Pilar lets out a heavy breath. “Why do you think it’s a problem?”
“Because we just got together. Because I can’t—” The tears spring up then. I can’t stop them. “Because I can’t separate those feelings from my submission. I don’t know if I’m obsessed with the fantasy or if I really love you. I don’t know—”
“You don’t think I really love you. That’s the problem, isn’t it? You think that I can’t see Suzanne? That I’m so focused on possessing Suzy that I don’t care what Suzanne needs?”
I cover my face as I nod. I don’t want her to see the tears running down my face. Thank God for waterproof mascara. I feel her step closer to me, but I don’t drop my hands. She speaks softly now. “You think I only care about having a little girl I can parade around and not spending time building a relationship for us.”
I nod again. Her arms come around my waist and I crumble on her shoulder.
“Do you remember what I asked for on kinklife?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
“Tell me what I asked for.”
The post popped up clear as day in my mind. “You said you were looking for a long-term, monogamous relationship.”
“Don’t you think that would involve falling in love?”
“I don’t know,” I say. God, Laurel’s tentacles run deep. I don’t have any feelings for her anymore other than a slight twinge of hate, but I can just hear her telling me she didn’t expect me to get so attached. So quickly.
“You do know,” Pilar says as she strokes my back. “Tell me.”
“I was just trained to think that falling in love was bad. Laurel accepted it eventually. Sort of, but she told me it wasn’t usually the case. She said that Doms don’t really fall in love with their subs. Just the idea of them.”
Pilar’s chest heaves against mine as she lets out a shaky laugh. “That’s all I’ve been looking for, Suzy. I want you sweet, and I want you polite and obedient, but I want you.”
I pull back a little and look her in the eye.
“Every relationship is different, but I want to love my little girl completely, not just the parts that are agreeable.” She kisses my cheeks. “I love talking to Suzanne. I love hearing about her clients. Suzanne has explained to me exactly what a web architect does. Suzanne kept me company after my nephew’s accident.”
“Suzanne also talked back to you in front of Bizzy,” I reply.
“No, that was Suzy,” she says with a smile. “You think I’m not looking after all of you, but I am.”
“So it’s okay? That the way I feel about you is making me feel nuts?”
“You’re not nuts, and yes, it’s okay. But you have to talk to me like this or these outbursts will keep happening.”
“You hate when I act like this, don’t you?”
“No, baby. I don’t hate it at all. I hate that your ex or whoever has you thinking that expressing your feelings is something you should be punished for. Emotionally. That’s not how I function. I operate on honesty. I want to know how you feel. I want to make you happy, and I can’t do that if you keep all this bottled up inside. You can tell me anything. You can trust me with anything. Promise you’ll work on it.”
“I will.”
“Good. I don’t think you want to wear the belt another night.”
“Oh God, no.”
Pilar’s smooth laugh vibrates between us, again. She takes my face in her hands, and then she kisses me. Her soft lips aren’t enough to completely erase my insecurities, but her kiss helps. It helps a lot.
It’s hard for me to go back to work. Pilar and I grab a quick lunch. Being around her makes me feel better. At the cafe down the street, we run into Daisuke and one of our quality-assurance guys, Simon. Pilar is friendly to them, of course, but takes care to guide me to a table at the other end of the patio when our food is ready. I’m not sure they can tell I’ve been crying, but I need a little more time before I can put my professional face back on. After we eat, I walk Pilar back to her car.
“Liam is going to be so pissed he missed you.” I can just hear his screech of rage when he finds out Daisuke and Simon got to meet her first.
“We’ll have him and his boyfriend over for dinner sometime.”
“Really?”
“I’ve been known to dine with vanilla people from time to time.”
“That would be great. He’s been dying to meet you.”
“Then I’ll be sure to put on my best performance.” She pulls me close with two firm hands on my butt. She kisses me. “Get back to work, my Suzy girl. I’ll see you tonight.” I remind myself that tonight is only hours from now. Still, it takes some effort to pull myself away.
