The Color of the Season

by Julianne MacLean

  I snuggled closer to rest my head on his shoulder. “You’re not causing problems.”

  I yawned and let my eyes fall closed for a minute. Then I woke some time later with the vague sensation that I was being carried off to bed in the arms of a big man who smelled clean, like the outdoors.

  Groggily, I opened my eyes just as Josh set me down on the mattress in his room and covered me with a blanket. “You’re very strong,” I said.

  “And you’re light as a feather,” he replied in a whisper. “What time do you need to get up?”

  “I have an 8:30 class. And I want to send an email to Riley tomorrow.”

  “I’ll knock at 7:00,” he replied. “Go to sleep. Don’t worry about anything.”

  That was all I remembered before the sun came up and as promised, there was a light knock at the door.

  Chapter Forty-one

  I was just sitting down on Josh’s sofa the following evening, preparing to send an email to Riley, when my phone beeped. It was a text from my mother: Are you okay? I miss you.

  As soon as I read her message, a heaviness centered in my heart because I knew this was not easy on her. She’d already lost two children. Now I was gone, too—by choice—and she didn’t know where I was.

  I quickly texted her back: I’m fine, Mom. I’m staying with a friend, going to classes. I just needed a little space. I love you and I’ll be home soon, I promise.

  My throat closed up, and I set the phone down on the sofa beside me.

  Almost instantly, it beeped again.

  Mom wrote: I’m glad to hear it. Take the time you need. Looking forward to seeing you soon.

  “What’s up?” Josh asked as he sat down beside me.

  “It’s just Mom,” I explained. “She misses me and she’s worried.”

  “Of course she is. She’s your mom,” he said.

  I unfolded the piece of paper which contained Riley’s contact information and set it down next to my laptop. “I wonder what they’d do if they knew I was staying at your place,” I casually mentioned.

  “I expect your dad would march over here and insist that you go straight home, young lady.”

  Just then, there was a loud banging at the door, and our eyes locked on each other’s.

  o0o

  “What kind of car does your father drive?” Josh asked as he pulled the curtain aside with a finger and peered down at the street below.

  “A black Mercedes coupe.”

  “That’s definitely him and he’s double parked.”

  “He does that all the time.” I laid my hand on Josh’s shoulder as I rose up on my tiptoes to peer out as well.

  He turned to me. “What do you want to do?”

  “I don’t want you to answer it,” I quickly replied, feeling rather horrified by the prospect. “Let him bang on the door until he’s red in the face. This is none of his business.”

  “You’re his daughter, which makes it very much his business. He must have seen your car on the street.”

  “I don’t care.”

  He shot me a look. “Are you sure about that?”

  I considered it a moment and relented, but only slightly. “If I thought he was here to make amends and apologize for the things he said the other day, I’d go down there and talk to him, but I can tell by the way he’s banging on the door that he just wants to drag me home by the ear.”

  “I don’t know, Holly…” Josh replied.

  “This is your apartment. There’s no law that says you have to answer the door, is there?”

  “No, but he’s your father.”

  “I assure you, if we answer the door, we’ll get into some kind of scuffle and he’ll end up face down on the pavement with his hands behind his back.”

  “You think so?”

  “I know so.”

  Josh shook his head and made a move to answer the door regardless, but I grabbed hold of his arm. “Please, I don’t want to see him tonight. I’m not ready. I promise I’ll talk to him eventually, when I get everything sorted out.”

  Josh stared at me intently for a moment, then thankfully, he conceded.

  We both looked out the window again. My father was descending the steps and returning to his car.

  “There, see?” I said. “He’s leaving. We’re off the hook.”

  “At least for today.” Josh turned to face me. “Now what?”

  As I gazed into his deep blue eyes, I felt rather buoyant. “I want to email Riley. I just hope he’ll be willing to talk to me.”

  Chapter Forty-two

  The last time I saw my brother Riley, I was standing at my bedroom window with a hammering heart and salty tears running down my cheeks.

  A nasty argument had just taken place in the kitchen downstairs. Both my father and Riley shouted viciously at each other, something smashed against a wall, and Riley ran out the front door. I watched him cross the yard to the street where he jumped into the open back of a half-ton truck with a noisy muffler and white racing stripes painted down the hood.

  I remember all too clearly how I cried myself to sleep that night, hugging my stuffed bunny as if my life depended upon it.

  It wasn’t until much later that Riley and his buddies broke into our home and my mother and I were forced to hide in the bathroom while we waited for the police to arrive.

  I never saw Riley that night. I was only told what had occurred—that Dad frightened them away with a baseball bat and they were arrested somewhere in the vicinity where they’d been hiding in a shed.

  I wasn’t permitted to attend any court proceedings, nor could I visit Riley in prison. All I had to remember him by were newspaper clippings and a few photo albums from his early childhood. Today, I doubt I would even recognize my brother if I passed him on the street.

  So it was with a strange mixture of trepidation and exhilaration that I clicked on the return email that arrived in my inbox later that night.

  The subject line said the following: Hello from your brother in Montana.

