‘Then run along and wash your hands and face. And Theo, please change your shirt, the one you’re wearing is splattered with paint,’ his mother pointed out.
‘Goodbye, Theo,’ Audra said, blowing a kiss from the doorway.
‘’Bye, Audra. Don’t forget my party tomorrow and please, please make Vincent come with you. You will, won’t you?’
‘I’ll do my very best.’
As they went down the staircase together, Irène said to Audra, ‘Theo does have a soft spot for Vincent, doesn’t he?’
‘Yes, and the feeling is mutual, I believe.’
‘He seems to be doing awfully well at Varley’s, and that must please you.’
‘Oh yes, it does. Mr Varley likes him and, of course, Vincent does have a great eye and a marvellous sense of perspective when it comes to architecture. I’ve told him many times that he’s a born builder.’
‘I think it’s most commendable that he’s started going to night school,’ Irene said, turning to face Audra as they drew to a standstill in the hall. ‘Is he enjoying studying draughtsmanship?’
‘Yes,’ Audra murmured, not wishing to admit that Vincent had only talked about enrolling in the course, had never actually done so.
Studying her face closely, Irène Bell saw a flicker of something at the back of Audra’s startlingly blue eyes. It was a peculiar look and it alarmed her. She’s a very troubled young woman, Irène thought, with a flash of intuition. Reaching out, she touched Audra’s arm lightly. Her voice was low and warm as she asked, ‘Is everything all right with you, my dear?’
Audra hesitated.
For a fraction of a second she was on the verge of confiding in Irène Bell, and then she changed her mind. Apart from the fact that her pride and her strong sense of privacy got in the way, her intelligence told her that Mrs Bell could not help her. Nobody could help her now.
Audra forced a bright smile onto her face. ‘Oh no, nothing’s wrong, Mrs Bell. Thank you for asking, but everything is fine.’
‘And your health really is all right?’ Irène pressed, still not convinced.
There was a small silence before Audra nodded, and almost too emphatically.
‘You do look awfully pale suddenly,’ Irène insisted, frowning at her.
‘It’s just the aftermath of the ’flu, and I am also feeling a little tired now.’ Audra gently extricated her arm, hurried over to the coat stand. She took down her grey Melton coat and the plum-coloured cloche, put them on, glancing in the hall mirror at herself as she adjusted the hat.
A moment later, as she wrapped her woollen scarf around her neck and pulled on her gloves, she asked, ‘Would you like me to come a little earlier on Christmas Eve? Perhaps there’s something I could do to help at Theo’s party, Mrs Bell.’
Irène chuckled softly, ‘Indeed there is, Audra, I’d be most grateful if you would keep an eye on Theophilus and nine other little terrors, at least until the Punch-and-Judy show starts.’
***
No sooner had the door closed behind Audra, than it sprang open again within the space of minutes.
Irène was half-way up the staircase.
She turned and her face lit up at the sight of her husband.
‘Thomas darling!’ she cried, ‘you’re home early, how lovely.’ She sped swiftly down the stairs, across the marble hall and into his welcoming arms.
After hugging her tightly, kissing her cheek, he looked down into her face. His own filled with pleasure. ‘Did you have a pleasant journey back?’
‘Oh yes, thank you, Thomas. All my news over a nice cosy drink shortly, before we go to the Grand. But first, take off your coat, and then I’ll show you the decorations Audra has created in the dining room.’
‘I saw her leaving the house as we turned into the drive,’ Thomas remarked, removing his scarf. ‘I had Robertson stop the motorcar, and I told her he would run her home if she waited a moment, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She’s always been an independent little thing, though, hasn’t she?’
‘Yes,’ Irène agreed.
She linked her arm through her husband’s and led him across the floor in the direction of the dining room. ‘Audra doesn’t look terribly well to me, and I have a feeling she and Vincent are not as happy as she would like to have me believe.’
