THIRTEEN
Peekay got off the Old Kent Road one bus stop too soon for the strangely named pub, but a group of women crowding around a vegetable barrow sent him on his way. 'You got off too soon for the World, love, just keep walking.'
Togger was the only man in the saloon bar; there were several older women. He had an almost empty half pint of bitter in front of him and was yacking away to the old biddies. He seemed relieved when Peekay entered nearly ten minutes late. 'Found it okay, then?' Peekay nodded. Togger turned to the ladies in the bar. 'It's been fascinating meetin' you, ladies, but I'm afraid me an' me partner here 'as got to move on to warmer climes. Don't do nothing I wouldn't do now, will yer.' Togger downed what remained of his drink, picked up a large shopping bag and took Peekay by the arm. "Ere, we'll just nick into the toilet. I got your schmutter for tonight.'
Togger was dressed in a black suit with a three-button jacket cut very long so that it hung below his knees. The lapels and cuffs were made of black velvet and the stovepipe pants were so narrow they took the shape of his legs. From the cuffs protruded a highly shone pair of winklepicker black shoes which came to a sharp point. With his white shirt he wore a black silk tie no more than half an inch wide. 'I hope it fits, it's me mate, Tim's. He works Friday night at the docks, same as me old man. It's good clobber, tailor made an' all.'
'It's good of you, Togger.'
'Naa! Think nothing of it, mate, least I could do.' Togger waited while Peekay changed. Tim's suit turned out to be an amazingly good fit, even the shoes felt comfortable. 'Very suave. Very bloody suave.' Togger marvelled as Peekay opened the toilet door. 'You look smashin', mate.' Togger put his hand into his pocket and produced a small green bottle. "Ere, 'ave a go at this, you'll smell like a bleedin' ponce, but the girls love it!'
Peekay cupped his hands and Togger shook three or four drops of the green cologne into them. He capped the bottle as Peekay patted the aftershave onto his jowls. 'Tim got it off a queer who bought it in Paris.' Togger read the small silver label: 'Pinaud eau de toilette.' He pronounced it 'Pinord ewe de toilet. 'It's the genuine froggie leg-opener stuff, mate, no messing about! A bird gets a whiff of this she's practically begging for it, right off!'
Peekay laughed. 'You know something, Togger, except for Harriet today and some of the girls on the boat coming over - but they were too stuck up and only went with the ship's officers, I haven't been near a chick since the last school dance which was…Christ, maybe two years ago.'
Togger looked genuinely shocked. He rubbed his hand through his ginger mop. 'You're kiddin' me now, ain't you, Peekay? You mean you just been-wanking on your own?'
Peekay blushed, but nodded. There seemed no point in denying it. Togger laughed. 'Me grandad, he was a randy old sod, he used to say, "Ain't nothin' wrong with wankin', matter of fact, with masturbation you meets a much better class of woman!'"
Peekay laughed. 'All I meant was, it would be nice to meet a few girls for a change. The ones you see at Oxford seem to be trying their hardest to be neuter. They're not women, they're brains riding bicycles!'
'Say no more, my son. Leave it to your old mate, Togger. We'll'ave a pint here and then we'll drop in home and give me mum her bottle and stow yer clobber. After that we'll have a feed of fish 'n chips at a caf I know near the Elephant and Castle and then it's straight to the Streatham Locarno!' He paused for effect. 'It's Friday night, pay day, place will be wall-to-wall with top crumpet. Then, if we are not rewarded for leadin' blameless lives with a couple of firstclass tarts, we'll take the tube uptown. Whaddaya reckon?'
'Lead on, MacDuff!' Peekay said happily. The teddy-boy outfit he was wearing made him feel different.
Togger picked up the shopping bag which now contained Peekay's clothes. 'You dance?' he asked. Peekay nodded.
He'd learned to jive on the boat over.
Togger stopped at the off-licence to buy half a bottle of gin. 'Can't I buy that?' Peekay asked.
'Tell you what, you buy the other half.' He looked up.
'Make that a bottle of Gilbey's please, Ron.'
They walked out of the off-licence and turned right. 'It's just round the corner.' Togger tapped the brown paper packet containing the bottle of gin. 'That's good, Peekay, that'll put her out for the duration. Might as well know, mate, me mum loves gin. She's better on gin, any sort, but she likes Gilbey's best, funny old tart.'
