Camilla shook her head then winced. So what if it was Tom? She had nothing to say to him. And three days? Her father had been back every day to check on her? The wine haze must’ve blurred her concept of time.
“Dad… please go away.”
The letterbox creaked open and she saw her father’s eyes blinking at her through the narrow gap.
“Please let me in Camilla.”
She sighed. If she didn’t, then he’d keep coming back or get her door broken down, so she could just let him in – so he could see that she was all right – then send him on his way.
As she opened the door, Laurence stood there with a tote bag in one hand and a sad smile on his face.
“I brought you some groceries. Figured you might need milk and bread.”
“I guess you better come on in then.”
Camilla led the way to the kitchen and watched as her father unloaded the contents of the tote bag onto her kitchen table.
“Right, love, where’s the kettle?”
Soon, he handed her a steaming mug of tea and a plate with two slices of toast covered in thick yellow butter.
“Let’s go into the lounge, I’m sure it’s warmer in there.” He gestured at her for her to go in front of him.
“It’s really not. I haven’t lit the fire.”
“No problem.”
He rolled up his sleeves then knelt in front of the log burner as Camilla sat back down and pulled the throw over her legs again. She made herself nibble the toast and washed it down with sips of hot tea. Her stomach churned but she knew it would make her feel better if she could just keep it down.
Once the fire was established, Laurence got up and sat next to Camilla on the sofa.
“Looks like the ghost of Christmas past has visited.” He eyed the mess on the coffee table and the floor then met Camilla’s eyes. “Sweetheart, what is it? Is it me being back? Does it bother you that much?”
She shook her head.
“Is it Tom then? Has he said something to hurt you?”
She shook her head.
“Then what? I want to help.”
Camilla shook her head and to her horror, her bottom lip wobbled and a strangulated sound came from her throat.
Laurence opened his arms. “Let your old dad give you a hug and try to make it better.”
“You can’t,” she squeaked. “No one can.”
“Maybe I can’t but I can try.”
Camilla didn’t want to fall into his arms, she didn’t want to release her pain and she certainly didn’t want to show weakness, but in spite of all that, she found herself sobbing on her father’s chest, and as he gently stroked her hair and murmured words of comfort, she was glad. Glad that he was there. Glad that he cared. Glad that he’d come home. And glad that he was finally holding her and looking out for her the way she’d always wished he would. He couldn’t take back the past but he could be here for her now and in the future.
Once she’d stopped crying and her eyes stung and her throat ached, her father lifted her chin. “Now do you want to tell me about it?”
“Okay.”
“Take your time.”
So she told him about Tom and the Halloween party, about how she’d really liked him and how they’d spent time together and how she’d felt herself falling for him. Then she told him about all the years of sadness when Laurence hadn’t been there and how much she and Dawn had missed having their dad around and about how angry she’d been with him, but how she’d secretly hoped that one day he’d walk back through the door.
And he had.
“So you like Tom and he likes you? What’s the problem then?” Laurence asked finally.
“After I saw you and Mum dancing in the kitchen I realised I really wanted to speak to him. I thought it would be wonderful to hear his voice and to tell him how much I was missing him.”
“But?”
“A woman answered his phone.”
“Oh…” Her father frowned. “Perhaps it was his mother? He’s gone to visit her hasn’t he?”
“It wasn’t his mother, Dad.”
“How’d you know?”
“When she answered I asked to speak to him and she said he was in the shower. I asked if she was his mother, wanting to say hello to her and tell her I’m a friend of Tom’s. You know, I didn’t want to say girlfriend or anything similar, in case he hasn’t told her anything about me yet. But she said…” She took a deep breath. “She said she was his wife.”
“Oh…” Laurence sighed. “I see.”
“So do I. Now.”
“There could be a perfectly logical explanation, Camilla. Perhaps she’s teasing you or perhaps they’re separated or… you know. Something like that.” He shrugged. “You need to speak to him. I brought this for you.” He placed her mobile on the table in amongst the mess. “Call him again and find out.”
Camilla shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Whoever she was, doesn’t matter. I’ve learned a valuable lesson about myself and that is that I need to stay away from love. I was right all along and love just isn’t worth the risk!”
“You don’t know that for certain, angel. You should give Tom a chance to explain. Look at how differently you might have thought about me if you’d known I tried to stay in contact with you and Dawn.”
“Maybe. Probably.” She did wish she’d known her father had tried to stay in touch, but as for Tom, she couldn’t see a way forwards now; he was married, after all.
“Why don’t you go and have a hot bath and I’ll tidy up a bit.”
“Okay but Dad…”
“Yes?”
“You’ll still be here when I come down?”
“Of course I will.”
He wriggled on the sofa then reached around behind him and frowned.
“What’s this?”
He held up the white bauble Tom had given Camilla and the bulldog swayed from side to side in his fingers.
“It’s nothing, Dad. Just an old decoration.”
Camilla took it from him then dropped it into the wastebasket by the fireplace with a handful of tissues that she pulled from up her sleeve.
“Goodbye Tom,” she whispered.
