thou? Had we fought, I doubt we should have been too
young for them.
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BENEDICK In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I
came to seek you both.
CLAUDIO We have been up and down to seek thee, for
we are high-proof melancholy, and would fain have it
beaten away. Wilt thou use thy wit?
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BENEDICK It is in my scabbard; shall I draw it?
DON PEDRO Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?
CLAUDIO Never any did so, though very many have
been beside their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the
minstrels – draw to pleasure us.
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DON PEDRO As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art
thou sick, or angry?
CLAUDIO What, courage, man! What though care killed
a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.
BENEDICK Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and
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you charge it against me. I pray you choose another
subject.
CLAUDIO Nay then, give him another staff; this last was
broke cross.
DON PEDRO By this light, he changes more and more; I
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think he be angry indeed.
CLAUDIO If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.
BENEDICK Shall I speak a word in your ear?
CLAUDIO God bless me from a challenge!
BENEDICK [aside to Claudio] You are a villain. I jest not;
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I will make it good how you dare, with what you dare,
and when you dare. Do me right, or I will protest
your cowardice. You have killed a sweet lady, and her
death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear from you.
CLAUDIO Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.
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DON PEDRO What, a feast, a feast?
CLAUDIO I’faith I thank him, he hath bid me to a calf ’s
head and a capon, the which if I do not carve most
curiously, say my knife’s naught. Shall I not find a
woodcock too?
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BENEDICK Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.
DON PEDRO I’ll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit
the other day. I said thou hadst a fine wit. ‘True,’ said
she, ‘a fine little one.’ ‘No,’ said I, ‘a great wit.’
‘Right,’ says she, ‘a great gross one.’ ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘a
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good wit.’ ‘Just,’ said she, ‘it hurts nobody.’ ‘Nay,’ said
I, ‘the gentleman is wise.’ ‘Certain,’ said she, ‘a wise
gentleman.’ ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘he hath the tongues.’ ‘That
I believe,’ said she, ‘for he swore a thing to me on
Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday
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morning; there’s a double tongue; there’s two
tongues.’ Thus did she an hour together transshape
thy particular virtues: yet at last she concluded with a
sigh, thou wast the properest man in Italy.
CLAUDIO For the which she wept heartily and said she
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cared not.
DON PEDRO Yea, that she did; but yet for all that, and if
she did not hate him deadly, she would love him
dearly – the old man’s daughter told us all.
CLAUDIO All, all; and moreover, God saw him when he
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was hid in the garden.
DON PEDRO But when shall we set the savage bull’s
horns on the sensible Benedick’s head?
CLAUDIO Yea, and text underneath, ‘Here dwells
Benedick, the married man’?
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BENEDICK Fare you well, boy, you know my mind: I will
leave you now to your gossip-like humour. You break
jests as braggarts do their blades, which God be
thanked hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I
thank you: I must discontinue your company. Your
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brother the bastard is fled from Messina. You have
among you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my
Lord Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet; and till
then, peace be with him. Exit.
DON PEDRO He is in earnest.
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CLAUDIO In most profound earnest, and, I’ll warrant
you, for the love of Beatrice.
DON PEDRO And hath challenged thee.
CLAUDIO Most sincerely.
DON PEDRO What a pretty thing man is when he goes in
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his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!
CLAUDIO He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape
a doctor to such a man.
DON PEDRO But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart,
and be sad. Did he not say my brother was fled?
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Enter constables DOGBERRY and VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO.
DOGBERRY Come you, sir, if justice cannot tame you she
shall ne’er weigh more reasons in her balance. Nay, and
you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.
DON PEDRO How now? Two of my brother’s men
bound? Borachio one?
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CLAUDIO Hearken after their offence, my lord.
DON PEDRO Officers, what offence have these men done?
DOGBERRY Marry, sir, they have committed false report,
moreover they have spoken untruths, secondarily they
are slanders, sixth and lastly they have belied a lady,
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thirdly they have verified unjust things, and to
conclude, they are lying knaves.
DON PEDRO First I ask thee what they have done,
thirdly I ask thee what’s their offence, sixth and lastly
why they are committed, and to conclude, what you
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lay to their charge.
CLAUDIO Rightly reasoned, and in his own division; and
by my troth there’s one meaning well suited.
