by Jolie, Mika
On the radio, Gary Clark, Jr,’s piercing chords crooned the lyrics to Numb, a feeling Lily had experienced before when she discovered her cheating ex-fiancé’s explicit text messages to his side piece. And now, sitting on the cold, hard exam table, she couldn’t tell if the things happening around her were really occurring. All of a sudden life had thrown too much against her at once.
A hushed tone of knuckles on the door forced Lily to straighten herself as Dr. Mason entered with Paige close behind. Their eyes met and Paige gave her an understanding nod, easing away the fear that the whole patient confidentiality thing might be in jeopardy. An appreciative smile passed on Lily’s lips as some of the tension left her body. She turned to the doctor for the inevitable.
“How are you feeling?” Dr. Mason, her OB-GYN for the last ten years, had a voice that always carried the same level of calm with no sign of surprise or disappointment. Today was no different.
Never had a simple question been so loaded. How did she answer that? Confused. Shocked. Scared out of my panties. No panties reference. Nunca. Never ever. “A little shaken,” she answered as honestly as she could.
He smiled warmly. “You were on antibiotics a couple of weeks ago. That weakens the birth control,” the wise doctor informed her.
Well, damn! Shouldn’t that be in big bold letters on the prescription or the pill itself?
“Paige is going to take you to the exam room for an ultrasound. After that we can proceed with your options.”
What options?
Ultrasound?
The words cluttered her brain.
Her eyes narrowed in confusion. “Options? An ultrasound?”
Dr. Mason pulled his chair and lowered his thin frame. “Part of my job is to make sure there’s a heartbeat and ask if you are going to keep the baby. Not all unplanned pregnancies are kept.”
Her heart tripped and her hand automatically landed on her flat belly. As petrified as she was, the possibility of not carrying the baby full term had not once crossed her mind. And of course there’d be a heartbeat. She had ten tests at home proven she was very pregnant. “I’m keeping the baby,” she said in a low voice. There had to be a way to deal with her family. Maybe move somewhere very far. Now that was a tempting option. She looked at Dr. Mason. “Why the ultrasound? I took ten tests.”
The doctor leaned forward. “There are occasions when there’s no fetal heartbeat in a pregnancy. That usually ends in a natural miscarriage or a dilation and curettage.”
She knew what a D&C procedure was, but shit, she hadn’t thought of that possibility. All the emotions bottled inside paused for a moment as Lily processed this information. “I see.” But really, she didn’t.
Paige squeezed her shoulder. “That will take a few minutes. After that, we can do all the required blood work and go from there. Come to the front desk when you’re ready. In the meantime I’ll have the technician set everything up for you.” With a comforting smile Dr. Mason and Paige slipped out of the room.
Once alone, Lily slipped off the table and reached for her purse. She choked on the lack of oxygen she had and released a deep breath in an attempt to stay calm, but the motion made her dizzy. Fear of what she may have to face alone consumed her.
The key to the Benz convertible fumbled between her fingers. Heartbeat—the word repeated over and over in her head. The possibility that the life forming inside of her had a chance to never experience living scampered through her thoughts. She let out a shaky breath and was about to exit the room when she almost crashed into Paige.
“Lily, I’m going to be in the room with you. I don’t have to, but I want to. And no is not an option.”
In spite of the situation, she appreciated Paige’s offer. “You don’t have to do that. I can go alone.”
Paige shook her head. Her face set with determination. “Nonsense.” She closed the door behind her for privacy. “I know I’m closer to your brothers than you, but I consider you to be a friend.” She paused and clasped Lily’s hands in hers, no longer playing the role of a nurse but a friend. “I would never break patient-doctor confidentiality and tell your brothers any of this. This is for you to tell your family when you’re ready. I promise I won’t ask how, who, what,” she finished with a reassuring smile. “You shouldn’t have to do this alone.”
Alone. The word bit through her. She had never considered herself alone before. She was surrounded by friends, family, and maybe even Adam to some level. Only he wasn’t the lean-on-me type. From that aspect, she was indeed alone. All they had was a physical connection. Nothing more.
Her shoulders dropped in defeat. Feeling powerless over the present or the future, she answered with a small nod, surrendering to the support offered. “I appreciate it, Paige. Thank you,” she whispered just before the tears she had bravely tried to hold back began to cascade down her cheeks.
* * * *
Less than one hour later and exactly six weeks pregnant, Lily sat in her car and scanned through the pamphlets one last time. A prescription of prenatal vitamins had been called in to her pharmacy which she had to pick up. Two weeks after the wedding she had a follow-up visit. She sent Paige a thank you text before dialing Minka’s number. To her relief her friend picked up on the first ring.
“There you are,” Minka greeted her on the other line. “I’m so looking forward to seeing you. How long has it been since we last saw each other?”
“A little over two months,” she replied. And six weeks since she last saw Adam.
“Lily,” Minka’s voice automatically switched to concern on the other end of the phone. “What’s going on? Are you still coming tomorrow?”
That was the kind of friendship they had. Words were not usually needed to detect when the other was in distress, even miles apart.