The house had a doorway set directly onto the street, part of a double-storey terrace. The door opened into a small parlour; the air was stale and smelt slightly sour as they stepped inside. An overweight woman who looked in her fifties - it was difficult to tell - wearing a dirty housecoat and slippers, lay dozing on a couch drawn up in front of a coal fire. She opened her eyes as they entered, though her expression didn't change. It seemed to take several moments for her to focus on them. 'Sh'you, Togger?'
'Yes, mum, I brought a bottle, Gilbey's!' He turned to Peekay., 'She's on the sauce early, no use trying to talk. Me old man musta gone off early, she usually waits till he's off before she hits the bottle. Still an' all, that means the bedroom's free.'
Peekay saw how small the house was. 'Look, Togger, I'm not intruding am I?'
'No, Peekay, you're welcome. It ain't Buck House, but there's a bed for you.'
They'd moved from the parlour into the tiny scullery, where he removed a rubber hot-water bottle from a hook on the wall directly behind the sink. The bottle contained a rubber bung from the centre of which a small rubber pipe protruded for about eighteen inches. Togger removed the bung, revealing that the pipe extended into the hot-water bottle almost to its full length. He held the bottle under the tap, appearing to fill it to about one third its capacity; then he upended half the contents of the gin bottle into it. He replaced the bung, pushing it firmly into place. 'What the hell are you doing?' Peekay asked.
'Puttin' the old bird to bed. She ain't gonna budge from that couch and if I give her the bottle she'll spill it and then she'll get up in the dark and go looking for more, which she's probably got hidden somewhere, and she'll do herself a mischief.' He placed the hot-water bottle carefully on the sink so that none of the contents could run out and hid the remainder of the gin in the cupboard under the sink. Then he picked up the carrier bag with Peekay's clothes. 'Hang on, I'll stow this stuff upstairs, won't be a tid'
Peekay could hear Togger running up the stairs and the creak of boards as he moved about above him. Togger bounced down the stairs again carrying a large eiderdown and a rubber blanket over his arm. The last time Peekay had seen a rubber blanket like that had been at boarding school when he'd been five and wet his bed at night. Each morning he'd be required to take it into the showers and scrub it.
'Bring the hot-water bottle then, please mate,' Togger asked. Peekay followed Togger back into the parlour carrying the bottle, and holding the tube so none of the contents would spill.
'Who y'frr-end, love,' Togger's mum mumbled, pointing a waving finger at Peekay.
'Peekay, this is the one an' only Mrs Brown, not the original knees-up version, but the Irish one, just as good mind. Though tonight, mate, she's just a tiny bit under the weather, ain't ya, mum?'
'Nice to meet you, Mrs Brown.' Togger was so natural about the introduction that Peekay felt no awkwardness.
'How d'jado, did'cha bring t'bottle, son?'
'Only if you sit up and let me put the mat under you, mum!'
'Whaffor, Togs? I…I…' Togger's mum closed her eyes tightly, trying to force the words from her mouth. When they came they were strung together perfectly. 'I'm not goin'ter piss me pants now, son!'
'Just the same, love,' said Togger, turning to Peekay and handing the rubber mat to him, allowing the eiderdown to drop to the floor. Then he stooped down and took his mother under both arms. 'C'mon, mum, up yer come!'
Peekay placed the hot-water bottle against the edge of the hearth and quickly spread the rubber
mat over the couch.
Togger lowered his mother back onto it, lifting her feet up and removing her slippers. He picked up the pillow which had fallen to the floor and, puffing it up first, he placed it behind his mother's head. Then he undid the belt of her scruffy pink housecoat. "Ere, Peekay, hand us the hotwater bottle, then.'
He placed it on her stomach and secured it with the belt. Then he placed his mum's left hand on the bottle and handed her the rubber tube. She took it greedily in her free hand and immediately closed her eyes. 'You're a darlin' boy,' she said, and began to suck at the tube. Peekay handed Togger the eiderdown and he wrapped it over the old girl, tucking it in under her at the back so it wouldn't fall to the floor during the night.
'Thanks, Peekay. It ain't a pretty sight, but she ain't a bad old thing really.' He put his hand on his mother's head. 'G'night, rna, sweet dreams.' He turned and, stepping over to the grate, upended a small coal bucket on the fire. The coal swallowed the embers in a tumble of black dust, but almost immediately the fire started to spit and splutter, fighting its way back. 'Righto!' Togger glanced at his watch. 'It's half six, let's be off then, place is crawlin' with crumpet by now, you mark me words.'
