The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works

Home > Fiction > The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works > Page 70
The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works Page 70

by William Shakespeare

on their barks; hangs odes upon hawthorns and elegies

  on brambles; all, forsooth, deifying the name of

  Rosalind. If I could meet that fancy-monger, I would

  355

  give him some good counsel, for he seems to have the

  quotidian of love upon him.

  ORLANDO I am he that is so love-shaked. I pray you tell

  me your remedy.

  ROSALIND There is none of my uncle’s marks upon you.

  360

  He taught me how to know a man in love; in which

  cage of rushes I am sure you are not prisoner.

  ORLANDO What were his marks?

  ROSALIND A lean cheek, which you have not; a blue eye

  and sunken, which you have not; an unquestionable

  365

  spirit, which you have not; a beard neglected, which

  you have not – but I pardon you for that, for simply

  your having in beard is a younger brother’s revenue.

  Then your hose should be ungartered, your bonnet

  unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your shoe untied,

  370

  and everything about you demonstrating a careless

  desolation. But you are no such man: you are rather

  point-device in your accoutrements, as loving yourself

  than seeming the lover of any other.

  ORLANDO Fair youth, I would I could make thee believe

  375

  I love.

  ROSALIND Me believe it! You may as soon make her that

  you love believe it, which I warrant she is apter to do

  than to confess she does. That is one of the points in

  the which women still give the lie to their consciences.

  380

  But in good sooth, are you he that hangs the verses on

  the trees, wherein Rosalind is so admired?

  ORLANDO I swear to thee youth, by the white hand of

  Rosalind, I am that he, that unfortunate he.

  ROSALIND But are you so much in love as your rhymes

  385

  speak?

  ORLANDO Neither rhyme nor reason can express how

  much.

  ROSALIND Love is merely a madness, and I tell you,

  deserves as well a dark house and a whip as madmen

  390

  do; and the reason why they are not so punished and

  cured is that the lunacy is so ordinary that the

  whippers are in love too. Yet I profess curing it by

  counsel.

  ORLANDO Did you ever cure any so?

  395

  ROSALIND Yes, one, and in this manner. He was to

  imagine me his love, his mistress; and I set him every

  day to woo me. At which time would I, being but a

  moonish youth, grieve, be effeminate, changeable,

  longing and liking, proud, fantastical, apish, shallow,

  400

  inconstant, full of tears, full of smiles, for every

  passion something and for no passion truly

  anything, as boys and women are for the most part

  cattle of this colour; would now like him, now loathe

  him; then entertain him, then forswear him; now weep

  405

  for him, then spit at him; that I drave my suitor from

  his mad humour of love to a living humour of

  madness, which was, to forswear the full stream of the

  world and to live in a nook merely monastic. And thus

  I cured him, and this way will I take upon me to wash

  410

  your liver as clean as a sound sheep’s heart, that there

  shall not be one spot of love in’t.

  ORLANDO I would not be cured, youth.

  ROSALIND I would cure you, if you would but call me

  Rosalind and come every day to my cote and woo me.

  415

  ORLANDO Now by the faith of my love, I will. Tell me

  where it is.

  ROSALIND Go with me to it, and I’ll show it you; and by

  the way, you shall tell me where in the forest you live.

  Will you go?

  420

  ORLANDO With all my heart, good youth.

  ROSALIND Nay, you must call me Rosalind. Come sister,

  will you go? Exeunt.

  3.3 Enter TOUCHSTONE, AUDREY and JAQUES behind.

  TOUCHSTONE Come apace good Audrey. I will fetch up

  your goats, Audrey. And how Audrey, am I the man

  yet? Doth my simple feature content you?

  AUDREY Your features? Lord warrant us! What

  features?

  5

  TOUCHSTONE I am here with thee and thy goats, as the

  most capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the

  Goths.

  JAQUES [aside] O knowledge ill-inhabited, worse than

  Jove in a thatched house!

  10

  TOUCHSTONE When a man’s verses cannot be

  understood, nor a man’s good wit seconded with the

  forward child, understanding, it strikes a man more

  dead than a great reckoning in a little room. Truly, I

  would the gods had made thee poetical.

  15

  AUDREY I do not know what ‘poetical’ is. Is it honest in

  deed and word? Is it a true thing?

  TOUCHSTONE No truly; for the truest poetry is the most

  feigning, and lovers are given to poetry; and what they

  swear in poetry may be said as lovers they do feign.

  20

  AUDREY Do you wish then that the gods had made me

  poetical?

  TOUCHSTONE I do truly. For thou swear’st to me thou

  art honest. Now if thou wert a poet, I might have some

  hope thou didst feign.

  25

  AUDREY Would you not have me honest?

  TOUCHSTONE No truly, unless thou wert hard-

  favoured; for honesty coupled to beauty is to have

  honey a sauce to sugar.

  JAQUES [aside] A material fool!

  30

  AUDREY Well, I am not fair, and therefore I pray the

  gods make me honest.

  TOUCHSTONE Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a

  foul slut were to put good meat into an unclean dish.

  AUDREY I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am

  35

  foul.

