As soon as I walked around the corner and Terricka saw the look on my face, it was on as she yelled for all her gang sisters to get ready.
“We about to smash on all these weak hoes, trying to do that bullying shit with my sister. Tisha, I don’t know how long this shit been going on but it ends today. All that shit Roxxy’s funky ass has done to you is about to be reversed on her ten times and you the muthafucka about to do it.” My sister said as she walked over to me.
I looked at Terricka in surprise as she took some brass knuckles out of her pocket and put them on my hand before wrapping a blue rag around it. I watched the malice on my sister’s face grow as she cursed and talked about Roxxy while arming me with a deadly weapon. Part of me still wanted to let it go and just hide until everything was over. However, that fed up piece of me wanted so badly to make someone else feel the pain I felt. I wanted to give Roxxy back all she had given me and end the cycle of me being a victim. I was tired of being a fucking victim. For once I wanted to victimize someone.
“Don’t you be feeling bad either, Tisha. After all the bullshit Roxxy has done to you, she deserves this. I heard about all the bullshit and I’m mad you never told me. That’s okay though. I’ll feel better when I break one of these bitches face and so will you. Fuck them, Tisha, they just like Denise.” Terricka said fanning the flames of rage inside of me.
My sister was right like she usually was. It was time for me to reverse shit. I was tired of people telling me who I was and being who I thought others wanted me to be. Everybody already thought I was a hoe, soon to be junky thief like my mother. They expected me to be nothing in life and because of their doubt I pushed myself to be a perfect straight A student, and an obedient, loyal child. Even when my mother hurt me to my core, I still made excuses for her because I wanted to be that good child that was eventually blessed.
Living like that had been all I knew up until that moment. However, that suddenly didn’t feel right anymore. I didn’t want to be who everybody else thought or needed me to be. I just wanted to be… I wanted to be free to be me, whoever that was. At that moment, the me that I felt like was angry and out of control like Terricka could be, and how my mother was since before I could remember.
“Maybe I am just like my mother.” I said to myself as my rage exploded and I ran down the hallway.
Chapter 4
In that moment as I ran towards Roxxy and her crew with the brass knuckles inside of the rag around my hand and my sister and her crew behind me, I felt that reckless insanity my mother had. I had wondered most of my life if I would ever get it. As I punched Roxxy in her face, breaking her nose with the first lick, and knocking three of her front teeth out with the second, I knew that I carried a curse as well as some strengths from my mother.
My sister, her crew, and I beat Roxxy and her friends mercilessly for five minutes until the police and coaches came to break it up. When it was all over, Roxxy had a broken nose, missing teeth, and her left eye was swollen shut among other things. We beat their asses so good and the ass kicking was so well deserved that the coaches just laughed as they carried Roxxy and her crew to the nurse’s office. My sister and I walked through the halls, escorted by the school’s police officers with our heads held high as everybody cheered and chanted our names.
Inside the principal’s office I sat there with my minor cuts and bruises, smiling as I thought about the ass kicking I had put on Roxxy. I was proud of myself and feeling really confident as my sister sighed and shifted in her seat beside me. That was my first time ever being in Mrs. Cunningham’s office for anything bad; however, my sister Terricka was a regular in there so she knew what to expect. I looked at her and smiled until I saw the worried look written across her face. Since I had never been in trouble before, I didn’t know what would happen for fighting. I expected detention or to even be sent home with a letter for a first offense, especially since I was the one being picked on and everyone knew that. I expected to be treated fairly, yet the odds were stacked against me, and I couldn’t see it.
“I’m just going to say I started it all and you helped me. I’m gonna take the wrap and you will come back to school and be invincible.” Terricka said as I shook my head no.
I couldn’t believe what she was saying. I couldn’t let her take the blame when everything that happened was because of me. It was my fight, she had helped me. I couldn’t let my sister take the heat for me like she’d done many times before.
