We’re ushered back upstairs where Sara’s parents are waiting and are given the half an hour call. I slip off my shoes and take a seat while I wait patiently. The wedding planner comes up and gives us the rundown of how the ceremony is going to work. Who is going to walk down in what order, who holds Sara’s bouquet while she can’t, blah, blah, blah.
And then finally, it’s go time.
Some guy in a suit comes and ushers us down the stairs and out a separate backdoor which leads to a small gazebo area, an area that Jax and I had coveted as our own. I cringe at the memories that assault me with this place, but do my best to put it behind me. I can sulk all I want about Jax tomorrow.
We’re lined up, ready to go, and I listen as the wedding planner maps out the pathway we are to take to get down the aisle. From where we stand we can’t see where the ceremony is, but anyone who knows the property would clearly understand the path. Let’s just hope the two girls before me understood what the planner was trying to say.
Shortly after the music begins, Sara’s sister heads off, followed by her best friend and then me. With a breath, I take my first step towards the aisle, following the path I was told to lead. It doesn’t take long for the ceremony area to come into view, but I keep my head down, terrified I might trip.
Once I reach the top of the aisle, I’m stopped by the photographer who takes a photo with an absolute blinding flash before stepping out of my way and letting me continue. Once the photographer has moved, I finally get a look at the Groom, who looks at me with a huge proud smile, but I also see a hint of guilt that has my eyebrows furrowing together for the briefest moment.
I continue on down the aisle and move to Carter and then to Logan who gives each other a sideways glace before looking back at me with worried looks on their faces. What the hell is going on? My eyes continue scanning the line of groomsmen expecting to see Tom, Sean best friend. Instead, they land on the one person I did not expect to see, not in a million years.
Jax stands up beside my brothers, looking as handsome as ever in his suit with his hungry eyes firmly on me, eating me up. The pure shock of seeing him has me stumbling slightly before I right myself and slap on a smile. I force myself down the rest of the aisle and instead of lining up with the other bridesmaids, I head straight to Sean and reach up on my tippy toes to place a swift kiss on his cheek.
To the guests, it would look like an innocent show of affection from a little sister to her big brother on his wedding day, but everyone standing before me on the groom’s side knows better.
“What the fuck, Sean?” I say through my teeth as I smile and pull him in for a hug. “Are you trying to fucking kill me?”
“Sorry, Cass,” he murmurs. “I couldn’t picture today without him.”
I let out a sigh and take a quick glance his way to find those deep blue eyes already on mine. I flick my attention back to my brother before I get swept up into Jax and grab the attention of Logan and Carter as well, knowing they also would have known about this. “We’re all going to have words about this later,” I whisper before heading to my side to stand in line behind Sara’s best friend.
Once firmly in position, I can’t help but cast my eyes to Jax as I wait for the final bridesmaid to take her position. Jax watches me right back and to say the moment is intense would be putting it lightly. From the look in his eye, I would say, that for today only, he has decided to overlook our history and recent confessions and enjoy this time that we have as one big family.
The music finally changes letting us know the bride is up next and I tear my eyes away from him. I look up the aisle to see Sara walking towards her groom with tears of happiness streaming down her face. I turn back to Sean and he’s absolutely beaming as he takes in his bride, and I swear, I could not be happier in this moment.
I tune out Jax and focus on the ceremony, and I’m glad that I do. Watching them publicly confess their love for each other and say their vows has tears in my eyes that I can’t seem to dismiss. I know marrying the man of my dreams is something that may never happen for me, but I’m so happy for Sean that everything he has ever wanted is falling right into place.
At the end of the ceremony, the bride and groom walk back up the aisle with the bridal party to follow, which unfortunately has me partnered with Jax. He offers me his arm and I scoop my hand into place, once again being reminded of my senior prom.
“You look stunning,” he murmurs to me as we make our way back up the aisle.
“Thank you,” I say, “You don’t look too bad yourself.”
He casts his eyes down at me for a brief moment and I see the raw emotion in his eyes, and I know he is trying to tell me that this could have been us, should have been us.
I desperately want to say something, to tell him that I take it all back, that I wish I never left, but all that comes out is a broken sorry. He turns his attention back to the aisle and puts a stop to any conversation.
We make it to the end where hugs, kisses, and congratulations are passed around. Jax releases my arm, but a force is pulling me back to him. I know he needs a moment before he can deal with me again, so I give him what he needs. I leave to find my brothers who both see me coming at the same time.
Carter and Logan give each other wary looks before turning to face my wrath. “You should have told me,” I scold them. “I must have looked like an idiot, stumbling down the aisle.”
“Well, to be honest, telling you would have been an awful idea,” Logan says. “And watching you squirm was far too enjoyable.”
I ignore his comments as my mouth drops open. I stare at him in shock. “What planet are you living on?” I laugh. “How could it possibly be an awful idea? Are you nuts?”
“Honestly, it’s quite simple,” he tells me.
“How so?”
