by Larissa Ladd
“I’m hearing that.” He lifted his hand for a high-five. I hit it and he walked off, singing something off key.
Letting out a long breath, I walked to the back to get my supplies. Working on the piece would be just what I needed to get my mind off of everything. I’d never been overly emotional, but something about Jenna caught me off guard. She left me bare and opened me up far more than I did her.
I dropped down to my knees and held a white cloth behind the edge of the art piece while I carefully sprayed the right colors back on the canvas. By the time I was done, I felt a million times better.
“Looks brand new.” Jenna dropped down next to me, big tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Tension grabbed me and tied my insides in knots. “Don’t be. We’re work associates, and I guess we just sleep together from time to time?”
“Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what?” I stood up and gathered my stuff. Fuck me. I was going to be an emotional bitch over all of it. I could feel it rolling over me in waves like it did when I was a boy and my father would put me down.
“Hawke. You don’t understand. My mother just fucking showed up this morning. I didn’t have a choice but to go with her.” She stood up and moved into the doorway, not letting me pass. “You’re so much more than some guy I work for or sleep with. You know that.”
“I thought I did.” I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and stared at her as tears dripped down her beautiful face. “I’m falling in love with you. There. I said the shit. Okay?”
“Me too.” She shook her head. “Please don’t leave this room mad at me. I’m sorry.”
“Were you sick?”
“No. I didn’t want you to know I was with Mom. I didn’t want you to think I had set up the thing with the dance guy myself.”
“I don’t like being lied to, Jenna. Nor do I like being disregarded by the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Got it?”
“Yes. I would never hurt you.” She moved up and pressed her hands to my chest, looking up to lock eyes with me. “I’m sorry.”
I leaned down and pressed my forehead to hers, breathing her in deeply. “Are you going to New York?”
“I don’t know.” She moved in to kiss me, but I stepped back.
The pain that laced my heart was too hard to keep off my face. “What?”
“You said you would support me going if that’s what I decided to do.”
“Yeah, when I thought you wouldn’t decide not to. Fuck.” I moved around her and walked down the hallway as all of the hopes I had with her started to disintegrate. The gallery felt like home to me, but I realized that was much more about her being there than anything or anyone else.
“Hawke, hey, talk to me,” she called after me, but I ignored her.
I tucked my paints into my bag, threw it over my shoulder, and walked out the back door. I was on my bike, speeding down the freeway before she probably ever stepped out back.
Love was messy and unkind. It belonged to stronger people than I was.
But more than anything else, love was a lie.
18
Jenna
“Hawke?” I walked out back, angrily wiping at my tears. I wasn’t the only one that had lied. He didn’t want me to go to New York, and he hadn’t had the balls to say a damn thing about it. “Hawke?”
The sound of him taking off on his motorcycle caused my heart to drop.
After standing there for a few seconds, I willed myself back inside to turn everything off and lock up.
What a dicked-up day. I needed ice cream, whiskey, and a friend to talk to.
I shut everything down in the gallery and walked to my car. I got in the car and called Lisa, putting her on speaker.
“Hey you. What’s up?” She sounded far too bubbly.
“I need a girls’ night.”
“Out on the town?”
“No. Maybe at my place? Ice cream and donuts would be good.” I sniffled and tried to hold back tears.
“Oh no. This isn’t about Hawke is it?” Her voice hardened.
“Yeah, but it’s my fault. Meet me at my apartment, and I’ll explain.” I turned the car on and dropped the call. The shit swirling between us was definitely all on me. I should have just been straightforward with what was going on. I had assumed he was going to give me shit for going to the meeting, but he could have very well just told me to be safe.
“Stupid,” I cursed myself and drove home with the windows down in silence. The voices in my head were taking up enough space as it were. I parked outside of my apartment and texted Dallen that I would be gone for the weekend but asked if he could take care of things with Hawke.
I hesitated on telling Hawke too, but decided against it. He was already upset with me, and whatever he was doing, I highly doubted that he wanted me in his way.
Lisa pulled up as I was getting out of my car. I walked over and laid my cheek on her shoulder as she hugged me.
“That bad?” She pressed her hands to my upper back and rubbed as she held me.
“I had to see my mom today, and Hawke and I got into it.” I let out a sigh and closed my eyes.
“Yeah, okay. That’s pretty bad.”
I moved back. “You got the ice cream?”
“Girl... I come packing.” She moved to the backseat of her car and got out donuts and ice cream. “Okay. Start with what the hell happened with your mom.”
I took the donuts and ate two on the way into the apartment as I explained everything. By the time I was done, I’d cried again and blown through half the gallon of ice cream with Lisa.
“Well, it’s obvious by the man’s reaction that he’s in love with you.”
“No.” I shook my head and got up. “Coffee?”
“Yes, on both accounts. He is falling in love with you if he’s not already there.” She got up and followed me into the kitchen. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
“Just feels too much like a fairy tale.” I shrugged and started the coffee pot. “And the last thing I want is to hurt him or me.”
“So, stop talking about New York and find a dance studio here. You love it here, and we love you.” She reached out and took my hand, squeezing softly.