“No Terricka, hell no! I can’t let you do that. That was my fight. I will say...” I started to protest as my sister raised her hand telling me to shut the fuck up.
Terricka had a determined look on her face as she scooted closer to me and looked me straight in the eyes.
“Shut the fuck up, Tisha. I am going to say I started it all. They didn’t find the brass knuckles so I probably won’t be sent to juvi, but I will get expelled. I’d rather it be me than you. You have a future, Tisha. You’re smart as hell, Ms. 4.8 gpa. You actually like learning and shit. Me, I don’t give a fuck about none of that. All I wonna do is get some money and live my life day-by-day. I only stayed here this long because of you. Graduating is important to you, Tisha, not me. I’m gonna be straight regardless. I need you to make something of yourself though so you can take care of Sha because we know Denise ain’t gonna do shit. So just shut the fuck up little sister and let me do this. You’ll probably just get a suspension. We can get Lisa to clear that shit, so we cool.” Terricka said to me as I began to protest.
I suddenly stopped as the door to the office flew open and Mrs. Cunningham walked in. I could feel my heart beating in my throat as I watched her 5’6” tall, slender frame walk around her desk and sit down. Her fair complexion was beet red and she had a tight, cold expression on her face as she pulled her chair up under her big, oak desk and cleared her throat. When I got a glimpse of her gray eyes, I could see flickers of anger and disappointment in them. I knew that she was disappointed in me because I was just as disappointed in myself. I had let my anger get the best of me and reacted just like an animal, just like Denise. I had used my hands instead of my head and I would have to pay for that.
I could tell that I would receive no mercy or special treatment from the look on Mrs. Cunningham’s face as I smiled lightly at her and she stared back at me without changing her facial expression. From the look on her face, my ass could face expulsion and lose any chance of getting away from Denise and making something of myself. Hell, even getting the lesser charge of suspension like Terricka said would mean that I could not be class valedictorian like planned. Graduation was three months away in May, and I had just lost my opportunity to make some type of impact on my peers other than the violent one I had just done. For once I wanted to be seen as something more than the fucked up daughter of a junkie prostitute.
I held my breath and looked straight ahead as Mrs. Cunningham sat in her chair with her hands together and fingers laced on her desk, looking from me to my sister. I nervously glanced over to look at Terricka as she slouched down in her seat, rolling her eyes and popping the piece of gum she had just put in her mouth. She was so unconcerned with what was going on at the moment, while I on the other hand panicked inside.
I quickly looked back at Mrs. Cunningham as she cleared her throat again and prepared to set us straight.
“First of all, Shaterricka Lewis sit your behind up in that seat and act like you have some sense. I am so tired of dealing with you and your nonchalant ass attitude, doing what you want to do with no regard for others. I don’t know why I didn’t ignore your sister’s pleas long ago and expel your ass, but today is the day.” Mrs. Cunningham said fast without taking a breath as Terricka sat up in her chair and shrugged her shoulders.
My sister didn’t give a fuck what Mrs. Cunningham had to say, she would rather to be out hustling all day anyway. I cared though. I knew that the streets were no place for me. I wanted something more than that deprived, lost, painful hood existence. I wanted that happiness, sa
fety, and security I saw in movies. The family that ate, played, and prayed together. Not the horrible, dysfunctional, abusive family I had. I wanted a real life and I knew that school was the way to get it. I just hoped I hadn’t ruined my chance.
“And you Ms. Shartisha Lewis, my top student with the highest gpa that Frayser High has ever seen at a 5.0.” Mrs. Cunningham said as I bucked my eyes while looking at her, trying to grasp what she had just said.
I couldn’t believe that I had finally achieved what I had been trying to do all of my life and it all could be in vain.
