Preservation

by Rachael Wade

  “No, we’re going to have this out right now,” he stationed himself against the door. “First off, I’m not with Alisha. And I sure as hell haven’t been with her since I’ve been with you.” He pushed himself off the door, muscles tensing. “And second, I didn’t get back with her at all, let alone twenty-four hours after I left your place. She showed up at the damn pool unannounced. She knows I swim there Monday nights and she works in administration now. She’s been calling me, trying to get back together. That’s it, nothing more.”

  “You told her you’d let me down easy.” My shoulders stiffened and my jaw clenched, my iron grip nearly crumbling the edges of the copy machine.

  “She was referring to what I said back when I had to convince her I wasn’t seeing you.” When he pulled at his tie, I knew he was livid. And his anger should’ve made me angrier, considering I was the one who had the right to be angry, but it only made me go crimson. It was hot. Smoking hot. I resented it with a passion.

  “You’re not with her.”

  “I’m not with her!” He threw his hands up in exasperation. “In case you haven’t noticed, Kate, I want you. But you’re stubborn, manipulative, brazen, and you drive me fucking mad sometimes!”

  “Oh yeah?” My hands flew to my hips. “Well news flash, Mr. Campbell. You’re moody, have an ego the size of a continent, and you can sure dish it out but you can’t take it!”

  “You know what I think?” He jolted forward, in front of me in a flash. “I think you pout that sexy pout, kick and stomp and throw your feistiness around to push people away, but deep down you like being chased.” His breath was hot on my face now, the veins in his neck bulging. “I think you let me pursue you because you were positive I’d break your heart and treat you like shit, and when you found out I wouldn’t, you didn’t know what to do, so you broke it yourself and made me the fucking bad guy!”

  “Ha!” I was clawing at my shirt collar now, too, the heat radiating off my cheeks enough to set off the fire alarm. The papers spewing from the copy machine were piling up on the floor. “You know what I think? You finally found someone who could give you something real, but you only got involved because you knew it would come to this. Knew it would give you an excuse to just run back to your old ways. No commitment, nothing real—just the way you like it! And me telling you I wanted something casual gave you an even brighter green light.”

  “If I didn’t want something real, would I be standing here right now?” He pressed his lips together, eyes wide, one eyelid twitching. Oh my. I’m not the only one on the warpath.

  “Admit it, Ryan. You chose me for the same reason I chose you. You knew you could easily destroy our relationship, or whatever it was. You keep settling for less than you deserve so that you can go on justifying your warped sense of self-worth.”

  “You want to talk settling for less, Kate?” His voice dropped an octave, low and husky. He was towering over me now, hovering over my frame with intense fever. “I infuriate you because you wanted one thing from me and you got another. You think you deserve so little that your self-deprecating radar zoned in on me and lit up like a damn firework, hoping I’d be the one to confirm those standards. Well, guess what? I have zero desire to cheat on you, so get used to it right now.”

  He reached forward and gripped my shoulders, yanking me against him, bringing his chest flush with mine, his erection at my hip. “You deserve more than you’ll ever realize. More than any man can ever give you. But I’d bend over fucking backwards to try and give you the world if you’d only let me.” Tilting his head, he traced my bottom lip with his tongue, letting a jagged breath flutter over my lips.

  “We’ll ruin each other,” my voice trembled, lips parting to give his tongue access.

  “We’re more dangerous to ourselves than we are to each other,” his eyelashes danced over my cheek, his jaw following the trail.

  “Ryan?” I peered up at him, my breath hitching and steely resolve caving against the tip of his tongue. “Let’s keep one another from ruining this.”

  “For the love of all that is holy, woman.” His fingers weaved through my hair and he tilted my head back by the roots, eyes roaming down my body with heady hunger.

  “Mmhhmm.” I closed my eyes as he continued to tug my hair, letting my chin float upward.

  “You’re stunning when you’re angry.”

  The next few seconds were a blur. He was pushing me up against the machine and then onto the couch, then back to the machine again. His tongue tangled with mine, hands moving everywhere. My hands clamped around his neck and a strangled groan clawed its way from deep in his throat. Thrusting his hips into me, he lifted my leg up and ripped my panties from beneath my skirt.

