My eyes close for a moment as I try to continue on but I know there’s no point, I can’t bear to continue on knowing she’s out in the dark running by herself. “Shit,” I murmur to myself as I turn on my heel and begin running behind her looking like a fucking dirty stalker.
Her back stiffens, clearly knowing I’ve turned around. I stay a few meters behind, making sure she’s ok while keeping my eyes firmly focused on her glorious ass that I’ve missed so much. We must be another ten minutes in when she comes to a screeching halt, doubling over with her hands on her knees, struggling for breath as sobs come tearing from her slim body.
My heart aches as I stop behind her, completely unsure of what to do. The girl I used to know would want me to swoop in and save the day, be her knight in shining armour and tell her I forgive her, but I’m not the same guy I used to be. I slowly begin to walk her way trying to give myself time to think of what the hell to say and get my emotions in check but she pulls herself together and takes off again.
I follow behind for a little while longer when she turns down a familiar street and then down a very familiar driveway. What the hell? Pieces of the puzzle begin falling into place. “You’re Bri’s new roommate?” I scoff, feeling like an absolute idiot as she reaches for the door handle.
She turns back to me, her eyes roaming all over my face and body before they focus in on my eyes. She gives me the smallest nod, before pushing through the door and closing it behind her. “Fucking, Bobby,” I grunt as a new wave of betrayal comes over me.
Needing to get this shit sorted, I take off in his direction and quickly come across his place. I pound my fist into his door. “Open the fucking door, Bobby,” I growl until he shows his face.
The moment the door is opened, my fist comes slamming into his face, nailing him in the jaw.
“What the fuck?” he growls, putting his hands up and rubbing his jaw.
I push past him and make my way into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. “Cass is Bri’s new roommate,” I state.
Anger grows behind his eyes as he gets in my face. “Tell me you weren’t just stalking my sister’s house in the middle of the fucking night?” he growls. “What the fuck were you doing there?”
“Calm down, I was out running. Cass was too. I followed her home to make sure she was safe. How the hell was I supposed to know I was following her to your sister’s place?”
“I told you Bri had a new roommate,” he argues.
“You failed to mention who the fuck it was.”
“She asked me not to. I assumed she was some chick you fucked and when I asked she said, ‘yeah’. How the hell was I supposed to know she’s the chick you’ve been in love with since you were a fucking kid?” he yells as his hands fly around in animation.
“I’m not in love with her,” I growl, slamming the bottle down on the kitchen bench.
He rolls his eyes at me and scoffs. “Yeah fucking right. I can see it in your eyes. The second you saw her, everything changed. In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never reacted like this over some chick.”
I want to argue, but I know the fucker is right. The proof is right there. I lean up against the counter and hang my head as I try to get my emotions under control. Concentrating on my breathing. “Sorry bout’ your face,” I grumble.
“No drama. I should have told you her name,”
Yeah, I definitely agree with that but there’s no point mentioning it. I move into the living room, taking my water bottle with me and collapse onto the couch.
“Dude, you probably don’t want to hear this, but you know who her brother is right?” Bobby asks with his eyes lighting up in excitement.
“Yeah,” I laugh. “Who do you think taught me to play?”
“Fucking hell,” he scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. “How have I known you this long and never known that?”
“You may have noticed, but I don’t talk about home or anything to do with her, period,” I murmur.
“Yeah, no shit,” he grunts under his breath. “I worked that out.”
We sit in silence for a short while before Bobby gets up. “If you’re all good, man, I’m going to head back to bed,” he says squeezing my shoulder on the way past. “You can crash here if you need,” he adds, disappearing before I can give an answer.
I lay back on the couch and pull a cushion behind my head, and once again the memories of Cassandra Waters come flying back, but at least some of that rage seems to have disappeared.
I finally fall into a proper sleep, waking hours later when the boys start messing around in the kitchen. I sit up on the couch and stretch my cramped legs out. “Yo, what’s the time?” I call out to anyone who will answer.
