Odessa placed one hand on my shoulder and stroked Stephie’s long curls with the other. “What if he isn’t? What if in person he’s even better?”
“That I think could be even worse.”
“What! Why?”
“You know why.”
She shook her head and took Stephie out of my arms. “No, I don’t.”
I sighed, my body going a little numb. “Nothing, could ever come of it. There can never be anything between us, Odessa. The one thing Matrix has always talked about is the importance of family. I know some day he’s going to want his own. I could never give him that.” This time, it was my turn to stroke Stephie’s hair. It took everything in me not to break down and cry over my loss.
The funny thing is, I’d planned on being career military and yes, I’d fantasized about some day meeting Matrix. I wanted to know if the emotion we shared on pages and the internet would transcend into the real world. Terrified it would and I just couldn’t stand the thought of his rejection once he knew I could never give him the family I know he wants.
Suddenly, me who never wanted a family now never had to worry about having one. There was a hole in my heart I would always feel at the loss. I wasn’t sure I could explain it to Odessa, even as close as we are she wouldn’t understand. She had a family, a husband, a child. Something I could never have. Not even the possibility now of sharing that with Matrix.
Stephie took that moment to begin pulling on the pearls her mother wore around her neck. An anniversary gift from her daddy. I stood up quickly. “Go on, run your errands and take this little lady to the playground. Don’t hurry back either. I’ve got dinner covered. When do you think you’d be back anyway?” I didn’t give Odessa a chance to argue with me as I was already heading toward the kitchen.
I heard her exasperated sigh behind me. “This isn’t over. We’ll be back in a couple of hours. I won’t be at the park for more than an hour. I hope by the time we get back, I can feed Stephie, give her a bath and she’ll sleep for more than four hours.”
I chuckled. They were still having trouble getting the little tyke to sleep for a full eight hours. Since I’d been staying with them for the last month, if I heard her wake up I’d go and sit with her until she fell back asleep, giving Odessa and her husband Tom a chance at much needed sleep.
Chapter Three
Harper
Dear Matrix,
I sit in the crumbled remnants of what was once a house tonight. Sweat and dirt cover my body as I rest my back against the partial wall of someone’s home. Once the sun goes down it gets cool, but I’m having trouble sleeping. I thought if I wrote to you about what happened earlier, I’d be able to let it go, be able to sleep. War isn’t hell Matrix, it only makes you live in it. A friend died tonight. Well we were barely friends, he’d only been here for a week. A fucking week, when a stray bullet from a sniper hidden in the shadows of a rooftop took his life. He had a wife and two kids. I wasn’t near him when he was hit but I heard the gunfire and saw him go down. I’d known he was dead before he even hit the ground.
Some days I’m just tired, Matrix, so tired, but I’ll be damned if I come home without having done some good here.
I’m sorry for this downer letter, but I needed my friend tonight. I’ll send you a better email as soon as I can get to a computer in a few days.
Your friend,
Nadya
Loud banging at my front door had me rolling over. “What?” I sat up in bed and grabbed my phone to check the time. Fuck it was ten, not that late but still I hadn’t gotten home until two. I pulled on a pair of sweats on a chair then I made my way to the front of the condo. I didn’t bother to call out that I was coming. One, the door was thick and whoever stood on the other side of it probably wouldn’t hear it and two, if they left before I got there, I really couldn’t give a fuck.
No such luck. I looked through the viewing pane, a head of dark brown hair and a green eyed gaze stared back at me. The person on the other side would not be going away. I unlocked and opened the door.
“S’up, man.”
At six three, I was one of the taller dancers at the club, but so was Roman. Roman Gibson choreographed my dances and most of the others at the club, and he was very very good at it. As well as fucking fit. While I might be ripped, Roman was shredded. There was zero body fat on his frame. And the muscle was all work and healthy diet, no steroids for this guy. He was also one hell of a dancer and had taught me every thing he knows. Only two years older than me, Roman and I immediately hit it off, becoming best friends, hanging out after hours outside of the club.
