The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works

Home > Fiction > The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works > Page 528
The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works Page 528

by William Shakespeare


  this is evident to any formal capacity. There is no

  115

  obstruction in this. And the end: what should that

  alphabetical position portend? If I could make that

  resemble something in me! Softly! ‘M.O.A.I.’ –

  SIR TOBY O ay, make up that! He is now at a cold scent.

  FABIAN Sowter will cry upon’t for all this, though it be

  120

  as rank as a fox.

  MALVOLIO ‘M’ – Malvolio! ‘M’! Why, that begins my

  name!

  FABIAN Did not I say he would work it out? the cur is

  excellent at faults.

  125

  MALVOLIO ‘M’ – But then there is no consonancy in the

  sequel; that suffers under probation: ‘A’ should follow,

  but ‘O’ does.

  FABIAN And ‘O’ shall end, I hope.

  SIR TOBY Ay, or I’ll cudgel him, and make him cry ‘O’!

  130

  MALVOLIO And then ‘I’ comes behind.

  FABIAN Ay, and you had any eye behind you, you might

  see more detraction at your heels than fortunes before

  you.

  MALVOLIO ‘M.O.A.I.’ This simulation is not as the

  135

  former: and yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to

  me, for every one of these letters are in my name.

  Soft! here follows prose. [Reads.] If this fall into thy

  hand, revolve. In my stars I am above thee, but be not

  afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve

  140

  greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ’em. Thy

  fates open their hands, let thy blood and spirit embrace

  them, and to inure thyself to what thou art like to be, cast

  thy humble slough, and appear fresh. Be opposite with a

  kinsman, surly with servants. Let thy tongue tang

  145

  arguments of state; put thyself into the trick of singularity.

  She thus advises thee, that sighs for thee. Remember who

  commended thy yellow stockings, and wished to see thee

  ever cross-gartered: I say, remember. Go to, thou art

  made, if thou desir’st to be so. If not, let me see thee a

  150

  steward still, the fellow of servants, and not worthy to

  touch Fortune’s fingers. Farewell. She that would alter

  services with thee,

  The Fortunate Unhappy.

  Daylight and champaign discovers not more!

  155

  This is open. I will be proud, I will read politic

  authors, I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross

  acquaintance, I will be point-device the very man. I do

  not now fool myself, to let imagination jade me; for

  every reason excites to this, that my lady loves me. She

  160

  did commend my yellow stockings of late, she did

  praise my leg being cross-gartered, and in this she

  manifests herself to my love, and with a kind of

  injunction drives me to these habits of her liking. I

  thank my stars, I am happy. I will be strange, stout, in

  165

  yellow stockings, and cross-gartered, even with the

  swiftness of putting on. Jove and my stars be

  praised! – Here is yet a postscript. [Reads.] Thou

  canst not choose but know who I am. If thou entertain’st

  my love, let it appear in thy smiling, thy smiles become

  170

  thee well. Therefore in my presence still smile, dear my

  sweet, I prithee. Jove, I thank thee, I will smile, I will

  do every thing that thou wilt have me. Exit.

  FABIAN I will not give my part of this sport for a pension

  of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.

  175

  SIR TOBY I could marry this wench for this device.

  SIR ANDREW So could I too.

  SIR TOBY And ask no other dowry with her but such

  another jest.

  Enter MARIA.

  SIR ANDREW Nor I neither.

  180

  FABIAN Here comes my noble gull-catcher.

  SIR TOBY Wilt thou set thy foot o’ my neck?

  SIR ANDREW Or o’ mine either?

  SIR TOBY Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip, and

  become thy bond-slave?

  185

  SIR ANDREW I’faith, or I either?

  SIR TOBY Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that

  when the image of it leaves him he must run mad.

  MARIA Nay, but say true, does it work upon him?

  SIR TOBY Like aqua-vitae with a midwife.

  190

  MARIA If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark

  his first approach before my lady: he will come to her

  in yellow stockings, and ’tis a colour she abhors, and

  cross-gartered, a fashion she detests: and he will smile

  upon her, which will now be so unsuitable to her

  195

  disposition, being addicted to a melancholy as she is,

  that it cannot but turn him into a notable contempt. If

  you will see it, follow me.

  SIR TOBY To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent

  devil of wit!

  200

  SIR ANDREW I’ll make one too. Exeunt.

  3.1 Enter VIOLA, and Clown playing on pipe and tabor.

  VIOLA Save thee, friend, and thy music! Dost thou live

  by thy tabor?

  CLOWN No, sir, I live by the church.

  VIOLA Art thou a churchman?

  CLOWN No such matter, sir. I do live by the church, for

  5

  I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the

  church.

  VIOLA So thou may’st say the king lies by a beggar, if a

  beggar dwell near him; or the church stands by thy

  tabor, if thy tabor stand by the church.