“Yes Shartisha. I just got your 3rd nine week’s grades and you made a 100+ in every class. You have the highest gpa, a 35 on your ACT, the most community service, and you participated in all of the right clubs. That makes you the perfect candidate for 10 scholarships totaling $800,000 which will allow you to go to any school of your choice. You had it made Shartisha and then you turn around and do this. Why are you getting involved in fights all of a sudden? Why would you risk your future for a petty fight?” Mrs. Cunningham asked as I felt tears well up in my eyes.
I couldn’t help but to cry seeing the disappointment in Mrs. Cunningham’s eyes as she shook her head and stared at me. I hated letting her down especially since her and Lisa, our neighbor across the street, were the only women who ever showed me love besides my grandmother. Mrs. Cunningham was way more than a principal to me. I told her most of my problems and she listened without me having to worry she would turn me and my family in to child protective services.
Having grew up in the hood herself, Mrs. Cunningham understood everything I was going through and did all that she could to help me. She was the one who helped me fill out all of the college applications, she helped me get my community service done, and she drove me all over the city to get my birth certificate and other documentation needed for college when my mother wouldn’t. Mrs. Cunningham was way more to me than an administrator, she was my friend and I hated to be on her bad side.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched my future slip away. I looked at my sister with tears streaming down my face as she nodded her head and mouthed that everything would be alright.
“It was all my fault.” Terricka said sitting forward in her hair, placing her elbows on her knees and looking Mrs. Cunningham directly in the eyes.
My heart raced as Mrs. Cunningham rolled her eyes before staring back at Terricka and I just sat there with tears still streaming down my face, looking from one to the other.
“I know you already know this shit was all me. I started the whole thing, but I did it because Roxxy and those lil bitches she call a crew been jumping my sister. You know Tisha don’t fuck with nobody, but every day they had been making her life hell, so I decided to let they asses meet the devil. Tisha only got involved when one of them hit me with a book and they started jumping me. So, if anybody should get expelled or whatever, it should be me, but being fair would mean them bitches get expelled too.” Terricka said crossing her arms and looking at Mrs. Cunningham with defiance.
I couldn’t tell what was running through Mrs. Cunningham’s mind as she sat there staring at Terricka with a blank expression on her face. I couldn’t tell whether or not she was about to jump up and drop kick Terricka’s ass out of the chair or begin one of those slow, movie claps everybody did after a big speech. All I could do was continue to stare from one of them to the other as they continued their Mexican standoff. After about a minute, Mrs. Cunningham sat back in her seat and smirked at Terricka as I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand.
“That was a moving speech, Terricka, and I hope you meant every word of it, although I feel it is true. I heard about the bullying Roxxy and her crew have been doing today, and I was waiting to see if Tisha would come tell me. I also knew that you would handle things when you found out. I can’t say I blame you for defending your sister, but you know that violence is prohibited on this campus. Therefore, I have to punish you both. This type of infraction warrants expulsion for all parties involved; however, I don’t think that fits this situation. So Terricka, I’m going to give you a week suspension and a probationary period that will last until graduation.” Mrs. Cunningham said as Terricka looked at me with a surprised expression as she continued.
“Now while on this probation if you get into any more trouble you are gone and you won’t get your diploma. Now as far as you go, Shartisha, a suspension of any kind would ruin everything you have worked hard for, so what I will do is give you one week detention and one week ISS where you will work for me in the office. I’m going to send you home early today too, just to let things cool off. If for any reason you get into trouble between now and graduation, our deal is off and I will give you the one week suspension you are supposed to get today, and you will lose your scholarships. The other girls will receive suspension and ISS as well.” Mrs. Cunningham said as Terricka and I looked at each other smiling, amazed at how well things had gone.
“Thank you so much, Mrs. Cunningham.” I said as Terricka and I stood up and prepared to go.
“Not so fast ladies. I have to call your mother too.” Mrs. Cunningham said as Terricka and I plopped back down in our chairs and our happiness faded.