“Hey man, come on in.” I stepped aside and he fist bumped me as he came in.
“Hey, sleeping beauty. Don’t tell me you were still sleeping.” He checked his smart watch. “Man it’s almost one in the afternoon. Time to fucking rise and shine.”
I groaned. “You know I only got in at two last night.”
“Then by my count that’s well past eight hours of sleep.”
Ignoring him, I went into the kitchen to start a cup of coffee.
“Make enough for me too,” he stated. “Then you need to shower up, we’re heading for the club. I have a new routine I want to run past you.”
“Today was supposed to be my day off.”
Roman waved his hand in front of his face as if to blow me off. “There’s no day off for the wicked.” He winked at me. “Come on. It won’t take long, an hour tops then you can go back to sleep.”
“Do I have a choice,” I asked.
“Hell no!”
I shook my head. “It’s a good thing I like you and we’re friends.”
“Yeah, I have that effect on folks now come on, hurry your ass up.”
I knew it was no use arguing. When Roman wanted to dance he wouldn’t take no for an answer, good thing we were friends. I missed my brothers and he was the next best thing for me. He’d helped me a lot. He’d even come up with the idea of a mask for me to hide my identity and had a friend design it. So if he needed me I was there. I grunted then put my coffee cup down and headed to my room to shower.
Four hours later, not the one Roman had promised, he and I were walking out of the club. “I’m starving,” I said. All I’d had was a cup of coffee and a bagel for lunch. Not even near enough to sate me, especially after the damn workout he put me through. “And you’re buying,” I said to Roman.
He punched my shoulder good naturedly. “Yeah okay, you’re on.”
We walked the few blocks over to the Sushi bar we both liked and sat at the bar. After placing our order, Roman turned to me.
“What did you decide about the offer from the law firm, did you tell them about how you make a living?”
I shook my head. “No. I was going to once they decided to hire me, but after meeting the managing partner I changed my mind. A real stickler for propriety, so decided not to say anything. Besides, my last day’s coming soon and with the mask I wear no one will recognize me.”
“True enough. So you accepted their offer.”
“Yes.”
“Look, it’s a perfectly legit business, you danced so what? It should be cool.”
I chuckled. “It’s not the dancing so much but the other part. No worries though, it’s all good.”
Roman raised his eyebrows. “There are no other parts.”
“True, but most don’t get that.”
He scoffed. “Have you heard from your marine yet?”
One night shortly after I started working, I’d gone out with Roman, he’d tried to set me up with one of his friends but I passed. It had been a woman then he told me he’d be happy to introduce me to some of his male friends, I passed on that too. He wanted to know if I was with someone. I told him about Nadya. “I’ve been writing to a woman in the military for years. And we sort of have an understanding.” His reaction was what really solidified our friendship. He didn’t laugh at me.
Instead, he’d paused for a moment then said, “I’ll be damned. You
have a thing for your pen pal. Well why the hell don’t you insist on meeting her. I know I sure as fuck would.”
He was right. I’d written to Nadya telling her I wanted us to met. Letting her know I loved her. I thought she loved me too, but she never addressed our meeting. I know I pressed that last letter, I told her I was even willing to fly wherever she could meet me. But I never got a reply from her. I know sometimes weeks would go by between letters or emails, yet months had gone by and nothing. Then I’d written to her one last time inviting her to my graduation and again nothing.
I answered his question. “No, nada. Thanks for helping me by the way.” He’d been the one that helped me find out she wasn’t on any missing lists or dead. “Which means I scared her off and she probably doesn’t want to meet me.”
“Doubt that man, she never had a chance to see you, now if she had seen that ugly ass face of yours then I can see her not wanting to meet you in person.”
