cheek. ‘Lanie...’ His voice, deep and soft and husky with emotion, reached her as from a distance, then once again his seeking lips were on hers. She scarcely realised the ardent response with which she was meeting his kiss. When she came back to sanity she was trembling, the chaotic thoughts tumbling wildly through her mind. Could it be that despite all the mistaken notions he held about her, the magic that drew her to him in spite of himself was a two-way thing? That he had planned to be alone with her on the long journey through the night?
‘We’d better get cracking.’ His tone was unexpectedly matter-of-fact. ‘That is, if we don’t want to collect the other cars’ dust all the way back.’
Lanie, however, was still held fast in her own private dream. Dazed, happy, excited, she was barely aware of his words. ‘One thing,’ she was speaking her thoughts aloud, ‘you’ve put me right about why you insisted on taking me home tonight!’
‘Have I?’ He was reaching a hand towards the starter motor. At the irony of his tone Lanie felt a chill creep through her. With a shock of surprise she realised that he had himself well in hand—too well in hand! Could it be that he was already regretting his brief madness with his rouseabout girl? Her spirits plunged and she drew away from him. Had the caress that had shaken her world been for him a meaningless after-dance gesture? A boss’s kiss that an employee such as herself should understand? They were turning into the main road, but Lanie, absorbed in her thoughts, was scarcely aware of her surroundings. Fool, she chastised herself in distress, to have let herself imagine for one moment that there had been any real feeling in Jard’s caress. Why hadn’t she realised that his brief moments of tenderness had been no more than a passing physical attraction, what else? Maybe he had even liked her a little—at the time.
‘Thing is,’ his impassive tones underlined her heavy' thoughts, ‘I can’t afford to risk anything happening to you. Not,’ his harsh laugh was like a slap in the face, ‘when I’d have to face my old man with the bad news!’
She felt a crashing sense of disappointment, but somehow she schooled her voice to a careless note. ‘I get it.’
They continued the journey in silence, only now, Lanie realised, the silence was an angry one, fraught with resentment and questions to which there were no answers and for herself, an aching sense of regret. She was relieved when at last they came in sight of the homestead. She didn’t even mind jumping in and out of the vehicle to open and close farm gates, she told herself, for anything was preferable to being alone with Jard in his present sardonic mood. Never in her life had she felt so deflated. The sudden plunge from unimagined delight to harsh reality was hard to take. The light shining down on the verandah of the darkened homestead was a welcome sight, and when Jard brought the vehicle to a stop at the foot of the flight of steps she flung open the door and dropped to the ground before he could get out of the Land Rover to help her.
‘Thanks for the ride!’ she flung over her shoulder as she hurried away. Let him make what he liked out of that! she thought vindictively as she ran up the steps.
‘Lanie!’ In a few long strides he had caught up with her. ‘What’s the hurry? You’re not trying to avoid me, by any chance,’ his laconic drawl was infuriating to her taut nerves, ‘because if you are I warn you that you’ll never get away with it!’ He leaned negligently against the door, effectively barring her way into the house.
‘Why would I do that?’ she flung at him.
A shrug of broad masculine shoulders. ‘You tell me!’
She reached towards the doorknob, but it was useless, for he moved not an inch, ‘Relax, Lanie,’ his quizzical grin made her wonder what was coming. If he imagined for one moment he could kiss her goodnight ... just let him try! ‘About work today—’ She realised that a glow on the horizon meant that dawn was very close. She realised another thing, that Jard was back to being the big boss, master of his domain and entitled to give working orders to one of his employees. She wrenched her mind back to the decisive tones. ‘Take it easy today, a day off work won’t hurt and I’ll line up something for you to do tomorrow, right?’ He flung open the door.
‘Right.’ Avoiding his eyes, Lanie hurried inside and sped down the long passage ahead of him. As she ran over the dew-wet grass towards her own domain, a great fan of rose and gold spread over the eastern sky heralding another hot day, but she saw nothing but the entrance to her own room, her sanctuary where at last she could let the tears come unchecked.