*
Valerie has mercy on us and insists that anyone that doesn’t absolutely have to work overtime this weekend leave by five thirty. I take that offer at face value and find myself at Pilar’s door at five fifty. When she opens the door her expression stuns me. She’s all business.
“Hi,” I say tentatively.
“Come inside.”
I obey, and when she closes the door, I find myself pinned between her and its cool surface.
“Put down your bag,” she says quietly. I let the strap slide off my shoulder and place it on the floor.
“That’s a good girl. Now get down on your knees.” I do as she asks, and just as I drop to the floor, she lifts up her maxiskirt. Her body smells fresh, like she’s just showered. I want to dive in, face-first, but I wait for her next command.
“Hold up my skirt,” she says.
I gather the fabric in both my hands and grip it against her hips. I look up and see that she’s gazing back down at me. Not at my eyes, but at my mouth, I think. Or my breasts.
My eyes slide closed and I whimper as she fists her hand into the roots of my bun. She holds my head in place until I open my eyes again. Her other hand she uses to spread her lips. I’m already hot and buzzing, but a wave of searing heat rolls through me as she slowly exposes her clit. I lick my lips and move my head forward. She jerks me back.
I whimper again, louder this time, and not because she’s hurting me, not even close, but because I want her so bad. The teasing is mean and unfair. I want a taste.
She rolls her fingers over her clit, stroking the small bud to a hardened tip. It’s so clear, close up in the summer sun that still floods in through her living-room window.
“You know how to eat, don’t you, baby.” Her tone does me in. I have no job, no friends, nothing outside of this house but what’s between her legs. I jerk back again before I answer, fighting her hold because I can’t control my arousal. But she steadies me again in her grip. She’s not angry at my restlessness. She knows what she’s doing to me. I close my eyes as a painful moan bubbles in my throat.
“You do, don’t you,” she says. “You know how to eat Mami just the way she likes it.”
“Yes.” I answer even though it sounds more like I’m begging.
“That’s good, baby. That’s exactly what I like to hear.” Her voice is a little strained now, but just barely.
She makes me wait. And watch. She teases herself some more with her fingers, drawing slickness up and around her clit, fingering its hood. I wonder how long she’s been wet like this, how long she’s been wanting to take me this way, but I can’t think of anything other than the treat just inches from my face and how badly I want to bury my fingers in my own cunt once she lets me begin.
Pilar lets out a short breath before she pulls my head back one more time. I look up into her dark-brown eyes.
“You’re a good girl, aren’t you, Suzy?”
“Yes, Mami.”
She rubs her wet fingers against my lips. And then, with her hand still gripping me by the hair, she brings my face between her legs. I know well enough now how she likes things. I lick her clit gently just twice before I rub my whole mouth over her slit.
She’s in control, directing the motion of my head, pushing my face tight against her body, but I suck and
suck until her legs start to shake. I slip back on my knees, putting my butt as close to the floor as possible. She follows my motions, angles my head so she’s nearly sitting on my face. I shove my tongue inside. That seems to be enough. Pilar braces her forearm on the door over my head. I keep a solid hold on her hips, but I know what it’s like to feel myself slipping. I know the moment when my legs are no longer willing to cooperate.
I kiss her deep, then slip my tongue out and grind the surface against her most sensitive tip. She likes this kind of pressure. Her hips start to jerk. She grips my hair tighter. My pussy nearly hurts, but I’m not complaining. I like pleasing my Mami. She comes with a long groan, higher pitched than her typical sounds of ecstasy.
She keeps a firm hold on my head, but she gently pushes my hands aside, lets her skirt slip back down to her feet. She tilts my head up.
“Nicely done,” she says. I just stare back with wide eyes, waiting for her next bit of instructions.
“You’re going to make yourself come for me. Right now. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Mami.”