That got me chuckling, we both knew women were attracted to my looks, both of our looks. We got attention everywhere we went. Either one of us could make money as models, but that’s not what we wanted. Still, this was why I liked hanging out with Roman, he made me laugh when I needed something to laugh about.
“Yeah, probably. I don’t know man, I just…I just wish she’d have written back and straight up told me she’d prefer for us not to meet like we decided. Not change things up. I might not have liked it but at least I would’ve gotten an answer.”
“Sorry man, but seriously you know what? Her loss. And just another reason I have to thank you. You’ve reaffirmed my conviction never to get that into any woman. Besides, soon enough you’ll be leaving us to become DC’s hottest lawyer so again her loss. You’re way too young to settle down, you’re only getting started. In fact, let me hook you up, this time make a little more of an effort.”
I shook my head. “Right now I need to focus on the bar then starting my new job at the end of the summer.”
“Okay, then after that.”
“Then after that I agree to put in some effort.” We fist bumped. While I said that to mostly pacify my friend, I wasn’t sure if I’d be ready to start dating anytime soon. I hadn’t dated anyone in over a year, and I’d hoped…well no sense in going down that road. Roman was right, I did need to make more of an effort. I had to keep telling myself that, just because one woman didn’t want to meet me didn’t mean there weren’t plenty of others out there who do. Maybe if I repeated that enough times I’d begin to believe I wanted to meet them and just maybe this void inside of me would go the fuck away.
Chapter Four
Nadya
Dear Nadya,
You can write me about anything, any time. Good, bad and the ugly. I thought we established that years ago when we first started writing. I’m here for you, babe, whenever and however you need me. Just make sure you stay out of the range of any bullets. Promise me you’ll do your best to do that. My mother believes in the power of prayer, not sure how I feel about it, but if prayers will keep you in this world with me then pray I will, I am.
Whenever I hold a letter from you a rush of warmth goes through my body at the thought that I touched something once belonging to you. Even if it’s just a piece of paper. I love getting emails and never quite understood why anyone would be into snail mail. I get it now. But either way, as long as it’s from you, I’m good.
Be safe, Nadya. For yourself, for your family. For me.
Love,
Matrix
P.S. I’ve changed my mind. I want to meet. And yes I used the ‘L’ word and mean it.
I must have been out of my mind. I don’t know why I let Odessa talk me into doing this. If I were being honest with myself, I didn’t need much convincing. I wanted to see him, even if it was just this one time.
He’d told me about the club where he worked. I just never thought in a million years I’d be able to see him perform. The place was very exclusive and members only. I remember he’d told me in one of his letters, if you had to ask how much membership was you couldn’t afford it.
I hesitated as we approached the entrance. “Are you sure we’re going to be able to get in?”
Odessa grabbed my hand. “Yes. Tom’s client is a member and owed him a favor, he got our names on his guest list for one night only.”
“Okay, but if it’s not there I will never let you live down the embarrassment.”
She rolled her eyes. “No worries silly.”
I’d never been to a strip club. I mean, I’ve watched movies and television shows that featured them, so I knew what to expect. Sorta. The reality was very different. The building sat on a commercial street with restaurants and shops, with a pretty nondescript exterior. A solid oak door marked the entrance. Once we entered the foyer there was a counter with an older good looking man in a suit seated behind it.
I have to give it to Odessa. She stepped right up to him, and meanwhile my stomach decided to shift to my feet with anxiety. He’d probably take one look at my thirty dollar dress and know I didn’t belong there; at least Odessa had on something more in line with the members. I was so nervous. I wasn’t sure I was nervous because I’d come close to being near Matrix or that we’d be turned away.
Odessa gave him her name. “Key, please,” he said.
“Oh, we’re guests of a key holder.”
He looked down and I guess checked some sort of list. He handed Odessa a key. “Here you are. This will allow you access for tonight only to the elevator.”
Odessa looked at me and grinned as she took the key from his hand. “Matrix is performing tonight, right?” she asked.
