Here Lies Love

by Dan Thompson

  A splashing sound caught her attention. She tried to stand, but her wrists were bound behind her. She was tied to the pole, sat in the blood of her father. His shadow was circling the room, splashing liquid over the walls, the floor, her bed.

  “What are you doing?” Abbey asked, the words hurting.

  “Snuffing you out.”

  Her legs weren’t bound and she brought her knees up to help her sit up from the slouching position he had left her in. She watched her father scan the view outside the window. He too had noticed the absent haze. He was as clueless as she was.

  “You’re going to set the lighthouse on fire, aren’t you?”

  “Obviously.”

  “You are willing to destroy your own home to get rid of me? Where would you go?”

  “Does it matter? I have nothing here. I can easily live somewhere else. I’ve put a bag together. It won’t take me long to find a new home. Once I’ve killed you, the cowardly wall inside me will crumble. Then I will be able to kill anyone. Take their home if needs be.”

  “Let me go, dad. Please.”

  He turned back to look out across the sea. Abbey remembered stories he used to tell her about what the purpose of a lighthouse was. It filled her with pride to know that her room used to be the uppermost room where the light would have been, guiding, warning the many ships of the clay rocks. Back then, Abbey couldn’t fathom that sometime in the future, it would the defining venue for her death. Talking to her father was useless. Her plan had been a shambles. Would death be less painful than life?

  “Didn’t you ever love me?” Abbey queried in a defeated and melancholy manner.

  “What is love worth in this broken world? Nothing!” he spat. “Absolutely nothing. Love won’t feed you. Love won’t rescue you from starvation. Grow up, Abbey. I didn’t raise you to be half-witted and so mentally defective.”

  Abbey wiped away her tears. “Broken world? This is all you’ve ever known. How can you be so cruel and cold?”

  “Face up to reality. Do you see happy families huddled together? No, you don’t. This is a dog-eat-dog world, Abbey. Don’t pretend you didn’t already know that. You need to cut the baggage and attachments of the heart. Weakness, the lot of it.”

  “What about mum? Surely you were in love with her. Did you give up on her too?”

  Abbey’s dad lurched forward and struck Abbey across the face. She squealed, its sting burning.

  “How dare you call her by that name. You have no right, you never knew her.”

  “She gave birth to me!”

  Abbey could see the anger and hatred in her father’s eyes. They twitched and his nose wrinkled. Abbey anticipated his forthcoming outburst.

  “Go on,” she growled through gritted teeth, stretching her neck up to him. “Strike me again, daddy. Make yourself feel big and almighty. No matter how much blood you spill from me, it’ll still be part yours and part mum’s.”

  Her father hesitated, clearly considering her words. “Your mother opened her legs and bore an abomination. You killed her. You sucked all the purity and goodness out of her like a leech, feeding on it and spitting it back out into our faces. You left her a quivering wreck who spluttered nonsense; a malady upon her soul.

  “I hope you like whatever life you have left knowing that you caused her suffering and agony. I didn’t give up on her, I would have done anything to save her, but you, you nasty rodent, you took my love away.

  “I should have drowned you! If it wasn’t for that old cripple of a grandmother of yours that persuaded me otherwise.”

  Abbey kicked out and screamed, sobbing with rage, shaking her head in disbelief. The ropes cut into her wrists and sent searing discomfort into the pit of her stomach. His words were callous and bitter. The truth was out and the words couldn’t be taken back. She wanted the truth, but never in a million years had she imagined it would destroy the last glimmer of hope she had left.

  “You grew more and more like her. You’re the spitting image of her when she was younger and I couldn’t stand to be around you. A walking ghost, you was. I had to get rid of you. I visited her grave and spoke to her. I needed an answer. What was I to do?

  “She didn’t answer me though. I raked my fingers over the ground in hope of rousing her, but it was useless. I didn’t have the courage to kill you then. I tried to do the honourable thing in your mother’s memory. By allowing you to live, was my last gift to her. A mistake on my part. I won’t fail twice.”

  “Why did you bury her? You taught me that we burn our departed.”