Then she made her way upstairs to run a bath. She intended to wash away the ghosts of Christmas past and to embrace Christmas present as she looked to the future.
She had so much more than so many other people did and she wasn’t going to take it for granted a moment longer. Even if she knew it would take a while to let go of Tom completely. Even if she suspected that letting him go would be very difficult indeed.
17
Chris handed Camilla a mug of mulled wine as she stood in the front garden of The Cosy Cottage Café. It was a beautiful cold crisp winter evening and the weather was perfect for the annual village gathering known as Carols at the Café.
“Thank you.”
She raised the mug to her nose and sniffed. The combined scents of the ruby wine, cloves, cinnamon, brandy and citrus were beautifully festive. An image of strolling around the Christmas market with Tom flashed into her mind and she gasped with pain and sadness. This year, she’d hoped Christmas would be a time of celebration that she’d enjoy with Tom. But it wasn’t meant to be. She closed her eyes and forced the image of his handsome face away then opened them to find Chris gazing curiously at her.
“It’s the mulled wine. It smells so good.” She took a sip and shivered with delight as it tingled on her tongue then warmed her throat and belly as it travelled down.
“Might have known you’d be here sampling the wine already!” Dawn nudged her.
“Oh yes, sorry you can’t have any, Dawnie.”
“You wait until next year. I’ll make up for it.” Dawn giggled.
“It’ll be lovely to have another little one around, won’t it?”
Dawn’s eyes shone. “I feel so lucky, Camilla. I have everything I’ve ever wanted. With Rick being around more, our relationship is better than ever. Laura and James are happy,
I’m happy, and Rick is like a different man. He’s so much more relaxed, you know?”
“I know and I’m so happy for you.”
“And it’s just wonderful to have Dad here for Christmas.”
“I can’t argue with that.”
Camilla turned and looked around for her father. He was standing at the gate to the café garden with her mother, shaking people’s hands as they arrived. Probably letting the locals know he was back, she realised. Since he’d come to her cottage on Wednesday, he’d been her rock. He’d explained to her mother, Dawn and Rick that Camilla had been a bit under the weather, then gone to see Allie and Honey and said the same to them. Of course, they all knew what was wrong with Camilla, but they also knew that she needed some time to deal with her emotions. So they’d visited her, bringing cakes and chocolates, love and laughter, and she’d managed to act as if everything was all right, even though inside she felt as if her heart had frozen and would never thaw.
Each time her visitors had gone, Camilla had sunk onto her sofa with the throw, and her dad had come to her and held her tight as she’d cried. After her mobile had charged, it had rung several times on the Wednesday, but she’d ignored it then turned it off, not wanting to know if Tom was trying to reach her or not. He had a whole life that she wasn’t a part of and she had to ensure that she still had her life without him.
He had a wife…
She swallowed hard. The thought still burned her insides like bile and she forced herself to push it from her mind. She was Camilla Dix, strong businesswoman, loved daughter, sister, auntie and friend. She would get over this… blip… and move on.
“Hi Camilla.” Rick arrived next to his wife, slightly out of breath.
“What’s wrong with you?” Camilla asked.
“Just as we were leaving the house, Mum phoned and started telling me all about her latest Poldark adventure. I thought I’d never get away, so I told Dawn and the kids to go on ahead and I’d catch up. I didn’t expect Mum to go on for quite that long though.”
“Poldark at Christmas?” Camilla giggled.
“Yes! Paul has taken Fenella back to Cornwall for Christmas. Just the two of them and they’re staying until the New Year.”
“Holed up in a cottage with a sea view.” Rick nodded.
“That’s so romantic.” Camilla’s heart contracted.
“Isn’t it?” Dawn smiled. “Since he found out how low she was feeling, he’s done his best to spoil her. He still has his hobbies but he’s devoting more time to his marriage these days.”
“And long may it continue!” Rick said. “Look, Dawn, there’s Honey and Dane. Best go and say hello.”
“Tell Honey I’ll catch up with her later.”
“Will do. I’m hoping this will wear Laura and James out to be honest because they’re so excited about Santa coming later.”
Camilla kissed Dawn’s cheek then watched as Rick led her sister across the garden. She walked around the side of the café and sat down on a bench under the pergola. Thick cushions had been spread over the benches and the pergola had been draped with colourful fairy lights that glowed in the darkness of the cold, crisp December evening. Beyond the lights, the sky was pitch black and the stars twinkled like diamonds. A few soft grey clouds moved slowly across the sky, creating a layered effect that reminded Camilla how much there was beyond Heatherlea, beyond the earth and how much there was still to discover. It was beautiful and uplifting.
In fact, the whole of the café and the garden contributed to the magical festive mood. The garden was illuminated by the lights of the café that glowed warmly from the windows and by the fairy lights that had been draped over the trees, the front of the cottage itself and the pergola. Gas outdoor heaters were dotted around the lawn, sending warmth into the evening and people gravitated towards them, cradling their mugs of mulled wine or hot chocolate. In the corner of the garden, to the left of the gate, a large Christmas tree stood proudly, dressed with twinkling lights, tinsel and, at the top, a sparkling silver fairy.