“Good. Stand up, baby.” I do as she asks. She unbuttons and unzips my slacks. “Take off your shoes.” I do as she asks and lose the inches that almost put us eye to eye. She glides my pants down my legs. “Over the back of the couch,” she says. “Leave your panties on.”
I do exactly as she tells me, but once I’m in place I realize I’m on my own. I turn my head toward Pilar. She leans against the door, watching me. This time, I know I won’t last long. My pussy is swollen and hot. I slip my fingers under the damp cotton. Pilar’s already seen them on me, once this morning and again when I followed through with my daily chore.
Now I imagine she sees my butt up in the air, the edge of the pink underwear riding up the brown skin of my ass cheek. My fingers are down front, probably blocked from view by the roundness of my thigh. I brace myself with my arm in the top of the couch cushion and rub my fingers over my clit. Pilar’s still breathing heavy. Her legs still look weak. This is the real start to our weekend, now that I’ve come clean, now that we’re on the same page. I don’t know what else she has planned, but I don’t want it to involve this many feet of hardwood floor between us. She’s been amazing, but like always, every time she’s near me, I’m impatient.
“I want to come,” I say. “Please don’t make me wait.”
“No one said you had to wait, baby. I said I wanted you to come.”
My next step is to beg her to help me. I’m no good without her hands on my body so this, with her so close, is the real challenge. I want to make her happy so I let that be my focus. I focus on her body, the way her skirt falls below her hips. On her breasts, how I want to suck them until she comes again. Maybe if I’m really good she’ll let me do just that. She licks her full lips as my knees start to weaken. I want to know so I ask. I’m blunt and to the point while I’m moaning and arching against the couch. She smiles at me.
“If you’re a good girl.”
I come. All over my fingers. Before I can really see straight again, Pilar has me upright. She unbuttons my blouse, then slips my bra off my breasts. She pinches my nipples, hard. I almost come again. “You have a surprise waiting for you in your room,” she says.
“I do?”
“Mhm. Get cleaned up for dinner. Fresh panties and just pigtails this time. No braids. Come into the kitchen when you’re ready.” Pilar pats me on my butt and sends me toward my bedroom.
*
I read the note twice because I’m having a hard time believing my eyes. There’s a new oversized bear on my bed. This one’s brown, and beside it there’s a neatly wrapped box. The note is from Holly.
I’m really sorry about what happened. I hope we can still be friends. xo—Holly
I open the wrapped box and find a new Hello Kitty tea set. It’s a bit redundant considering I only needed to replace one cup and I don’t actually use it, but I’m intrigued if not slightly moved by the gesture. Most of all I’m a little confused.
I take a quick shower, then do my hair the way Pilar told me to. I join her in the kitchen and wait by the table on my knees, note in hand. Pilar’s back is to me as she appears to be loading our dinner onto a tray.
“Do you like your gifts?” she asks.
“Permission to speak freely?” I say. Pilar turns her head to look at me. She sees the note.
“Permission granted.”
“Did Bizzy write the note?”
“I don’t think she did. The bear was Holly’s part of the gift.”
“There’s another part?” Replacing what she defiled was not something I expected at all. Additional parts to her apology were not something I would consider.
“They’ve invited us to Disneyland tomorrow night.”
“Oh.” I can’t hide my disappointment, but Pilar seems to ignore it.
“We’ll eat in front of the TV tonight, baby. Go set yourself up on the floor.”
I leave the kitchen and make myself comfortable on the floor in front of the couch. Pilar joins me a few moments later. She doesn’t give me much time to think, but it’s long enough for my stomach to churn.
“I’ll tell you why I didn’t bring this up earlier. We’re going to Disneyland no matter what, but Bizzy asked that we give Holly another chance.”
“Permission to speak freely again,” I ask, trying my hardest to be polite.
“Sure, baby. Just watch your language.”
“I’m not comfortable with Holly. Like, at all.”
“I understand. If you’re okay with her apologizing in person, Bizzy asked if they could come by tomorrow morning. If you feel like you can accept her apology then we can go together. If not, you and I go without them, and Bizzy can take Holly another time.”
