Sara shook her head. “He is very kind, but please don’t try to push me. You know I am not interested in Mr. Jenkins.”
“Sara, dear,” her mother began, pausing with helping her get dressed and instead taking a seat next to her. “You have been moping around since you returned from Oakmede. Of course, I don’t really know what happened. But I do know that you are going to make yourself sick pining over Mr. Payne.”
“I’m not pining over anyone!” she retorted. “I will admit that I once hoped that things would be different between us, but now I’m merely trying to move forward. But even at that, I have no interest in courting anyone. I’m sorry.”
Sara’s mother nodded and left her to get ready for the party. Sara reluctantly pulled on her green dress. She knew that the blue one looked better, but she couldn’t stand the thought of it. She brushed through her hair and buttoned up the back of the dress. With her mother already waiting for her downstairs, Sara slowly made her way down to meet her.
“You look lovely, dear,” her mother smiled as she pulled on her shawl. “Cheer up! Just think of all the music and dancing there will be. You went straight from tending to things in Oakmede back to tending to matters here. You need a chance to unwind.”
Sara nodded. “Yes, I suppose you are right. Perhaps a night to relax will do me some good. I just can’t seem to get my heart into it.”
“I understand, but that might change once we get there. Come along,” Mother said, tugging at her hand.
Sara obediently followed and waited on the porch while Mother locked the door. Together the women began their walk down North Street. The breeze was growing crisp as the sun sank low in the sky. Lamps were beginning to illuminate the windows of houses along the way, and several houses had gatherings of carriages tied around them as they hosted their own celebrations.
Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins’ house looked as cheery as any of them with their large maple tree shining in brilliant reds and oranges. Mrs. Jenkins was standing on the front porch, welcoming visitors as Sara and her mother walked up the path.
“Sara! It’s so good to see you again! I feel terrible that I haven’t had time to stop by since your return to town.” Mrs. Abigail Jenkins met them on the path and gave Sara a hug. “How was your journey out west?”
“It was lovely once matters with Tom were cleared up, thank you,” Sara smiled.
“I’m so glad to hear that. Please, go on inside and make yourselves at home,” Abigail urged, ushering the women toward the door. “Do you remember my son, Frederick? He is back for the holidays, and I’m sure he would like the opportunity to catch up with you.”
Sara’s stomach tightened a bit, but she managed a cordial nod. Young Frederick Jenkins had always been a pleasant man, albeit rather evident in his attraction to Sara. He had long been a source of teasing from Sara’s mother, all in the good-natured hope that they might someday begin courting. Sara’s heart had never been in the idea, but it was far less so now. She took a breath and steadied herself before stepping through the front door after her mother.
Music flooded out into the yard through the open door and young couples were already swirling around the Jenkins’ usually calm sitting room, bringing a cheeriness to the old place. Both Sara and her mother quickly spotted Frederick standing near the fireplace with his father. Mother gave Sara a nod in his direction, to which Sara adamantly shook her head.
“You might as well go and say ‘hello.’ He’s sure to find you soon enough anyway,” Mother urged. “Besides, he might just be the one who can pull you out of this slump you’ve fallen into as of late.”
“I don’t want to be pulled out of any slump. I will find my own way forward,” Sara insisted.
“Alright, have it your way,” Mother shrugged. “Nonetheless, you’ll have quite a time trying to avoid him all evening.”
Sara groaned a bit before obediently starting across the room, leaving her mother to chat with the reverend and his wife. Frederick was flashing his winning smile as he spoke with his father. His blonde hair shone in the light of the fireplace, and Sara could make out the sparkle in his green eyes from across the room. Sara lingered near the table filled with finger foods, uneager to speak to Frederick or anyone else. To her dismay, he soon spotted her just the same.
“Sara Bailey! I was beginning to wonder if I’d even have a chance to see you during my visit to Baltimore. How have you been?” Frederick asked, approaching her and leaning against the table in such a way that she could not avoid him.
“I’ve been fine, thank you,” she replied quietly. “How about yourself? I understand that you’ve moved on to Boston.”
“Yes, but only temporarily. Once I’ve obtained my degree, I’ll be returning to Baltimore.”
“I see,” Sara nodded. “I’m sure that will be very nice for you.”
“Yes, it will be a relief to have finally finished my studies. But it will soon be worth all of the time I’ve invested. With my degree, I should be an eligible candidate for any medical clinic in the region.”
“That’s very impressive,” Sara gave him a nod. “I’m sure your parents are quite proud of you.”
