by Rachael Wade
I couldn’t help but feel he’d been a significant catalyst for my newfound success, regardless of how brief his influence was. His sincerity was something I appreciated in a world of writing teachers who usually treated us like numbers in a sea of mediocre sheep.
Sauntering down the lecture stairway, I felt uneasy when I saw him shuffling through paperwork on his desk. He looked tired and frustrated, searching for something to no avail.
“Excuse me, Ry—Mr. Campbell?”
“Yes, Ms. Parker. What is it?” He didn’t look up from his pile, cursing under his breath.
“If this is a bad time, I can talk to you later.” I glanced around the room, wondering why he was in such a foul mood. I spotted Carter at the door and signaled him to give me a minute. He winked and nodded, then stepped out of view.
Ryan tossed his pencil down and looked up at me; the softness that I’d seen present in his eyes before was nowhere to be found today. A short, busty blonde wandered in and gave him a coy smile as she motioned for him to join her at the door. “Hold on, Amy,” he barked. Then back to me, “let’s get on with it, Ms. Parker. What is it?”
“No, forget it. Sorry to have bothered you, I can tell it’s a bad time.” I turned for the door, fuming. Why do I care so much? Am I really that surprised by his attitude?
“Ms. Parker, wait a minute,” he exhaled loudly behind me, still annoyed.
“The name’s Kate, Mr. Campbell. Whatever. You can call me what you want. I really don’t care. ” I didn’t turn back to face him, just kept a quick stride toward the door.
“Hey, hey,” he caught up to me and grabbed my elbow. I pulled out of his reach and he put his hands up defensively. “Sorry, I was out of line. What did you want to talk to me about?”
Just as I was about to respond, Carter appeared from the hall and the four of us exchanged glances, an awkward silence falling between us when Amy popped her gum.
“Hey, you ready to grab lunch, Kate?” Carter spoke up, taking my hand in his. I watched his fingers intertwine with mine, surprised by his gesture. Carter and I hung all over each other all the time, but this felt like a possessive contact, something I wasn’t used to, and with Carter of all people. It just reeked of coupledom.
“Um, sure. Sounds good.” I gave him a strange look for a second, then smoothed out my features before turning to face Ryan again.
“It was nothing, Mr. Campbell. See you next week.” Carter and I left him standing there with Bubble Gum Barbie, his hands stuffed tightly in his pockets and his mouth stretched into a grim, straight line.
“What was that all about?” Carter asked when we reached a safe distance from the classroom door.
“I was about to ask you the same thing.”
“You looked pretty pissed off when you were heading for the door. It rubbed me the wrong way, seeing him grab you like that.”
“Grab me like what, exactly?”
“I don’t know, forcefully. I didn’t like it.”
“Possessively?” I held up our still-joined hands. “You mean like this?”
He stopped short. People had to walk around us.
“Really, Kate? Are you being serious right now?” He dropped my hand and just stared at me. “I’m sorry, it just looked like you didn’t want to be bothered with him, so I tried dropping you a lifeline.”
I stepped to the side to lean against the wall. “I know. Carter, it’s just...” I let out a breath. “Shit. I’m sorry. I just don’t want to be rescued, okay? My pride was already a little wounded back there. I was about to tell him how he inspired me and how much I appreciated his support and everything, and he just snapped at me. He really can be such an ass. But then at the pool and the day after class—”
“The pool...what?” Carter’s voice piped up.
“Mr. Campbell just has mood swings. It pisses me off, that’s all.”
“The guy’s just some teacher, who cares? Don’t let it get to you.” He shook his head and wrapped his arm around my neck to coerce me into a walk.
We meandered around the courtyard before making our way inside for some lunch, and Carter and I discussed our plans for the weekend, agreeing we’d make our normal grocery run for my mother on Saturday morning. I sipped my water and toyed with my salad, trying to shake the failed attempt at sharing my publication news with my teacher. What was his problem? And Carter was right—who cares, anyway?
