Logan met Sara’s gaze. “I had hoped that you might find a more permanent purpose here,” he began, struggling to find the words to express himself. “Charley and Carter have grown quite fond of having you as a part of their lives.”
“I will miss them terribly,” Sara sighed, lowering her gaze. “But I’m afraid I can’t remain here on their behalf.” Everything in her wanted to spout out the truth of the matter. It wasn't enough for the family to wish for her to stay. She wanted him to want her. And even if he did…could she remain here? There was still the matter of his secrecy toward Janie. “Of course, if there was a need for my presence, that might be different,” she continued. “But as things stand…”
“There is a need, Sara,” Logan interrupted, unable to face her. “I need you. I’m not sure how or when it happened, but you’ve stolen my heart away from me. It doesn’t matter what I do or where I go, my thoughts remain with you. I had hoped that you would be here long enough for us to find out where things might go between us. I want you to stay.”
Sara’s mouth dropped open a small bit, and she was left speechless. He had said the words that she’d so wished to hear, and yet she was hard-pressed for a response. “I have grown to feel for you too, Logan,” she whispered. “It seems odd to say such a thing to a man I’ve known for such a short time, but I can’t deny how often my thoughts linger on you.”
Hearing her response, Logan finally looked at her. Relief spread over his expression, and he reached for her hand. “Will you stay with me, then? I want the chance to get to know you. It didn’t seem proper before, as we had other pressing matters. But as I look to the days ahead, I want to share them with you.”
“I would like to stay, Logan,” Sara said, tensing anew. She knew that she could not ignore her lingering concern over Janie. “I’ve grown so fond of Oakmede. And I do want the chance to get to know you better. I’m afraid that there is one thing that I need to see settled before I can make a decision, though.”
“Alright,” he nodded, still holding her hand in his own. “What is it? I’m sure that things can be arranged.”
Sara swallowed hard. “There is something you should know.”
Logan tensed, sensing the strain in her voice. “Go on,” he urged.
Sara struggled to look him in the eye but forced herself to continue. “When we went to visit Tom in prison, he confided in me about your arrangement with Moran. He explained that you would not have walked out on your family, the way Janie has been led to believe that you did, but rather that his own debt caused you to leave.”
Logan’s face instantly dropped, and he let go of Sara’s hand.
“Your loyalty to my brother is to be commended, but the secrecy surrounding it concerns me,” she continued. “I don’t feel that you're fair to Janie by keeping her in the dark about things. She cares so much about both of you, and your actions have had a great effect on her life. She deserves to know the truth.”
Logan stiffened and stepped away from Sara. “I know my sister, and I know what is best for her. My decision concerning her is none of your business,” he retorted.
Sara fought back the tears as she gazed into Logan’s face. His warmth had quickly been replaced by a distance. “If we want to be together, then it is. I cannot begin a relationship knowing that it holds secrecy and lies.”
“You were not part of the events that took place before your arrival here. And I don’t see how you could have a clear vision of how they should be handled,” Logan snapped. Feeling betrayed, he stormed away from Sara, leaving her staring after him with tears flowing down her cheeks. Sara sank back against the wall once more, sliding to the grass beneath her. She cupped her face in her hands and sobbed. Despite her sincerest hope that Logan would choose her over his own fears, she watched him walk away. Her heart crumbled within her.
Logan kicked at the dirt of the path, sending a rock flying off into a wheat field. His hands were clenched and his jaw set. Returning to the yard, he went straight to the barn. Uneager to face Tom and his betrayal of their agreement, Logan instead saddled his horse and galloped out of the yard toward town.
He dug his heels into his horse’s side, demanding more speed and a distance between himself and the woman he loved. Suddenly, at the moment in which he’d hoped to be rejoicing, he found himself fighting the urge to leave Oakmede once again.
Chapter 17
By the time Sara returned to the house, her tears had given way to anger. She was angry with herself for allowing her heart to be given so quickly. And she was mad with Logan for his willingness to value Tom and Janie’s relationship over their own chances of a life together.
She silently slipped past the sitting room where Tom and Janie were relaxing, retiring to the privacy of her own room. There, she pulled her trunk from the closet and began packing her things.
Each dress she shoved into her trunk brought both relief and heartache coursing through her body. She ached over the thought of trying to move forward, but was keen to leave Oakmede before having to face Logan again. She ran her fingers over the blue dress she’d worn on her trip into town with Logan. She now felt foolish for having put forth an effort to impress him. By the time her room had grown bare, a knock on the door interrupted her.
“Sara?” Tom called from the hallway. “Are you in here? Lunch is ready.”
“Thank you, but I’m not hungry,” she replied. The strain of her emotions could be heard in her voice.
