by J. L. Ostle
He looks at her and back at me.
“Go, Sebastian. Go back to her.” I walk to the other end of the bar and I watch as Cory and Sean talk to Sebastian and I see a frustrated Sebastian walk away. I look at Cara and her eyes are on me.
She hates me.
I can tell, but I wonder why. There is no way she would know about me and Sebastian as she would try to kill me first. It’s something else.
I wonder what.
I have finally graduated from college and I thought my life would be easier but it is anything but. Cara won’t go near me, Even though our Mums were celebrating our graduation, we avoided each other. I told Mum what happened and she wasn’t impressed with either of our behaviours.
I am leaving in a couple of days and I am at Randi’s for my last night out. I don’t want to be here but Cory and Sean went to the trouble to decorate the place with banners and balloons everywhere. When I walk in with my mum I feel my eyes fill up with tears.
This is the place that changed my life.
Where I met the rocker boy.
“They did such a good job,” Mum says to me over the music.
“Yeah, they did.” She hugs me and we head to the bar where Cory and Sean are standing with smiles on their faces.
“Didn’t we do a brilliant job?” Sean smiles with pride as he looks around.
“You did a fantastic job.” I hug him, then Cory.
“Don’t think that these bozos did it all on their own.” I turn and see Ella standing there smiling at me. I scream, from the top of my lungs, running to her.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I hold her hands, making sure that she is really here.
“These two brought me here as a farewell present. Even though I think Sean brought me here for an extra attempt to get in my knickers.” She winks.
“Oh, my God, this is amazing.” I cry happy tears as I hug her again.
“I am here to take you back home. I wasn’t going to let you come back on your own.”
I wipe away the tears as they won’t stop. “Thank you.” I smile.
“Anytime, doll face. Now let’s go get drunk and dance.” We head back to the bar and Cory is holding a bottle of champagne.
“If you are going to leave, you are going to leave in style.” He uncorks it, with bubbly foam going everywhere as we cheer. I watch as he pours everyone a glass.
“Wait for us.” I turn and see Aunt Lacey.
“What are you doing here? You should be resting,” I tell her.
“Don’t be silly, there is nothing wrong with me. I wasn’t going to let you go without saying goodbye. It took me some persuading to bring that daughter of mine.” I see Cara walking in with her hand once again placed in Sebastian’s. Cara doesn’t look happy and Sebastian looks crestfallen.
“They didn’t have to come.”
Aunt Lacey looks at me like I’m crazy. “I don’t know what has happened between you two, but you were both close just a few months ago. I hope you can settle your differences before you leave.” I give her a hug and I look at Cara but she looks away when my eyes connect with hers. She starts to walk away with Sebastian at her side.
“Come on, Lacey. You know how kids can be.” Mum comes over and hugs her sister. “You can have one glass of bubbly but that’s your limit as I know you are on painkillers.
“Killjoy,” she says giving me a wink. “Cara, get your ass back here and toast to your cousin,” Aunt Lacey shouts out to them and they walk back, grabbing a glass. I see Cory and Sean glaring at them.
“Goodbye, Cousin.” She lifts her glass and takes a sip.
“Cara, how rude.” Aunt Lacey scolds her.
“It’s okay,” I say to her.
“No, it’s not. I brought you up better than that.” She looks at Cara with a warning look.
Ella taps her glass, getting everyone’s attention. “To my best friend. My bestest best friend.” She looks at Cory and he chuckles, hugging Natalie to his side. “I thought I lost her to the big US of A. But you lot couldn’t keep hold of her,” she jokes but I notice her eyes go to Sebastian. “I am happy she is coming back home to me. She is my rock. She has always been the strong one. The reasonable one. She has such a big heart …”
I sniff, trying to hold back the tears, but when she looks at me, a few escape.
“I thought she was perfect, but she has taught me that no one is perfect, but that we need to fight for what we want. She is so stubborn that I’m not surprised that she always got her own way.” We all laugh. “I have my girl back, and I promise you all that I will look after her, even though I know it will be the other way around.” I chuckle. “We may have different parents but you are my sister and the UK is gaining back a legend. To Iris.” She lifts her glass, as does everyone else.
I walk up to her, hugging her. “You really are a big softy.”
“You wish.” We both laugh and wipe away our tears.
“I also want to say that, Iris, you changed my life and my brother’s. I think we were meant to meet you so you could change us for the better. I know we had our downs but it brought me to Natalie.” Cory smiles at her. “You are unique and definitely one of a kind.”
“Here, here,” Sean shouts out, causing me to laugh.
“We will miss you, but thank you for making such an impact on our lives.” He and Sean walk over to me and give me a hug at once.
“I know you both still want to share me, but enough is enough,” I tease, with fresh tears flowing down my cheeks.
“God, I’m going to miss that mouth of yours,” Sean laughs.
“I bet you will.” We laugh.
“Okay, now that you have all made me cry …” Mum walks in the middle of the group, looking at me. “I think it’s time for the mother to make a toast.” She smiles at me. “Iris, for the last year I have seen you grow into such a beautiful person. I know you may feel like you’ve lost your way, but I know you will always find your path. You looked after me when I needed you. You helped me stand on my two feet again. You will always be my baby girl, and I know you will do great things. I love you always.” I cry and walk to her and she holds me tightly. “Be happy.”