‘Mmmmm. Handsome chap, Vincent Crowther. Probably ruined too, by his mother and those doting sisters of his, not to mention women—women in the past tense, of course. No, Irène, I don’t imagine that that young whippersnapper is easy to live with. And then of course, he is from a different class.’
‘Thomas!’ Irène exclaimed, drawing away, looking up at him sharply. Her eyes were dismayed. ‘You know I detest that sort of thing—class prejudice absolutely incenses me.’
‘Yes, but you’re not going to change the nature of the English… it’s endemic. Besides, the lower classes are just as bad as the aristocracy when it comes to that sort of thing. Snobs too, in their own way.’ He smiled at her somewhat wryly. ‘And whatever you say, background does make a devil of a difference, darling. Audra is a lady, and breeding will out—why, it’s obvious in everything she does. And unfortunately Vincent will always hold her back, hold her down, you’ll see.’ Thomas Bell shrugged. ‘But they are married, and it isn’t actually any of our business.’
‘No, but I’m so fond of her, Thomas.’
‘Yes,’ he said.
The Bells paused on the threshold of the dining room. ‘Voilà!’ Irène exclaimed, waving her hand towards the room.
For a moment Thomas Bell was startled. ‘Why, it looks exquisite,’ he managed at last, obviously as impressed as his wife had been earlier.
‘Very original, and quite breathtaking,’ Irène said, and then sighed so heavily that Thomas eyed her curiously.
Irène met his direct gaze. She shook her head, and a look of perplexity washed over her expressive face. ‘Audra thinks she’s especially gifted as a nurse, but she’s not, she’s simply very good and that’s all. Of course, she would never believe me if I told her this, since Margaret Lennox has expressed entirely different views to her.’
Swinging her eyes towards the dining room, Irène waved her hand at it again. ‘No, this is where her gift truly lies—in her artistic endeavours. She is an extraordinary painter, Thomas, but she can’t see it, and I don’t understand why she’s so blind.’ Once again Irène sighed. ‘Oh Thomas, what a waste of talent. That’s the saddest part of all.’
‘Perhaps it is. Poor Audra, she never had much of a chance, really. Life sort of came charging at her full tilt, and when she was so young…’
CHAPTER 19
Why ever did I tell Mrs Bell that I’m fine? I’m not fine at all. And I’m trapped. Whatever am I going to do?
These thoughts pushed all others to the back of Audra’s mind as she busied herself in the parlour-kitchen of the cottage in Pot Lane, not long after she had left Calpher House.
I should have confided in Irène Bell, she told herself, unexpectedly regretful that she had kept her worries bottled up inside. It helped to air problems, especially if the listener was a sympathetic and understanding person like Mrs Bell. But she had remained silent when the opportunity had presented itself, and now it was too late.
I really am on my own, Audra thought, just as I’ve always been on my own since I was fourteen. I have nowhere to go. No one to turn to… I only ever did have Matron Lennox, but even she can’t help me. She can’t possibly give me a job as a nurse now that I’m pregnant.
The despair that Audra had been carrying around with her for days spiralled into sudden panic, and as she put the cups and saucers on the table she saw that her hands shook slightly. Standing absolutely still in the middle of the kitchen, she took rigid control of herself. Be calm, be calm, she kept repeating, breathing deeply, reminding herself that panic never accomplished anything.
When Audra felt more composed, she went to look at the lamb stew for Vincent’s dinner, which had been simmering in the oven of the
Yorkshire range all afternoon. Satisfied that it was slowly cooking to perfection, she made a cup of tea and carried it to the fire, where she sat for a while, mulling over her predicament.
During the two weeks she had been ill with influenza she had begun to suspect that she was pregnant. For the last few days she had been absolutely certain; a variety of changes in her body could no longer be ignored. When the cold facts had sunk in at the beginning of the week, her first thought had been of flight. She had intended to stick to her plans to leave Vincent.
But this evening, walking home from Calpher House, she had come to realize that this would be a foolish move to make when she was with child. She had no money, no job—and nowhere to run, anyway. Laurette had put it most succinctly when she had said, ‘We’re the only family you have.’ It was true.
