“Please feel free.”
Even though she answered promptly, she showed no expression. It seemed to me that she really didn’t give a damn about it.
“Okay, then it’s decided,” Haruhi suddenly interrupted.
She sounded really hyper, giving me a bad feeling.
“From now on, we will meet in this room after class. Be sure to come! Or you’re as good as dead!”
She said with a smile like the blooming cherry blossoms. I reluctantly nodded my head.
Please, I don’t want to die yet!
So we’ve now found a club room, but there was absolutely no progress with the paperwork. We still hadn’t decided on a club name or what activities it intended to hold. I had asked Haruhi to sort these things out first, but she seemed to have other ideas.
“We can decide on all that later!” Haruhi declared loudly. “Right now the most important thing is to recruit members. We still need at least two more people.”
So, you’ve already counted the Literature Club girl in as well? You couldn’t possibly have treated Nagato Yuki as a mere club accessory, could you?
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll be able to gather people soon; I already have someone in mind.”
How can I not worry? My unease has become even more profound!
The next day after school, after turning down Taniguchi and Kunikida’s offer to walk home with them, I reluctantly dragged my heavy feet and headed towards the club room.
Haruhi only said “You go first!” and rushed out of the classroom with a speed that the Athletic Club so badly needed. She was so fast that I wondered if she had added boosters in her shoes. I didn’t know whether she was in a hurry to find new club members, or whether she was just plain excited that she had taken a step forward in meeting extraterrestrials?
On the other hand, I could only carry my bag, so I moved slowly towards the Literature Club room.
Entering the club room, I discovered Nagato Yuki already inside, sitting in the same position while reading her book. I slowly approached her, but as with yesterday her head was buried in the book, my presence ignored. Was the Literature Club a pure reading club? Why else would she be reading all the time?
Silence in the classroom.
“… What are you reading?”
I asked, not being able to stand the silence any longer. Nagato Yuki answered by raising the book and showing me the cover. My eyes saw a large bunch of dazzling foreign words; it seemed like some sort of science fiction novel.
“Is it interesting?”
Nagato Yuki pushed her glasses upwards effortlessly before replying in an empty tone:
“Unique.”
It seemed that she’d answer anything I asked her.
“Which part?”
“All of it.”
“So you like reading?”
“Very.”
“I see…”
“…”
Back to silence again.
Can I go home now?
I thought of that while putting my bag on the desk. Just as I prepared to sit down on the steel chair, the door crashed open like it was being kicked.
“Hey, sorry I’m late! It took me some time trying to catch this gal!”
Haruhi finally arrived, waving one hand at us. Her other hand was holding onto someone else’s wrist— she’d abducted another person! When Haruhi entered the room, for some reason she locked the door. Click! Hearing that sound, the light-sized girl shuddered uncomfortably.
Wow, she sure is pretty.
She must be Haruhi’s “chosen candidate.”
“W… what are you doing?”
The girl said, close to tears now.
“W-where is this place? Why did you bring me here? And, w-why are you locking the door? What do you want with me?”
“Be quiet!”
Haruhi barked with such force that the girl simply stood in stunned silence.
“Let me introduce her: this is Asahina Mikuru-chan.”
“Let me introduce her: this is Asahina Mikuru-chan.”
After announcing the girl’s name, Haruhi stopped talking. Seems like that’s all for the introduction.
Silence once again engulfed the classroom. Haruhi looked satisfied with “a job well done”; Nagato Yuki, as usual, kept reading her book without any reaction; and the girl called Asahina Mikuru was simply scared silly. Hey, why isn’t anyone talking? And so I started the conversation.
“Where did you abduct her from?”
“This isn’t abduction! I just forced her to come with me.”
That’s the same thing!
“I found her daydreaming in the second year classroom, so I caught her from there. I explore the corners of the school during recess, so I’ve seen her a few times already.”
So that’s what you’ve been doing during recess time when you’re nowhere to be seen in the classroom. No, wait, now isn’t the time to think about this.
“Anyway, she’s our senpai!”
“So?”
I looked at her in disbelief. Oh god, this girl doesn’t even think about what she’s doing!
“Fine then… tell me, why did you need to find her, erm, Asahina-san, right?”
“Here, have a look.”
Haruhi suddenly pointed towards Asahina Mikuru’s nose, causing her to back off instantly.
“Isn’t she cute?”
That’s something only a dangerous kidnapper would say! That’s what I thought of anyway.
“I believe Moe characters are important!” she continued.
“…Excuse me, what did you just say?”
“I said Moe! The factor to turn people on! Basically, most detective stories have some characters that would turn people on and cause them to be pitied.”
I automatically turned and observed Asahina Mikuru: she has a small body and a face that could easily be mistaken for an elementary school student. Her brown hair is slightly curly, hanging over her back. Her pair of large puppy dog eyes give out a “please protect me” aura. Her half-opened lips reveal a row of white ivory-like teeth that, coupled with her small face, create a perfect combination. If she were given a magic wand with a shiny jewel, she might even transform into a little fairy! Aargh~, what the hell am I thinking about!?