I shoved a piece of cucumber in my mouth and caught a glimpse through the glass wall of Mr. Campbell and the same redhead from the other day, taking a seat for lunch outside. Huh. Wonder what happened to Bubble Gum Barbie. He still looked unhappy, waving his hands around as he got into what looked like an argument of some sort with her.
“Earth to Kate? Hello?” Carter waved a french fry in front of my face, then proceeded to ask me something about my art history class.
“Yeah, sorry. I can’t concentrate today for some reason.” I tossed down my fork and took another swig of water.
“You’ve got a lot on your mind, I know.” Carter’s gaze followed mine toward Mr. Campbell and his girlfriend, and I launched into conversation about Dean and Crystal, successfully drawing his attention away from the window.
***
That night, I made sure to arrive at the pool at my usual time. I didn’t want to stay a minute longer than normal, knowing Ryan would be showing up soon. The last thing I wanted was to get all flustered around him again like a total fool and feed his ego.
I did one final lap and ducked down to let the water rush over my head, slowly coming up for one more relaxing breath of air.
And there he was. Sitting on the ledge, looking over at me.
“Kate. Will you let me apologize for earlier today?”
“Ryan. You’re early.” I rolled my eyes and pulled myself up and out of the pool. As I stood to my feet, he slipped in.
“I didn’t mean to bite your head off like that. I’m sorry, really. I want to know what you came to talk to me about after class.”
I towel-dried my hair and began collecting my things, stuffing everything in my bag. Why not? Might as well tell him.
“I just thought I’d tell you that I’m going to be published.” I wrapped the towel around my torso, slinging my bag over my shoulder. “Not the piece you read, but something else. That’s it.”
“That’s it?” He flew out of the pool and lunged forward to hug me. Holy washboard stomach. Avert your eyes, Kate! Avert, right now! “Congratulations! That’s really…well I’m not surprised. Your work is brilliant. It inspires me, actually.”
I jutted my head back, did a double take. “What? Inspires you?”
He put his hands on his hips and stared at me with bright, flickering eyes. They were on fire. “Yes, me.” He tapped my shoulder. “Just because I’m a professor doesn’t mean my students’ work can’t inspire me.”
I narrowed my eyes then glanced around, trying to understand his instant mood shift. His smile was blinding, wide and enthusiastic—unlike anything I’d ever seen.
“You look thoroughly disturbed.” He chuckled and crossed his arms. Wet. Dripping wet.
“You’re moody. I can’t figure you out, that’s all.” I let out an exasperated sigh. “One minute you’re really easygoing and nice to talk to, and the next…”
“I’m a total ass. Yes, it’s a part of my charm. You’ll have to forgive me.” He glanced down at his bare feet, sexy grin still intact. I refused to let my eyes wander to his tattoos. “I’m stubborn, get pissed if I can’t have my way, and I’m always guaranteed to make someone feel like shit at least once a day.” He shrugged. “But I admire and value good writing when I see it, and I don’t mean to treat my students that way. Especially you.” He held out his hand, waiting for me to shake. “Truce?” His hand hung in midair, the other perched on his hip.
Reluctantly, I slipped my palm into his and gently shook, noticing his gaze drift from my eyes to my lips. I stepped back. “You’re forgiven. And just for the record…you ins
pire me, too. That’s what I wanted to tell you this morning. You get this spark when you talk about my writing…well, writing in general. Your passion is inspiring. And sincere.” I nodded, tucking my hair behind my ear. “But if you’re an ass to me again, three strikes you’re out.” A small grin seized my lips.
He stood there, eyes soft, body wet, black ink calling my name. “Deal, Ms. Parker. So when and where is your work going to be published?”
“As far as I know, the spring issue of The Morning Theatric. It’s a drama-focused literary magazine.” The weight of my bag began cutting into my shoulder, and the temptation to lust after his body art was becoming unbearable. “But I better go; I’ll send you a copy when it’s published, okay?”
“All right,” he leisurely turned and slipped back into the pool. “I look forward to it.”
“See you around.”
“Hey, Kate!”