“Yes, of course. I am the MOH.” Lily tried her best to sound cheerful, but knew she failed miserably. Not that she wasn’t happy to be the Maid of Honor for her best friend. In fact, she questioned who was more excited over the fact that Minka had found true love with Jason Montgomery, one of Adam’s close friends. “And I’m going to make sure you have the best wedding ever.”
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
She sighed. “Long story. I promise I will tell you all about it tomorrow.”
There was a slight pause on the other end. Lily knew what her friend was thinking. Tomorrow she was supposed to be with Adam. “Do you think there’s room available in Martha’s Way for me to stay?”
A nervous chuckle came from Minka. “Why would you do that? I thought you were staying with Adam.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“We saw him last night. He confirmed he was picking you up. Have you told him?”
Well, no. Not exactly. “Um, I will.”
A silence fell between the friends. “I’m confused,” Minka said at last.
So was Lily, but for a different reason.
“I don’t think Adam has done anything wrong. Of course women constantly throw themselves at him, but…”
“Minka,” she interrupted calmly, “I’ll explain tomorrow. I just need to stay at Martha’s Way for the next two weeks.”
“Well, the inn is full this week. The island is pretty busy with the food and wine festival going on.”
Oh, yes. She had forgotten about the last hoorah on the Vineyard before it emptied out. “Oh, okay, well, I will call The Fallon.” Which would probably have no vacancy either, but hey, what the hell? It was worth a try.
“Don’t be silly, Lily; you can stay with me and Jason. And whatever you are going through, please know I will support you.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“But you need to tell Adam you’re not staying with him,” Minka continued, “You know he can be pretty stubborn.”
Yes, she knew that too well. Stubborn and determined–those were two words she would always associate with Adam.
“I’ll tell him,” she promised her friend.
After their goodbye, Lily texted the ferry information to Minka. From her contact list, she scrolled to Adam’s name and studied it.
The second she heard the baby’s heartbeat, she had broken down in tears. Relief. Love. She fell in love instantly with the lentil-sized baby breathing life in her womb. And that’s when she’d made up her mind to break things off with the man she casually slept with, the father of the unborn child. She’d tell him about the baby and expect nothing from him. Her stomach tightened with nerves. Adam wasn’t the type to go down without a fight. He’d never accept the “I’m pregnant with your child and we’re over.” But she’d never settle for anything less than the kind of love she witnessed from her parents.
Her mind was made up. She’d tell him about her pregnancy and walk away. Beside the physical connection, they had nothing. She’d give him the opportunity to be an active father, but should he choose not to, she’d raise her child as a single mother. An unwed single mother and shaming the Serrano name.
Pressing on the message option, she typed.
No need to pick me up tomorrow. I’m staying with Minka and Jason.
As expected, her phone quickly vibrated.
Explain.
She wondered what he was doing. Knowing Adam, he was probably at his restaurant or at Vapor preparing for the food and wine festival.
Ordinarily, she wouldn’t refer to herself as a coward. But for once she was glad this conversation was taking place via text.
I’m throwing in the towel. We are over.
Like fucking hell we are. Tell me that tomorrow when you see me. Face to face. I will pick you up.
Her inside quivered at the words. She wanted him, probably always would.
Adam, please, I don’t want to make this trip about us.
Liliana, every time you come to the island it’s about us. I’m going to call in a few. Busy with Guillermo for a bit.
Lily blew out a series of short breaths to gain control of the situation, of herself.
No need. Going to have dinner with my parents. We’ll talk soon.
As soon as she pressed the SEND button, the tune to I’m Sexy and I Know It started playing. It crossed her mind to press the ignore button and escape into her parents’ house but she knew better. Besides stubborn and determined, Adam was also impulsive.
“What’s going on?” he asked on the other end, his voice dangerously low and not nearly as calm as usual.
Yet, it caressed her in places only Adam could. She leaned her head back against the cushion of the car seat and closed her eyes.
“We will talk, but not tomorrow. I need…”
“I need you,” he spoke the words like a series of musical notes, making her knees wobble. Thank God she was sitting down.
“You don’t need me, Adam,” she argued, need implied an emotional connection.
“Oh, but I do, Liliana. My dick needs you and it’s a part of me.”
That was Adam. Raw and to the point. The admission should have stung, as it reminded her of what she already knew. But her body betrayed her and grew damp. She wanted him deep inside her, pumping, grinding, and shouting her name.
“I will see you tomorrow,” he said in a gentler tone. “First we have sex, and then we talk about what’s bothering you. And we will deal with it together. Together, Lily.” His voice held a note of authority. “Not you alone.”
“I have to go.”
She quickly pressed the END button, threw her phone in her bag and practically ran inside the comfort of her parents’ house. All the while praying for the strength she needed to walk away from the man with the strong hold on her.
Chapter Six
“I keep myself busy with things to do, but every time I pause, I think of you.”
Anonymous
Cilantro, garlic, onions, capers, Cubanese peppers; the indigenous seasonings of her mother’s cooking greeted her the minute she entered their Victorian home in Somerville. Lily inhaled the intoxicating aroma of fresh, homemade sofrito. Her stomach, tempted by the delicious smell, growled in response.