“I feel like I’m being put on the spot.”
“I understand, but right now it’s just me and you. If you don’t want to speak to her at all, after we eat I’ll call Bizzy and tell her no. There’s no pressure.”
“What do you want me to do?”
Pilar is quiet for a moment. I like to see this side of her. She’s in control and she’s thoughtful, but she’s not above showing that even she needs to take multiple factors into consideration. I think now she’s factoring in her relationship with Bizzy and her relationship with me.
“I want you to be happy, and I don’t think you will be if you ignore this. I think you want some closure.”
“Can I talk to her alone? She’s a different person around you and Bizzy.”
“I think that’s an excellent idea, baby.”
“If she’s genuine, I can think about forgiving her. If not, you’ll show them the door?” I say with a serious scowl. “Preferably with a boot up Holly’s butt?”
Pilar laughs because I am being a little dramatic. “If Holly is at all out of line, come right to me and tell me. You can whisper it in my ear. Don’t worry about being rude to Bizzy. I’ll handle the rest from there.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”
“That’s very mature of you.”
“Thank you. Now feed me, Mami,” I say as I flop against her leg. “I’m famished.”
She leans down and kisses my forehead. “Such a silly girl.”
*
The next morning Pilar means for me to sleep in, but I’m wired. I try to weasel my way into Pilar’s shower to help calm my nerves, but that mission fails. I shower on my own, dress in an adorable pair of overall shorts and braid my hair, and then I wait for Holly. I sit on the couch fidgeting, eager for Pilar to finish getting ready.
The doorbell rings. I put on my game face, and then I take it down a notch. I know what Bizzy means to Pilar now, and I don’t want to offend her. “Remember, just come get me if you need me,” Pilar says as she walks through the living room.
“I will.”
I stand when Pilar opens the door. Bizzy looks amazing again. No leather jacket this time because it’s an easy eighty-five degrees outside, but her white T-
shirt shows off her perfect arms. Her dark-blue jeans frame her thighs nicely. Holly’s appearance is toned down. She’s wearing jean shorts, a Minnie Mouse tank top, and a humbled, doe-eyed expression. She’s already hoping I’ll forgive her. We exchange hellos and then Holly steps forward.
“Mistress Pilar? Is it okay if I speak to Suzy?”
Pilar turns to me with a patient smile. I like that she puts the decision in my hands in front of our company, even though we already have a plan.
“Let’s go to my room.”
Holly follows me down the hall. I leave my door open just in case. I sit on my bed and pull Frank into my lap. I don’t say a word. She lets out a deep breath and sits down at my table. She drops the facade, stretching, and shaking her head and hands. I’m ready for the worst of some serious bullshit. She lets out another breath.
“Suzy, listen.”
“I’m listening.”
“I am really sorry. Have you ever dealt with sub frenzy?”
I shake my head. I know what I like and what I’ve experienced, but I’m far from a walking BDSM dictionary.
“It’s basically when a sub loses their fucking mind.”
Okay, she got me there. I chuckle little. “I think I might know a little something about that.” Especially after my own freak-out this week.
“Bizzy just let me run wild, and run wild I did. The district is cutting jobs like crazy. I was stressed when Bizzy told me to act on instinct. I let out the stress from every shitty parent-teacher conference, every smart-ass kid, every second of teaching to an unrealistic standardized test. When we came over here I was already out of control. Bizzy is the sexiest, most powerful top I’ve been with. I let that go to my head.”
“What changed?”
“Her method is to let a sub react naturally, and then she corrects and trains. When we got home Bizzy asked me what really happened. I thought I had her wrapped so tight around my finger that I spit out the truth. And then she proceeded to spank the daylights out of me.”
“Oh, wow.”
“Yeah. You’ve seen her biceps. She wasn’t joking around. Today is my first day off punishment.”
At Her Feet Page 11