They arrived at the Streatham Locarno about eight. The dance hall was already packed. All the girls were dressed up to the nines and stood around in groups watching the dancers and mostly giggling. Peekay and Togger stood on the edge of the large dance floor eyeing the talent. 'May I suggest a modis opa-randy,' Togger asked.
Peekay nodded happily. 'As you say, Togger. There are some bloody nice-looking girls here.'
'Now that's just it, yer see. Getting a good sort and not a scrubber takes a fair amount of cunning. If you watch carefully you'll notice most birds go around in pairs, a pretty one and an ugly one. I dunno why this is, must have something to do with nature. But a good-looking bird always has a proper turn-off with her. A fat pimple-picker with hairy legs. Take my word for it, go fer the scrubber. Do a coupl' a turns with her on the floor, then ask her mate for a dance. Works every time. Her mate's happy 'cause she 'asn't been ignored, an' the good sort don't feel guilty no more for 'aving a good time, know what I mean?'
'Ja, I see what you mean,' Peekay said, looking about him. He soon spied a nice-looking blonde wearing a tight pink angora sweater, wide white skirt and black patent leather high-heeled courts. Her hair was swept back into a ponytail. Beside her, dressed in a bright red, off-the-shoulder dress, which fitted her pudgy form rather too well, was her red-headed, big-breasted friend. 'Hey, Togger, see the dame in the white skirt, the one with the marvellous tits?' Peekay said urgently. He frowned suddenly. 'Are you certain about this theory of yours?'
Togger patted Peekay on the shoulder. 'Trust me, my son. Follow your old uncle Togger's instructions and you'll be in like bleedin' Flynn, I promise!'
Peekay moved towards the fat girl in the undersized red dress. 'May I have this dance?' he asked politely.
'Eh?' The fat girl, chewing gum, cocked her head and closed one eye to look at Peekay.
'May I have this dance?' Peekay repeated.
The girl giggled. 'Oo! Ain't you the polite one!' She turned to the girl beside her and giggled again. 'No thanks, we don't dance with toffs.'
'Hey! Who you callin' a toff, slut? This is me mate, Peekay, from South Africa. You gonna dance with him or not? Make up yer bleedin' mind, you slack tart!'
The fat girl looked surprised and then grinned at Togger. 'Oo! lovely!' She grabbed his arm. 'I bet you're a smashin' dancer an' all!' Togger was almost jerked off his feet onto the dance floor.
Peekay turned to the blonde in the angora. 'I'm a toff from Oxford University. Would you care to dance with me?'
'Don't mind if I do. I'm partial to a bit of class. I'm Doris.
What's your name, then…? Peekay, is it?'
Doris was a top dancer and Peekay had learned enough on the boat over to cope about as well as any of the other guys on the floor. Togger was lost amongst the whirling bodies, and after twenty minutes or so, Doris pulled Peekay away from the floor. 'What'll it be, Doris?' Peekay asked.
'Ooh! Don't mind if I do. I'll 'ave a Babycham,' Doris pushed herself closely against him, and Peekay felt the curve of her left breast against his chest. His heart began to pound. They found a table and Doris sat down while a somewhat agitated Peekay went over to the bar, fighting to calm his imagination so he could take his hand out of his pocket.
Peekay had a coke while Doris toyed with her Babycham served up in a cheap champagne glass with a short straw. She smoked, using a holder, and her nails were long and painted a shiny red. Try as he might, Peekay couldn't keep his eyes off her breasts. Doris didn't seem to mind. 'If you're such a toff, how come you wearing that suit, then? That's a Ted's clobber, that is,' she laughed.
Peekay grinned. 'It belongs to Togger's mate.' He reverted back to his usual accent. 'I'm not really a toff, Doris. Togger and I are boxers and I'm a student.'
'And you're from South Africa then? What the girls like in South Africa? They all black? What's it like goin' with a black girl?'
'Jeez, so many questions. Yes, pretty; no, I don't know.'
'Come again?'
'I've never been out with a black girl.'
'Why's that, then?'
'Well in South Africa.' Peekay paused, not sure how to answer. 'Well, whites don't go out with blacks, I mean girls.'