“And that’s not all!”
Haruhi smiled confidently, and then she grabbed Asahina Mikuru-san from behind with her hands.
“Kyaaa!!”
Asahina-san screamed instantly. But Haruhi was unmoved, clutching her breasts through her sailor uniform.
“Aaaaa!”
“She’s so small, yet her breasts are larger than mine! A cute face plus large breasts is also an important factor in turning people on!”
Oh my god, I’m about to faint.
“Wow, they really are big.”
Haruhi stuck her hands into Asahina-san’s uniform and started groping. Stop it, you pervert!
“Man, this pisses me off! Her face is so cute, yet her breasts are bigger than mine!”
“H-Help!!”
Asahina-san blushed bright red. She tried to struggle free with her arms and legs, but her strength was no match for her harasser. As Haruhi started to move her hands towards Asahina-san’s skirt, I finally couldn’t take it any longer and pulled the perverted girl away from Asahina-san.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing!?”
“But they really are huge! It’s true! Why don’t you give them a go as well?”
Asahina-san moaned weakly.
“No thanks.”
That was all I could say.
What surprised me was, during all this commotion, Nagato Yuki had been reading her book, never once lifting her head. What is with this girl anyway?
Suddenly, I thought of something.
“Hey, you can’t be thinking… the sole reason for bringing Asahina-san here is because she’s cute and has large breasts?”
“Why, of course!”
Oh god, you really are an idiot!
“A m
ascot-like character like her is necessary!”
Necessary my ass! Whoever said that anyway?
Asahina-san tidied her rumpled uniform and raised her head looking at me. Hey, don’t look at me like that, you’re putting me in an embarrassing situation.
“Mikuru-chan,” Haruhi asked, “are you with any other clubs?”
“Y… Yes… the Calligraphy Club…”
“Quit that! It’ll get in the way of my club activities.”
Haruhi! Aren’t you a bit too selfish!?
Asahina-san had the expression of a victim in a certain murder mystery, looking at me with eyes that begged to be rescued. Then it was as if she suddenly noticed the presence of Nagato Yuki. Her eyes grew large and showed some hesitation. A moment later, she sighed and whispered in a low voice:
“I see… I understand.”
What did you understand?
“I’ll quit the Calligraphy Club, and join your club…”
Her voice was so full of sadness.
“But, I don’t know what the Literature Club does.”
“We aren’t the Literature Club,” Haruhi clarified.
Seeing Asahina-san puzzled, I hurriedly cut in to explain.
“We’re just temporarily borrowing this room for our club activities. The club you have joined is actually a new association that Suzumiya Haruhi will create in the near future. We don’t know what activities there will be; we don’t even have a name.”
“… What…?”
“Oh, and the one sitting over there, she’s the real Literature Club member.”
“Oh…”
Asahina-san stood speechless, her cute mouth half open. Her reaction? Absolutely normal.
“That won’t be a problem!”
Cheerful to the point of not being responsible for anything, Haruhi smacked Asahina-san’s shoulder hard.
“I’ve just thought of a name!”
“… Okay, let’s hear it,” I said with zero enthusiasm.
If possible, I really didn’t want to hear it! But since I’ve already asked, Suzumiya Haruhi used her clear voice to loudly announce the name that she just thought up.
As everyone knows, it all began as a result of Suzumiya Haruhi’s simple and naive vision, and no other reason. And so… the name of our new club has been decided:
The SOS Brigade!
Sekai wo Ooini moriagerutame no Suzumiya Haruhi no Dan
The Save the world by Overloading it with fun: Suzumiya Haruhi’s Brigade, abbreviated as SOS Brigade.
You can all laugh now.
But before I could even do that, I stood dumbstruck.
Why is it called “Brigade”? It should be “Save the world by Overloading it with fun: Suzumiya Haruhi’s Association”, but since the club still hadn’t satisfied the minimum requirements to become an association and no one was sure what the club was all about, Haruhi simply replied “If that’s the case, then let’s call it a brigade!” And so the club name was now gloriously born.
Upon hearing the name, Asahina-san closed her mouth dejectedly. Nagato Yuki could be counted as an outsider, and I didn’t know what to say. And so, the motion for the new club name was passed, with one for and three abstentions. The SOS Brigade is now open for business! This is such a wonderful occasion!
Hmph, do whatever you like!
After saying “Be sure to meet here after school everyday!”, Haruhi called it a day. Asahina-san’s shoulders drooped, her lifeless figure walking along the corridor further giving off an impression of sadness. I couldn’t bear seeing that, so I called out to her.
“Asahina-san.”
“Yes?”
Asahina-san looked at me with her innocent face, which didn’t even look older than mine.
“You don’t have to join such a weird club if you don’t want to! You don’t need to mind her; I’ll try to find a way to explain to her.”
“No.”
She stopped, winked, and smiled:
“It’s all right. I want to join.”
“But, this could be a boring club!”
“It doesn’t matter; haven’t you joined as well?”
