The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works

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The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works Page 64

by William Shakespeare


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  TOUCHSTONE Of a certain knight, that swore by his

  honour they were good pancakes, and swore by his

  honour the mustard was naught. Now I’ll stand to it,

  the pancakes were naught and the mustard was good,

  and yet was not the knight forsworn.

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  CELIA How prove you that in the great heap of your

  knowledge?

  ROSALIND Ay marry, now unmuzzle your wisdom.

  TOUCHSTONE Stand you both forth now: stroke your

  chins, and swear by your beards that I am a knave.

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  CELIA By our beards, if we had them, thou art.

  TOUCHSTONE By my knavery, if I had it, then I were.

  But if you swear by that that is not, you are not

  forsworn. No more was this knight, swearing by his

  honour, for he never had any; or if he had, he had

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  sworn it away before ever he saw those pancakes or

  that mustard.

  CELIA Prithee, who is’t that thou mean’st?

  TOUCHSTONE One that old Frederick your father loves.

  CELIA My father’s love is enough to honour him.

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  Enough, speak no more of him; you’ll be whipped for

  taxation one of these days.

  TOUCHSTONE The more pity that fools may not speak

  wisely what wisemen do foolishly.

  CELIA By my troth thou sayest true. For since the little

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  wit that fools have was silenced, the little foolery that

  wisemen have makes a great show. Here comes

  Monsieur Le Beau.

  Enter LE BEAU.

  ROSALIND With his mouth full of news.

  CELIA Which he will put on us, as pigeons feed their

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  young.

  ROSALIND Then shall we be news-crammed.

  CELIA All the better; we shall be the more marketable.

  Bonjour Monsieur Le Beau. What’s the news?

  LE BEAU Fair Princess, you have lost much good sport.

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  CELIA Sport? Of what colour?

  LE BEAU What colour madam? How shall I answer you?

  ROSALIND As wit and fortune will.

  TOUCHSTONE Or as the Destinies decrees.

  CELIA Well said! That was laid on with a trowel.

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  TOUCHSTONE Nay, if I keep not my rank –

  ROSALIND Thou losest thy old smell.

  LE BEAU You amaze me ladies. I would have told you of

  good wrestling, which you have lost the sight of.

  ROSALIND Yet tell us the manner of the wrestling.

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  LE BEAU I will tell you the beginning, and if it please

  your ladyships, you may see the end, for the best is yet

  to do, and here where you are they are coming to

  perform it.

  CELIA Well, the beginning that is dead and buried.

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  LE BEAU There comes an old man, and his three sons –

  CELIA I could match this beginning with an old tale.

  LE BEAU Three proper young men, of excellent growth

  and presence –

  ROSALIND With bills on their necks: ‘Be it known unto

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  all men by these presents’ –

  LE BEAU The eldest of the three wrestled with Charles

  the Duke’s wrestler, which Charles in a moment threw

  him and broke three of his ribs, that there is little hope

  of life in him. So he served the second, and so the

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  third. Yonder they lie, the poor old man their father

  making such pitiful dole over them that all the

  beholders take his part with weeping.

  ROSALIND Alas!

  TOUCHSTONE But what is the sport monsieur, that the

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  ladies have lost?

  LE BEAU Why this that I speak of.

  TOUCHSTONE Thus men may grow wiser every day. It

  is the first time that ever I heard breaking of ribs was

  sport for ladies.

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  CELIA Or I, I promise thee.

  ROSALIND But is there any else longs to see this broken

  music in his sides? Is there yet another dotes upon

  ribbreaking? Shall we see this wrestling, cousin?

  LE BEAU You must if you stay here, for here is the place

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  appointed for the wrestling, and they are ready to

  perform it.

  CELIA Yonder sure they are coming. Let us now stay

  and see it.

  Flourish. Enter DUKE FREDERICK, lords, ORLANDO, CHARLES and attendants.

  DUKE FREDERICK Come on. Since the youth will not be

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  entreated, his own peril on his forwardness.

  ROSALIND Is yonder the man?

  LE BEAU Even he, madam.

  ROSALIND Alas, he is too young. Yet he looks successfully.

  DUKE FREDERICK How now daughter and cousin? Are

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  you crept hither to see the wrestling?

  ROSALIND Ay my liege, so please you give us leave.

  DUKE FREDERICK You will take little delight in it, I can

  tell you, there is such odds in the man. In pity of the

  challenger’s youth, I would fain dissuade him, but he

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  will not be entreated. Speak to him ladies; see if you

  can move him.

  CELIA Call him hither, good Monsieur Le Beau.

  DUKE FREDERICK Do so. I’ll not be by.

  LE BEAU Monsieur the challenger, the Princess calls for

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  you.

  ORLANDO I attend them with all respect and duty.

  ROSALIND Young man, have you challenged Charles the

  wrestler?

  ORLANDO No fair Princess: he is the general challenger.

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  I come but in as others do, to try with him the strength

  of my youth.