I stopped and turned to him.
“Come see me after class again next week. I have something you might be interested in. You won’t be able to resist.” He smirked and deadpanned me, biting his lip.
Holy hell.
“Oh? Okay, well we’ll see about that.” My eyebrows twitched in amusement but I worked to repress my own smirk, turning on my heel for the door. My instinct told me not to venture into his playful territory, but cue the Hallelujah chorus was all I could think.
6. AN EDUCATION
“So you got to talk to him after all? Was he less of a prick this time?” Carter and I strolled through Pike’s Place Market, picking up some chicken from our favorite Korean Barbeque joint along the way. The fall air was crisp and fresh. The smell of salmon, warm cinnamon, and apple butter samples wafted through our nostrils.
“Yeah, I ran into him when I was doing my laps Monday night. He was friendly and he apologized, actually.”
“Ah, the pool...” Carter picked at my spring roll as we strolled past the luscious flowers and local art. “Mixing academics with pleasure, Kate?”
I speared him with my chicken skewer. “No, smarty pants. We happen to both swim and we run into each other sometimes, that’s all.”
“Oh, and you just happen to swim together...at the same time on Monday nights?”
“Why is that hard to believe? It’s this thing called coincidence, Carter. Shall I pick you up a dictionary while we’re here, ol’ chap?”
He pulled me aside to dodge the gathering of people that surrounded a market busker. She was singing one of my favorite Kings of Leon songs, her voice so beautiful and passion so compelling that I had to stop and listen along with the others. Carter stopped too.
“No such thing as coincidence when it comes to Mr. Campbell. Just be careful is all I’m saying.”
Keeping my eyes on the musician and swaying my body to the music, I furrowed my brow. “Why are you even insinuating anything is going on with me and Mr. Campbell? And what are you talking about, anyway?”
“I’ve heard some things from Dean.”
“What kinds of things?”
“Just that he has a thing for his students. I guess he has a girlfriend but he still gets involved. You know Dean, the ladies’ man. He hears all from his campus groupies.”
“Okay, what does that have to do with me?” I stop swaying for a moment, considering this. I knew exactly what it had to do with me. I also knew that Carter knew me better than I gave him credit for. And whatever attraction I’d felt for Ryan existed, whether I wanted to admit it or not. I had the feeling it was mutual, as much as I didn’t want to admit that, either.
Who was I kidding? I was thrilled by the fact. The guy was gorgeous and as much as he irritated me, the way he got underneath my skin only made me hotter for him. I wanted to kiss him, punch him, and learn from him all at once.
But I wasn’t stupid. If what Carter and Dean were saying was true, I had even more reason to stay the hell away from him. Unfortunately, I saw some of the proof with my own two eyes. Visions of Gilligan’s Island’s Ginger and Bubble Gum Barbie popped unwelcome into my head. I threw Ginger off the boat and stole Barbie’s pack of gum, distinguishing the thoughts. There was something genuine about Ryan. You couldn’t always trust word on the streets.
“Don’t be surprised if he tries to hit on you. By the way you look at him, I’m guessing he already has.”
I turned to face him now, chucking my small square food tray into the garbage can next to us. “Carter, what are you talking about?”
“Kate, come on. I’m not blind. And whatever, it’s your life. But the guy’s a player. And it could screw up your academic career.”
“And his...” I mumbled, stumbling off into thought.
“Nah, he’s doing that already on his own. He’s an idiot to be sleeping with his students. So you admit it? You’re into him?”
I gulped the last of my drink and tossed it into the trash, then started sprinting into a power walk, away from the busker with the golden voice. “I didn’t say that. I’m just thinking out loud.”
“You didn’t need to say it. Just don’t let him screw around with you, Kate.”
I stopped short, passersby bumping into me. “Carter. First, there’s absolutely nothing going on with me and Mr. Campbell. Dean’s little groupies might know him...more intimately. But I’m not one of them. And second, even if I was interested in him—which I’m not—then it wouldn’t be your job to protect me, anyway. I had a dad—a shitty one. I don’t need a stand in.”