No! Whether I joined or not is not the issue here!
“Perhaps, this is the absolute outcome on this Temporal Plane…”
She said with her round eyes staring far off in the distance.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Besides, I’m interested in Nagato-san’s presence…”
“Interested?”
“Eh? No, nothing.”
Asahina-san shook her head in trepidation, shaking her wavy hair along.
Then Asahina-san smiled, looking embarrassed, and gave me a deep bow.
“I may be of trouble, so please bear with me from now on.”
“You don’t have to do that… you’ll put me in a difficult position…”
“Please call me Mikuru from now on.”
She smiled.
Man, she’s so cute that I’m getting dizzy!
The following is a conversation I had with Haruhi one day.
“You know what we need next?”
“Who knows!”
“I’m thinking of finding a mysterious transfer student.”
“Please tell me the definition of a ‘mysterious’ transfer student.”
“Those that get transferred two months after the school term has started are definitely mysterious transfer students. What do you think?”
“Maybe it’s because their parents got a job transfer and they just had to come along.”
“No, that would be too forced and unnatural!”
“Then what is natural for you? I’d really like to know.”
“Mysterious transfer student… will they ever appear?”
“You never really listen to what I say, do you!?”
Rumors started to flow in the school that Haruhi and I were plotting something.
“Hey, just what are you up to with Haruhi?”
Taniguchi would ask that.
“You aren’t in a romantic relationship, are you?”
Absolutely not! To be honest, I too, would like to know what on earth I am doing!
“Try not to do anything too ridiculous, you’re no longer junior high students! If they find out that you vandalized the school trackfield or something like that, you might get suspended!”
If it were Haruhi acting alone, I could simply ignore her. But now there’s Nagato Yuki and Asahina Mikuru-san to take care of— I can’t risk them getting involved. When I realized I was so considerate of them, I suddenly felt so proud of myself.
But the thing is, there is no way that I can stop the insane Haruhi!
“I so want a computer!”
Ever since the SOS Brigade was founded, the Literature Club room started to have more and more stuff besides the rectangular table, steel chairs and book shelf.
In the corner now stood a portable hanger cabinet, a flask and cups, a teapot, a CD/MD playing radio, a freezer, sound recorder, cooking pan, bowl, and all sorts of cooking utensils. Now what? Does she plan for us to live here?
At this moment, Haruhi is sitting on a desk she nicked from who-knows-where. For some reason, a black triangular pyramid with the words “Brigade Commander” stood on the desk.
“In this information age, we don’t even have a computer. This won’t do!”
Whoever said that?
5 The book in question is The Fall of Hyperion by Dan Simmons—but obviously Kyon doesn’t recognize the title’s reference to the Greek titan and John Keats’s poem about him, and thinks it’s about Saturn’s moon Hyperion.
Anyway, all the members were here today. Nagato Yuki was in her usual spot, reading a hardback book about a minor satellite of Saturn falling down[5], or something like that. Asahina-san, who didn’t have to come, had still obediently arrived and was seated on a steel chair, looking confused.
Haruhi jumped off the desk and ran towards me with a sinister smile.
“Which is why I’
m going to obtain one now,” Haruhi said, like a hunter looking for its prey.
“Obtain one, you mean a computer? From where? You don’t plan on robbing an electronics store, do you?”
“Of course not! It’s going to be somewhere closer!”
“Follow me!” Asahina-san and I complied with Haruhi’s orders and followed her down the corridor, eventually arriving at the Computer Study Group two rooms away.
I see!
“Here, take this.”
Haruhi handed me an instant camera.
“Now listen carefully! I’ll tell you the plan, and you must follow it no matter what! You only have one chance.”
Haruhi pulled me down and whispered her “plan” in my ear.
“Wha!? You can’t do that!”
“Does it matter?”
Of course it doesn’t matter to you, missy! I turned to a puzzled looking Asahina, trying to warn her by winking at her.
You’d better leave at once!
But Asahina-san looked surprised at me and started blushing. Oh no, she completely got the wrong idea.
Just as I was about to save Asahina-san from certain doom, Haruhi had knocked on the Computer Study Group room door.
“Hello there! I’ve come to collect a computer from you!”
The spacing is similar, but compared to our room, this room was narrower. Each of the evenly spaced desks had a desktop computer on it with CD sound effects. The computer fans whirling away were the only sounds heard in the room.
The four boys sitting on their seats typing on their keyboards all stuck their heads out towards the door to see what Haruhi was up to.
“Who’s in charge here?”
Haruhi smiled pompously. A male student stood up and answered.
“I’m the president, can I help you?”
“Do I have to repeat myself? I just said: give me a computer.”
The nameless Computer Study Group president displayed a “What the hell?” expression and violently shook his head.
“That won’t do. Because the school doesn’t fund us enough, these computers are all bought with our hard-earned money! We can’t just give them to you for free. Do you think we’re fools?”
“What does it matter? Just one would do, you have plenty anyways!”
“That… wait a moment, who are you guys anyway?”
Volume 1 - The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi Page 4