But to stay with Vincent? How could she? They only ever argued and bickered. Well, that was not strictly true. At least, not at the moment. He had been solicitous of her well-being whilst she had been in bed with the ’flu, and exceptionally kind to her, and there hadn’t been a cross word between them since she had recovered.
A few days ago, he had asked her, unexpectedly and in a subdued voice, if she still intended to leave him. And she had said yes, as soon as she was well enough to do so. There had been such an odd look on his face when he had turned away, and thinking about it now she realized, suddenly, that it had been a look of genuine sadness. And she was certain there had been a hint of regret in his eyes, and that he was sorry for all of their angry words, their virulent rows that served no purpose. After all, they had started out with so much. Oh why can’t it be the way it was in the beginning? she asked herself, and leaning back in the chair she closed her eyes, thinking of the happy days of their courtship, fervently wishing they would come back.
A little while later, Audra sat up with a jerk, roused from her ruminations by the sound of footsteps on the flagstone path outside. The door flew open and Vincent hurried in, carrying a large bunch of holly dangling from a string.
His face brightened. He was relieved to see her sitting by the fire. These days he never knew for certain whether he was coming home to an empty house or not.
‘Hello, love,’ he said, putting the holly on the floor, taking off his scarf and trilby hat.
‘Hello,’ Audra responded, and she could not help thinking how handsome he looked tonight. The cold wind had brought fresh colour to his cheeks and his green eyes were alive and sparkling under the black brows. She asked, in her usual quiet way, ‘How was your trip to York?’
‘Oh it was grand, and ever so successful, I’m happy to report. It looks as if we’ll get the contract, oh yes, very definitely. Mr Varley is right chuffed and so am I… it means all of our jobs are safe, well, for a bit, at least. Which is saying a lot when you look around and see what’s going on in the country. Mr Varley says we’re heading for an economic crisis…’ He let his sentence trail off, but as he struggled out of his coat and hung it up, he added, ‘oh and by the by, you can congratulate me.’
Audra’s brow lifted. ‘Why? What’s happened?’
‘I’ve been promoted. Mr Varley made me the new foreman this afternoon. There hasn’t been one, you know, since old Harry Watkins retired.’
‘Congratulations are in order, Vincent, and I am pleased for you,’ Audra said enthusiastically, meaning her words. ‘You certainly deserve it, you’ve worked hard enough.’
‘Thanks for that, love.’ He cleared his throat, picked up the holly and walked across the floor. ‘I bought this from a farm cart on one of the country roads on the way back. What shall I do with it? Shouldn’t it be in water?’
‘It’ll be all right for a while. Put it on the set-pot. Would you like a cup of tea?’
‘Er, no thanks, love.’ He hesitated, as if uncertain of his next move, and then he walked over to her chair, bent down and kissed her cheek. But he quickly moved away, stood with his back to the fire, warming himself.
‘Thank you for the holly, Vincent,’ Audra murmured, looking up at him with a half smile. ‘It was nice of you…’
‘Oh, it was nothing… do we have any beer left?’
‘Yes, there are several bottles in the pantry.’
He went to get one, asking, as he strode across the floor, ‘How’s the lad, then?’
‘Excited about his Christmas party, and the last thing he said to me, as I was leaving, was to be sure to make you come with me tomorrow.’
‘Oh I don’t know about that…’ Returning to the fireside, Vincent sat down in the chair opposite her, his expression reflective.
‘Theophilus will be disappointed if you don’t go.’
Vincent stared at her in surprise, frowning, and there was a hint of bafflement in his voice as he asked, ‘Would you mind if I went? I mean, do you want me to go with you.’
‘Yes, and anyway, Theo has his heart set on it. You know the boy hero-worships you.’
He nodded, took a sip of beer, said hesitantly, ‘Well… I do get off work early. Mr Varley always shuts down at twelve on Christmas Eve.’
‘Yes.’ Audra glanced away, sat looking into the fire.
Vincent fumbled in his jacket pocket, searching for his cigarettes.