CHAPTER NINE
She threw herself down on the bed, her cheeks wet with tears as the despairing thoughts chased endlessly through her mind. How could she have imagined even for one moment that Jard’s caresses held any meaning, a special message of loving and caring? Oh, she should have known that his real kisses were for Paula. His brief lovemaking to her he would no doubt have already forgotten, regarding it—a shaft of pain pierced her—as nothing more than a boss’s privilege.
But to her just his touch could send her world spinning out of orbit, and regardless of the way he felt about her, she longed endlessly to see him, to hear his voice. He was her whole world. How had it happened so swiftly and unexpectedly? she wondered. It seemed that love crept up on you, and it could be too late when you found yourself hopelessly, heartbreakingly in love with a man who was as far out of your reach as any star. Idiot, she chided herself, if you had a grain of sense you would leave here, put yourself beyond reach of his masculine charisma that holds you. But that she knew was something she could not bring herself to do. Not when the days held a promise of being with him and helping him in his work, even if it were only in the capacity of his rouseabout girl!
In the end she must have fallen asleep, for when she awoke, still wearing her crumpled silver-grey dress, the sun was high in the sky. Later, pale and heavy-eyed, she wandered into the living room where Clara was busy clearing away the luncheon dishes.
‘I’ll leave the food on the table for you,’ she offered, but Lanie shook her head. ‘A cup of coffee is all I want, thanks.’
‘I’ll get it for you.’ Lanie suspected that Clara's shrewd glance hadn’t missed Lanie’s lacklustre eyes and swollen lids, but the little woman’s voice was bright and cheerful. ‘Bid you enjoy the dance?’
‘Oh yes,’ Lanie made an effort to infuse a note of enthusiasm into her voice, ‘it was super!’
It could have been an unforgettable night, her heart prompted, it could have been!
‘I could do with another coffee myself.’ Clara was seating herself at the table, her eyes curious. ‘You didn’t have a row with Mervyn last night, did you? He’s been ringing here just about every hour on the hour, but I told him I’d pass on the message for you to ring him back when you came to life!’
‘No, no.’ Lanie raised her heavy glance. It was difficult to shift her thoughts to Mervyn. ‘Everything was fine.’
‘That’s a relief, because he’s certainly determined to get in touch with you.’ Clara stirred her cup thoughtfully. ‘He must have guessed that Jard would be giving you a holiday today.’ Her gaze lifted to a grassy ridge where, in the distance, Jard could be seen riding his white horse Snow, his dogs running alongside, and Lanie followed her glance. ‘It doesn’t seem to worry the menfolk any, dancing until dawn and then going straight out to work. Jard’s on his way to shift some cattle over the far hills.’
‘Oh!’ Strange, Lanie mused, how empty the day seemed without him.
‘Well, look who’s here!’ Clara was eyeing a dust-smeared car that had come ove
r a rise and was sweeping at speed down the winding track to the homestead. ‘Looks like Mervyn got tired of trying to reach you on the telephone and he’s doing something about it.’
A few minutes later Clara was bringing Mervyn to the living room, where Lanie still sat at the table. ‘He said he wouldn’t disturb you,’ Clara was saying, ‘but I told him you were up and about.’
‘Hello, Mervyn.’ She forced a smile and hoped he would put her wan appearance down to the all-night dance. ‘What are you doing here?’
He grinned and straddled a chair. ‘Coming to collect you—if I can.’ Thankfully he took the coffee mug Clara was handing him. ‘It’s a thirsty drive over the hills! You see, I had this idea—’ He had a pleasant voice, Lanie was thinking, slow and quiet, and steady eyes, kind eyes. Not like Jard, who could look at you at times with a message there was no mistaking, speak your name as if the word were a caress and the very next moment spoil it all by saying something hurtful and debating. She wrenched her mind back to Mervyn’s voice. What was he saying? ‘So how does that strike you? We could take a run into Wanganui and have a look around, then I’ll take you to dinner in town. It might be a change.’ She hesitated. Only a few days since, she would have welcomed the opportunity of spending a day away from the station, especially when the trip would be to a town where she could buy the odd toiletries she was in need of, as well as take in new sights. Now, somehow, nothing seemed to matter very much ... only Jard.