“Had you known, would you still have attended the wedding?” he asks.
I look at him like he’s lost his mind. “Of course, I would have.”
“But…?” Carter says, giving me a pointed look.
I roll my eyes, knowing exactly where this is going. “But I would have complained about it.”
“Exactly,” they say at the same time, doing that freaky triplet thing where they read each other’s minds. “Come on,” Logan says, always on team Jax. “You know it felt right having him here.”
I cast my eyes around and take him in, speaking with my grandparents as if talking with a long lost friend. My grandmother pulls him in with open arms and he goes willingly, making my chest ache in the good kind of way. “Yeah,” I admit. “It’s right having him here. He’s family.”
I head off and have a few moments to say some hellos before the photographer whisks us off for another photo shoot, though, with the boys here, this round of photos is somewhat comical.
Chapter 12
Jaxon
Fuck me. I don’t understand why chicks insist on getting all these damn photos taken. It’s ridiculous. My only saving grace is that Logan’s here and has already had a few too many drinks, otherwise, me and the boys would have thrown in the towel a long time ago.
It’s almost nightfall when the wedding planner comes around to tell us it’s time to head up to the reception. Carter and Logan take off with Tom, while Sean sweeps his bride up and throws her over his shoulder. She squeals and beats on his back as he takes off after the boys. The girls scream for him to put her down, saying some shit about messing up her hair and chase after them, leaving me and Cass behind.
She smiles after her family before realizing we’re left together and her smile becomes forced. She pulls her heels off and holds both them in one hand, along with the hem of her silvery dress. A dress that I wanted to tear off the moment I saw her in it. I mean, she is radiant today with her chestnut hair done up with a natural makeup. She didn’t go all out like the other girls did with the makeup and she looks absolutely breathtaking.
She starts walking to the house for the reception and I can’t help but fall in beside her. I don’t kno
w what makes me do it, maybe it’s the day, maybe it’s how beautiful she looks or maybe it’s the look in her eyes that tells me she’s still in love with me. I don’t know, but I quietly slide my hand into hers, my fingers lacing through hers, just like I’d done a million times before and it feels like coming home.
She looks up at me with wide, questioning eyes and all I can offer her is a sad smile. She takes it for what it is and turns her attention back to the grass before her, but doesn’t let go. We walk the rest of the way back to the house, hand in hand before I gently pull mine out of hers. She doesn’t look back at me, just continues walking until she stands among the other bridesmaids.
I don’t know how this all happened. All I know is that Sean called me a few days ago and told me it wouldn’t be right if I wasn’t standing up there with him, and I have to agree, being here feels like being with family again. I hated it the second he said I shouldn’t tell Cass about it, that it would just make her over think things and panic. He was completely right, that’s Cass to a T, however, it made me feel as if I was betraying her trust somehow, but either way, I’m here now and I would never take that decision back.
I watch as she mingles with the girls and accepts a glass of champagne, though, she only sips at it opposed to the other girls chugging, I guess she wants to remember this night. An arm is tossed over my shoulder as a big body leans all of its weight on me. “You’ve got it bad, brother,” Logan says with a knowing glint in his eye.
“Shut up,” I say, pushing him off.
“Why the hell would I do that? Stirring you is a favorite past time of mine. I couldn’t possibly skip an opportunity like that,” he says. I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to Cass as she throws her head back laughing. “You know,” he says taking on a serious tone. “She’s still yours. All you have to do is take her.” With that, he walks away, leaving the thoughts swirling in my head. If only it was that easy.
The reception gets underway and I take my seat at the bridal party. Night has fallen and the room is completely lit up. I must give credit to the bitch of a wedding planner because she has actually done a really good job. The room is packed, there must be at least two hundred guests here making my eyes scan the room.
First up, I notice my parents. The first thought going through my mind – what the fuck are they doing here? Though, that question is answered almost immediately as my next thought pops into my mind. They would be here for the social climbing opportunities, so I make a note to steer clear.
The next thing I notice is Logan beside me smiling at some chick at a table to the left. I follow his gaze to find a cute blonde and realize this must be his new girl, so I make another note to introduce myself and stir as much shit as possible, though, I’m sure Carter will join me with that.
Things get going and soon enough we’re demolishing off entrees and main meals then moving right along to speeches.
Sara’s best friends get up and give a speech that has the bride and majority of the women in the room in tears, but it’s all made better when Logan and Carter stand to make their dedication to their brother. The whole room is in stitches and hangs on each and every word they say as they confess their brother’s misguided activities of his past. The boys finish it off with a few touching words about their parents which has Cass discreetly wiping away a tear.
The moment the speeches are finished, the band takes to the stage and the crowd starts conversing and moving around the room. I watch as Cassie excuses herself from the table and steps out into the fresh air. I’m moving away from the table before I even realize what’s happening. I follow her out the side exit and find her standing at the edge of the patio looking out into the night.