'Why not? What's wrong with black women?' Peekay glanced up to see whether Doris was having him on, but her question seemed perfectly innocent. 'Ja, well nothing, I suppose, it's just, well it's not the thing to do.'
'You're barmy. If you ask me, I'd like to go with a black man. I got a girlfriend who. goes out with a Jamaican, he's smashin'.'
Just then Togger emerged, held firmly by the arm. He was sweating and looked somewhat nonplussed. 'Oi, Peekay!' he called.
Peekay rose as they reached the table. 'What'll it be?' he asked Togger, who was standing slightly behind the big girl. Togger shook his head Violently; his eyes cast heavenwards, he ran his finger across his throat. But it was too late. The big girl was already beginning to sit down. 'Ooh, Babycham!' She seemed to have forgotten that she'd earlier rejected Peekay and looked up at him, beaming.
'With a dash, please!' Peekay looked puzzled. 'My Babycham, with a little drop of brandy,' she repeated.
'Half a bitter,' Togger added wearily, borrowing a chair from an adjacent table and sitting down.
'Another Babycham, Doris?'
'Ta very much, Peekay.'
'With a dash?'
Doris giggled, giving Peekay a saucy look. Peekay was waiting at the bar when Togger appeared at his side. The barman was pulling Togger's half pint. 'Christ, Peekay, we got to scarper!' He pointed to the two Babychams on the counter, 'Know what they are?'
'They're leg-openers, dead set!'
Peekay looked pleased. 'I thought that was the general idea?'
'Oh, mate! Have a heart! Two or three of them and that Gladys is gonna rape me! She dances like a bleedin' hippo.
I think me shoulder's dislocated an' all.' He took a hurried gulp from the half pint on the counter, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 'Plenty more where them two come from uptown.'
'Not with tits like Doris!' Peekay said, reaching for the two glasses.
'Better! I know this strip joint, I know the birds an' all. You think she's got tits!' Togger rolled his eyes. 'One girl, Geraldine, she's got bristols you can see comin' round the corner ten seconds before the rest of her arrives.'
'Jesus, Togger, I reckon a few more dances and a few more of these, I could put the hard word on Doris.'
'No doubt about it, Peekay, but I reckon our friendship couldn't stand the bleedin' strain.'
Half an hour later, after Togger had sworn on a stack of imaginary bibles that he'd call Gladys and Peekay had written down Doris's number at the Doll
s' Hospital where she worked in Hammersmith, they were back on a bus headed for the West End.
'I'm telling you, Togger, this better be bloody good,'
Peekay chaffed. 'By the way, I want to congratulate you.
That theory of yours, it works amazingly well!'
Togger threw Peekay a sour look; then he giggled. 'Jesus,
Peekay, when she grabbed me and hauled me onto the bleedin' dance floor I nearly shit meself!'
'This strip joint, what's it like?' Peekay asked.
'About the same as any other, I suppose, only I know the birds at this one, so we won't have to pay a pound a drink.'
'How much?' He was aghast.
'Well that's it, you see, it's a private club like. You pay three quid to be a member and then you buy drinks for the girls at a quid a time; that's how the management makes a crust. There's hundreds of them clubs accounting for every taste.'
Peekay's mind boggled. This was the big time all right. 'I've only got about four quid left, Togger.'
'Blimey, Peekay, we're the bleedin' cog-nos-centee. Paying's for mugs 'n perverts. Besides, me sister works there, don't she?'
'You're sister's a stripper!' The words were out before Peekay realised what he'd said, or rather, how he'd said it…
Togger looked at Peekay with a hurt expression. Peekay grabbed his shoulder. 'I apologise, Togger. I didn't mean it to sound like that. It's just that I've never been to a strip club. I've never seen a stripper!'
'And you think a stripper's on the game, is that it?' Peekay coloured violently. 'Togger, honest, I don't know what to say. This, it's all new to me. I was brought up in Pentecostal church, the Apostolic Faith Mission. Pastor Mulvery used to say that a girl who wears lipstick and paints her nails is a fallen woman, and as for a stripper? Shit, I don't think his imagination could stretch that far! But I'm telling you, it would simply have been another name for a whore!'
Togger grinned. 'Say no more, Peekay. It ain't unheard of for a stripper to forsake her art for the easy life on her back. You'll like me sister, she's a model really, and a doo-wap-de-wally-wally girl. Strippin's only Friday and Saturday nights. Times are hard, she's moved out from home.'
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