“But dancing was everything to me. I feel like a piece of my soul is gone now that it’s over.” I pulled my hand from hers and made us each a cup of hot goodness. “I’m falling in love with Hawke too. For the record.”
“Falling or have fallen?” She took her cup and offered me a warm smile.
“Fallen.” I sat back down, tucking one of my feet under me. “He’s everything I want in a man, and I feel like whether this New York thing works out or doesn’t, he could be in my life.”
“Yeah, but it’s not like he’s going to move to New York, Jenna. That’s not fair to ask him to, considering that he just got the gallery from his dad and he is an artist. This has to be a dream scenario for him.” She made sense, which was rare.
I grumbled and blew on my coffee. “Why can’t I have my cake and eat it too? Just once in my damn life.”
“Do you like New York? The people, the adventure, the streets and sounds?”
After thinking about it for a moment, I shook my head. “No, but I love the opportunity it has for dancers.”
“And do you know what kind of opportunity there is here for dancers?”
I huffed. “You know I don’t.”
“Exactly.” She took a sip of her coffee and yelped. “Oh! Hot, hot, hot.”
“I have to go back tomorrow just for a secondary interview. If I don’t, my mother is going to—”
“Please stop living for your mother.” She popped her hand down on the table loudly. “She hasn’t lived a day in her damn life for you, and she’s not going to. If you need to go to New York so that you can close this chapter in your book or make this decision for you, then go. But if this is for her? You need to let it go. She’s not who you need to live for.”
My eyes filled with tea
rs. “I just have spent my whole life wanting her approval.”
“And I get that, baby girl.” Lisa reached out with her free hand and cupped it over the top of mine. “But you have a great job, loads of opportunity, and a man that most women would kill for. Don’t throw all of this goodness away for a pipe dream that most likely doesn’t even belong to you, Jenna. If you want to dance, go for it. Kill that shit, but do it here where you’ve built your home and have fallen in love. Don’t throw this away for that.”
I nodded and leaned back in my chair, holding my coffee with both hands. “You’re right. I’ll go up there tomorrow, do the interview, and tell them no. Then I’ll tell my mother no, too.”
“Good. There is my girl.” She stood up. “This tastes like shit, by the way.”
I laughed as she walked to the kitchen to dump it out. “Are you leaving?”
“Yeah. You’re going to find Hawke and make up. Period.” She grabbed her purse. “Need me to follow you over there to make sure you go?”
“No, but thank you, mother.”
“Oh, hell no, you didn’t call me that.” She reached for me, pulling me into a warm hug. “Go find him. Yes?”
“Yeah.” I waited until she was gone and texted him to see if he was home. No response. I tried a few more times before giving up. A quick shower, and I crawled in bed and cried myself to sleep.
Surely, I hadn’t fucked up everything with him over a tiny lie, right?
No. Not tiny. It was my future, a choice that could build us up or tear us apart.
It was me choosing him or not.
That wasn’t tiny in the slightest.
* * *
The alarm woke me up the next morning, and the first thing I did was to check to see if Hawke had responded. Not only had he not, but he hadn’t read my messages either. Aggravation burned through the center of my chest as I got dressed and did my hair. I would need to look perfect with my mother picking me up.
A quick round trip to New York to tell everyone to shove it, and I would be back to work through everything with Hawke.
“That’s if he’s willing to talk to you.” I growled and gathered the rest of my shit and got out of the door. After driving in stewing silence to the airport, I parked and walked into the busyness. “Does no one have a job?”
I hated myself in the pissy mood I was in. It reminded me too much of my mom.
The lady at the flight counter was extra nice and helpful, which lessened my internal rant. I got through security, grabbed a Starbucks, and walked down to sit in front of my gate. I was early. Two hours early.
The time passed slowly, and my flight was delayed. Before I knew it, I looked up to see that it was mid-afternoon. The show would be starting at the gallery soon and still no word from Hawke.
I texted Dallen to see how things were, and he texted back.
It’s amazing. There are a thousand people here. We’re nuts to butts. I love it!
I laughed at this comment. I had to know how Hawke was. Dallen’s answer was short and sweet. Hawke was good.
“Right,” I mumbled and leaned back in my seat, questioning every decision I’d made lately. “I wish I was good.”
19
Hawke
“So, she just up and flew to New York without a word to me?” I turned around in Jenna’s office as Dallen stood in the doorway. We’d brought in a catering company to work on the event, so things were going smoothly, and everything appeared to be taken care of.
“Yes. She needed to close down a few things, I think.”
“You think?” I growled and realized by the look on the kid’s face that I was being a dick. “Hey. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken that tone with you. Tonight isn’t about me. It’s—”
“Actually, tonight is all about you, boss. Your talent. Your charity. Your gallery.”
I forced a smile. My gallery. Didn’t seem so great anymore without Jenna there to boss me around and fuck up my plans. “Right. Thanks for that. I’ll be out in just a second. Just need to pull myself together.”
