The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works
Page 509
That thou shalt know, Trojan, he is awake,
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He tells thee so himself.
AENEAS Trumpet, blow loud!
Send thy brass voice through all these lazy tents;
And every Greek of mettle, let him know
What Troy means fairly shall be spoke aloud.
[The trumpet sounds.]
We have, great Agamemnon, here in Troy
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A prince called Hector – Priam is his father –
Who in this dull and long-continued truce
Is resty grown. He bade me take a trumpet,
And to this purpose speak: ‘Kings, princes, lords,
If there be one among the fair’st of Greece
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That holds his honour higher than his ease,
That seeks his praise more than he fears his peril,
That knows his valour and knows not his fear,
That loves his mistress more than in confession
With truant vows to her own lips he loves,
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And dare avow her beauty and her worth
In other arms than hers; to him this challenge:
Hector, in view of Trojans and of Greeks,
Shall make it good, or do his best to do it,
He hath a lady, wiser, fairer, truer,
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Than ever Greek did compass in his arms;
And will tomorrow with his trumpet call,
Midway between your tents and walls of Troy,
To rouse a Grecian that is true in love.
If any come, Hector shall honour him;
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If none, he’ll say in Troy when he retires,
The Grecian dames are sunburnt, and not worth
The splinter of a lance.’ Even so much.
AGAMEMNON
This shall be told our lovers, Lord Aeneas.
If none of them have soul in such a kind,
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We left them all at home; but we are soldiers,
And may that soldier a mere recreant prove
That means not, hath not, or is not in love.
If then one is, or hath, or means to be,
That one meets Hector; if none else, I’ll be he.
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NESTOR [to Aeneas]
Tell him of Nestor, one that was a man
When Hector’s grandsire sucked. He is old now;
But if there be not in our Grecian mould
One noble man that hath one spark of fire
To answer for his love, tell him from me,
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I’ll hide my silver beard in a gold beaver
And in my vambrace put this withered brawn;
And, meeting him, will tell him that my lady
Was fairer than his grandam and as chaste
As may be in the world. His youth in flood,
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I’ll prove this truth with my three drops of blood.
AENEAS Now heavens forfend such scarcity of youth!
ULYSSES Amen.
AGAMEMNON
Fair Lord Aeneas, let me touch your hand;
To our pavilion shall I lead you first.
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Achilles shall have word of this intent;
So shall each lord of Greece, from tent to tent.
Yourself shall feast with us before you go
And find the welcome of a noble foe.
[As all are leaving, Ulysses detains Nestor.]
ULYSSES Nestor!
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NESTOR What says Ulysses?
ULYSSES I have a young conception in my brain;
Be you my time to bring it to some shape.
NESTOR What is’t?
ULYSSES This ’tis:
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Blunt wedges rive hard knots; the seeded pride
That hath to this maturity blown up
In rank Achilles must or now be cropped
Or, shedding, breed a nursery of like evil
To overbulk us all.
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NESTOR Well, and how?
ULYSSES This challenge that the gallant Hector sends,
However it is spread in general name,
Relates in purpose only to Achilles.
NESTOR The purpose is perspicuous even as substance
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Whose grossness little characters sum up;
And in the publication make no strain
But that Achilles, were his brain as barren
As banks of Libya – though, Apollo knows,
’Tis dry enough – will with great speed of judgement,
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Ay, with celerity, find Hector’s purpose
Pointing on him.
ULYSSES And wake him to the answer, think you?
NESTOR Yes, ’tis most meet. Who may you else oppose,
That can from Hector bring his honour off,
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If not Achilles? Though’t be a sportful combat,
Yet in this trial much opinion dwells;
For here the Trojans taste our dear’st repute
With their fin’st palate. And trust to me, Ulysses,
Our imputation shall be oddly poised
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In this wild action; for the success,
Although particular, shall give a scantling
Of good or bad unto the general,
And in such indexes, although small pricks
To their subsequent volumes, there is seen
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The baby figure of the giant mass
Of things to come at large. It is supposed
He that meets Hector issues from our choice;
And choice, being mutual act of all our souls,
Makes merit her election and doth boil,
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As ’twere from forth us all, a man distilled
Out of our virtues; who miscarrying,
What heart from hence receives the conqu’ring part,
To steel a strong opinion to themselves!
Which entertained, limbs are his instruments,
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In no less working than are swords and bows
Directive by the limbs.
ULYSSES Give pardon to my speech:
Therefore ’tis meet Achilles meet not Hector.