“Indeed,” he said, staring down at his shoes and scuffling one of them across an imaginary mark on the floor. “They’re not the only ones I was hoping to impress,” he mumbled, avoiding Sara’s gaze.
Sara could feel a lump beginning to form in her throat, and she began to look for an excuse to escape Frederick’s attention.
“What do you think? Could you picture yourself settling down with a doctor?” Frederick ventured.
“I…um,” Sara stammered, “I hadn’t given it much thought, I guess. I’ve got enough responsibility to keep my mind otherwise occupied.”
“Yes, with your mother,” he nodded. “Of course you do. But I had wondered if you might begin to give the idea some thought. I don’t think that I’ve kept my fondness of you any secret…”
“Frederick,” Sara interrupted, “I’m flattered. Truly I am. But I’ve told you before that I’m quite happy remaining friends with you.”
“I remember,” he sighed. “But I rather hoped that you might change your mind. I’ll soon be able to provide a proper life for a wife with respectable social standing. You would no longer need to concern yourself with working the long shifts you’ve held for so long. I believe I could finally give you the ease and comfort you deserve.”
Sara turned away, struggling to absorb all that he was suggesting. She knew he was fond of her, but this was far more than she’d ever expected. Frederick stepped toward her, cautiously taking her hand and leading her out onto the porch. As the music faded behind the door, he turned to face her.
“Sara, I know that you’re not in love with me, and I dare not believe that you one day will be. But I do think that we could be good together. The idea of finding that one person whom you fall madly in love with seems farfetched to me. But to find someone that you’re happy with, and that you can live alongside in comfort…that seems far more attainable. Don’t you agree?”
Sara opened her mouth to speak but closed it again, at a loss for words. She’d tasted what if felt like to have someone hold her heart in the palm of his hand. She knew the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach every time Logan looked at her. That type of heart-pounding love was real. How could she settle for less now? Her lingering silence began to give Frederick her answer all on its own.
“I take it that you disagree,” he sighed, staring out toward the street.
“Frederick, I’m quite fond of you as a friend, but I think we’d both be doing ourselves a huge injustice if we settled for anything less than love. You will soon be a doctor, and undoubtedly grasp the attention of any number of eligible women. And however bleak it might appear at times, I still believe that there is genuine love in my future as well. I hope that I haven’t hurt you terribly. I would never wish to do that. But I’m not sure we’re right for each other.”
“I understand,” he nodded, still avoid
ing Sara’s eyes. “I’d still like for you to give it some thought. I don’t expect you to change your mind, but if you do…you know where to find me.”
“Alright,” Sara agreed, struggling to fight back the tears that were creeping into her eyes. She waited until Frederick had returned to the party before stepping out into the yard. She felt utterly disgusted with herself and the whole situation. Frederick Jenkins was a kind man, and he’d doted on her for several years. How could she have just broken his heart? Then again, her own heart was in no condition to give to anyone. Sara began to wonder if Logan had broken it beyond repair. Somehow, she simply could not picture herself with anyone else, and yet she’d turned away and left him in Kansas. Her stomach ached and her head began to hurt, leaving her wishing she had stayed home.
Hearing voices at the door, Sara strolled further from the porch, finding a bench in Mr. Jenkins’ garden. There she sat down, out of sight from the young couple who had found a moment alone on the porch swing. From her place in the garden, Sara could hear the young man awkwardly complimenting the woman. She playfully dismissed his flattery, urging him all the more.
Under any other circumstances, Sara would have found such things heartwarming, but tonight it left her feeling hollow. Logan had never stretched to such bold flattery, but his affection didn’t need words. It was evident in his gentle eyes and quiet assurance. She wondered if he was aching as much as she was. Or had he simply accepted her refusal and moved on?
Before long, Mother poked her head out the door in search of Sara. Spotting her near the bushes in the garden, she closed the door behind her and hurried out to her. “Are you alright, my dear? I saw Frederick return to the party without you.”
“I don’t know,” she shook her head. “I’m afraid I’m not sure of anything right now. Would you mind terribly if I went home?”
“Of course not,” her mother soothed, wrapping her in a hug. “I’ll go and tell Abigail that we will see them soon.”
“There’s no need for your night to be cut short,” Sara urged. “I’ll be alright.”
“No, I’d rather go with you. After all, I’m the one who pushed you to speak with Frederick in the first place. There will be other parties. For tonight, we should be at home. Wait here,” she said as she went to find Abigail. Before long, the two of them were making their way back down North Street toward home long before the events of the evening would conclude.