“I will,” I cry into her.
“Right, that’s it. I am looking like a right mess, so lets down our drinks and dance.” Ella claps her hands getting everyone’s attention. I am walking to the dance floor when I feel a hand in mine.
“Can I talk to you?”
I don’t turn. “It’s too late Sebastian.” I pull my hand away and join Ella.
“Are you okay?” she asks me.
“I will be.” I start moving my body to the beat and she joins me.
An hour later, Sebastian goes onstage with his band. I watch him standing there. I get flashbacks of when I first saw him. Girls still go crazy over him. The band is in complete darkness. When the single light appears over him, it makes him look like a fallen angel. I see him looking out into the crowd, and like always, I feel that pull. His eyes connect with mine.
My heart, my torturous heart, skips a beat.
I see girls looking my way, looking at what he is looking at. His eyes have trapped me in place. I quickly look away, his stare making me feel uncomfortable. After a moment, I do look back and his eyes are still on me. I head back to the bar and order myself a bottle of beer.
“I saw him looking at you,” Mum says walking to me.
“It doesn’t matter, Mum.”
I hear her sigh. “I know he wants you, I can see it in his eyes.” She places her hand on my shoulder.
“Mum, he made his choice. He chose the better cousin. The prettier one. The fun one.”
She turns me around and glares at me. “I don’t want to ever hear you say that again. You are beautiful, you are sweet and funny. Look at all these friends that did all this for you.” She waves around the room. “You touched their lives. They will always remember you for it. You shine, sweetie, even in your darkest hour, you will always shine. I know he sees that.”
“You have to say that because you’re my mother.”
“No, I am saying it because it’s true. I know you are going to be his biggest regret. Mother knows these things.”
“What are we talking about?” Ella comes over with a shot for each of us.
“That Iris is going to be that boy’s biggest regret.” I look at my mum with my mouth hanging open as she downs her shot.
“I could’ve told you that.” Ella downs her shot and blows me a kiss. I quickly down mine.
“Now, sweetie, have fun. After a few more drinks I think I will be brave enough to dance a little.” Ella grabs her hand and starts pulling her towards the dance floor.
“I think now is as good a time as any.” Mum looks at me and I wave her off as I laugh.
“You having a good night?” I turn and see Cory smiling at me. I feel like I went back in time as I remember when that smile first hit me.
“Yeah, thank you for doing all this. It means a lot.”
“Just make sure you keep in touch, and if you ever make it big, make sure you visit us a lot. A known celebrity could do wonders for this place.”
I push his shoulder. “I will think about it.”
“Want to make a bet?” I hear Sean say. “Wanna see how much tips we can make?” He winks at me.
“I think I have had enough saliva on my belly button to last a lifetime, but thanks.” We laugh.
“What a shame. So, any last requests before you leave this place for good?” I look onto the stage and nod my head.
“Yeah, I have one favour if that’s okay with you guys.”
“Say it, and we will make it happen.” They both lean over the bar and I tell them what I want.
A while later, I see Sebastian and Cara dancing, her arms around his neck. He would look at me every now and then and look away. I try to ignore it but the more alcohol I consume, the more I can feel his eyes on me, caressing me.
I am dancing with my eyes closed when I feel hands on my hips, pulling me back and I turn my head to see a guy smiling at me. I try to step out of his embrace but he pulls me in tighter. I feel a sense of déjà vu.
“Let go of me asshole.”
I hear him laugh, and I feel anger build up, so I stomp on his feet and when his hands release me, I turn and knee him in the stomach, pushing him away from me.
“You dumb bitch,” he growls.
“No, you dumb dickhead.” I watch as Cory and Sean come running my way and I feel hands pulling me back and I see Sebastian pulling me into him.
“You are so out of here and don’t think about coming back or I will kick your ass,” Sean shouts at the guy.
“Are you okay?” Cory asks me, checking me over.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just kick his ass out.” He nods and follows his brother.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sebastian looks me up and down.
“Yes, I’m fine. What a fun party, huh?” I joke and he laughs.
“I’m glad you’re okay.”
“You know me, I’m badass.”
He laughs. “Yeah, you are.” He smiles at me and I quickly look at the ground. “Iris, I need to …”
“What is going on?” Cara walks up to Sebastian’s side.
“Some guy wouldn’t take no for an answer,” he replies and she nods, looking from him to me.
“Well, now that she’s okay, I want to dance.” Cara starts pulling on his arm.
“I was just talking—”
“I know but I want to dance,” she interrupts him.
He looks at me and I see his body droop in defeat. “Talk to you later?”
I nod and watch them walk away to the other side of the dance floor.
“Sean just told me what happened. I swear this place is full of dickheads,” Ella says, coming up to me.
“Apart from Sean?” I tease.
“I know he is an asshole, but at least he’s a tolerable one.” I watch her look for him.
“Right, that dickhead is gone. You ready?” Cory walks up to us.