“After 11,” someone replies, “Hungry?”
“Yeah,” I say, getting up to realize my legs are actually really sore, though that’s no doubt from the intense run I put them through this morning. A run that had no stretch, no warm up, and no cooldown. Rookie error.
I sit with the boys to eat before Bobby decides he has forgiven me enough to give me a lift back to my place. “You owe me,” he reminds me as I get out of his truck.
“I know, man,” I say, studying the bruise that’s come out on his jaw. I give him a quick nod and close the door.
By the time I’m actually dressed and ready for the day, it’s after one in the afternoon and the thought of seeing Cassie has been eating at me for hours. I grab my keys, slip out the door, and head over to Brianna’s place.
A weird kind of excitement that I don’t understand starts to fill me as I get out of my truck and walk up the drive. I knock lightly on the door and wait the few agonising moments for it to be answered.
Bri opens the door with a yawn, wearing her Hello Kitty pajamas. “Girl, it’s after one in the afternoon. Why are you only getting out of bed now?” I scold.
She gives me an unimpressed look. “Not that it’s any of your business, but we had a bit of a late night. I’m sure you can imagine why.”
I let out a sigh. “Is she here?” I ask.
She doesn’t answer, just looks at me blankly, clearly not wanting to give in, though, I’m sure I’m not in her good book at the moment.
“Bri, come on,” I beg, giving her the puppy dog eyes that works on every woman I know.
“Stalk anyone lately?” she asks with attitude, “Oh, better yet, punch anyone lately?”
Yeah, I deserved that. “Bri, you know I’m the last person on this earth who would ever hurt her. She was running around the streets alone in the middle of the night, of course, I’m going to follow her home. I would never have forgiven myself if something happened to her. Your brother on the other hand, he deserved it.”
She lets out an annoyed huff but eventually her walls fall down. “She’s not here. She’s working.”
“Working?” I ask in shock. “She doesn’t need the money.” My mind starts swirling. Why the hell would she be working? Had something happened to her family’s money? I mean, she has a damn trust fund. Not to mention her brothers are loaded. Logan has a freaking multi-million dollar contract with the NHL, Sean’s one of the top lawyers in the country, and who the fuck knows what Carter ended up doing.
Brianna gives me a dumb, pointed look and it suddenly clicks, she’s working to avoid me.
“Where?” I ask with a sigh.
She lets out a resigned humph, “Library,” she says. “But she doesn’t finish until seven.” I’m already opening my truck before she has finished her sentence. There’s no way I can wait around until seven knowing she’s here.
I park in the library parking lot and hop out of the truck. Now my challenge is actually finding her in this big fucker we call a library. I head on in and search level after level, checking each row and study room. I eventually find her on level three, right up the back, sorting through piles of books and returning them to their positions.
She grabs a book off the top of the pile and takes a look at the spine before searching
the shelves for its spot. She finds it a few rows above her head and reaches up on her tippy toes to slide it in place only she isn’t quite tall enough. I walk up behind Cass, pressing my body flush against hers. I bring my hand up and take the book out of hers before pushing it into its position.
Her body stiffens against mine, instantly knowing who stands behind her. “Can we talk?” I murmur with my chest vibrating against her back.
She keeps her eyes forward as she slowly comes down from her tippy toes. “I’m working,” she tells me in her velvety voice. The velvety voice I hadn’t realized just how much I missed.
“Please,” I reply.
She lets out a breath and turns to face me with the movement causing her chest to press up against my rib cage. Her big brown eyes look up at me with tears beginning to pool. “Jax,” she sighs with regret in her voice.
“I promise, I just want to talk. I’ll come back when you’re done and then I’ll leave you alone.”
She looks down at her feet as she thinks it over, “K,” she whispers ever so softly.
I step back out of her personal space and give a nod, letting her know I’ll be back.