Upon arriving home, Mother opened the door and led Sara inside. “Would you like for me to brew some tea?” she offered. “It might make you feel better.”
Sara looked into her mother’s caring eyes, knowing that she could sense every ounce of her heartache. She’d always had a way of doing that. “Thank you, but I just want to sleep. After everything that has gone on lately, I don’t feel like I’m ever truly rested.”
“I understand,” Mother nodded. “Go on and get some sleep, dear. I’ll be here if you need anything.”
“You always are,” Sara whispered, giving her mother a hug. “And I’m so thankful for that.”
Sara made her way up the stairs to her bedroom, closing the door behind her and falling onto the bed. She knew she should change out of her nice dress, but somehow she lacked the will to. Instead, she burrowed down under the blanket, wishing that sleep would rush in and take away the lingering heartache that always accompanied her now. Tears began to trickle down her cheeks once more as she slowly drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 19
In light of the conversation that Logan had overheard from Tucker, he had placed Tom and both cowhands on high alert. Though he knew that Tucker had no interest in anyone but him, he could not risk bringing harm to the family simply because he lived with them. Hodges and Peterson now took turns keeping watch over the main yard day and night. Logan hated having things so out of place for his sake.
There was something maddening about sitting around and waiting for such an encounter. In an effort to keep sane, and to reassure Janie that he was home to stay, Logan began making plans to build a small house on the property.
If all went as planned over the coming winter and spring, the ranch would be securely back on its feet. And once Tom could afford to increase the herd size, there would be the need for more cowhands to reside in the bunkhouse.
After breakfast one morning, Tom and Logan went out to survey the particular section of land that Logan had in mind. They set off down the path toward the retaining wall.
“You’ve no idea how happy Janie is over this project,” Tom chuckled as they strolled along. “She’s glad to see you settling down more permanently.”
“I’m glad for it, myself,” Logan said, glancing out across the land at the herd. “I’ve been more or less a drifter for the past seven years, including the war. And though most of the territory feels like home to me, it will be nice to have a house to call my own.”
“It will enable you to settle in and look to your future as well,” Tom said, eyeing Logan. “Perhaps you will eventually begin your own family on the property.”
Logan shot Tom a sideways glance. “Where are you going with that idea?”
“Don’t try to pretend that you’ve moved beyond your feelings for Sara. We both know that you haven’t.”
“Whatever might have been between us, it was farfetched,” Logan retorted. “She chose to return to Baltimore, and it was probably for the better if we already disagree on things.”
Tom frowned. “I don’t believe that. Every couple has things that they don’t see eye-to-eye on. That doesn’t make them love each other any less. Sara spoke to me before she left, explaining what caused her to pack her bags. It seems to me that you simply have different ideas of how to best care for those that you love. I don’t see how that could be an inherent flaw in a person. Are you really going to let something so trivial prevent you from being together?”
“Your marriage to my sister is not trivial to me,” Logan retorted, turning off the path.
Tom followed him, making his way toward the back portion of the property. “I’m not suggesting that it is! I know you have our best interests in mind. But you must eventually come to know that Janie and I are more secure than that in our love for one another.”
Logan shook his head. “I promised to protect Janie and intend to do just that. It was not Sara’s place to step in.”
“Perhaps not, but don’t doubt her own intent to protect Janie. I know my sister. Her heart is in the right place.”
“What then, you expect me to just march up to Janie and tell her the real reason behind everything that’s gone on? Even if your marriage did survive that, I couldn’t bear the pain that would come from her learning that she’s been kept in the dark. As things stand right now, she is happy, and your household is complete again. Let’s not go messing with things now.”
Tom sighed, seeing that Logan was still not ready to let go and pursue his own life. “Alright, have it your way. But you’re doing both yourself and Sara a huge injustice. I believe the two of you could have been truly happy together.”
Logan paused but then pushed onward, refusing to budge on the subject. Deciding to drop the matter, the men set about marking off parameters for Logan’s new home. As Logan walked off the length of one wall, his heart ached more than he thought possible. It was true that he had once hoped to build a home for himself and a wife together, but that seemed a dismal prospect now.
In the following days, work began on leveling the ground and laying the foundation for the house. It offered Logan a welcome distraction from the looming danger that he knew he’d soon have to face.
One morning, just as everyone was sitting down to breakfast, a frenzied knock rapped on the front door.
“Who could that be at this time of day?” Tom wondered aloud.
As the knocking continued, Logan rose to his feet. “Janie, take the boys into the bedroom,” he instructed.
Partners in Justice and Love: A Historical Western Romance Book Page 21