  “I want inside of you. Deep.” His warm mouth slid over the dip in my shirt and the swell of my breasts as he raised my skirt up and set me on top of the machine. In two swift movements, he was between my legs and we removed his suit jacket, pulling at one sleeve, then the other. His thumbs skimmed under my shirt’s hem and teased the skin of my hips, eyes blazing when he saw the soft shudder roll over my body. My fingers gripped and slid over his tie from bottom to top, yanking hard to pull him closer when they reached the top knot. “I’m going to make you come hard, baby. Let me feel it, hear it. I want all of it.” He sucked my bottom lip between his teeth, pulling wildly at the buttons of my blouse before unzipping his fly.

  The second he slipped inside of me, all I’d doubted, questioned, or feared evaporated, leaving me with one single, definite truth—I’d fallen in love with him in an all-consuming blaze that would blind me if I wasn’t careful. We fit together like poorly cut puzzle pieces, but when the edges joined and were positioned just right, our scattered images came together to create a solid, deliberate piece of art, completely crystal clear and in focus.

  I was a goner.

  Our lovemaking transitioned from angry and aggressive to passionate and painfully slow, Ryan’s touch turning from desperate to nurturing, eyes ablaze with adoration as he carried me over to the wall, driving me against it in even, focused thrusts. “I missed you so damn much,” he growled against my neck, showering my collarbone with hot, scorching kisses. He kept tasting me, teasing my lips and skin between each push. Exploding around him, my shoulders sagged and my feet were desperate to find the floor to stand, but he wouldn’t let me move. He pinned me harder to the wall and forced me tighter against his chest as my body convulsed, riding out the aftershocks of my orgasm with me. “Let me feel it, baby, let me feel it.” He waited until I cried out into the crook of his neck, then emptied into me, letting our pace slow from the release.

  We muffled each other’s cries and he shifted my palm away from his lips to regain control of his breathing. Affectionate, uncertain eyes found mine. “I love you. I’m in love with you, Kate.” The words rolled off his tongue in between shaky breaths. His vulnerability brought down my walls with it. “Be mine, please. Don’t run from me again.”

  “I love you, too,” I panted underneath his palm, which was still lightly cupped over my mouth. “I’m yours.” His lips turned up and he relaxed, unleashing that deadly, lopsided grin before leaning in to sear me with one last electrifying kiss.

  Damn. So much for casual.

  We rushed to smooth out our clothes, Ryan hurriedly tucking his shirt in. “Damn, now I’m going to be late.”

  “Well maybe if someone would’ve kept his hands to himself...” I fumbled with my buttons and threw my hair back up into a bun, sliding my pencil through it.

  “Hey, this is all your fault. All I wanted was a soda.” He bent down to shuffle all of the loose papers into a pile.

  “Uh-huh. Soda. You knew I had this workshop tonight and you were hanging around waiting to corner me.”

  “I believe that’s called paranoia, Ms. Parker.” He reached up with a crooked smirk and tugged my hand, folding me in his arms for an embrace. “You’d be wise not to wear a skirt on campus anymore if you want to avoid me mauling you again.”
r />   Why the hell would I avoid that?

  “I’ll see you later, Mr. Campbell.” I gave him a sly grin and leaned in as if I was about to kiss him, lingering for a second at the sight of his parted lips. They were beckoning me to tease them with my tongue. He peered down at my mouth from heavy lashes, expectant smirk still intact. Before he could taste me, I slipped around him and unlocked the door without a backward glance.

  “Ohhh, no recess for you tomorrow, Ms. Parker.” His amused voice echoed from the lounge before the door slammed in his face.

  Mrs. Meyer looked surprised to see me when I returned to the workshop. “Did you get lost, Kate? Class is nearly over.” I handed her the papers, hoping they weren’t in too much of a disarray.

  “You look flushed,” Carter whispered under his breath, eyeing my messy hair when I took my seat. “Is...everything okay?”

  “Yup.” I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

  “The machine just got jammed.”