As Camilla sat, quietly watching the people she knew gathering for the annual Christmas Eve celebration, Allie appeared at her side.
“Hello you.” Allie sat next to her. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.” Camilla offered her friend a smile. “It’s been a busy year, hasn’t it?”
“Oh yes it has. For all of us.”
“I’m so glad things have worked out so well for you and Dawnie. Hopefully for Honey too if the way Dane is gazing at her is anything to go by.”
“Well, they’re just friends at the moment but who knows what the New Year will bring.”
“A baby.” Camilla cradled her mug between her hands.
“What?” Allie turned to face her.
“Oh… not Honey or me, of course! I was referring to Dawn.”
“Of course you were.” Allie shook her head. “I think I must’ve sampled too much of that mulled wine as I was making it.”
“You’ll have a lovely Christmas with Chris.”
Allie nodded. “But I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be.” Camilla took Allie’s hand. “I have so much. Look at my family. Reunited at last.”
“It is wonderful to see your mother so happy. Do you think…” Allie bit her bottom lip.
“Think what?”
“Do you think your father will stay?”
“Who knows? I hope so because it is so good to see Mum happy. And he has been amazing this week, almost as if he were trying to make up for lost time.”
“Do you think that’s possible then?”
Camilla paused. Could people make up for their mistakes? Could they really put their hurt aside and learn to forgive.
“I do. I wasn’t sure if I could forgive him, or if Mum could, but now… perhaps it’s the Christmas magic in the air but I feel like I could forgive anything.”
“Perhaps that’s a good thing.”
“What?”
“Well I know what happened with Tom. I made your father tell me, even though he didn’t want to.”
“Oh.”
“Now remember what you said about forgiveness and Christmas magic?”
“Yes, but why…”
Allie nodded at the Christmas tree across the garden and Camilla followed her gaze.
Her heart froze and her stomach dropped to the frosty grass.
“However you feel right now, just talk to him. Misunderstandings can ruin perfectly good relationships.”
“I didn’t think he’d come back. I mean… I did, because he has his business but I didn’t expect to see him today.”
“Well he is back and he was only gone just over a week. Not twenty years like your father. See what he has to say and remember, Camilla, we’re all here for you and we love you.”
Allie hugged Camilla tight then got up and walked away and Camilla was left gazing at Tom. Hairy Pawter was with him and the dog was wearing what looked like a canine version of a Christmas jumper. Tom wore jeans and heavy boots with a padded black North Face jacket and matching beanie. His face looked pale underneath the hat, and as he turned and looked around, he met her eyes and gave a half wave.
She was overwhelmed by an urge to jump up and run. Anywhere. Just to escape the way her heart was thundering and how her stomach churned. But she knew that she wouldn’t, because as much as she’d been hurt by what she’d found out, she had missed him and it was good to see him. Even if it was to say goodbye.
As he walked over to her, she downed the rest of her mulled wine then stood up.
She would face this on her feet like the grown-up that she was.
Camilla Dix was not afraid of anything… because her worst fears had already been realised, so there was nothing left to hurt her.
18
“Camilla.”
His soft brown eyes roamed her face and her stomach somersaulted in the way she was getting used to whenever Tom was around.
“Hi Tom.”
“It lo
oks amazing here. Is it like this every year?”
She nodded. “Allie always makes an effort. It’s important to her and it’s become a festive tradition to have carols at the café on Christmas Eve.”
“All we need now is some snow and it will be perfect.”
Camilla gazed at his handsome face, his broad shoulders and the faint dimple in his chin. The familiar urge to caress it rose but she squashed it immediately. There would be no caressing of chin dimples now or any other day.
“Snow would be good, yes. Laura and James would love that.”
A snuffling at her feet brought her attention to HP and she crouched down to greet him.
“Hello boy!” She rubbed his velvet-soft ears then let him sniff her hand. His little tail wiggled madly.
“He’s glad to see you. He’s missed you. And so have I.”
Camilla planted a kiss on HP’s nose then stood up again.
“I missed him too… and you. But—”
“Camilla!” He raised a hand and shook his head. “I think I know what might have upset you.”
“I’m not upset.” She folded her arms across her chest and took a deep breath.
“Are you sure? You haven’t answered one of my calls or texts since I left and I’ve been worried sick about you.”
“You don’t need to worry about me, Tom. I’m absolutely fine.”
His face fell. “Are you?”
“Yes.”
“Well in that case will you have a mulled wine with me?”
“I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”
“Why not?”
She bit her lip. She didn’t want to sound petty but something inside her was fizzing and she couldn’t seem to stop it. “Perhaps your wife wouldn’t like it.”
“I knew it!” He sighed. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“There’s no need. You have a wife back in Brighton and you’ve been with her, probably enjoying all the festive build up and having all the sex and all the fun…” She sniffed. “While I was back here waiting for you, thinking that we were somehow, in some way, falling in love. But that’s just fine! I am fine! And I wish you and… your wife well. Merry Christmas, Tom.”
Winter at The Cosy Cottage Cafe_A deliciously festive feel-good Christmas romance Page 12