I step up behind her and watch as her body slightly tenses as she feels my presence. I gently wrap my hands around her waist and pull her back against my chest, feeling at home as she relaxes against me. “You ok?” I ask.
I feel her take a deep breath as she slowly turns in my arms. “You don’t need to do this, Jax,” she says, making my heart slowly break.
Without hesitation, I look down into her big brown eyes. “I want to.”
She searches for something in my eyes and eventually is satisfied by what she sees. With a sigh she wraps her arms around me and leans her head down on my chest, needing to be held. I pull her in tighter and gently sway her to the music which flows through the open side door. I soothe her as best I can and remind her that her parents would have loved to be there.
After a short while, she slowly pulls her head back from my chest but doesn’t step out of my hold. “I truly am sorry, Jax,” she says, looking up at me with those eyes. “I never should have left.”
I search her eyes, the same way she had done to me before, though I have absolutely no idea what I’m searching for. “Why’d you go?” I ask, desperately needing the relief the answer could bring me.
A tear trails down her cheek as she takes a shaky breath. “I was scared,” she starts. “I was there that day you showed up with a ring and talked to my dad.”
“No,” I cut in, confused. “You were gone. You were with that girl from school.”
“No, Jax, I was home. Millie had a flat tyre and was running late. I didn’t bother telling anyone because it wasn’t going to be a long wait,” she explains. “But then you came and you were so sure of yourself, of our future and it freaked me out.”
“Fuck, Cass,” I groan, letting her go. “Don’t tell me you left because of that.”
“No,” she begs as more tears escape her eyes. “Just hear me out, please.” I turn away from her as I attempt to get my thoughts in order before turning back and telling her to go on. She takes another shaky breath. “I was confused after graduation and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I needed a change. So, I was talking to mom one night and she told me as long as I was happy it didn’t matter what I was doing. She joked that I could have been a truck driver for all she cared, as long as I was happy. Somewhere along the line, I had gotten in my head that getting out of Denver was the key to that happiness.”
She needed a change? What the hell? We were weeks away from heading to college, what more of a change could she have needed? “Why didn’t you talk to me about this?” I snap. “Fuck, Cass. If you wanted a different college or city I would have gone with you.”
“I know,” she snaps back.
“What the hell, Cass? This doesn’t make sense.”
She lets out a sigh as she looks back up at me. “I knew you would follow me anywhere I went and I couldn’t let that happen,” she explains. “Things with your parents were bad and I knew you wanted to get away, but you needed to be here. Your dream is being in the NHL. You needed to go to college and use your scholarship. This was your shot and I would have never forgiven myself had you thrown that away to follow me while I searched for what I wanted.”
I have no response. I can’t even get my thoughts in line to figure out where to start.
“Say something,” she cries.
“I can’t, Cass. I have no idea what to say. You threw away our future because you couldn’t talk to me.”
She hangs her head, though I can’t understand why. Regret maybe? Possibly shame? “It didn’t take me long to realize that I’d made the worst mistake of my life but by the time I’d realized that, you’d already moved on. You were only a freshman, but were already making features on ESPN and they made it clear what kind of reputation you had.”
“So, the reason you left had nothing to do with the conversation between me and your dad?” I ask.
“No,” she breathes, “It just made me realize how dedicated you were to me.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes, Jax. I’m sure,” she tells me with the slightest bit of annoyance in her voice at having to repeat herself. “I had to get away and I couldn’t let you give up your future for me.”
“Babe,” I sigh, stepping up to her and pulling her into my arms. I bury my head in her neck and inhale the nat
ural scent of her creamy skin. Her arms wrap around me and she holds me tight, needing the closeness. “All this time I thought you left because you were done with me. That you were over it, over us.”
She pulls me back and looks into my eyes. “Never,” she says. “How could I ever be over us when I’m still madly in love with you?”
“Fuck,” I say, getting frustrated with the situation. If she had only talked to me and let me in on what was going on in her head, this whole thing could have been avoided. “So, if you were so unhappy, why didn’t you come home?”
“I couldn’t,” she sighs. “I had already hurt too many people by leaving and I didn’t want to make that worse by letting them know that I wasn’t happy. I made a massive mistake and I was too stubborn to admit it.”
Fuck. This woman is my kryptonite. I crash my lips down on hers making her gasp for breath. She kisses me back and it feels amazing. It’s different from the night we shared a few weeks ago. That was desperate, needy and a mess of confused emotions, but this, this is something that comes from the heart, something I’m not even sure I know how to describe.
We could have been kissing for seconds or it could have been hours, I’ll never know, but eventually she pulls back and rests her forehead against mine. “What’s happening between us, Jax?” she asks.
“Honestly, Cass, I have no idea,” I tell her as my hands tighten on her waist. “I still care for you. Hell, I might even still love you, but I’m not the same man you once knew.”
“Yes, you are,” she demands. “I know you are. The old you is still in there, it’s just clouded by the girls, the reputation, and this persona you have as the captain, but that’s not you. I know it’s not.”
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