  Discord

  Chapter Forty-three

  Nineteen hours later

  Riley’s email the night before had been brief and to the point:

  You asked how I’ve been doing, but I can’t possibly answer that question in an email. We could talk on the phone if you like, or if you’re up for it, you could fly out here for a visit. I’d really like to see you.

  I decided in that moment that a phone call would definitely not suffice. Josh helped me check flight times and I quickly emailed Riley back to suggest I’d come the next day. I also asked if I could bring Josh with me. Riley said yes and promised to pick us up at the airport.

  After the flight the next morning we walked together toward the baggage claim where Riley had agreed to meet us.

  “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” I said to Josh as I wheeled my carry-on bag onto the escalator. “And thank you for coming with me, and for using your air miles. I owe you big time.”

  Josh stepped onto the escalator behind me, massaged the back of my neck and spoke close in my ear. “Don’t be silly. Riley was my best friend for the first ten years of my life so this is important to me, too. Besides, how could I pass up an opportunity to spend three whole days with you?”

  The note of flirtation in his voice caused a flock of mad butterflies to swarm in my belly as we descended toward the baggage carousels. I began to wonder what the hell I was doing.

  Though I had spoken to Paul on the phone that morning and told him I was flying out to meet my brother in Montana, I’d said nothing about bringing along a friend—namely a handsome police officer who on the day I was born was one of the first people in the world to hold me in his arms. Nor did I mention the fact that I’d spent the past few nights at his apartment. He’d slept on the sofa, mind you, but still…

  So far, nothing inappropriate had occurred between us, but only a fool could deny the spark of attraction, the temptation, the intimate connection that had arisen out of nowhere in the first fi
ve minutes of our acquaintance.

  I was attracted to Josh—overwhelmingly so—which was a clear and irrefutable betrayal of Paul’s trust. I didn’t feel good about it and I certainly wasn’t ready to throw away everything I’d built with Paul over the past year. Besides that, Josh was a man who had been ready to propose to another woman a few short weeks ago, a man who had been shot recently in the line of duty, a man who believed he’d gone to heaven and spoken personally with my deceased sister. Was I out of my mind to think any of this was normal?

  “I’m not sure I’ll even recognize Riley,” I said to Josh as I stepped off the escalator and scanned the crowd for my brother.

  Josh laid a reassuring hand on the small of my back. “Don’t worry, I’ll know him. Look. There he is.”

  My eyes darted toward the direction Josh indicated and something deep inside me broke apart. A man was approaching us. He wore loose faded blue jeans, black leather shoes and a bulky, cream-colored fisherman’s sweater.

  Under normal circumstances, if I wasn’t expecting to see Riley, this person would have walked right past me and I would never have known he was my brother. Today, however, I knew it was him. I felt the link between us, despite the fact that his looks had changed considerably.

  The last time I saw him he was tall and disturbingly thin, and he wore a buzz cut with tattoos on his scalp. The man walking toward us was nothing like that at all. He had grown muscular over the years—he must have gained at least thirty pounds—and his dark hair was thick and wavy with traces of gray, which concealed the tattoos.

  “Holly?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Wow.” His expression warmed and I took note of the deep friendly laugh lines at the outer corners of his eyes. “Look at you. I can’t believe it. The last time I saw you, you were what…thirteen?”

  “I was.”

  He held out his arms and I eagerly stepped into them. “It’s good to see you,” he softly said. “I’m glad you wrote.”

  “Me, too,” I replied as we stepped apart.

  He turned to Josh. “And it’s great to see you too, man.” They shook hands. “How weird is this? After all these years…”

  “Thanks for having us,” Josh said.

  Riley glanced back and forth between the two of us and wagged a finger. “So…are you guys a couple, or what?”

  “No, we’re just friends,” I quickly explained. “We only reconnected a few days ago. Josh has been helping me out. Getting me through…a few rough patches.”

  Riley continued to stare at the two of us as if baffled by my explanation but he didn’t seem to want to pry. Instead, he gestured toward the main doors. “My car’s parked just outside. Do you have any bags to pick up or just your carry-ons?”

  “Just these.” I pulled my suitcase on its squeaky wheels. “Did your wife come with you?”

  “No, Lois had to pick up the kids at pre-school, but she’ll be home when we get back. She has dinner planned. Hope you like hamburgers.”

  “Love ’em,” Josh said as we followed Riley to his car—a Nissan Sentra that looked as if it had seen better days. I suspected he’d picked it up secondhand.

  As soon as we were on the road—a narrow, straight highway with a flat, endless open field to the right—we muddled through the usual small talk. Riley asked questions like: ‘How was the flight?’ ‘So you’re in med school now? That’s amazing.’ ‘And you’re a cop, Josh? What division?’

  Before long, the small talk switched gears and took the inevitable turn.

  “How’s Leah?” Riley asked. “She must be what…in her third or fourth year of a residency by now? What did she end up choosing as a specialty?”

  My lips fell open and a slow wave of dread surged through me. I glanced over my shoulder at Josh who was seated in the back. He shook his head with regret and gave me a sympathetic look.

  “How long has it been since you’ve been in touch with anyone?” I carefully asked Riley.

  “At least five years,” he replied.

  “That’s a long time.”

