thee, in what motion age will give me leave. Exit.
PAROLLES Well, thou hast a son shall take this disgrace
off me; scurvy, old, filthy, scurvy lord! Well, I must be
235
patient; there is no fettering of authority. I’ll beat him,
by my life, if I can meet him with any convenience, and
he were double and double a lord. I’ll have no more
pity of his age than I would have of – I’ll beat him and
if I could but meet him again.
240
Re-enter LAFEW.
LAFEW Sirrah, your lord and master’s married; there’s
news for you; you have a new mistress.
PAROLLES I most unfeignedly beseech your lordship to
make some reservation of your wrongs. He is my good
lord; whom I serve above is my master.
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LAFEW Who? God?
PAROLLES Ay, sir.
LAFEW The devil it is that’s thy master. Why dost thou
garter up thy arms a’ this fashion? Dost make hose of
thy sleeves? Do other servants so? Thou wert best set
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thy lower part where thy nose stands. By mine honour,
if I were but two hours younger I’d beat thee.
Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man
should beat thee. I think thou wast created for men to
breathe themselves upon thee.
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PAROLLES This is hard and undeserved measure, my
lord.
LAFEW Go to, sir. You were beaten in Italy for picking a
kernel out of a pomegranate. You are a vagabond and
no true traveller. You are more saucy with lords and
260
honourable personages than the commission of your
birth and virtue gives you heraldry. You are not worth
another word, else I’d call you knave. I leave you. Exit.
Re-enter BERTRAM.
PAROLLES Good, very good; it is so then. Good, very
good; let it be conceal’d awhile.
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BERTRAM Undone and forfeited to cares for ever!
PAROLLES What’s the matter, sweetheart?
BERTRAM
Although before the solemn priest I have sworn,
I will not bed her.
PAROLLES What, what, sweetheart?
270
BERTRAM O my Parolles, they have married me!
I’ll to the Tuscan wars and never bed her.
PAROLLES France is a dog-hole and it no more merits
The tread of a man’s foot; to th’ wars!
BERTRAM
There’s letters from my mother; what th’import is
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I know not yet.
PAROLLES
Ay, that would be known. To th’ wars, my boy, to th’ wars!
He wears his honour in a box unseen
That hugs his kicky-wicky here at home,
Spending his manly marrow in her arms,
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Which should sustain the bound and high curvet
Of Mars’s fiery steed. To other regions!
France is a stable; we that dwell in’t jades.
Therefore to th’ war!
BERTRAM It shall be so. I’ll send her to my house,
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Acquaint my mother with my hate to her
And wherefore I am fled, write to the king
That which I durst not speak. His present gift
Shall furnish me to those Italian fields
Where noble fellows strike. Wars is no strife
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To the dark house and the detested wife.
PAROLLES Will this capriccio hold in thee, art sure?
BERTRAM Go with me to my chamber and advise me.
I’ll send her straight away. Tomorrow
I’ll to the wars, she to her single sorrow.
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PAROLLES
Why, these balls bound; there’s noise in it. ’Tis hard:
A young man married is a man that’s marr’d.
Therefore away, and leave her bravely; go.
The king has done you wrong; but hush ’tis so.
Exeunt.
2.4 Enter HELENA and Clown.
HELENA My mother greets me kindly; is she well?
CLOWN She is not well, but yet she has her health; she’s
very merry, but yet she is not well. But thanks be given
she’s very well and wants nothing i’th’ world; but yet
she is not well.
5
HELENA If she be very well what does she ail that she’s
not very well?
CLOWN Truly, she’s very well indeed, but for two
things.
HELENA What two things?
10
CLOWN One, that she’s not in heaven, whither God
send her quickly! The other, that she’s in earth, from
whence God send her quickly!
Enter PAROLLES.
PAROLLES Bless you, my fortunate lady.
HELENA I hope, sir, I have your good will to have mine
15
own good fortune.
PAROLLES You had my prayers to lead them on, and to
keep them on have them still. O, my knave! How does
my old lady?
CLOWN So that you had her wrinkles and I her money,
20
I would she did as you say.
PAROLLES Why, I say nothing.
CLOWN Marry, you are the wiser man; for many a man’s
tongue shakes out his master’s undoing. To say
nothing, to do nothing, to know nothing, and to have
25
nothing, is to be a great part of your title, which is
within a very little of nothing.
PAROLLES Away! Th’art a knave.
CLOWN You should have said, sir, ‘Before a knave th’art
a knave’; that’s ‘Before me, th’art a knave’. This had
30
been truth, sir.
PAROLLES Go to, thou art a witty fool; I have found thee.
CLOWN Did you find me in your self, sir, or were you
taught to find me? … The search, sir, was profitable;
and much fool may you find in you, even to the
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world’s pleasure and the increase of laughter.