  “How could I burn the beauty? Scald her, turn her into ash? No, I needed to preserve her loveliness. Her exquisite skin and heart would remain upon her until I joined her.”

  “Where is she buried?” Abbey had stopped crying. These were answers she had sought her entire life.

  “On top of the cliffs behind us.” Her father was staring into the case of gasoline, lost somewhere in his thoughts.

  “Please let me visit it,” Abbey begged.

  Her father shot his eyes to hers. “I will never allow you to destroy that sanctuary with your demonic and impish presence. The ground beneath would burn with each footstep you take.”

  “Please! I don’t even know her name.” The ropes dry-burned into her wrists. The side of her face hurt too with each movement.

  “And you never will.”

  Her father threw the case to the ground and pulled out a small metallic object. Abbey couldn’t tell what it was, but as he flicked it open, a small, flickering flame - yellow and orange, continuous and alive - sent her senses into panic.

  “Is that it? No words?”

  “What is there to say?” her father retorted. He threw the object to the ground and with a whoosh, flames sprang alive, animating the room with heat and light. The wood began to crackle and her bedding was overwhelmed within seconds. Her father walked away, towards the stairs.

  “Coward! You can’t even kill me face to face.”

  The insult had no effect. The heat warmed her face. It made her bruises throb and prickle. Abbey kicked her legs out and tried to yank her wrists free, wiggling them and tugging them in all directions. Her father’s screech echoed above the flames. He had fallen through the floorboards. One leg was trapped through the floor, and with his previous wounds, he was screaming and thrashing to get free. Abbey watched as he tried to push himself up, but his leg was caught. No matter how much he pulled, both hands wrenching at his upper thigh, he was just as stuck as she was.

  Abbey laughed. Their predicament was unbelievable. With the flames reaching higher, smoke filling the room swiftly, all Abbey could do was laugh.

  But then she started to choke. The smoke was smouldering, hot and profuse, flourishing with each passing second. It rolled, spiralling around and around like the waves outside. They coughed together, inhaling the viscous smoke with no choice. It stung Abbey’s eyes and all of a sudden, the visibility near the window was zero. It was churning up the room, bit by bit.

  A slam resonated from downstairs.

  “Abbey! Abbey!”

  Abbey coughed. Who was that? Shouting her name? Was she hearing things?

  “Abbey?”

  The voice sounded familiar. Her brain hurt, throwing every memory around. She tried to concentrate and her survival instinct boomed.

  “Tristan! I’m up here! Tristan.”

  It was Tristan. He appeared at the stairs, his arm covering his mouth as soon as he entered. His face was shocked and he had clear purple bags puffed beneath his eyes. He had come for her. He really had.

  “Abbey?”

  “Yes, come, quick. I’m tied up.”

  Tristan bolted to the pole and touched her bruised face. He was dirty, but Abbey was thankful to see him. Opinions of him being in league with Stefan were pushed to the background. All she wanted in that instance was to be free. Abbey motioned towards her wrists and he tugged and jerked the ropes. Abbey bit her lips as they dug into her skin. The pain was nothing if it meant
she could escape. The smoke was building even more and she coughed and coughed, spluttering in prolonged, wheezed and hoarse hollers. Her voice was gruff.

  Her arms fell to the ground with a clunk. She was free. Tristan had liberated her moments before death. The flames flared closer. The chain around her neck became hot and scorched her skin, but she held onto it, refusing to lose a piece of her mum. She took Tristan’s outstretched hand and ran towards the stairs.

  “Let’s get out of here,” Tristan shouted above the roaring flames.

  “No, wait!” Abbey recoiled, turning back to her father, pulling at his leg. It was stuck fast. The wood had splintered and broken up. She could see through the exposed floor, into the dark room below. She could see his exposed flesh in his leg, all muscle and tendons. It made her feel sick.

  “We have to leave!” Tristan cried, pulling at her arm once more. She felt the ache in her shoulder, where it had dislocated. That moment seemed like a lifetime ago.