“Fuck, Kate.” Carter’s jaw dropped. “I’m really striking out with you lately. Obviously, you are into him or you wouldn’t be so damn defensive. Chill out, will you? You know Dean and I just watch out for you. We’re not trying to run your life over here.”
“Yeah, watch out for me. Neither one of you wants me with anyone else.” I started walking again, Carter trailing behind at a slower pace.
“Is that what you think?” He took hold of my arm. “You think we’re friends with you just so we can own you? Go to bed with you? What, Kate. You think we’re just waiting in the wings for you to change your mind about one of us?”
My eyes rolled to the ground and I swallowed, wondering how my nice day out with Carter had turned into this. The song lyrics “You’re so vain” popped up briefly, waving their accusation around in my face. I gently pulled my arm from his grasp. “No. That’s not what I meant.”
“I think it is, but you don’t have to say it. We already know. But we overlook it. All the time. Because you’re our best friend and we’d rather have you this way than not have you at all. But sitting around watching you run off every guy you meet without ever giving them a chance...it’s exhausting. You don’t need to fight us off all the time, you know. You do all the work for us.” He slammed his trash into the garbage can and started to walk away, swinging back around to face me. I stood still as stone, waiting. He was a volcano ready to explode.
“Even if we were waiting on you to choose one of us someday, can you really blame us? Can you even see why this stupid thing with Campbell is infuriating for me? You finally show interest in someone, and it just so happens to be some college professor playboy.” He shook his head and rubbed his hand across his forehead. “Your dad may have run out on you and left you to clean up the mess, but it’s no excuse to shut everyone out. And if you are going to finally let someone in, for the love of God, please don’t deliberately choose someone you know will burn you. Because that’s exactly what you’re in for if you mess around with this Campbell guy.”
People started staring, slowing down as they passed us. I exhaled, lifelessly raising my hands in the air. I had no idea what to say to all that. Apparently, Carter had been holding a lot in, and it was only fair to let him speak his piece.
“But you know that already, don’t you?” He spoke softly now, looking at me once more before he sailed past me, leaving me in the squalls of market traffic, letting it swallow me up in its endless rhythm.
***
The week dragged on, my fallout with Carter lea
ving me listless and empty. Dean came over a few times to try and cheer me up, but he wouldn’t say much, just gave me a hug and told me that we’d kiss and make up at some point.
“They were things that needed to be said, Kate. Just let him be for a while. He’s crazy about you, you have to remember that. Neither one of us can stay mad at you for very long.”
“Thanks for coming, Dean. Good luck with your show tonight. And tell Crystal ‘hi’ for me.”
“Sure thing, babe.”
On Monday I missed Ryan’s entire lecture, zoning in and out as he spoke, trying to make sense of everything that had happened with Carter. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the way he’d blown up over something that was nonexistent. I wasn’t involved with Ryan, I wasn’t planning on getting involved with Ryan, and I definitely had no interest in pursuing a relationship at all, let alone with my professor. Didn’t Carter know me at all? Hadn’t I made myself clear?
The truth began to gnaw away at me, the silence in my mind revealing my most inner realities—that I did like Ryan. I did let him flirt with me, and on some level, I enjoyed it. But so what? I wasn’t going to let it go anywhere. Certainly not after what I’d heard about him, even if I couldn’t believe everything I heard. And knowing he was dating the redhead? And likely romancing another blonde? Forget it. I wasn’t that girl, no matter how much he raised my blood pressure. So why was all this eating away at me so much?
Surely I wasn’t attracted to Ryan because I knew he was bad for me. And if I was, what kind of person did that make me? Knots formed in my stomach and I sank further down into my seat while I pondered the potential truth of Carter’s comments.
Before I knew it, class was over, and as everyone began piling out of the room, Ryan leisurely rested against his desk, rolling his pencil between his fingers as he watched me walk down the stairway to meet him, a cocky, expectant grin on his face.
I decided to keep things formal.