Knowing his sister well, Tom cracked the door open. “Is everything alright?” he gently asked.
Sara held her stomach, which now ached along with the rest of her. “I don’t feel very well. Thank you for the offer, but I think I’ll skip lunch today.”
“You’ve been crying. What happened?” Tom asked, studying Sara’s face before stepping into the room and closing the door. “You’re packing up?”
“Yes,” she sighed, sitting on the edge of her bed. “I’m so glad I was able to stay long enough to see you freed, but it’s time I went home.”
“I was hoping you would stay. I think you could have a beautiful life here in Oakmede. If it is Mother you’re concerned about…”
Sara shook her head. “I do need to go back to Mother, but that’s only the beginning of it.”
Tom studied her, unsure of how to proceed. “I also thought that you might consider staying for Logan’s sake. It’s not really my place to tell you, but I know that he loves you. I hoped that the two of you might find a life together.”
Tears began to well up in her eyes once again, but this time she refused to let them take over. Quickly drying her eyes, she swallowed the lump forming in her throat. “I had hoped for the same thing, but Logan is not ready for a relationship.”
“But he told me…,” Tom began again.
“No,” Sara interrupted. “I can imagine what he told you, but I refuse to enter a relationship that is riddled with secrecy. I understand his concern for Janie, as well as his reasoning for keeping your debt a secret. He fears that the truth might tear your marriage apart. But if he is willing to hold onto this lie indefinitely, then I fear what things he might hide from me should he feel that I could not handle the truth about something. Until he learns that he cannot manipulate a situation, even for the sake of protecting someone, he is not ready to move forward with me.”
“You must know that his heart is in the right place,” Tom insisted.
“Tom, Janie is your wife. Don’t you believe that your marriage is strong enough to handle the bumps that life gives you? She is an understanding woman, and she loves you deeply. Do you not trust her enough to simply ask her to forgive your lapse in judgment and move forward?”
Tom sighed and rubbed his face. “I do trust her, Sara. And if it were entirely up to me, I would tell her myself. But Logan chose to conceal our agreement, and I fear that I would only make things worse if I told her now. If she is ever to know the truth of the matter, I feel it should come from Logan himself.”
“I agr
ee, which is the only reason why I haven’t told her myself. I asked Logan to be truthful with her, and he refused. Until he sees that that is no way to act toward someone, there is nothing left for me to do here.” Sara looked around at the room that had become her home. “I hope you know how much I love you and Janie and the boys. I’ve cherished the chance to get to know Charley and Carter, and I hope that they will understand. Nonetheless, I plan on leaving in the morning.”
Tom nodded, stepping forward and giving his sister a hug. “Very well. We will miss you dearly, but I understand the position you’ve been put in. Are you sure you don’t want to join us for lunch?”
“I’m sure, but thank you. I need to finish preparing for tomorrow.”
“Alright,” Tom agreed. He gave her a knowing look before leaving her to tend to her things.
That evening, Sara was hesitant to join everyone for supper. As much as she wanted to give Logan one last chance to change his mind and make things right, she couldn’t bear facing him if he chose not to do so. She soon found out, however, that her hesitancy was unnecessary. Logan had not yet returned from town.
Sara reluctantly sat at the table with the family. The concern in Janie’s eyes bothered Sara, as she saw her sister-in-law again watching the door for Logan’s return. As things were he’d left home the first time to tend to Tom’s business, and now he’d run off on account of Sara. Nothing was going as Sara had hoped it would.
Later that night, Sara offered to put Charley and Carter to bed. She broke the news to them of her departure, holding each of them tightly in her lap. Feeling their little arms around her neck only deepened the pain of her decision to leave. After holding them for a long while, she tucked them into bed and sat beside them, telling them a story as she’d done so many times in the weeks past. With a promise to see them in the morning, she watched their little eyes grow heavy, soon drifting off to sleep.
Sleep did not come as quickly to Sara, however. She sat up in the rocking chair in her bedroom for what seemed like hours. Every noise the night had to offer sent her eyes scanning the yard for a horse and rider. A part of her still wanted to believe that Logan would do the right thing, but as the hours left until her departure closed in on her, her hope began to waver. By the time the first hints of blue began to creep their way across the eastern sky, Logan had still not returned.
Sara rose from her chair and washed her face. Amidst her exhaustion, a sense of numbness had set in on her heart. Sara changed out of her nightgown and into her travel clothes. Stepping out into the kitchen, Charley and Carter’s dog cheerfully greeted her.