A silence fell between them.
It was the kind of companionable silence they had so often shared in the early days of their relationship, and tonight they seemed to be at ease with each other in a way that they had not been for months. Quite suddenly Audra felt his eyes on her and she brought her gaze to meet his. She held her breath. There was a look of such tenderness and love on his face it was heart stopping.
She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it without uttering a word, incapable of saying anything at this moment, filled with a bewildering array of emotions. She glanced down at her hands. Her wedding band glinted in the firelight, so burnished, so bright, a symbol of her dreams—and hope for the future. She thought of the baby she was carrying. The child was the future… just as it was part of the past, their past, created out of their love and their passionate feelings and their need for each other. Deep in the inner recesses of her heart Audra understood that in spite of everything her love for Vincent remained intact and unchanged; that was an inescapable fact.
Almost as if he were reading her mind, Vincent threw his cigarette into the fire and rose. He went and knelt next to her chair, and taking her hands in his he looked deeply into her eyes, which were huge tonight, bright and vividly blue in her wan face.
He swallowed, said tremulously, ‘Don’t leave me, Audra, please don’t leave me. On my way home tonight I didn’t know whether you’d be here or not, and my heart was in my mouth. It’s always in my mouth these days… not knowing what to expect. And I thought, what will I do if she’s not there? How can I live without her?’ He paused, attempted a smile, but it faltered. ‘The truth is, I can’t live without you, and I don’t want to anyway. You see, Audra, I love you, I really do.’
She knew he meant every word. There was not only a ring of sincerity in his voice, but a desperateness too, and as she returned his penetrating gaze steadily she saw the glitter of tears at the back of his green eyes.
For a moment she could not speak.
‘Please don’t leave me,’ he begged again, his voice low and emotional.
Audra touched his face gently, and then to her own surprise, she blurted out, ‘I’m going to have a baby.’
Vincent drew back, his eyes widening as he stared at her, and then grabbed her in his arms and hugged her to him. ‘Oh Audra, what wonderful news!’ Immediately he pulled away from her. All the anxiety had been wiped off his face and he was grinning boyishly. ‘You can’t leave me now, you know you can’t! Besides, I won’t let you. You need me to look after you, to take care of you and the baby.’
‘Yes,’ she acknowledged, knowing this was the truth.
‘We’ll have a better life together, I promise,’ he said with genuine feeling. ‘And I promise I’ll be a better husband, I really
will, Audra.’
***
At first he was true to his word.
The kindness he had shown during her bout with influenza continued, and he was more considerate than he had ever been to her, or anyone else, for that matter. At night he rushed home from work to be with her, and he never left her side in his free time, not even at weekends when he was accustomed to going off on his own with his friends. He fussed over her, cosseted her, and was a model husband and expectant father.
Tranquillity descended on the little house in Pot Lane.
Audra was content in a way she had never been in her entire life, and grateful to have peace and quiet—and also rest. Her pregnancy was turning out to be a difficult one. The morning sickness was unusually severe, and the nausea often continued during the day; she felt out of sorts in her general health and was constantly debilitated.
In the beginning, Vincent was concerned for her and sympathetic about her condition. But it was not very long before his patience gave way to irritability and, worst of all, boredom.
Just before Christmas, when they had reconciled, they had done so lovingly and had assumed their marital relationship. But once again this had ceased. Vincent more or less understood Audra’s physical withdrawal from him, since he thought that an expectant woman might not be overcome by sexual desire for her husband. What truly troubled him was her lack of real interest in him and his daily life. He found her attitude strange, disconcerting—and very hurtful.
And so not unnaturally, given his nature, he soon began to find domesticity stifling. He did love Audra, and he did want to be married to her, but he also craved the life of a bachelor. This was not because he needed to chase after other women, for indeed he did not, but rather because he missed the camaraderie of masculine company, of roistering around with his friends in the pubs and betting at the bookie’s office and the race track. He had done these things all of his adult life and he saw no reason to change his habits.
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