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wenches will burn; come not near her.
COURTESAN
Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir.
Will you go with me? we’ll mend our dinner here.
DROMIO S. Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat, or
bespeak a long spoon.
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ANTIPHOLUS S. Why, Dromio?
DROMIO S. Marry, he must have a long spoon that must
eat with the devil.
ANTIPHOLUS S.
Avoid then, fiend, what tell’st thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:
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I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
COURTESAN
Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
Or for my diamond the chain you promis’d,
And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
DROMIO S. Some devils ask but the parings of one’s nail,
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a rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, a nut, a cherry-
stone; but she, more covetous, would have a chain.
Master, be wise; and if you give it her, the devil will
shake her chain and fright us with it.
COURTESAN I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain;
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I hope you do not mean to cheat me so?
ANTIPHOLUS S.
Avaunt, thou witch. Come, Dromio, let us go.
DROMIO S.
Fly pride, says the peacock; mistress, that you know.
Exeunt Antipholus and Dromio.
COURTESAN Now out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself;
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A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same he promis’d me a chain;
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,
85
Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way –
My way is now to hie home to his house,
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And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
He rush’d into my house and took perforce
My ring away. This course I fittest choose,
For forty ducats is too much to lose. Exit.
4.4 Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS with the Officer.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Fear me not, man, I will not break away.
I’ll give thee ere I leave thee so much money
To warrant thee as I am ’rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
And will not lightly trust the messenger
5
That I should be attach’d in Ephesus;
I tell you ’twill sound harshly in her ears.
Enter DROMIO OF EPHESUS with a rope’s end.
Here comes my man, I think he brings the money.
How now, sir? have you that I sent you for?
DROMIO E. Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
10
ANTIPHOLUS E. But where’s the money?
DROMIO E. Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
ANTIPHOLUS E. Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?
DROMIO E. I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
ANTIPHOLUS E. To what end did I bid thee hie thee
15
home?
DROMIO E. To a rope’s end, sir, and to that end am I
return’d.
ANTIPHOLUS E. And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
[Beats Dromio.]
OFFICER Good sir, be patient.
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DROMIO E. Nay, ’tis for me to be patient, I am in
adversity.
OFFICER Good now, hold thy tongue.
DROMIO E. Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
ANTIPHOLUS E. Thou whoreson, senseless villain.
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DROMIO E. I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not
feel your blows.
ANTIPHOLUS E. Thou art sensible in nothing but blows,
and so is an ass.
DROMIO E. I am an ass indeed; you may prove it by my
30
long ears. I have served him from the hour of my
nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands
for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me
with beating; when I am warm he cools me with
beating; I am waked with it when I sleep, raised with
35
it when I sit, driven out of doors with it when I go
from home, welcomed home with it when I return,
nay, I bear it on my shoulders as a beggar wont her
brat; and I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg
with it from door to door.
40
Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, Courtesan and a schoolmaster, called PINCH.
ANTIPHOLUS E. Come, go along, my wife is coming
yonder.
DROMIO E. Mistress, respice finem, respect your end, or
rather, to prophesy like the parrot, beware the rope’s
end.
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ANTIPHOLUS E. Wilt thou still talk? [Beats Dromio.]
COURTESAN
How say you now? Is not your husband mad?
ADRIANA His incivility confirms no less.
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
Establish him in his true sense again,
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And I will please you what you will demand.
LUCIANA Alas, how fiery, and how sharp he looks.
COURTESAN Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.
PINCH Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
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[He strikes Pinch.]
PINCH I charge thee, Satan, hous’d within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers,
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight;
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Peace, doting wizard, peace; I am not mad.
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ADRIANA O that thou wert not, poor distressed soul.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut,
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And I denied to enter in my house?
ADRIANA
O husband, God doth know you din’d at home,
Where would you had remain’d until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Din’d at home?
[to Dromio] Thou villain, what sayest thou?
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DROMIO E. Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Were not my doors lock’d up, and I shut out?
DROMIO E.
Perdy, your doors were lock’d, and you shut out.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
And did she not herself revile me there?
DROMIO E. Sans fable, she herself revil’d you there.
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ANTIPHOLUS E.
Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt and scorn me?
DROMIO E.
Certes she did, the kitchen-vestal scorn’d you.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
And did not I in rage depart from thence?
DROMIO E. In verity you did; my bones bears witness.
That since have felt the vigour of his rage.
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ADRIANA Is’t
good to soothe him in these contraries?
PINCH It is no shame; the fellow finds his vein,
And yielding to him, humours well his frenzy.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Thou hast suborn’d the goldsmith to arrest me.
ADRIANA Alas, I sent you money to redeem you
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By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
DROMIO E.
Money by me? Heart and good will you might,
But surely, master, not a rag of money.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?
ADRIANA He came to me and I deliver’d it.
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LUCIANA And I am witness with her that she did.
DROMIO E. God and the rope-maker bear me witness
That I was sent for nothing but a rope.
PINCH Mistress, both man and master is possess’d,
I know it by their pale and deadly looks;
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They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day,
And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
ADRIANA I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
DROMIO E. And gentle master, I receiv’d no gold;
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But I confess, sir, that we were lock’d out.
ADRIANA
Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
And art confederate with a damned pack
To make a loathsome abject scorn of me;
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But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes
That would behold in me this shameful sport.
ADRIANA
O bind him, bind him, let him not come near me.
[Enter three or four and offer to bind him; he strives.]
PINCH More company; the fiend is strong within him.
LUCIANA Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks.
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ANTIPHOLUS E.
What, will you murder me? Thou jailor, thou,
I am thy prisoner; wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?
OFFICER Masters, let him go;
He is my prisoner and you shall not have him.
PINCH Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.
115
ADRIANA What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
OFFICER He is my prisoner; if I let him go
The debt he owes will be requir’d of me.
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ADRIANA I will discharge thee ere I go from thee;
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
And knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
Good master doctor, see him safe convey’d
Home to my house; O most unhappy day!
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ANTIPHOLUS E. O most unhappy strumpet!
DROMIO E. Master, I am here enter’d in bond for you.
ANTIPHOLUS E. Out on thee villain, wherefore dost thou
mad me?
DROMIO E. Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad,
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good master; cry ‘the devil’.
LUCIANA God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!
ADRIANA Go, bear him hence; sister, go you with me.
Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?
Exeunt Pinch and his assistants carrying
off Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.
OFFICER One Angelo, a goldsmith; do you know him?
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ADRIANA I know the man; what is the sum he owes?
OFFICER Two hundred ducats.
ADRIANA Say, how grows it due?
OFFICER Due for a chain your husband had of him.
ADRIANA
He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.
COURTESAN When as your husband all in rage to-day
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Came to my house and took away my ring,
The ring I saw upon his finger now,
Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
ADRIANA It may be so, but I did never see it.
Come, jailor, bring me where the goldsmith is;
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I long to know the truth hereof at large.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE with rapiers drawn.
LUCIANA God for thy mercy, they are loose again!
ADRIANA
And come with naked swords; let’s call more help
To have them bound again.
The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works Page 82