“Hello, there,” Sara sighed. “What are you doing out here so early?” Sara quietly closed the boys’ bedroom door before letting the dog outside. Tom and Janie were not yet awake, and Sara knew that the morning train would not be departing until after nine o’clock. With no other option but to wait, she set some water to boil for coffee.
A gentle knock on the door sent her heart racing. Sara hurried to the door and swung it open, only to find Mr. Hodges waiting on the veranda.
“Good morning, miss,” he greeted, glancing past her and into the sitting room. “I hope I didn’t bother you. I saw the lights on and thought that Tom would be awake by now.”
“That’s alright. I’m sorry, but Tom’s still asleep. Do you need me to wake him for you?”
“Oh, no, that’s alright. I was only going to run a couple of decisions past him. It’s nothing that can’t wait until later. But I’m glad to have a chance to see you. Tom mentioned last night that you planned on leaving us this morning. Have a safe journey. It’s been a pleasure getting to know you,” Hodges smiled.
“Thank you, sir,” Sara replied, forcing a smile. “I’ve enjoyed my stay here immensely. And I cannot thank you enough for all the help you were to everyone during Tom’s absence. I rest much easier knowing that they have you here with them.”
Hodges again smiled with a nod and turned to leave. Unable to keep herself from at least asking, Sara caught him on the veranda.
“Before you go…,” she called, stepping out after him, “did Logan return last night?”
The man shook his head. “No, I’m sorry miss. I haven’t seen him. If you’re hoping to see him before you leave, I would guess that he spent the night at the sheriff’s office. I imagine you’ll find him there.”
“Right,” she sighed. “Thank you.”
By the time Sara returned to her coffee, Tom and Janie had begun to stir. A general gloom hung in the air as they made their way into the kitchen. Sara poured coffee for all three of them before sitting at the table.
“I’m sorry I don’t have breakfast started yet,” she offered. “I wasn’t sure how long everyone would sleep.”
Tom’s gaze lingered on Sara’s face. “You didn’t sleep a wink, did you? You’re going to need to be rested for your journey.”
“Thank you, but I’ll be alright,” she assured him. “There will be little else for me to do on the train anyway.”
“I hate feeling like you’re rushing off,” Janie chimed in. “I do wish you’d reconsider. We have plenty of room here, and you are always welcome.”
“I appreciate that, but I must be getting back to Mother,” Sara replied. She tried to avoid Tom’s glance, knowing that she mustn’t reveal her real reasoning if Logan wouldn’t do the same.
“I heard you speaking to someone. Did Logan come back?” Janie asked.
“No, that was Mr. Hodges. He only wanted to speak to Tom about something later. He did suggest that Logan is probably just in town, though. I’m sure there is nothing to be concerned about.”
“I still don’t understand what could have caused him to rush off the way he did,” Janie commented, staring out the window for a moment.
Sara was relieved to have their conversation interrupted by Charley and Carter stumbling out of their room. Sara had to smile at their sleepy little faces. They both hurried over to her, urging her to sit on the couch where they could join her. She welcomed one last morning’s worth of snuggles with her nephews.
Lacking much desire to eat, Sara remained with the boys until Janie had prepared their breakfast. Once they were situated at the table with a meal in front of them, Sara went with Tom to fetch her trunk. Her last morning in Oakmede was passing her far more quickly than she wanted it to, and by the time the boys were done eating, the wagon was hitched and her luggage was on board.
With one final glance around the ranch, Sara climbed onto the bench next to Janie. Tom helped the boys into the back, each still clinging to their beloved stuffed dogs that their aunt had sewn for them. Together, they set off for town.
Despite the increasing traffic on the rails near Oakmede, the station in town was still elementary. There was no indoor lobby or grand ticket counter. Only a platform stood at the far end of town with a little shack at one end of it. Having arrived, Sara approached the small window on the side of the building. Once she had paid for her passage back to Baltimore, Sara rejoined the others near the wagon.
While Janie was preoccupied with tending to Carter, Tom looked at Sara and nodded toward the sheriff’s office. “Do you want to see if he’s there?”
She shook her head. “He’s known where to find me all night. If he were going to change his mind, he would have spoken with me by now.”
“Alright,” Tom sighed, “as long as you’re sure.”
Sara knew she wasn’t really sure of anything right then, but a train whistle in the distance let her know that she hadn’t got the time to change her mind. Charley and Carter watched in fascination as the massive locomotive crept to a stop in front of them. Sara quickly gave each of them a hug, struggling to maintain her composure.
“When he does return, is there anything you want me to tell him?” Tom whispered in his sister’s ear.
She had so much she wanted to tell Logan, but none of it seemed fitting under these circumstances. “No,” she reluctantly whispered.
Partners in Justice and Love: A Historical Western Romance Book Page 19