  12. NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

  Thank the sweet Lord, finals were over. Ryan and I were inseparable off campus, after deciding to keep our distance from one another at school as best as we could during those final days of the semester. We’d slipped a few times, meeting at night in the lounge or the pool locker room, ravaging one another despite our best efforts not to. I visited throughout the week when I got off work, even though I didn’t have class.

  Ryan had practically moved in to my little apartment, going wherever I went with Carter, Dean, and Crystal, blending in nicely with our little group. He’d earned the official stamp of approval from Carter and Dean after landing them an opening gig for their band, The Hellions, at Easy Street Records on New Year’s Eve. He knew the assistant manager pretty well and saw a chance to bank gold when they found themselves short an act at the last minute.

  “All hail Mr. Campbell,” Dean and Carter bellowed, following Ryan around as they bowed behind him, while Crystal pretended not to know them.

  “Please, peasants. That’ll be all.” Ryan laughed, relieving them from their worship. He towed me next to him as we all made our way to the Anacortes ferry landing, turning to give me the most drop dead, heart stopping, sexy smile, pulling my hand to his mouth to brush my knuckles with his lips.

  “I’ll have to warm you up later,” he purred in my ear. I reached into my coat pocket and dug out my gloves, waving them smugly in his face. “Ah, touché,” was all he could reply. I loved one up-ing him whenever the opportunity presented itself. It was a constant struggle for power between the two of us: me, with an independent streak the size of Texas, and him, with a penchant for getting his way.

  Everything felt lighter since school was over and it was written all over us. We didn’t have to sneak around campus anymore, or keep secrets from Alisha, and the overall stress of the semester had lifted. Alisha seemed to finally get the hint that Ryan wasn’t interested anymore, and Carter was going out of his way to give me and Ryan our space.

  We hopped aboard the ferry to spend a cozy Christmas weekend on Orcas Island, huddling up to sip hot chocolate inside.

  “Come on, babe.” Ryan pulled me out the doors and into the frigid air. I squealed when the wind hit my cheeks, tightening my jacket to seal in the warmth.

  “You’re crazy, it’s freezing!”

  “Oh, quit whining. Look how gorgeous it is out.” He smiled and bundled me in front of him, sipping his hot chocolate over my shoulder. He couldn’t be more right. It was a beautiful winter day, just the way I liked it. The gray, overcast sky amidst the striking emerald and brown rugged terrain made me appreciate my life in the Pacific Northwest. Being able to head to the San Juan Islands, my favorite place in the whole world, for the weekend was a huge luxury. And something about visiting in the winter was magical. Freezing, but magical.

  I leaned my head back on his shoulder as we hung over the railing, watching the granite water churn and push its way past us, the invigorating smell of the salt and pine lighting up our senses. The smell of firewood intertwined with the pine and saltwater further enhanced the aroma. Living in this region of the world was good enough. But spending a weekend with this man wrapped around me and some of the best friends I could ever ask for along for the ride, too...well, things couldn’t get much better than that.

  “So I’ve been thinking,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I don’t want you paying my rent anymore.” He’d insisted on paying since he’d been staying with me, and the boxing matches it ignited each time I refused to accept were getting bloodier. A part of me liked that he wanted to help, finding it endearing that he saw it as “our” place even though he still had his own apartment. The other part of me objected because it started out mine, was still mine, and I preferred it that way. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.

  “Kate, I thought we—”

  “Ah, ah, just let me finish. It makes me feel like you’re my roommate or something. I don’t like it. I’ve had time to get back on my feet since my mom’s funeral was taken care of, and I decided to drop my spring classes, so I don’t have to pay for school anymore. I can handle rent.”

  Ryan swung me around. “You what?” His eyes darted to the mountains and then back to me. “You dropped school? Why didn’t you tell me this? How did I not hear it from Carter or Dean yet?”

  “Because I knew this is how you’d react. I’ve been thinking, Ry. I don’t need a college degree to be a writer...I’ve already been accepted for publication and that one agent is interested in my novel query...”

  “But that’s not the point, Kate. You go to school to improve your craft, because you enjoy it. It makes you happy. All the more reason I’m going to keep paying for rent.”