With nothing else to do to pass the time, I head to the gym, get myself cleaned up and show up at six. I take a seat in the back of the library, watching her work for the last hour of her shift. As the clock ticks closer to seven, I notice her become fidgety and realize she’s nervous, though, she shouldn’t be, we’ve been talking about anything and everything since we were twelve years old. Sure, it’s been a few years, but I’ve seen this woman at her absolute worst and at her best. If anything, I should be the one person she’s not nervous around.
At seven o’clock, I watch as she says goodbye to the other girl working, grabs her handbag from under a counter and hesitantly comes and walks past me. She motions with a flick of her chin to follow her. I get up and do just that as she takes a few twists and turns, and leads us into an old forgotten study room that gives us a little privacy.
There is still enough daylight coming in through the window so she doesn’t bother to hit the lights as she passes them. She presses her back up against the wall, drops her bag and slides down until she’s sitting. I follow her lead and take a seat beside her, leaving enough room between us, so I’m not urged to reach out and touch her.
After all, I’m here for one reason and one reason only. To find the answers to the questions I’ve been asking for the past three years.
We sit in silence, neither of us knowing where to start. My eyes linger on her bag and spy the torn-up notebook poking out the top and a strange familiarity pulses through me. I desperately want to reach out and pluck the notebook from her bag knowing it would be filled with lyrics and would give me some sort of insight to what her life is like now, but I know she would probably beat me to a pulp if I tried. Those old notebooks of hers were always considered a forbidden fruit, something you desperately want but know you can’t have.
“How are you?” I finally ask, feeling like an idiot for giving her the benefit of the doubt and not bombarding her with the hard questions. After all, she tore my heart out, what’s a little pain on her side.
“I’ve been better,” she tells me, not wanting to give anymore, “You?”
“Confused,” I admit. “What are you doing here, Cass?”
She studies her hands as she replies. “You mean here on campus? Or Denver?”
“I don’t know,” I say looking over at her. “Both?”
She lets out a shaky breath. “I missed my family. It was time to come home,” she explains, giving me a half-ass rehearsed answer.
“So, you’re back for good then?”
“Is that going to be a problem?” she asks.
“I guess we’ll see,” I tell her honestly.
She gives a slight nod before moving along. “How are your parents?”
“Wouldn’t have a clue,” I admit with a shrug. “After you left, there wasn’t much there for me. I haven’t been back since I started college.”
“What?” she gasps, finally looking over at me with some level of emotion in those wide eyes. “You haven’t gone home in three years?”
“You know my parents,” I say with a roll of my eyes. “As long as I’m playing hockey, I’m nothing but a fuck-up. They haven’t spoken to me since the day I accepted my scholarship, but you’ll see, they’ll come running back when I sign with the NHL.”
“Shit, Jax. I didn’t realize it had gotten so bad.”
“How could you?” I grunt.
“I guess I deserved that,” she grumbles, focusing her eyes back to her hands.
I cringe knowing that would have hurt, but I don’t dwell on it just yet. “How are your brothers?” I ask to keep her talking.
“They’re okay. Sean’s getting married in a few weeks,” she says.
“To Sara?”
“Yeah,” she smiles.
“Logan?” I ask.
“He’s good. Apparently has a new girl that we’ll meet at the wedding,” she says. “He’s been offered another four years in the league.”
“Shit,” I laugh in surprise. “Good on him. What about Carter?”
At that, she finally gives off a small smile. “Well, you know Carter,” she scoffs. “Still the biggest manwhore around. Just like you,” she whips with a hint of jealousy in her voice. Her comment stings, but I don’t let it show. “I’m waiting for the day some girl comes and knocks him off his feet.”
“That’d be the day,” I chuckle. “What about your parents?”
She goes quiet and her head dips down. I look over at her, unsure of the sudden change in her. She blinks back tears and something inside me has me reaching for her hand. Her fingers instantly fold into mine, the movement feeling so natural. “What is it, Cass?” I murmur quietly.
