The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works

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by William Shakespeare

thou? Had we fought, I doubt we should have been too

  young for them.

  120

  BENEDICK In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I

  came to seek you both.

  CLAUDIO We have been up and down to seek thee, for

  we are high-proof melancholy, and would fain have it

  beaten away. Wilt thou use thy wit?

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  BENEDICK It is in my scabbard; shall I draw it?

  DON PEDRO Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?

  CLAUDIO Never any did so, though very many have

  been beside their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the

  minstrels – draw to pleasure us.

  130

  DON PEDRO As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art

  thou sick, or angry?

  CLAUDIO What, courage, man! What though care killed

  a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.

  BENEDICK Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and

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  you charge it against me. I pray you choose another

  subject.

  CLAUDIO Nay then, give him another staff; this last was

  broke cross.

  DON PEDRO By this light, he changes more and more; I

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  think he be angry indeed.

  CLAUDIO If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.

  BENEDICK Shall I speak a word in your ear?

  CLAUDIO God bless me from a challenge!

  BENEDICK [aside to Claudio] You are a villain. I jest not;

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  I will make it good how you dare, with what you dare,

  and when you dare. Do me right, or I will protest

  your cowardice. You have killed a sweet lady, and her

  death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear from you.

  CLAUDIO Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.

  150

  DON PEDRO What, a feast, a feast?

  CLAUDIO I’faith I thank him, he hath bid me to a calf ’s

  head and a capon, the which if I do not carve most

  curiously, say my knife’s naught. Shall I not find a

  woodcock too?

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  BENEDICK Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.

  DON PEDRO I’ll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit

  the other day. I said thou hadst a fine wit. ‘True,’ said

  she, ‘a fine little one.’ ‘No,’ said I, ‘a great wit.’

  ‘Right,’ says she, ‘a great gross one.’ ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘a

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  good wit.’ ‘Just,’ said she, ‘it hurts nobody.’ ‘Nay,’ said

  I, ‘the gentleman is wise.’ ‘Certain,’ said she, ‘a wise

  gentleman.’ ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘he hath the tongues.’ ‘That

  I believe,’ said she, ‘for he swore a thing to me on

  Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday

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  morning; there’s a double tongue; there’s two

  tongues.’ Thus did she an hour together transshape

  thy particular virtues: yet at last she concluded with a

  sigh, thou wast the properest man in Italy.

  CLAUDIO For the which she wept heartily and said she

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  cared not.

  DON PEDRO Yea, that she did; but yet for all that, and if

  she did not hate him deadly, she would love him

  dearly – the old man’s daughter told us all.

  CLAUDIO All, all; and moreover, God saw him when he

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  was hid in the garden.

  DON PEDRO But when shall we set the savage bull’s

  horns on the sensible Benedick’s head?

  CLAUDIO Yea, and text underneath, ‘Here dwells

  Benedick, the married man’?

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  BENEDICK Fare you well, boy, you know my mind: I will

  leave you now to your gossip-like humour. You break

  jests as braggarts do their blades, which God be

  thanked hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I

  thank you: I must discontinue your company. Your

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  brother the bastard is fled from Messina. You have

  among you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my

  Lord Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet; and till

  then, peace be with him. Exit.

  DON PEDRO He is in earnest.

  190

  CLAUDIO In most profound earnest, and, I’ll warrant

  you, for the love of Beatrice.

  DON PEDRO And hath challenged thee.

  CLAUDIO Most sincerely.

  DON PEDRO What a pretty thing man is when he goes in

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  his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!

  CLAUDIO He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape

  a doctor to such a man.

  DON PEDRO But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart,

  and be sad. Did he not say my brother was fled?

  200

  Enter constables DOGBERRY and VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO.

  DOGBERRY Come you, sir, if justice cannot tame you she

  shall ne’er weigh more reasons in her balance. Nay, and

  you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.

  DON PEDRO How now? Two of my brother’s men

  bound? Borachio one?

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  CLAUDIO Hearken after their offence, my lord.

  DON PEDRO Officers, what offence have these men done?

  DOGBERRY Marry, sir, they have committed false report,

  moreover they have spoken untruths, secondarily they

  are slanders, sixth and lastly they have belied a lady,

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  thirdly they have verified unjust things, and to

  conclude, they are lying knaves.

  DON PEDRO First I ask thee what they have done,

  thirdly I ask thee what’s their offence, sixth and lastly

  why they are committed, and to conclude, what you

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  lay to their charge.

  CLAUDIO Rightly reasoned, and in his own division; and

  by my troth there’s one meaning well suited.