Cocina Criolla, Creole cooking, that’s how her parents had explained the locals referred to their cuisine, which could be traced back to the Arawaks and Tainos, the original inhabitants of Puerto Rico, her parents’ birthplace. This made Lily and her brothers first generation Americans of the Serrano family, but their Hispanic culture had been ingrained in them and for that she was grateful. They might not have grown up rich like some of the teachers she worked with at the private school in Princeton, but what they lacked in financial wealth, the tight-knit family made up with love.
She walked down the hall into the living room and found her oldest brother Rafa slumped on the cream-colored sofa by the fireplace, his face covered by his favorite New York Yankees baseball hat. His beloved black Lab, appropriately named Faithful, lay at his feet.
A smile curved her lips and she focused on Rafa’s long legs. The urge to kick them overcame her as it had so many times as a child. His sandalwood eyes would shoot open, a moment of shock followed quickly by anger. He’d curse at her and threaten her with some bodily harm. She laughed under her breath and stepped carefully around his sleeping form. The big goof. He could curse as loud as he liked and she’d still see right through him. All bark no bite. He loved her. All three of them loved her and she loved them right back.
The warm comfort of home seeped into her as she reminisced over memories growing up in the house with the Three Musketeers. Unlike today, their house had always been noisy, filled with laughter, fights between siblings, and music. They listened and danced to salsa or watched their parents dance the boleros of Rafael Hernandez. If she closed her eyes, she could see a younger version of her parents smiling, dancing to the smooth beat of No Me Quieras Tanto in the kitchen, the table pushed aside and the dishes left for later. They never wanted more than what they had. They provided, shaped, and loved their children in spite of economic difficulties. And for that each one of them, in their own way, tried to make their parents proud. She’d done a pretty good job at that, at least she thought so. Well, maybe not once they found out she was knocked up.
“Why do you look like you’re about to throw up all over the furniture?” Rafa’s voice pierced her thoughts. He straightened his body and was now staring intently at her, his probing eyes missing nothing as he adjusted his baseball cap back on his head.
Lily ran her hands over her jeans and focused her eyes on a picture of the six of them framed on the mantle. Rafa always had the ability to read her, so she slapped on a smile. “I was just about to kick you.”
He brought his body to a full sitting position. She surveyed him. Couldn’t believe her brothers were all grown up. So are you, and you’ve topped them. You’re pregnant.
“You look sick. Did another asshole hurt you?” His eyes narrowed, fully in big brother mode.
“Geez, Rafa, you don’t have to be my protector. Nate was over a year ago.”
“I still want to kick his ass.”
Yes, she knew that. As a matter of fact, all three of them had threatened to remove one or two of her ex-fiancé’s limbs. She cringed at the thought of what they might try to do to Adam. Her lover might be all muscled up and a total badass, but she doubted he could take all three of them, at least not at once.
“Well, I’m over Nate’s cheating. Let it go.” Although she couldn’t control what they’d do to him if their paths happened to cross, or would she mind if one of them punched the pretty smirk off his face. As a matter of fact, it would probably bring her some pleasure.
“So what’s bothering you then? Another guy broke your heart? I didn’t know you were dating again,” he said casually, as if she always made it a point to tell her brothers who she was dating. For the record, she typically avoided the topic and didn’t bring Nate over until they had the “talk” and established them as boyfriend and gi
rlfriend.
A nervous chuckle escaped her throat. “You guys need to stop treating me like I’m five.”
“You weren’t dating at five,” Rafa grunted then seemed to think about it for a second and looked at her for confirmation, causing Lily to laugh.
Her brother came to his feet, stretching to his full six foot-plus height. Faithful automatically sprang to her paws. What a bitch. Shaking her head, she walked past her brother and his beloved dog.
“You don’t see me all over your love life,” Lily said over her shoulder. In fact, she wouldn’t set one of her friends up with any of them. They were handsome, charming, and what she referred to as male whores.
“Really, how old were you when—” Rafa asked in a low tone behind her.
“If I tell you, I’d have to kill you,” she shot over her shoulder without stopping her stride. They didn’t have to know that other than Adam, there had only been Nate and her college boyfriend. Her brother swore under his breath. Together they entered the charming European style eat-in-kitchen that had all the elements to be the heart of the home. Warm, peachy tones and creamy whites play nicely together. Her mother stood by the counter, kneading dough with bare hands, preparing to make biscuits. Her father came to join her mother, placed a glass of wine by her side. The two shared a glance then kissed.
Lily caught her breath over the intimate moment. It happened so quickly she almost missed it, but for one second, her father’s hand touched her mother’s back and pulled her into him. Their lips touched in a sweet, light kiss that spoke louder than words. The gesture exuded warmth, comfort, and their deep love.
The loneliness she had been fighting all day resurfaced. Now she understood the reason behind it. Her parents had something that was out of her reach. They had love. As much fun as she had with Adam, their relationship was built on nothing of substance. And that was why she had to end it no matter how much he tried to sway her otherwise. And he would. She was sure of that. Women didn’t walk out on Adam Aquilani. Subconsciously, one of her hands came to rest on her stomach, no matter what happened, they were forever linked.