  “Yeah.” Riley kept one hand on the wheel and rubbed the back of his neck with the other. “Eventually there just came a point when Lois was at her wit’s end with me. She insisted I stop trying to make contact. She wanted me to leave the past in the past and focus on the here and now.”

  “I see.” My stomach began to churn. Of course, it had occurred to me that Riley might not even know about Leah’s death, but this confirmed it.

  “Would you mind pulling over for a minute?” I pointed to the side of the road. “We need to stop.”

  “Are you feeling okay?” Riley shot me a worried glance, then checked his rearview mirror and flicked the blinker. The wheels hit the gravel and it grew noisy in the car until the vehicle came to a halt.

  Riley shifted into park and shut off the engine. Other cars zoomed past us.

  Realizing I had no choice but to deliver devastating news to this man who was in many ways a stranger to me, I reached for the door handle. “Let’s take a walk.”

  Riley hesitated before getting out of the car.

  Chapter Forty-four

  A strong wind gusted across a field where we got out. Riley came around the front of the car to meet me. Together we moved away from the shoulder of the road and walked toward a farmer’s fence.

  “I have some bad news,” I said, pushing my windblown hair out of my eyes. “I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you this.”

  His eyebrows drew downward in a frown. “That doesn’t sound good.”

  “It’s not,” I replied, turning my back to the wind. “Just over two years ago, Leah was diagnosed with ALS.”

  Riley shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “You’re joking.”

  “No. Unfortunately it progressed quickly and…” I looked down at my shoes. “I’m sorry, Riley. She passed away a few weeks ago.”

  A driver sped by on the road and honked his horn at another.

  Solemnly lifting my gaze, I gave Riley a moment to take in what I’d just explained.

  “No,” he said, shaking his head in denial. “That can’t be.”

  I didn’t know what to say. The look of agony on his face broke my heart and took away my ability to form coherent sentences. A vein pulsed at his forehead. His eyes filled with tears and he turned away from me toward the distant horizon.

  Abruptly, he walked off.

  “Riley…” I made a move to follow but he held up a hand, as if to warn me to stay back.

  I watched him walk along the edge of the fence until he was some distance away, then he stopped and bowed his head. He dropped to his knees, bent forward on his elbows and squeezed fistfuls of his hair while he rocked back and forth.

  His despair caused a rise of emotion in me that was almost paralyzing.

  Turning toward the car, I saw Josh get out. He shut the door, met my gaze and approached.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I said helplessly while my head filled with aching, throbbing anguish.

  “Just give him a minute,” Josh replied as he squinted into the wind.

  Finally, Riley sat back on his heels, then rose to his feet. He wiped his cheeks with the backs of his hands and turned to face us. I felt his pain and anger crash over me like a tsunami. I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide there.

  Tramping heavily over the tangled, matted grass, he returned to where we stood waiting.

  “Why didn’t I know?” he asked. “Why didn’t anyone tell me? It was him, wasn’t it?”

  “You mean Dad,” I said.

  He nodded. “He didn’t let you call or write. My God, my sister was dying! Why didn’t you just stand up to him and do it anyway?”

  “Like you did?” I challenged.

  “Damn right, like I did!”

  Josh stood in silence, watching Riley with a dark and steady intensity.

  “We didn’t know where you were,” I argued in my defense. “All this time, Mom thought you were either dead or rot
ting in jail somewhere—and not a single word from you to ease her mind or let her know you were okay. So please don’t accuse me of not keeping in touch.”

  Riley shuddered and gritted his teeth as he spoke. “I wrote to you and I tried to call. Dad kept changing the number. He told me to stop. He said none of you wanted to hear from me. When I met Lois, I tried again, but he threatened me with a restraining order if I continued to write or if I tried to come home. I didn’t want to go back to prison.”

  My breath caught in my throat. “I don’t understand.”

  “He said I was causing you all great pain and suffering—that you still had nightmares about the night I broke into the house—and that I wasn’t welcome.”

  “What about Facebook or something?” I asked. “You could have friended me.”

  “I’d given up by then,” he explained, his tone growing quieter. “After a while, I had to because it was ripping me apart inside. It made everything so much harder.”

  I suspected he meant staying clean.

  We all stood in silence for a long moment, breathing hard beneath the enormous overcast sky. Riley tilted his head back and looked up at the clouds. They rolled briskly by.

  “I can’t believe I didn’t even know she was sick,” he said, “and that Dad wouldn’t lift the iron curtain—not even for that.” He pulled his gaze from the sky and looked at me with a brotherly apology. “I’m sorry, Holly.”

  Tears blinded my eyes. “I’m sorry, too,” I replied as I stepped into his open arms.

  Chapter Forty-five

  Josh and I promised to stay three days with Riley, Lois and their two children, Danny and Trudy. Josh slept on the sofa in the basement rec room while I took the upstairs guest room.

  There was much to discuss about the future. Neither Riley nor I was certain how our mother would conduct herself when she learned what our father had done. Or maybe, deep down, she’d already known. Maybe she would continue to follow his rules for the rest of her life without ever challenging them. ‘He’s my husband,’ she’d always said, as if that explained everything.