Oh God, I hadn’t thought of that. Suppose he wasn’t performing tonight or even there anymore. He did graduate a few weeks ago, for all I know he’d quit already. To come so close. My stomach ached even more.
“Yes, he’ll go on before midnight, second floor.”
My heart banged against my chest. He was here, this was really happening. I must be out of my fucking mind. I had no time for second thoughts because Odessa grabbed my hand and pulled me behind her. I had no choice but to place one foot in front of the other, and when she placed the key in the lock and the elevator opened, I stepped on with her.
Once we reached the second floor we were greeted by a man dressed in a tux. He looked like a lineman for some football team, he was that big. Holy Shit! Talk about muscle bound. I couldn’t quite see this guy being flexible enough to dance, maybe he was some kind of bouncer. He nodded at us but made no other move in our direction. The first door we saw said “Martini Lounge” on the frosted pane.
“I think I need a drink,” I said, taking a shaky step in that direction. I pushed the door open. Just what I needed to help settle my nerves, a lounge bar.
“Yeah, sounds like a good plan. We have time. It’s another hour before Matrix comes on, we can find out which room he’ll be in and make sure we’ve got prime seats.”
“Yeah, drink,” I repeated, when my nerves began dancing a tango throughout my body.
We planted ourselves at the bar and in five minutes, Odessa had the bartender chatting like they were old friends. She had the gift of being able to talk to anyone; I was more reserved. She found out he would be performing just next door.
“I’d recommend if you’re here to see Matrix you go over there sooner rather than later. He’s very popular and it’s usually standing room only. Trust me though, doesn’t matter if you’re standing or sitting, if he’s focused on you, you’re in for quite a treat.” The bartender winked.
Martinis in hand, we wandered next door shortly after and positioned ourselves at a table where we could see and be seen. I finished the martini I had and when the waitress came by I ordered another one. Liquid courage never felt so good.
“Are you excited?” Odessa asked.
I glanced at her like she had two heads. “What the hell do you think?”
She grinned and we watched the two guys who had been working the room when w
e’d first come in. Warming up the women, I was sure, for the main attraction. They were toned specimens and having come from the military I’d seen guys in great shape all the time, but these men, well dammmm. I watched the way the women pawed them and narrowed my eyes. Not liking that part one damn bit if that’s what they did to Matrix. Oh, hell no. He was mine. Which begged the question, if he was that popular, what the hell did he look like?
Reality slammed into my brain. I shook my head. No, he wasn’t mine. He never would be. Fuck.
I was on my third martini by the time I realized the real show was about to start. Something about the vibe in the room changed. Maybe it was the music; it became sultrier, sexier. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Yes, I’d blame that. Come to think of it, wasn’t that what the song was about?
The lights were already muted in the room then they began flashing, changing to multicolored strobes when a man walked into the room. No, not walked, strutted in like he owned the place. And I knew he drew all eyes too him.
He wore a black full length jacket buttoned up to his chin and heavy buckled boots, kinda like what they wore in sci/fi movies. He also wore a black fedora and kept his head down, but I could see the black material covering his face. A mask. This had to be Matrix. If I was in any doubt, the women screaming his name in the room clued me in. The lust emanating from their cries was palpable.
Matrix moved almost in slow motion, yet to the beat of the music around the room. An animal on the hunt for prey couldn’t have looked more dangerous. Pausing briefly here and there lifting his gaze to slowly glance at a woman from head to toe. My body shivered just watching him.
Then he came around to the table where I sat with Odessa, maybe the dollar bill she was wildly waving at him might have tempted him, but we weren’t the only ones doing that. Nevertheless, he came and bent his head down inviting her to place the money in the brim of his hat where the others were tucked. For a second when the light flashed across his face, I glimpsed light brown eyes beyond the mask and gasped at the sight of how pretty they were.
Stirred: The Martini Lounge Book 2 Page 2