  “But, he’s my father!” Abbey mourned.

  It made no difference. Tristan wrapped his arms around her and lurched her to the stairs. He firmly and defiantly stood behind her, blocking the way back. He forced her down a step, the look on his face serious. The calls for help from her father made her weep.

  “Down, now.”

  Abbey stared at Tristan, contemplating his words. The flames were getting nearer. There simply wouldn’t be enough time to free her father’s leg and flee the lighthouse. She didn’t have a choice. She had to go.

  Abbey fled down the steps, taking two at a time. Ignoring the noises above, she bit her lip, tucked her hands in her sleeves and escaped the growing inferno. Her head a flurry of emotions and decisions. Abbey sniffed and ran towards the sea.

  “Abbey, wait. Where are you going?”

  Abbey searched the waves for the words she needed. The white foam frothed against the bank. She reached down and cupped some up. It was light and airy, popping playfully against her skin and in between her fingers. Abbey felt a hand rest on her shoulder. It felt warm and inviting as she tilted her head, allowing it to brush against her bruises.

  “Abbey?”

  The fiery lighthouse behind them was a beacon, illuminating the landscape, which gave the clay rocks a reddish-brown face. The irony of the lighthouse wasn’t lost upon her. But Abbey knew that her father was still trapped within its oval walls. Thankfully, her father would have slipped into unconsciousness from the lack of oxygen before the flames would have reached him, scorched him; engulfed him. The images were too grotesque to think about.

  Tristan put his arm around her. “I’m sorry.”

  Abbey shrugged him off and sniffed. Her head was all over the place, she couldn’t think straight. She couldn’t shake the imaginary screams of her father burning in the fire.

  “Abbey?”

  Vacantly staring out to the horizon, Abbey was numb. “Where is the haze? I don’t bloody understand what is going on.”

  Tristan tiptoed closer, standing directly behind her as to see everything the way she did. “I don’t know. Something very strange is going on. Perhaps whoever is responsible for maintaining it has turned it off?”

  “But who?”

  “I don’t know, Abbey. I don’t know.”

  Her mouth became dry. “Of course you know. You know everything. Didn’t you read about it in one of your precious books?” Abbey bit her lip, knowing instantly that her tone was accusatory and uncalled for.

  Tristan sighed. “Abbey, I don’t know what you want me to say. All I know is what I’ve already told you. The haze isn’t real, it is synthetic, made by the scientists from the artic.”

  Abbey was quickly losing patience. The answers she sought weren’t coming and she was no closer to understanding anything.

  “How did you even find me, my home? Don’t you think it is all a little bit of a coincident you turning up here in the nick of time?”

  “What are you saying?”

  “What do you think I’m saying?” Abbey pushed Tristan in the chest and walked slowly further down the shore, her arms folded. “Admit it,” she said bluntly, “you and Stefan were in it from the beginning. You knew exactly where I lived and that’s why you made your way here so easily.”

  “Don’t walk off,” Tristan called to her, jogging to keep up. “I have no idea what you are on about. Abbey stop it.” He grabbed hold of her shoulder and spun her round to face him. “Snap out of it!” he exclaimed. “I don’t know a Stefan, I didn’t know where you lived. I’ve walked and walked and walked some more for God’s sake. I’m tired, I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept. The only thing that kept me going was worry for you.”

  “I’m not buying it.”

  “I don’t give a toss! You’ll have to. I love you.”

  “You what?”

  Tristan turned to face the waves, their crashing batting away the sound of falling timber behind them. “I love you, Abbey. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I don’t know what it is, but there is this special connection we share. Don’t deny it. I’ve seen it in your eyes too.”

  Abbey was shocked. Those words were the last thing she expected to hear. It was as if they unlocked a wave of her own, crashing inside of her, washing away the cold attitude.

  “How can someone love me? I’m a monster. I came here to kill my dad, you know.”

  “I’m not interested in that. I know deep down you have a kind and gentle soul. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but Ryan told me about the scars and bruises on you. You need a life, Abbey, you need someone to take care of you for a change.