“No problem.” He turned and walked off, calling over his shoulder. “I’ll take care of everything. Nothing to worry about.”
I pulled out my phone and glanced down at the missed messages from my girl. What the hell was I doing, acting like a spoiled little boy who’d had his toy taken away?
“I know that look.” Kade stood where Dallen had been minutes before.
“Fuck me, dude.” I dropped down in the seat next to me, not giving a shit about my tux.
“Not my type, but thank you for the offer.” My brother winked at me. “I’m the only one here. Lars was hoping to get laid and said this really wasn’t the place for it, but he hasn’t seen the redhead out there walking around. I’m thinking this is exactly the place to be to get laid.”
I laughed. “I hate you.”
“For making you smile?” He moved into the office and sat down in the empty chair across the desk from me. “You need to call her. This isn’t a game or toy or a canvas you’re tugging back and forth with Dad. This is your life, Hawke. If you love her, stop dicking around and call her.”
“She lied to me, dude. She made it sound like I was nothing more than the ass-wipe owner of this gallery that she sort of worked at when she was bored and had nothing better to do. She left for fucking New York this morning to meet with these dance studio dickheads.” My blood pressure rose as I stood back up and balled my fists. “And she didn’t even say a fucking thing about it to me!”
“No missed calls or texts on your phone?”
“Fuck you.” I pressed my fists against the desk and closed my eyes. Why did this girl get me so damn worked up?
“You’re just miscommunicating. Don’t be a cock. You love her. Call her. Work all this silly bullshit out. Now.” He patted my shoulder and walked out of the office.
I stood and glanced around, noticing the small picture Jenna had of the two of us sitting on her bookshelf. We hadn’t been dating for more than a week or so, and she already had a picture of us. I picked it up and let out a long sigh. We both looked so damn happy, so right together.
“I love that picture.” The sound of her voice caused me to almost drop it.
“Jenna.” I put it down and moved around the desk. I didn’t know what the fuck to do, but I had to be honest. “You hurt me.” I gripped her shoulder and glared down at her. “And yet, all I can think of doing is finding you and telling you that I’m in love with you. If you want New York, fucking go to New York. I’ll fly my ass up there and—”
“Hey.” She reached up and covered my mouth with her fingers, her expression kind and loving. “I said no. I told my mother to fuck off, and I told the academy that I’d be starting my own here.” She slid her fingers down my mouth as her voice broke. “I told them that I had a man in my life that believed in me. That for the first time in my life, I was happy and felt like I’d found my place.”
“Here in Seattle,” I whispered, praying the words she spoke were true. I needed her with me, and if that meant moving to fucking New York City, then I’d be packing up.
“No. Here with you.” She lifted to her toes and pulled me into a long kiss.
I picked her up and turned, pressing her to the wall and letting every ounce of emotion I had pent up press into the kiss.
She moaned and wrapped her legs around me, which only caused me to thrust against her like I could force my way into her heart like I’d forced my way into her beautiful body so many times over the last few weeks.
“Okay. Door closing.” Dallen’s voice echoed somewhere behind me, but we ignored it.
Nothing mattered but her.
We made out, grinding and kissing, tearing at each other’s clothes for the next few minutes until she patted my chest.
“Hey. We need to get out there. Your art is on display.”
“I don’t care.” I licked at her mouth. “Let’s just make a beeline for my bike. We’ll get the fuck out of here. Dallen can—”
“No. I want to see the faces of the patrons as they realize how talented you are. I want them to respect your form of art, Hawke. We’ll go back to your place and make love until we can’t walk, but let’s do this tonight. Let’s show the city who we are—together.”
I kissed her again as my heart felt like it might explode in my chest. “Yeah. Let’s do it then.”
“Hey. I’m falling in love with you too.” She cupped my face and pulled me down for another long row of kisses before pulling back. “Okay! Let’s go or we won’t.”
“I vote won’t.” I laughed and took her hand before opening the door to the office and walking out to greet our guests.
The quizzical looks on their faces showed how the two of us must have looked, hair and clothes disheveled, lips red and puffy.
We laughed it off and worked our way separately around the room over and over again until the night was over.
Kade walked up and wrapped his arm around my shoulder as I showed the last couple out. “Wow. That was so damn cool to see you in your element.”
“He was pretty amazing, right?” Jenna walked up and pressed her hands to my chest. “I’m Jenna, Hawke’s girlfriend.”
“Oh.” Kade moved back and took Jenna’s hand, kissing it and smiling up at her like a tomcat. “So nice to meet the woman that’s had my brother in fits the last few days.”
“Hey. Really?” I smacked him in the chest and walked to the front door. “Come on. Get out of here so I can take Jenna out.”
“You got it.” Kade nodded toward Jenna. “Take care of my brother. He’s my favorite.”
“I will.” She clasped her hands together and gave me a shy smile. My cock twitched painfully. It was time to get her home and naked.
“You love her.” Kade walked outside and turned to face me. “How the hell is that possible?”
“I don’t know. It just is.” I laughed, feeling really good again. My girl was back, and from the looks of things, she wasn’t going anywhere without me.