  10

  CLOWN You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is

  but a chev’ril glove to a good wit – how quickly the

  wrong side may be turned outward!

  VIOLA Nay, that’s certain: they that dally nicely with

  words may quickly make them wanton.

  15

  CLOWN I would therefore my sister had had no name,

  sir.

  VIOLA Why, man?

  CLOWN Why, sir, her name’s a word, and to dally with

  that word might make my sister wanton. But indeed,

  20

  words are very rascals, since bonds disgraced them.

  VIOLA Thy reason, man?

  CLOWN Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words,

  and words are grown so false, I am loath to prove

  reason with them.

  25

  VIOLA I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car’st for

  nothing.

  CLOWN Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my

  conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be to

  care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you

  30

  invisible.

  VIOLA Art not thou the Lady Olivia’s fool?

  CLOWN No indeed sir, the Lady Olivia has no folly. She

  will keep no fool, sir, till she be married, and fools are

  as like husbands as pilchards are to herrings, the

  35

  husband’s the bigger. I am indeed not her fool, but her

  corrupter of words.

  VIOLA I saw thee late at the Count Orsino’s.

  CLOWN Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the

  sun, it shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but the

  40

  fool should be as oft with yo
ur master as with my

  mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.

  VIOLA Nay, and thou pass upon me, I’ll no more with

  thee. Hold, there’s expenses for thee. [giving a coin]

  CLOWN Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send

  45

  thee a beard!

  VIOLA By my troth, I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick for

  one, [aside] though I would not have it grow on my

  chin. – Is thy lady within?

  CLOWN Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?

  50

  VIOLA Yes, being kept together, and put to use.

  CLOWN I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to

  bring a Cressida to this Troilus.

  VIOLA I understand you, sir, ’tis well begged.

  [giving another coin]

  CLOWN The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but

  55

  a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir.

  I will conster to them whence you come; who you are

  and what you would are out of my welkin. I might say

  ‘element’, but the word is overworn. Exit.

  VIOLA This fellow is wise enough to play the fool,

  60

  And to do that well, craves a kind of wit:

  He must observe their mood on whom he jests,

  The quality of persons, and the time,

  And like the haggard, check at every feather

  That comes before his eye. This is a practice

  65

  As full of labour as a wise man’s art:

  For folly that he wisely shows is fit;

  But wise men, folly-fall’n, quite taint their wit.

  Enter SIR TOBY and SIR ANDREW.

  SIR TOBY Save you, gentleman.

  VIOLA And you, sir.

  70

  SIR ANDREW Dieu vous garde, monsieur.

  VIOLA Et vous aussi: votre serviteur.

  SIR ANDREW I hope, sir, you are, and I am yours.

  SIR TOBY Will you encounter the house? My niece is

  desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her.

  75

  VIOLA I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the

  list of my voyage.

  SIR TOBY Taste your legs, sir, put them to motion.

  VIOLA My legs do better understand me, sir, than I

  understand what you mean by bidding me taste my

  80

  legs.

  SIR TOBY I mean, to go, sir, to enter.

  VIOLA I will answer you with gait and entrance; but we

  are prevented.

  Enter OLIVIA and MARIA.

  Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain

  85

  odours on you!

  SIR ANDREW That youth’s a rare courtier: ‘rain odours’

  – well.

  VIOLA My matter hath no voice, lady, but to your own

  most pregnant and vouchsafed ear.

  90

  SIR ANDREW ‘Odours’, ‘pregnant’, and ‘vouchsafed’: I’ll

  get ’em all three all ready.

  OLIVIA Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my

  hearing. Exeunt Sir Toby, Sir Andrew and Maria.

  Give me your hand, sir.

  95

  VIOLA My duty, madam, and most humble service.

  OLIVIA What is your name?

  VIOLA Cesario is your servant’s name, fair princess.

  OLIVIA My servant, sir? ’Twas never merry world

  Since lowly feigning was call’d compliment:

  100

  Y’are servant to the Count Orsino, youth.

  VIOLA And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:

  Your servant’s servant is your servant, madam.

  OLIVIA For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,

  Would they were blanks, rather than fill’d with me.

  105

  VIOLA Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts

  On his behalf.

  OLIVIA O, by your leave, I pray you!

  I bade you never speak again of him;

  But would you undertake another suit,

  I had rather hear you to solicit that,

  110

  Than music from the spheres.

  VIOLA Dear lady –

  OLIVIA Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,

  After the last enchantment you did here,

  A ring in chase of you. So did I abuse

  Myself, my servant, and, I fear me, you.

  115

  Under your hard construction must I sit,

  To force that on you in a shameful cunning

  Which you knew none of yours. What might you think?

  Have you not set mine honour at the stake,

  And baited it with all th’unmuzzled thoughts

  120

  That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your

  receiving

  Enough is shown; a cypress, not a bosom,

  Hides my heart: so, let me hear you speak.

  VIOLA I pity you.

 

‹ Prev