DON PEDRO Who have you offended, masters, that you
are thus bound to your answer? This learned constable
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is too cunning to be understood. What’s your offence?
BORACHIO Sweet Prince, let me go no farther to mine
answer. Do you hear me, and let this Count kill me. I
have deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms
could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to
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light, who in the night overheard me confessing to this
man, how Don John your brother incensed me to
slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into the
orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero’s
garments, how you disgraced her when you should
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marry her. My villainy they have upon record, which
I had rather seal with my death than repeat over to my
shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my master’s
false accusation; and briefly, I desire nothing but the
reward of a villain.
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DON PEDRO Runs not this speech like iron through your
blood?
CLAUDIO I have drunk poison whiles he utter’d it.
DON PEDRO But did my brother set thee on to this?
BORACHIO Yea, and paid me richly for the practice of it.
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DON PEDRO He is compos’d and fram’d of treachery,
And fled he is upon this villainy.
CLAUDIO Sweet Hero! Now thy image doth appear
In the rare semblance that I lov’d it first.<
br />
DOGBERRY Come, bring away the plaintiffs. By this time
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our sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the
matter: and masters, do not forget to specify, when
time and place shall serve, that I am an ass.
VERGES Here, here comes Master Signior Leonato, and
the sexton too.
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Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO and the Sexton.
LEONATO Which is the villain? Let me see his eyes,
That when I note another man like him
I may avoid him. Which of these is he?
BORACHIO
If you would know your wronger, look on me.
LEONATO
Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill’d
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Mine innocent child?
BORACHIO Yea, even I alone.
LEONATO No, not so, villain, thou beliest thyself.
Here stand a pair of honourable men –
A third is fled – that had a hand in it.
I thank you, Princes, for my daughter’s death;
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Record it with your high and worthy deeds;
’Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.
CLAUDIO I know not how to pray your patience,
Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself,
Impose me to what penance your invention
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Can lay upon my sin; yet sinn’d I not
But in mistaking.
DON PEDRO By my soul, nor I:
And yet, to satisfy this good old man,
I would bend under any heavy weight
That he’ll enjoin me to.
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LEONATO I cannot bid you bid my daughter live –
That were impossible – but I pray you both,
Possess the people in Messina here
How innocent she died; and if your love
Can labour aught in sad invention,
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Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb,
And sing it to her bones, sing it tonight.
Tomorrow morning come you to my house,
And since you could not be my son-in-law,
Be yet my nephew. My brother hath a daughter,
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Almost the copy of my child that’s dead,
And she alone is heir to both of us.
Give her the right you should have giv’n her cousin,
And so dies my revenge.
CLAUDIO O noble sir,
Your overkindness doth wring tears from me!
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I do embrace your offer, and dispose
For henceforth of poor Claudio.
LEONATO Tomorrow then I will expect your coming;
Tonight I take my leave. This naughty man
Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
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Who I believe was pack’d in all this wrong,
Hir’d to it by your brother.
BORACHIO No, by my soul she was not,
Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,
But always hath been just and virtuous
In anything that I do know by her.
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DOGBERRY Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under
white and black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did
call me ass; I beseech you let it be remembered in his
punishment. And also the watch heard them talk of
one Deformed; they say he wears a key in his ear and a
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lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God’s name,
the which he hath used so long, and never paid, that
now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing for
God’s sake: pray you examine him upon that point.
LEONATO I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.
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DOGBERRY Your worship speaks like a most thankful
and reverent youth, and I praise God for you.
LEONATO There’s for thy pains.
DOGBERRY God save the foundation!
LEONATO Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I
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thank thee.
DOGBERRY I leave an arrant knave with your worship,
which I beseech your worship to correct yourself, for
the example of others. God keep your worship! I
wish your worship well. God restore you to health! I
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humbly give you leave to depart, and if a merry
meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come,
neighbour. Exeunt Dogberry and Verges.
LEONATO Until tomorrow morning, lords, farewell.
ANTONIO Farewell, my lords, we look for you tomorrow.
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DON PEDRO We will not fail.
CLAUDIO Tonight I’ll mourn with Hero.
LEONATO [to the Watch]
Bring you these fellows on. We’ll talk with Margaret,
How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.
Exeunt.
5.2 Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting.
The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works Page 410