  CELIA Young gentleman, your spirits are too bold for

  your years. You have seen cruel proof of this man’s

  strength; if you saw yourself with your eyes or knew

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  yourself with your judgement, the fear of your

  adventure would counsel you to a more equal

  enterprise. We pray you for your own sake to embrace

  your own safety and give over this attempt.

  ROSALIND Do young sir; your reputation shall not

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  therefore be misprized: we will make it our suit to the

  Duke that the wrestling might not go forward.

  ORLANDO I beseech you, punish me not with your hard

  thoughts, wherein I confess me much guilty to deny so

  fair and excellent ladies anything. But let your fair eyes

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  and gentle wishes go with me to my trial; wherein if I

  be foiled, there is but one shamed that was never

  gracious; if killed, but one dead that is willing to be so.

  I shall do my friends no wrong, for I have none to

  lament me; the world no injury, for in it I have

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  nothing; only in the world I fill up a place which may

  be better supplied when I have made it empty.

  ROSALIND The little strength that I have, I would it

  were with you.

  CELIA And mine to eke out hers.

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  ROSALIND Fare you well. Pray heaven I be deceived in

  you!

  CELIA Your heart’s desires be with you!

  CHARLES Come, where is this young gallant that is so

  desirous to lie with his mother earth?

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  ORLANDO Ready sir, but his will ha
th in it a more

  modest working.

  DUKE FREDERICK You shall try but one fall.

  CHARLES No, I warrant your Grace you shall not

  entreat him to a second, that have so mightily

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  persuaded him from a first.

  ORLANDO You mean to mock me after: you should not

  have mocked me before. But come your ways.

  ROSALIND Now Hercules be thy speed, young man!

  CELIA I would I were invisible, to catch the strong

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  fellow by the leg. [They wrestle.]

  ROSALIND O excellent young man!

  CELIA If I had a thunderbolt in mine eye, I can tell who

  should down. [Shout. Charles is thrown.]

  DUKE FREDERICK No more, no more.

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  ORLANDO Yes, I beseech your Grace, I am not yet well

  breathed.

  DUKE FREDERICK How dost thou Charles?

  LE BEAU He cannot speak my lord.

  DUKE FREDERICK Bear him away.

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  Charles is borne out.

  What is thy name, young man?

  ORLANDO

  Orlando my liege, the youngest son of Sir Rowland

  de Boys.

  DUKE FREDERICK

  I would thou hadst been son to some man else.

  The world esteem’d thy father honourable,

  But I did find him still mine enemy.

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  Thou should’st have better pleas’d me with this deed,

  Hadst thou descended from another house.

  But fare thee well, thou art a gallant youth –

  I would thou hadst told me of another father.

  Exeunt Duke, Le Beau and train.

  CELIA Were I my father, coz, would I do this?

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  ORLANDO I am more proud to be Sir Rowland’s son,

  His youngest son, and would not change that calling

  To be adopted heir to Frederick.

  ROSALIND My father lov’d Sir Rowland as his soul,

  And all the world was of my father’s mind.

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  Had I before known this young man his son,

  I should have given him tears unto entreaties,

  Ere he should thus have ventur’d.

  CELIA Gentle cousin,

  Let us go thank him and encourage him.

  My father’s rough and envious disposition

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  Sticks me at heart. Sir, you have well deserv’d.

  If you do keep your promises in love

  But justly, as you have exceeded all promise,

  Your mistress shall be happy.

  ROSALIND [giving him a chain from her neck]

  Gentleman,

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  Wear this for me; one out of suits with fortune,

  That could give more but that her hand lacks means.

  Shall we go coz?

  CELIA Ay. Fare you well, fair gentleman.

  ORLANDO Can I not say, ‘I thank you’? My better parts

  Are all thrown down, and that which here stands up

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  Is but a quintain, a mere lifeless block.

  ROSALIND

  He calls us back. My pride fell with my fortunes;

  I’ll ask him what he would. Did you call sir?

  Sir, you have wrestled well, and overthrown

  More than your enemies.

  CELIA Will you go coz?

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  ROSALIND Have with you. Fare you well.

  Exeunt Rosalind and Celia.

  ORLANDO

  What passion hangs these weights upon my tongue?

  I cannot speak to her, yet she urg’d conference.

  Enter LE BEAU.

  O poor Orlando, thou art overthrown!

  Or Charles, or something weaker masters thee.

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  LE BEAU Good sir, I do in friendship counsel you

  To leave this place. Albeit you have deserv’d

  High commendation, true applause, and love,

  Yet such is now the Duke’s condition

  That he misconsters all that you have done.

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  The Duke is humorous; what he is indeed

  More suits you to conceive than I to speak of.

  ORLANDO I thank you sir; and pray you tell me this,

  Which of the two was daughter of the Duke

  That here was at the wrestling?

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  LE BEAU Neither his daughter, if we judge by manners,

  But yet indeed the taller is his daughter.

  The other is daughter to the banish’d Duke,

  And here detain’d by her usurping uncle

  To keep his daughter company, whose loves

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  Are dearer than the natural bond of sisters.

  But I can tell you that of late this Duke

  Hath ta’en displeasure ’gainst his gentle niece,

 

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