by JoAnn Carter
“But, God parted the Red Sea, gave them food and water, and kept them safe. You’d think they’d realize God knew what He was doing.”
Mrs. Whitten locked gazes with Sierra. “Because they looked and saw their own size rather than God’s size.”
Sierra sat back and let the words flow over her. Hadn’t she been just like them? Her problems were big, but not bigger than God. Like placing cooling aloe on sunburn, she felt instant relief. “Thanks.” Tears pricked her eyes. “In the midst of all this upheaval, I needed that.”
“Sure thing.” Mrs. Whitten stood and made her way back to the pile of apples on her counter. “I remember hearing once, abiding with God is not a destination. It’s a journey. Do you think you’re ready for the ride?”
“I don’t know if I am,” Sierra answered honestly, “but I’d like to be.”
7
Cole stocked the stainless steel cooler with gallon milk jugs as he mentally went through his to-do list. He sighed and closed the glass door. The list, as always, was never-ending. The difference now was that with some help, he finally realized he had replaced intimacy with God for busyness. It seemed so much easier to somehow “do” something in the name of God, rather than sit at His feet in prayer and reading the Word. Before he knew it, God was pushed right out of the equation and Cole was left weary in soul and body.
He chuckled, remembering his conversation with Pastor Bill. You know, the most active chicken in the yard is the one who just had his head cut off. Activity and busyness doesn’t equal holiness. The hard part wasn’t understanding the importance of slowing down, but how to implement the process.
He pushed his stock cart to the next section and reached for the cartons of eggs. The more he thought about the idea that had been on his mind since he heard Sierra was leaving, the better and better it sounded. It was time to leave all the hustle behind for a while and gain some perspective. If he took Sierra to New York, it would mean a six hour car ride with her and a six hour car ride with just him and God on the way back. Cole quickly finished the dairy stocking and pushed the unused supplies back through the store to the storage room cooler.
“Hey, boss. Your mom’s out front,” Sam called from the doorway.
“OK, thanks. I’ll be right there.”
As Cole walked through the threshold, he nearly collided with his mother. She took a tiny step back but still stood close enough that he could see where she missed spreading her makeup on her forehead. “I want you to come over tonight for dinner. Clara will be there and...”
Cole held his hand up. “Sorry, Mom. I’ll need to take a rain check.”
One perfectly groomed eyebrow rose. “Oh? What is so important that you can’t come?”
“I’m taking the weekend off and going to New York.”
She shook her head. “But you never...” She stopped abruptly, and her mouth formed a perfect “O” as she placed her hands on her hips. “I hope this has nothing to do with that Sinclair girl.”
“Then you better not ask what I’ll be doing in New York.”
She huffed and puffed.
He held back a smile.
“And what about Clara? How do you think she’ll feel about you leaving to take another woman on a trip?”
“I’m not really concerned with what Clara thinks. I don’t know what I need to say to make you understand we’re not dating anymore, Mom. That ended years ago.”
“It’s not too late. She’s perfect...”
“For someone else. Not me.”
“Don’t be a fool and burn this bridge, Colton. I’m warning you; it’s a big mistake if you go.” She pointed to the floor. “Stay. Here.”
Cole folded his arms and counted to ten. He tried to keep his voice low and even. “If it’s a mistake to take this trip, it’s my mistake to make.”
“But your father...”
He stepped closer to the counter. In his mind, the conversation was over. “Dad knows he has my full support. If there is something he needs me to do, I’ll get to it when I return. I’ll only be gone two days.”
She blinked.
The taut silence stretched between them.
Finally, she turned and rushed out the door.
Sierra sat on her suitcase as she zipped it shut. Conflicting emotions somersaulted one over another. If only she hadn’t ruined her life. She slammed a fist into the soft bedspread. Her chest hurt. She had come to Daviston to beg for forgiveness, but there simply wasn’t enough time now. Bitterness pulled at her. Her cellphone rang and she hopped off the bed to get it.
Cole’s number.
As if leaving would be any easier after talking to him. Perhaps it was best if she did move. It was foolish to hope they could have some type of lasting relationship, especially after seeing Clara, but for some reason her heart didn’t like to listen. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. After the fifth ring, when it would go to voicemail, she made a snap decision and tapped the TALK button. “Hello.”
“Hey, Sierra. Have you got a second?”
She looked around her apartment with all she had left to do. “Uh, sure. What’s up?”
“Open your door.”
“Huh?”
His deep chuckle sounded in her ear. “Open your door.”
She threw her hand up in the air. “Whatever.” She flung open the door.
“Hi.”
“Cole!” She felt her face grow hot as she groaned inwardly at her appearance. Sweat pants and a ratty T-shirt, with a ponytail that spewed half of her hair out of its band. She grimaced. “Um, like the Medusa look?”
“I’ve yet to see you look anything less than beautiful, gym get-up and all.”