  Taking a deep breath, I held it for a second and worked to train my eyes on his, speaking with the sternest tone possible. “This is the first time in a long time I haven’t had my electricity turned off or eviction notices posted to my door, Ryan. I need to do this without your help, can you understand that? Granted, to manage, I need to give up school for a bit. But it’s worth knowing I can do this.”

  “Um, well, about that...”

  The door flew open behind us, and Dean barreled out to meet us. “She’s not giving you the ‘I don’t want your money’ speech again, is she?” He stuffed his hands deep in his pockets and let out a loud, exaggerated shiver. Crystal and Carter trailed behind him. “She’s a stubborn one, this chick.”

  “Yeah, man,” Carter smiled, “don’t let her fool you. She’s a real gold digger.” Crystal remained quiet at Dean’s side. She’d warmed to me since I’d been seeing Ryan, but for the most part, we kept our distance from one another.

  “Crystal, toss them over the railing for me, will ya?” I tried to include her anyway, wanting the weekend to be fun for everyone. She returned my comment with a shy smile, the wind sending her short blonde hair blowing around her cheeks.

  “Tempting, but then we’d have no entertainment,” she winked. Ah, hopefully the start of a civil friendship.

  The ferry landing came into view and we trekked up the steep hill toward the Orcas Island Hotel, a historic, cozy place that was around since the early 1900s, complete with Victorian antique furnishings and rustic, whimsical accents with harbor-influenced touches. The mixture of pumpkin spice coffee, fresh prawns, and cream cheese pastries smelled divine as we made the ascent toward the porch, the cozy English gardens welcoming us with cold winter dew. In the spring and summer, they were thriving with rabbits. The word ‘breathtaking’ did the view from the porch no justice. It was simply stunning, just as charming as its island counterparts. With a wide expanse of blue harbor and the terrestrial peaks of the surrounding islands in plain sight, an artist’s canvas would revel in a muse this glorious.

  The hotel’s charm did nothing to hide the painful ascent upstairs, although we all got a good chuckle out of it, toting our heavy suitcases up each excruciating flight.

  “No elevator equals one cranky Dean,” I whispered under my breath, w
orking to restrain my laugh as he forged ahead in front of me, mumbling every few seconds with dramatic yelps and whistles.

  After an early breakfast the next morning, the five of us rented an SUV and drove up to Mount Constitution. Ryan drove with me in the passenger seat, and Crystal and Dean in the back on either side of Carter, trying to calm him down. He was on the verge of hyperventilating.

  “Damn it, Carter, don’t look out the window, just look straight ahead,” I turned to face the backseat, taking his hand in mine. Dean immediately reached for his cell phone to take a picture of our hand holding. “Don’t you dare,” I shot him my most deadly warning, my amused smile betraying my stern orders.

  “Hey,” Dean raised his hands defensively, “I knew we should have given him something. A shot of whiskey. A Valium, for God’s sake,” he slipped the phone back in his pocket. “Carter and heights don’t mix.”

  “Stop talking about me like I’m not here,” Carter’s eyes flew wide, fixated on the dash window and the steep incline ahead of us. He was cutting off my circulation.

  Ryan cleared his throat, shooting me a look through the rearview mirror. “Distract him,” he mouthed, holding his lips tight to hide his smile. I hung my head with a sigh. Think Kate, think.

  As if reading my mind, Crystal spoke up. “Talk British. That always seems to work, right?” she leaned over Carter to question Dean.

  “Ah yes, my dear. Bloody brilliant, indeed!” Dean began sipping his imaginary tea, crossing his legs matter-of-factly as he launched us all into a full-blown Cockney conversation. Before I could blink, Carter joined in. He was still sweating profusely, but hey, progress was progress. I’d have to thank Crystal for that one later...

  The Gods were on our side that day, allowing us to make it to the top of the mountain and back down in one piece, without the need for Carter to have any paper-bag-breathing episodes. We had lunch in front of Cascade Lake at Moran State Park, then stocked up on water for our hike. By sun down, I was spent, ready to go to bed and sure the day couldn’t have been any better.