  TOUCHSTONE Well, praised be the gods for thy

  foulness; sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as

  it may be, I will marry thee; and to that end I have

  been with Sir Oliver Martext, the vicar of the next

  40

  village, who hath promised to meet me in this place of

  the forest and to couple us.

  JAQUES [aside] I would fain see this meeting.

  AUDREY Well, the gods give us joy!

  TOUCHSTONE Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful

  45

  heart, stagger in this attempt; for here we have no

  temple but the wood, no assembly but horn-beasts.

  But what though? Courage! As horns are odious, they

  are necessary. It is said, many a man knows no end of

  his goods. Right. Many a man has good horns and

  50

  knows no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of his

  wife, ’tis none of his own getting. Horns? Even so. Poor

  men alone? No, no. The noblest deer hath them as

  huge as the rascal. Is the single man therefore blessed?

  No. As a walled town is more worthier than a village,

  55

  so is the forehead of a married man more honourable

  than the bare brow of a bachelor; and by how much

  defence is better than no skill, by so much is a horn

  more precious than to want. Here comes Sir Oli
ver.

  Enter SIR OLIVER MARTEXT.

  Sir Oliver Martext, you are well met. Will you

  60

  dispatch us here under this tree or shall we go with

  you to your chapel?

  SIR OLIVER Is there none here to give the woman?

  TOUCHSTONE I will not take her on gift of any man.

  SIR OLIVER Truly she must be given, or the marriage is

  65

  not lawful.

  JAQUES [advancing] Proceed, proceed. I’ll give her.

  TOUCHSTONE Good even, good Master What-ye-call’t.

  How do you sir? You are very well met. God ’ild you

  for your last company. I am very glad to see you. Even

  70

  a toy in hand here sir. Nay, pray be covered.

  JAQUES Will you be married, Motley?

  TOUCHSTONE As the ox hath his bow sir, the horse his

  curb, and the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires,

  and as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling.

  75

  JAQUES And will you, being a man of your breeding, be

  married under a bush like a beggar? Get you to

  church, and have a good priest that can tell you what

  marriage is. This fellow will but join you together as

  they join wainscot; then one of you will prove a shrunk

  80

  panel, and like green timber, warp, warp.

  TOUCHSTONE [aside] I am not in the mind but I were

  better to be married of him than of another, for he is

  not like to marry me well; and not being well married,

  it will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my

  85

  wife.

  JAQUES Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee.

  TOUCHSTONE Come sweet Audrey, We must be married

  or we must live in bawdry. Farewell good Master

  Oliver. Not –

  90

  O sweet Oliver,

  O brave Oliver,

  Leave me not behind thee:

  but –

  Wind away,

  95

  Be gone, I say,

  I will not to wedding with thee.

  Exeunt Jaques, Touchstone and Audrey.

  SIR OLIVER ’Tis no matter. Ne’er a fantastical knave of

  them all shall flout me out of my calling. Exit.

  3.4 Enter ROSALIND and CELIA.

  ROSALIND Never talk to me, I will weep.

  CELIA Do I prithee, but yet have the grace to consider

  that tears do not become a man.

  ROSALIND But have I not cause to weep?

  CELIA As good cause as one would desire, therefore

  5

  weep.

  ROSALIND His very hair is of the dissembling colour.

  CELIA Something browner than Judas’s. Marry his

  kisses are Judas’s own children.

  ROSALIND I’faith his hair is of a good colour.

  10

  CELIA An excellent colour. Your chestnut was ever the

  only colour.

  ROSALIND And his kissing is as full of sanctity as the

  touch of holy bread.

  CELIA He hath bought a pair of cast lips of Diana. A

  15

  nun of winter’s sisterhood kisses not more

  religiously, the very ice of chastity is in them.

  ROSALIND But why did he swear he would come this

  morning and comes not?

  CELIA Nay certainly there is no truth in him.

  20

  ROSALIND Do you think so?

  CELIA Yes, I think he is not a pick-purse nor a horse-

  stealer, but for his verity in love, I do think him as

  concave as a covered goblet or a worm-eaten nut.

  ROSALIND Not true in love?

  25

  CELIA Yes, when he is in, but I think he is not in.

  ROSALIND You have heard him swear downright he was.

  CELIA ‘Was’ is not ‘is’; besides, the oath of a lover is no

  stronger than the word of a tapster. They are both

  the confirmer of false reckonings. He attends here in

  30

  the forest on the Duke your father.

  ROSALIND I met the Duke yesterday and had much

  question with him. He asked me of what parentage I

  was: I told him of as good as he, so he laughed and let

  me go. But what talk we of fathers, when there is such

  35

  a man as Orlando?

  CELIA O that’s a brave man! He writes brave verses,

  speaks brave words, swears brave oaths, and breaks

  them bravely, quite traverse, athwart the heart of his

  lover, as a puisny tilter that spurs his horse but on

  40

  one side breaks his staff like a noble goose. But all’s

  brave that youth mounts and folly guides. Who

  comes here?

  Enter CORIN.

  CORIN Mistress and master, you have oft enquir’d

 

‹ Prev