  DON PEDRO Who have you offended, masters, that you

  are thus bound to your answer? This learned constable

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  is too cunning to be understood. What’s your offence?

  BORACHIO Sweet Prince, let me go no farther to mine

  answer. Do you hear me, and let this Count kill me. I

  have deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms

  could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to

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  light, who in the night overheard me confessing to this

  man, how Don John your brother incensed me to

  slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into the

  orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero’s

  garments, how you disgraced her when you should

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  marry her. My villainy they have upon record, which

  I had rather seal with my death than repeat over to my

  shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my master’s

  false accusation; and briefly, I desire nothing but the

  reward of a villain.

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  DON PEDRO Runs not this speech like iron through your

  blood?

  CLAUDIO I have drunk poison whiles he utter’d it.

  DON PEDRO But did my brother set thee on to this?

  BORACHIO Yea, and paid me richly for the practice of it.

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  DON PEDRO He is compos’d and fram’d of treachery,

  And fled he is upon this villainy.

  CLAUDIO Sweet Hero! Now thy image doth appear

  In the rare semblance that I lov’d it first.<
br />
  DOGBERRY Come, bring away the plaintiffs. By this time

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  our sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the

  matter: and masters, do not forget to specify, when

  time and place shall serve, that I am an ass.

  VERGES Here, here comes Master Signior Leonato, and

  the sexton too.

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  Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO and the Sexton.

  LEONATO Which is the villain? Let me see his eyes,

  That when I note another man like him

  I may avoid him. Which of these is he?

  BORACHIO

  If you would know your wronger, look on me.

  LEONATO

  Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill’d

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  Mine innocent child?

  BORACHIO Yea, even I alone.

  LEONATO No, not so, villain, thou beliest thyself.

  Here stand a pair of honourable men –

  A third is fled – that had a hand in it.

  I thank you, Princes, for my daughter’s death;

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  Record it with your high and worthy deeds;

  ’Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.

  CLAUDIO I know not how to pray your patience,

  Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself,

  Impose me to what penance your invention

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  Can lay upon my sin; yet sinn’d I not

  But in mistaking.

  DON PEDRO By my soul, nor I:

  And yet, to satisfy this good old man,

  I would bend under any heavy weight

  That he’ll enjoin me to.

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  LEONATO I cannot bid you bid my daughter live –

  That were impossible – but I pray you both,

  Possess the people in Messina here

  How innocent she died; and if your love

  Can labour aught in sad invention,

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  Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb,

  And sing it to her bones, sing it tonight.

  Tomorrow morning come you to my house,

  And since you could not be my son-in-law,

  Be yet my nephew. My brother hath a daughter,

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  Almost the copy of my child that’s dead,

  And she alone is heir to both of us.

  Give her the right you should have giv’n her cousin,

  And so dies my revenge.

  CLAUDIO O noble sir,

  Your overkindness doth wring tears from me!

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  I do embrace your offer, and dispose

  For henceforth of poor Claudio.

  LEONATO Tomorrow then I will expect your coming;

  Tonight I take my leave. This naughty man

  Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,

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  Who I believe was pack’d in all this wrong,

  Hir’d to it by your brother.

  BORACHIO No, by my soul she was not,

  Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,

  But always hath been just and virtuous

  In anything that I do know by her.

  295

  DOGBERRY Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under

  white and black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did

  call me ass; I beseech you let it be remembered in his

  punishment. And also the watch heard them talk of

  one Deformed; they say he wears a key in his ear and a

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  lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God’s name,

  the which he hath used so long, and never paid, that

  now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing for

  God’s sake: pray you examine him upon that point.

  LEONATO I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.

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  DOGBERRY Your worship speaks like a most thankful

  and reverent youth, and I praise God for you.

  LEONATO There’s for thy pains.

  DOGBERRY God save the foundation!

  LEONATO Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I

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  thank thee.

  DOGBERRY I leave an arrant knave with your worship,

  which I beseech your worship to correct yourself, for

  the example of others. God keep your worship! I

  wish your worship well. God restore you to health! I

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  humbly give you leave to depart, and if a merry

  meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come,

  neighbour. Exeunt Dogberry and Verges.

  LEONATO Until tomorrow morning, lords, farewell.

  ANTONIO Farewell, my lords, we look for you tomorrow.

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  DON PEDRO We will not fail.

  CLAUDIO Tonight I’ll mourn with Hero.

  LEONATO [to the Watch]

  Bring you these fellows on. We’ll talk with Margaret,

  How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.

  Exeunt.

  5.2 Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting.

 

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