‘Why not make the most of the chance?’ Mervyn urged. ‘Clara told me you were off the chain today!’
‘That’s right.’ All at once she was remembering something that Jard had said yesterday. He hadn’t wanted her to go driving with Mervyn. Indeed, he had been oddly insistent on that point. But what did he really care about what happened to her? And as to telling her what she must and must not do in her free time ... Bemused, crazy about him as knew herself to be, that still didn’t give him the right to order her life, not when he treated her the way he did! ‘Right!’ Her soft lips firmed and she managed a smile. ‘I’d like that. It will be a change to see a new place—should be fun!’ Becoming aware of Clara’s puzzled glance, she realised she wasn’t making a very good job of acting her part a girl who was happy and carefree. Happily, however, Mervyn appeared to notice nothing amiss. That’s my girl!’ he said on a sigh of relief, and downed his coffee, ‘I’ll give you ten minutes to pretty yourself up, then we hit the road. Can do?’
‘I’ll be ready!’ She finished her coffee and went to her room. All the time she was sweeping her hair up into a chignon high on her head and changing into pale pink slacks and pink-and-white spotted blouse, her mind wasn’t on her appearance. She was too engrossed in anticipating her moment of triumph when Jard would learn that she had taken no notice whatever of his dire warnings concerning Mervyn’s standard of driving and had pleased herself about going out with him. Why not, for heaven’s sake?
A little later they swept down the winding drive in the direction of the main road and Lanie reflected that even if she weren’t all that excited about the visit to the nearest town, Mervyn was looking extraordinarily pleased. He seemed to tune in on her thoughts. ‘It’s made my day,’ he told her laughingly, ‘getting you to myself at last! And that’s quite a feat!’ His sideways glance took in Lanie’s profile, the small blunt nose and sweetly curved mouth. ‘It takes some arranging, plus a lot of luck!’ The car rattled over the cattlestop and they swept at speed around the bends of the driveway, then he braked to a stop at a gate and Lanie got out to open it. When she was once more seated beside him, he flicked her a sideways glance. ‘Tell me about yourself, Lanie.’ She said, smiling, ‘What do you want to know? My age? Pushing twenty, and don’t you dare tell me I look younger! Profession, shorthand-typist. Worked in a city law office for ages then came down here on a cooking stint on a mad impulse—’
‘Not all that stuff,’ he cut in. ‘How about giving me the things that matter—well, they do to me.’
‘What sort of things?’
‘Can’t you guess? Is there a guy back in town who cares a lot about you? I tell myself hopefully that the answer is no. Because if there were he wouldn’t let you out of his sight, I know I wouldn’t—tell me, Lanie’, all at once his tone sharpened, ‘is there some man in your life who really matters?’
Lanie felt her heart lurch as on the screen of her mind flashed Jard’s strong face. Resolutely she pushed the image aside and forced her voice to a casual note. ‘There was, but it was all over between Trevor and me long before I decided to come down to Rangimarie.’ An obscure impulse to scotch the cruel rumours that Paula was circulating around the district made her add, ‘Trouble was, he just didn’t want to believe that I meant what I’d told him about not seeing each other again. That was why he came haring down here after me just after I arrived. Things really got through to him then, at last.’
‘Tough on the guy.’
‘It would have been a lot harder for him to take if I’d just let things drift on the way they were.’