Sierra rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right.” She held onto the door frame to support her suddenly weak knees. “What brings you by?”
“Funny you should ask.” He looked over her shoulder. “Mind if I come in?”
“Ah, sure...can I get you something to drink?”
“That would be great.”
As she rummaged through the cabinet, she heard the sofa springs creaked as he sat.
“How’s the packing going?”
“Good. I’m almost done.” She pulled out the iced tea and set the glass and pitcher in front of him on the coffee table. “Here you go. Ice?”
“Nah, this is fine, thanks.” He filled the glass. “I’ve been thinking about your trip, and I’d like to drive you to New York tomorrow morning.”
She sank down next to him on the sofa. Man, that would solve so many problems. The temporary housing situation; boarding with another musician in her tiny apartment, which didn’t have parking for more than one vehicle, meant she’d have to pay to use a parking garage in the city if she took her own car. That would be pricey. She had thought about taking the bus, but at this late date, the tickets were so expensive she’d decided she’d just drive herself and deal with the parking issue when she arrived. Cole’s offer was amazing but... “What about your store?”
“It will be fine. I have good employees.” He pushed the glass aside and reached for her hand. “I want to take you and see where you’ll be. It will help me be able to visualize what you are doing when I think about and pray for you.”
“Why do you care so much when my own family doesn’t?”
“If they don’t care, it’s their loss.” He rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. “Look, I know you had the less than ideal childhood. But regardless of how you feel, you’re not responsible for your father’s actions...only your reaction to it. Bitterness and unforgiveness can only destroy you.”
A teardrop she couldn’t keep in check rolled down her face.
Cole pulled her into his arms. He pressed her head to his chest and let her rest there for a moment before he tipped her chin and forced her to look up. His blue eyes, flecked with gray, held concern within their depths. “It’s time to let it go.”
“I know but...” Sierra swiped at the tears with the back of her hand. “You d
on’t understand what it was like.” She wished he would hold her forever. She seemed to fit perfectly against him, as if he could shelter her from any storm.
He got up and paced away from her.
Sierra felt the loss immediately. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve made it this far without my family. I don’t know why everything is bothering me so much tonight.”
“Sierra, don’t pull away and pretend everything is fine.”
“Fine?” She couldn’t keep the bitter note out of her laugh. “I wanted this town to see that Christ changed me, but the longer I’m here and the harder I try, the more I realize I’m the same girl I always was, with the same baggage and fears.”
His gaze grew soft. “No, there is a big difference that you seem to have forgotten...you’ve been forgiven by the One who counts the most.”
Finally, she nodded. “You’re right.”
He pulled her back to him.
She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her forehead against his chest. She felt his heart pound as quickly as her own.
“Listen, it’s going to be an early morning, so I should be going. What time do you want me pick you up?”
“Are you sure you want to go? I’d be fine on my own.”
He rested his forehead against hers. “I’m positive, so don’t try to talk me out of it.”
“OK. How about we plan on leaving at six so we can be there around lunch.”
“I’ll be here by quarter ‘til.” His gaze dropped to her lips.
Would he kiss her? What was wrong with her? Despite all odds, her affection for him kept growing. She wanted to feel his lips pressed against hers, but she shouldn’t. She held her breath and waited.
As if he sensed her turmoil, he turned away. “You’re tired and need sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Sierra was just about to turn out her light when a soft knock sounded. She tightened the belt of her robe and barely opened the door, peeking through the crack.
Melissa grinned and held out a cup of hot chocolate.
Sierra opened the door wide.
“I know this is your last night and you probably are about ready for bed. Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Is there ever a bad time for chocolate?” Sierra took the cup Melissa held out for her.
“Not in my book.”
They padded over to the couch and sat.
“So, um, what’s up with you and Cole?”
Sierra hesitated. “He’s a great friend. In fact, believe it or not, he offered to drive me to New York tomorrow.”
“Oh that’s wonderful! I’ve been praying and praying.”
Sierra grinned. “Hold on, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
Melissa’s eyes grew wide. “You didn’t take him up on his offer?”
“No, no. I did,” Sierra assured her. “It’s just Clara and…”
“Good because, in case you hadn’t received the memo, I have no wrong ideas.” She said it so seriously.
Sierra didn’t know what to think.
Melissa sputtered then guffawed. “I’m kidding. Relax.”
“I must be more tired than I thought.”
Melissa took a sip. “I hope when you leave for this trip, and eventually, when you move, that you won’t think the new relationships you have formed need to end.”
Sierra looked down at her pink slippers and tried to think of how to articulate her thoughts. “No, not necessarily end, but they will change.”
“That’s not a bad thing. You know, my parents met before my Dad went overseas to Vietnam. When he shipped off, they started with a friendship that over the course of time grew into a romance across the ocean.”
“But—”
“No buts. You and Cole have something special. Perhaps nothing will come of it, then again…Remember, I never have any bad ideas. What would it hurt to video chat every now and then? Or you could shoot each other a few text messages and e-mails. The world is not all that big nowadays.”