PAROLLES A good knave i’faith, and well fed.
Madam, my lord will go away tonight;
A very serious business calls on him.
The great prerogative and rite of love,
40
Which as your due time claims, he does acknowledge,
But puts it off to a compell’d restraint;
Whose want and whose delay is strew’d with sweets,
Which they distil now in the curbed time,
To make the coming hour o’erflow with joy
45
And pleasure drown the brim.
HELENA What’s his will else?
PAROLLES
That you will take your instant leave a’th’ king,
And make this haste as your own good proceeding,
Strength’ned with what apology you think
May make it probable need.
HELENA What more commands he?
50
PAROLLES That, having this obtain’d, you presently
Attend his further pleasure.
HELENA In everything I wait upon his will.
PAROLLES I shall report it so. Exit.
HELENA I pray you. Come, sirrah. Exeunt.
2.5 Enter LAFEW and BERTRAM.
LAFEW But I hope your lordship thinks not him a soldier.
BERTRAM Yes, my lord, and of very valiant approof.
LAFEW You have it from his own deliverance.
BERTRAM And by other warranted testimony.
LAFEW Then my dial goes not true; I took this lark for
5
a bunting.
BERTRAM I do assure you, my lord, he is very great in
knowledge, and accordingly valiant.
LAFEW I have then sinn’d against his experience and
transgress’d against his valour; and my state that way
10
is dangerous, since I cannot yet find in my heart to
repent. Here he comes. I pray you make us friends; I
will pursue the amity.
Enter PAROLLES.
PAROLLES [to Bertram] These things shall be done, sir.
LAFEW Pray you, ‘sir’, who’s his tailor?
15
PAROLLES Sir!
LAFEW O, I know him well. Ay, ‘sir’, he, sir,’s a good
workman, a very good tailor.
BERTRAM [aside to Parolles] Is she gone to the king?
PAROLLES She is.
20
BERTRAM Will she away tonight?
PAROLLES As you’ll have her.
BERTRAM I have writ my letters, casketed my treasure,
Given order for our horses; and tonight,
When I should take possession of the bride,
25
End ere I do begin.
LAFEW [aside] A good traveller is something at the latter
end of a dinner, but one that lies three thirds and uses
a known truth to pass a thousand nothings with,
should be once heard and thrice beaten. [aloud] God
30
save you, captain!
BERTRAM Is there any unkindness between my lord and
you, monsieur?
PAROLLES I know not how I have deserved to run into
my lord’s displeasure.
35
LAFEW You have made shift to run into’t, boots and
spurs and all, like him that leap’d into the custard; and
out of it you’ll run again rather than suffer question
for your residence.
BERTRAM It may be you have mistaken him, my lord.
40
LAFEW And shall do so ever, though I took him at’s
prayers. Fare you well, my lord, and believe this of me:
there can be no kernel in this light nut; the soul of this
man is his clothes. Trust him not in matter of heavy
consequence; I have kept of them tame, and know
45
their natures. Farewell, monsieur; I have spoken better
of you than you have or will to deserve at my hand; but
we must do good against evil. Exit.
PAROLLES An idle lord, I swear.
BERTRAM I think not so.
50
PAROLLES Why, do you not know him?
BERTRAM Yes, I do know him well; and common speech
Gives him a worthy pass. Here comes my clog.
Enter HELENA.
HELENA I have, sir, as I was commanded from you,
Spoke with the king, and have procur’d his leave
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For present parting; only he desires
Some private speech with you.
BERTRAM I shall obey his will.
You must not marvel, Helen, at my course,
Which holds not colour with the time, nor does
The ministration and required office
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On my particular. Prepar’d I was not
For such a business; therefore am I found
So much unsettled. This drives me to entreat you
That presently you take your way for home,
And rather muse than ask why I entreat you;
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For my respects are better than they seem,
And my appointments have in them a need
Greater than shows itself at the first view
To you that know them not. This to my mother.
[giving a letter]
’Twill be two days ere I shall see you, so
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I leave you to your wisdom.
HELENA Sir, I can nothing say
But that I am your most obedient servant.
BERTRAM Come, come; no more of that.
HELENA And ever shall
With true observance seek to eke out that
Wherein toward me my homely stars have fail’d
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To equal my great fortune.
BERTRAM Let that go.
My haste is very great. Farewell. Hie home.
HELENA Pray sir, your pardon.
BERTRAM Well, what would you say?
HELENA I am not worthy of the wealth I owe,
Nor dare I say ’tis mine – and yet it is;
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But, like a timorous thief, most fain would steal
What law does vouch mine own.
BERTRAM What would you have?
The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works Page 37