Let us, like merchants, show our foulest wares,
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And think perchance they’ll sell; if not,
The lustre of the better yet to show
Shall show the better. Do not consent
That ever Hector and Achilles meet,
For both our honour and our shame in this
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Are dogged with two strange followers.
NESTOR
I see them not with my old eyes. What are they?
ULYSSES What glory our Achilles shares from Hector,
Were he not proud, we all should wear with him.
But he already is too insolent;
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And we were better parch in Afric sun
Than in the pride and salt scorn of his eyes
Should he scape Hector fair. If he were foiled,
Why then we did our main opinion crush
In taint of our best man. No, make a lott’ry,
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And by device let blockish Ajax draw
The sort to fight with Hector; among ourselves
Give him allowance as the worthier man,
For that will physic the great Myrmidon,
Who broils in loud applause, and make him fall
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His crest that prouder than blue Iris bends.
If the dull brainless Ajax come safe off,
We’ll dress him up in voices; if he fail,
Yet go we under our opinion still
That we have better men. But, hit or miss,
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Our project’s life this shape of sense assumes:
Ajax employed plucks down Achilles’ p
lumes.
NESTOR Now, Ulysses, I begin to relish thy advice,
And I will give a taste of it forthwith
To Agamemnon. Go we to him straight.
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Two curs shall tame each other; pride alone
Must tar the mastiffs on, as ’twere their bone.
Exeunt.
2.1 Enter THERSITES, followed by AJAX. Ajax is having trouble getting the attention of Thersites, who is no doubt pretending not to hear.
AJAX Thersites!
THERSITES Agamemnon –- how if he had boils, full, all
over, generally?
AJAX Thersites!
THERSITES And those boils did run (say so), did not the
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general run, then? Were not that a botchy core?
AJAX Dog!
THERSITES Then there would come some matter from
him. I see none now.
AJAX Thou bitch-wolf’s son, canst thou not hear? Feel,
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then. [Strikes him.]
THERSITES The plague of Greece upon thee, thou
mongrel beef-witted lord!
AJAX Speak, then, thou vinewed’st leaven, speak. I will
beat thee into handsomeness.
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THERSITES I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness;
but I think thy horse will sooner con an oration than
thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike,
canst thou? A red murrain o’thy jade’s tricks!
AJAX Toadstool, learn me the proclamation.
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THERSITES Dost thou think I have no sense, thou
strik’st me thus?
AJAX The proclamation!
THERSITES Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.
AJAX Do not, porcupine, do not. My fingers itch.
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THERSITES I would thou didst itch from head to foot.
An I had the scratching of thee, I would make thee the
loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in
the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another.
AJAX I say, the proclamation!
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THERSITES Thou grumblest and railest every hour on
Achilles, and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as
Cerberus is at Proserpina’s beauty, ay, that thou
bark’st at him.
AJAX Mistress Thersites!
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THERSITES Thou shouldst strike him –
AJAX Cobloaf!
THERSITES He would pun thee into shivers with his fist,
as a sailor breaks a biscuit.
AJAX [Beats him.] You whoreson cur!
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THERSITES Do, do.
AJAX Thou stool for a witch!
THERSITES Ay, do, do! Thou sodden-witted lord, thou
hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an
asinico may tutor thee. Thou scurvy-valiant ass, thou
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art here but to thrash Trojans, and thou art bought
and sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave.
If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel and tell
what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou!
AJAX You dog!
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THERSITES You scurvy lord!
AJAX [Beats him.] You cur!
THERSITES Mars his idiot! Do, rudeness, do, camel; do,
do!
Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.
ACHILLES
Why, how now, Ajax, wherefore do ye thus? –
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How now, Thersites, what’s the matter, man?
THERSITES You see him there, do you?
ACHILLES Ay, what’s the matter?
THERSITES Nay, look upon him.
ACHILLES So I do. What’s the matter?
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THERSITES Nay, but regard him well.
ACHILLES Well, why, I do so.
THERSITES But yet you look not well upon him; for,
whosomever you take him to be, he is Ajax.
ACHILLES I know that, fool.
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THERSITES Ay, but that fool knows not himself.
AJAX Therefore I beat thee.
THERSITES Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he
utters! His evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed
his brain more than he has beat my bones. I will buy
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nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not
worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles
– Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly and his guts in
his head – I’ll tell you what I say of him.
ACHILLES What?
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THERSITES I say, this Ajax –
[Ajax threatens to beat him; Achilles intervenes.]
ACHILLES Nay, good Ajax.