A call to my mother meant that we would get our asses beat mercilessly for hours. My mother hated calls from the school because she feared that would bring CPS attention and we’d be taken away along with her checks and stamps. We knew what chaos my mother not having her checks could bring so no matter what we tried to avoid those calls. I had even given Mrs. Cunningham Lisa’s cell phone number as my mother’s secondary number to avoid those ‘Your child fucked up’ calls and the subsequent beatings. I had covered all of the bases, but knowing that Mrs. Cunningham still had our true landline number from when we registered that year, made me want to just disappear.
I sat up in my seat and watched Mrs. Cunningham’s hands as she dialed my house phone number. My heart raced a mile a minute as she put the phone on speaker before sitting back in her chair. I bit my nails and looked nervously from Terricka to the phone as the rings echoed in my ears. After about nine rings, my anxiety started to pass as I watched Mrs. Cunningham grow impatient before hanging up the phone. Relief spread over me as I looked at Terricka and we both exhaled.
“She’s probably at the doctor, Mrs. Cunningham.” I lied, trying to fulfill her curiosity before she dug deeper into my story.
I had shared a lot about my life with Mrs. Cunningham, most of my fears and worries; however, I had never told her about my mother’s mental illnesses, drug abuse, or the physical, mental, and emotional abuse my siblings and I suffered at her hands. She didn’t know about the horror waiting on us at home each day. I told her my mother had Lupus and a heart disease which kept her in the hospital most of the time. She understood being that her mother was also sick when she was a child, so she let me slide on a lot of things. Whenever my mother was needed at the school, I would make an excuse that she was sick or get Lisa to step in and pretend to be my mom. I had also given Mrs. Cunningham Lisa’s number, pretending it was my mother’s cell phone, which is why I didn’t even flinch when she picked back up the phone and called the number.
Lisa answered the phone on the second ring and in minutes she and Mrs. Cunningham were wrapped up in a serious conversation about my future and getting Terricka on track. I could hear Lisa’s loud mouth clearly on the other end of the phone as she played the hell out of her role as the concerned, caring mother. Although she was just playing at that moment, Lisa was the concerned, caring mother Terricka and I never had, but often wished for. She started off as my mother’s best friend back when Terricka and I were about six or seven years old, but when we turned about twelve they began to slip away. That’s when my mother’s drug use and insanity were at their peak and Lisa couldn’t take all the madness. She was doing drugs, tricking, and living wild right along with my mother. However, the difference was that she had enough.
One day she just decided she didn’t want to live l
ike that anymore and she stopped everything. She still came around after that because she loved me, my sister, and brother so much, but her and my mother were never really close again. However, through all of the chaos with my mother, Lisa always showed us love. She would always say that Terricka and I were the daughters she never had and she always called Sha the son she lost in memory of the still born baby boy she had on my 10th birthday. Lisa was all Terricka and I really had close by so we cherished everything she did for us. She had saved us many times in the past and it seemed she still does.
Mrs. Cunningham sat forward in her chair and held the phone out to me as she smiled and nodded her head. I quickly took the phone and put it up to my ear just as Lisa began laughing.
“AHHH…I did that shit. She really thought I was old enough to be your mother. I wonder what fine, thick ass, twenty-eight year old she knows has two damn near grown daughters and still looks this damn good. I deserve a fucking Oscar for my performance for real though.” Lisa said as I tried to put on a sad face as if she was chastising me on the phone, but in reality I wanted to fall on the floor laughing.
I couldn’t help but to snicker a little as I thought about Lisa’s petite, 5’1” tall, 110 pound, dark chocolate ass running her hands up and down her sides and poking her butt out as she spoke. Lisa really was a beautiful woman and smart too, but her ratchetness outweighed those positive attributes tenfold. She was way more ghetto and hood than anyone I had ever met. Always gossiping, smoking weed, and sitting outside on the block when she wasn’t at work. Most females in Breezy Point couldn’t stand her because all they saw when they looked at her was the hoochie clothes she wore and heard her loud, foul mouth. However, my sister and I knew the real her underneath.
SINS OF THY MOTHER Page 4