She looks up at me with her brown eyes meeting mine. She shakes her head ever so slightly and I see the absolute heartbreak in her eyes. “Jax,” she whispers as the tears begin to pour down her face. “I’m so sorry, I thought you knew.”
Dread settles in my stomach and I know without a doubt whatever comes out of her mouth next, is not going to be good.
She lets out a shaky breath and I give her hand a squeeze, prompting her to continue. “They’re gone, Jax. They’re dead.”
Chapter 5
Cassie
He reaches across and scoops me into his arms, pulling me down on top of him so I straddle his lap. He holds me close, looking at me with pain in his eyes, begging me to tell him this is a sick joke. “How?” he asks with a broken voice as his head falls to my shoulder. Making no secret of the fact that all this time, he actually had no idea.
I take a deep breath, preparing myself to break his heart all over again. “Mom was nearly two years ago,” I start with a shaky voice, but I push on. He needs to know. “The cancer came back. She was gone within a few months.”
He curses, the pain clear in his voice as he pulls me in tighter, urging me to continue.
“Dad was taken by a heart-attack six months ago,” I murmur as the tears stream down my face.
We sit in silence, finding comfort in each other. “Fuck, Cass. They were my family too. I should have been there for them. For you.”
I drop my head into the nook of his neck and breathe him in. “I’m sorry,” I cry as my lips move against his skin, “I miss them so much.”
“I know, baby,” he says as he removes his hands and brings them to lift my face to his. “There’s nothing you could have done to change what happened,” he tells me, holding me close enough to feel his breath against my lips.
“I could have come home more, been by her side,” I whisper.
“She wouldn’t have wanted that and you know it,” he says. I drop my forehead against his. “You should have called me, Cass. I would have been there.”
“I hurt you. In the worst way. I didn’t think I could,” I admit.
“You were hurting. I would have come. I would always come,” he mu
rmurs.
Once again, the room falls to silence as we contemplate what’s been said. Neither one of us move as we desperately seek out the comfort and familiarity the other offers.
“Come on,” he finally says. “We still have a lot to talk about, but it’s getting late. I’ll drop you home.”
At that, I finally look up and notice the room has fallen into darkness and I’m shocked to find how long we’ve been sitting here. “It’s ok,” I say, getting to my feet but feeling empty at the loss of his touch. “I have my car,” I tell him, stepping back so he has room to move.
“Ok,” he murmurs as we walk out of the little room only to find the rest of the library completely abandoned. Lights are off, the familiar whir of the computers gone, the librarian’s desk empty, and of course, the front doors locked.
“Shit,” I whisper as we walk up to the front doors. Jax double checks the door while I peer through the window. “Crap,” I groan.
“What?” he asks, also peering through the window. “Still petrified of storms?”
“More now than ever,” I cringe, turning away and heading for the windows in the computer lab, knowing that one tends to get jammed and is a bitch to close.
I climb up on the table and get to work trying to wiggle the window open. I hear Jax groan from behind me before grabbing my hips and moving me out of the way. “Watch out,” he grumbles. “You’re going to hurt yourself.” He steps up on the table and with a bit of manpower the window creaks open bringing with it the noise of the raging storm outside.
He shoves his head out the window and looks down. “It’s a bit of a drop,” he yells over the sound of the storm as the wind blows his hair around his face. “I’ll go first and catch you at the bottom.”
I step up beside him and peer out the window. My eyes go as wide as saucers. There’s no way I’m jumping out this window especially in a fucking storm. “But…” I start before getting cut off by a crack of thunder.
“No buts. It’s either jump out the window or stay here the night,” he tells me knowing I’m far too pussy to do either. Seeing the resignation in my eyes he continues, “Be careful, the rain’s made the window sill slippery,” he says as he climbs up. Before I know it, he launches himself out. I cringe as he disappears into the dark night below.
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