Sierra wanted to say it was silly to hang onto a pipedream, yet her pulse picked up at the very thought of the possibility. But the nagging question remained, could it cause more pain not only for her, but for him, as well? “Do you think if you’re in God’s will that everything always works out?”
“Absolutely,” Melissa said without hesitation. “But those ’things’ are working for His purposes and glory, and that doesn’t always mean smooth sailing here on earth. There can be strife, trouble, and even conflict when you’re right where God wants you to be.”
“I’ve been reading a story about an amazing survivor of the holocaust, Corrie Ten Boom. It sounds like something she would say.”
“Even more importantly, it’s what Scripture says.” Melissa set down her mug. “I don’t know if this will help at all, but once when I was going through a particularly hard time, my mom said that life is like a work of embroidery. From our perspective, we see the ugly underside with knots and mismatched threads, but when God sees our lives, He’s looking from the top and sees the masterpieces we are in the making.”
“So, this thing with Cole could be one of those ugly knots?”
“Perhaps, perhaps not. Are you willing to trust God to work it out if it’s meant to be and close the door if it isn’t?”
“I don’t know. What if He is closing the door, and I’m trying to push my way through?”
Melissa laughed and picked up her mug. “Speaking of pushing, I think my work is done here for tonight. Just do me a favor and pray on it, OK?”
Sierra nodded. That she could do. Acting on it as Melissa suggested, well, that was another thing altogether.
8
Cole enjoyed Sierra’s quirky sense of humor, expressive body language—even when confined within her seatbelt—and optimist attitude toward her time in New York. She was amazingly talented, and he marveled how she never seemed to put on airs or to think others were beneath her. Perhaps her past had something to do with that, but he was pretty sure that she was just who God made her to be. The hours flew by and, in his estimation, it was way too soon when they entered the city.
As they pulled up to the curb in front of the music center, he looked at her.
She sat taking in the large sculpture and water fountain with people milling about in front.
Did it look as intimating to her as it did to this country boy? “Have you been here before?”
She nodded. “Just once when I was called to interview.”
Cole glanced at his watch. “Looks like we have an hour or so to kill before you meet your contact. Would you like to get a bite to eat?”
“That sounds good. Would you mind if I just ran in to get a program? The director sent me all the music and a tentative schedule, but I’d like to see what else is going on before I meet with anyone.”
“Sure, take your time. I’ll wait right here.”
“Thanks.” She got out of the car and walked into the building. This was her element, what she was born to do, but right now he’d be happy if dairy cows interested her more. Even if he wasn’t a small town store owner, was there anything about him that would make her desire to leave all this behind?
Lord, does her happiness mean I have to lose her?
Sierra soaked in the smells and noise of the city. It was a comfortable feeling. She could get lost in the crowd; one anonymous person with an unknown past that no one in the multitude would seek to rectify. The here and now was all that counted.
The little food joint they settled on was nothing fancy, with its red pleather seats and Formica table tops, but it was close to the music center and relatively affordable.
She glanced at the program as excitement welled within.
“So what’s going on with the orchestra?” Cole’s voice brought her back to the present.
“Lots of great stuff. Other than the scheduled concerts in the hall, there’s concerts in the park, pre-concert talks, open rehearsals, ense
mbles, you name it.”
“Sounds busy.” Cole bit into his cheese steak. Juice ran out of the back of the sandwich.
“Is that any good?”
He grinned. “Sure, you want a bite?” He held out the sandwich to her.
“No thanks, I’ll stick to my salad. I don’t think my stomach could handle more than that right now.” She pushed the lettuce around the plate with her fork. “Thanks again for coming with me. Your friendship and support means a lot.”
“I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” His honest gaze bore into hers.
The people at the tables surrounding them vanished as he reached out and placed his hands over hers.
“When you are ready to come back to Daviston, call me. No, don’t wait that long. Call me anytime you want. I’d love to hear your voice. I’m...” He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Going to miss you.”
A lump grew in her throat. She wanted to lean into the warmth of his hand as it brushed against her cheek, yet she wouldn’t—couldn’t—let herself. And I’ll miss you.
She pasted on a smile and tried to lighten the suddenly heavy atmosphere. “Well, at least your mother will be happy now.”
He sat back, the intimate mood broken. “Nah, she’s not happy unless she’s unhappy about something.”
As thankful as she was to be here, Sierra knew this wasn’t going to be a fun farewell. She put her fork down and glanced at her watch. “I’m not so good at saying good-bye.”
“Then don’t.” Cole pushed his plate over to the side and reached for her hand. “Good-bye is final, but our friendship is not.”
She blinked back the silly tears that threatened to spill, but it was too late. One spilled over and rolled down her cheek. She grinned and rolled her eyes to try to hide her embarrassment. “Sorry, you know us females.”