  “Come, let’s get back to the school and rebuild our lives.”

  Abbey looked up into his watery grey eyes. With the changing tones of the sky, he looked more irresistible than ever. “I can’t,” she said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m sorry, but I can’t go with you. I’ll be forever in your debt. You have no idea how grateful I am that you came after me. You saved me,” she gulped, “but I need some time on my own.”

  “Don’t talk rubbish. The knock to your head is clouding your judgement.” He kissed her swollen cheek.

  Abbey savoured the affection, but shook her head. “I need my independence, Tristan. I’ve lost myself to the rage and darkness. You don’t know what I did. I’ve just tried to kill my own father for selling me to a monster. That isn’t right.”

  “He deserved his fate. Justice had prevailed.”

  “Two wrongs don’t make a right. I’m scared of what I’ve become. I’m not Abbey anymore. What they did was terrible, you just can’t imagine. They tricked me. I thought I was helping a grieving man, but it turned out that my father sold me to him at the bloody market! You need to go, Tristan, you can’t be around me.”

  “But I love you.”

  “No, no you don’t,” Abbey said, leading him onto the short grass. She hugged him. “You think that you do.”

  “I do!” Tristan argued, trying to push her back and look into her eyes.

  Abbey held on tight. “Tristan, you are great. The greatest. How can I love you when I don’t love myself? I’m being honest to you. I need to learn how to put my heart back together again. Please don’t resent me.”

  Tristan went limp and forced his face into Abbey’s shoulder. “But I’ll be all alone. Ryan’s … Ryan died. I dragged him along with me, but he’s gone.”

  Abbey held his hair as he sobbed. She felt guilty for forgetting about Ryan. Abbey was curious to know what had happened, but she pushed the inquisitiveness away. She couldn’t give him mixed signals. “I’m so sorry. But that is another reason why we can’t be together. Trouble and death hang around me. I bring disaster with me. I need to do some growing up, learn how this awful world works.”

  “What am I to do?”

  “Go home. Mourn Ryan. Learn to live again yourself.”

  Tristan nuzzled her shoulder and neck and wept. “Please.”

  Abbey hugged him tighter as he p
oured his heart and soul out. She hadn’t meant to break his heart. She didn’t set out to do that, but how could she go off with him, after everything that has taken place. What were they to do? Simply forget about everything and smile? No, it was hard, but Abbey knew she was making the right decision.

  Abbey remained in silence for what felt like an age and let Tristan cry into her shoulder.

  “I need to go,” Abbey finally said.

  “I’ll wait for you to come back to me. Please tell me there’s a chance,” Tristan pleased. Abbey swallowed a lump. “Abbey. Please reconsider. We can be happy together, become a team. I can teach you all you need to know. I can,”

  “Tristan,” Abbey interrupted, “I can’t.”

  “Please. Say one day.”

  Abbey kissed him. She tasted his lips and pulled him into her. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she needed to breathe, but she held on for as long as she could.

  “Maybe someday,” she finally agreed, “but not today.”

  A smile lit up Tristan’s face, but his eyes remained sad. Abbey hated breaking his heart, but this was the right thing to do. Only an hour or two earlier had she hated him, thinking he was in cahoots with Stefan, but his actions just now proved otherwise. But that only confirmed how unstable her mind was. She wanted to be happy, but she needed to expel the voices first.

  “I have to go,” she said.

  Tristan’s lips quivered as he nodded somewhat precariously. He let go of her hands and feigned a half smile. Abbey turned to go. She had no idea of where to go, but she needed to leave this painful place. The inferno lighthouse crackled and hissed in the background, grey smoke rising into the indigo sky.

  “Abbey,” Tristan called.

  She glanced over her shoulder, too upset to face him fully. “Yeah?”

  “Keep me in your memory.”

  “Always.”

  The chain around her neck jangled as she walked away. Lifting it off, Abbey unclipped the chain, which left just the ring. It fitted perfectly on her second finger. With all the strength she could, she hurled the chain into the crashing water. She watched it fly through the air as it twirled like a swift.