‘Guess you’ve got a point there—Hey,’ his voice lifted on an excited note, ‘why am I handing out sympathy to him. I didn’t know I could be so lucky!’ They were out on the open road, running alongside .a mountain range where bush clung sparsely to high cliffs. Before long they were speeding down into a gully laced with punga-ferns to emerge into the hot sunshine on a road cutting through the lush green countryside. At long intervals Lanie caught sight of curving driveways lined with tall poplar trees and leading up to red-roofed farmhouses. Sheep dotted the high slopes and drafting pen were built on the roadside.
Mervyn drove swiftly along the lonely roads, skirting the occasional pile of rubble and earth that had tumbled down from the cliffs above, hugging the earthen banks as they swung around the endless bends. Once she held her breath in alarm as they lurched around a hairpin bend to come on a driver with his dogs, but Mervyn missed a collision with the horseman by inches and ignoring the drover’s angrily raised fist, sped on.
At last, through a gap in the hills, Lanie caught the sun-sparkle on water, a passing glimpse of white roiling surf. Beyond the rocky headlands were bleached skeleton trees, the logs piled on the shoreline, then they had left the coastal vistas behind to take a road twisting between slopes covered with the black twisted trunks and umbrella-like fronds of giant tree-ferns. Gradually the remote areas were giving way to small farms, then they were running into Wainbridge spanning the broad clear waters of a river. ‘This is where the jet boat jaunts start up,’ Mervyn told her as he braked to a stop close by the bush clad banks of the swiftly-flowing river.
‘Care to see anything special, or just tour around?’ Mervyn couldn’t have been more considerate, Lanie mused. She shook her head. ‘I’ll leave it to you.’ Thank heaven he couldn’t guess that today no place held any interest for her, not with Jard so much on her mind. She couldn’t seem to banish the image of his tanned lean face, his eyes that could change their expression in a flash. What was Mervyn suggesting now?—she brought her mind back to the present—something about a place name Putiki where there was a memorial church.
So she nodded and smiled. ‘I’d like that.’ What did it matter to her where they went? she thought dully.
‘As tour guide,’ he told her a little later as they swept up to a small timber church, ‘I suggest you take a look inside.’ So she went with him into the quiet building that was so richly decorated with Maori carving and weaving. Then they wandered to the Maori Meeting House nearby with its intricately carved rafters and grotesque figureheads with their gleaming opalescent paua shell eyes. As they emerged from the dim interior of the Meeting House into full sunlight, Lanie blinked her eyes in the sudden strong light. Mervyn who knew the city, took her from place to place. A landscaped waterfowl sanctuary with its illuminated fountains, Kowhai Park on the riverbanks, then they wandered through the beautiful public gardens of the city.
‘No wonder this is known as the “garden city”.’ Lanie was e
ndeavouring to sound animated and happy, but it wasn’t easy, for perversely now she was away from the station, she longed to be back there again. Soon it would be dinner time, she reflected. Jard would have come in after his day spent up in the hills. He would have showered and soon he’d be taking his place at the head of the big table. Would he care, she wondered wistfully, that she had defied his orders and had taken off for the afternoon with Mervyn in spite of the warnings?
‘Wake up! Wake up!’ She realised with a shock that Mervyn was snapping his fingers in front of her face. Heavens, she would have to do better than this or he would end up by guessing her secret. The thought spurred her on to put on her brightest smile and say, ‘It really is a lovely town.’
He grinned. ‘Only one thing wrong with it that I can see.’
‘And that is?’
‘The shops are closed today and I can’t get you anything to remember it by.’ His low tone, the soft expression of his eyes, told her that he really meant what he had said. If only he wasn’t the wrong man!
‘I don’t need anything to remember the trip! Don’t worry about it.’
She thought no more of the matter until a little later, as they made their way down one of the main streets in the garden city, he suddenly brought the car to a stop outside a souvenir gift store. ‘Who said everything in the town was closed today?’ He sent her a triumphant glance. ‘You must have something as a souvenir—’
‘No, honestly—’
‘But you must!’ It was clear that he would brook no refusal. Already the girl attendant had come to the open doorway of the store and was eyeing them curiously, and Lanie had no course but to allow him to usher her inside.