“Ready for what?” Ella asks.
“It’s a surprise.” I wink at her and she watches me as I head onstage.
I step onto the stage and hold onto the mic, letting the energy flow through me. I want to sing here one last time. I tap on the mic and clear my throat, trying to get everyone’s attention.
“Hello, can everyone hear me?” I look out and see my family and friends move in closer. “I’m sorry for interrupting your night, but this is my leaving do and I want to sing one last time here in the States.” I take a deep breath. “I moved here a year ago, and I will admit, the year definitely brought me some memories I won’t be forgetting any time soon.” I look at Sebastian and his eyes are on me. “I want to thank the new friends I’ve made here. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being a part of my life. I will miss you all, you have no idea how much. I also want to say that I love you, Mum. Thank you for asking me to sing again. You have given me the greatest gift—to be myself. To be who I am meant to be. I have recently fallen in love with this guy called Chase Holfelder on YouTube and I want to sing his version of ‘I will always love you.’”
I take in a deep breath and let the intro of the music start and then I join in. I sing softly, looking out at the people who care for me. When I get to the chorus, I close my eyes and let the words seep into me.
I open my eyes again and start to move my hips. I see images of the last year flow through my head. I see me first meeting Sebastian. Meeting Cory and Sean. Cara smiling at me. Ella visiting the first time. I look at Sebastian as I sing the verse about me wishing him joy and happiness and then I let the words I want to say out. I want him to know how I feel, so he knows that I did truly love him, even if he didn’t love me back.
I sing loudly. I sing with all my heart out to him and I see his eyes watching me intently. Tears are flowing down my cheeks. I angrily scream out the words, letting all my feelings for him out, hoping that now I can begin to move on. The music stops and my heart is hammering in my chest. I see everyone is clapping and cheering but it’s all white noise. I look at him and then walk backstage.
I cry as I let the first person I fell in love with go.
I am wiping away the tears when I turn and see Sebastian standing there, watching me.
“What are you doing here, Seb?” I steady my voice. “Don’t you need to go be Cara’s lapdog?”
He doesn’t say a word but keeps watching me.
“Cat got your tongue?”
He walks slowly towards me. “Why did you sing that song?”
I try to walk past him but he holds my arm, stopping me. “Does it matter?”
He starts walking, making me walk backwards. “Of course, it does.”
“No, it doesn’t. I was letting things go.”
“You were letting me go.” His voice seems pained. Good.
“Yes, I was.”
“I don’t want you to let me go.” He holds my face, looking into my eyes. “Please don’t leave me.”
I thought I wouldn’t be able to cry any more but tears keep coming. “You left me, remember? You want to be with her.”
He holds my face tighter. “No, I chose you. I told you I needed time.”
I push him away. “Time? Fuck time. I deserve better than this and I used to think Cara deserved better but she has been acting like a spoilt brat. You both deserve to be miserable together. I am going to go and be happy. I am going to find someone to love me, who I will love back.”
He saunters towards me and kisses me hard and I quickly push him away and slap him across the face. “You don’t get to do that anymore. Go, Sebastian. Leave me alone, once and for all. LEAVE ME,” I shout at him.
“I can never leave you, not really. I love you, flower.”
I cover my ears with my hands, shaking my head. “Stop it,” I sob.
“I love you. I love you, Iris.” He walks up to me and holds my hands. “Like you said, I made my choice and I have to live with that u
ntil the day I die. I just want you to know that you were it for me.”
“Why are you doing this to me? Do you like hurting me?”
“No, I hate hurting you, but I know that’s all I keep doing. I want you to be happy.” He holds me as I cry into him. “I will miss you so much.”
“I will miss you too.”
He pulls back, looking into my eyes, and then he leans forward and presses his lips softly to mine. Kissing me for the last time.
“I love you, flower. You will always be in my heart. I’m sorry about what I have put you through. I am sorry for so many things.” I see tears flow down his cheeks and I wipe them away with my thumbs. “I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you too,” I whisper back and he presses his forehead to mine.
“What the fuck is going on?” I step back quickly, seeing Cara standing there with her arms crossed, watching us.
“It was nothing,” I say.
“It was nothing that you both said you loved each other?”
I look at Sebastian and he looks at me and we both look back at Cara.
“Cara, I can explain,” I plead with her.
“Explain why my boyfriend is in love with my cousin?”
I am lost for words. She isn’t crying, but I can see a lot of anger. “You knew something was happening?”
“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks me.
“Look at her.” I point to Cara. “She isn’t crying. She knew.”
“Someone filmed you going into the closet at that frat party and coming out. I knew something happened. When I went over to his place, asking for him to sleep with me, he wouldn’t touch me. I started putting pieces together. You both hanging out all the time—how protective you are of her. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. So, tell me, were you fucking each other behind my back for months?”
“Cara …”
“How many times?” she shouts.
“Once,” I tell her honestly.
“Once?” she laughs. “You are telling me the womanizer, the player, the rockstar has fallen in love with you,” she laughs again, making me feel like I’m inadequate. “By screwing with you just once?”
“It’s true,” Sebastian says.