by Oscar Lewis
“It’s me, soldier, don’t shoot.”
“How about stopping the cattle!”
“I can’t, almost all the cattle have already moved out.” There was really a tremendous herd of cattle.
“All right,” I said, “I can’t seize the cattle but I can detain you, so come along with me.”
“Now look, soldier, don’t.”
“Well, where are you taking these cattle? Are you a rustler or are they yours, or what?” So he tells me they’re his but I’m not going to believe him because if they were he wouldn’t be out with them this time of the night.
He said, “No, really, look, they’re mine but I have a couple of sick cattle on my ranch, and of course I’m going to kill them, but the others are healthy and I don’t want them to be killed because the government doesn’t pay what it should.”
So we stood there discussing back and forth. Finally he offered me a hundred pesos.
“No, sir, I can’t accept a single centavo of your hundred pesos. If you want to give them away, you can pay a fine with them and they’ll let you out of jail.”
“Well, I’ll give you three hundred.”
“No, sir.” So at last he got up to five hundred. It was the first time in my life that I had such a big sum of money. Well, that was over, the cattle had gone and so had the rancher and I went back to the field post.
Then the corporal arrived with a buck private.
“What’s new soldier?”
“Well, everything is quiet corporal.”
“What do you mean? Didn’t you come here a little while ago looking for me?”
“Well, yes, I was going to report some cattle. I tried to stop them but some one scared them off.”
“Don’t give me any of that stuff. Come over here”
Well, the corporal was no fool, right? After all, he’d been in the army a long time and knew all the angles, so how was I going to trick him? He took me aside and said, “Now tell me what it’s about.” Well, I understood there was no point in my telling him lies.
“Well, you see, Corporal, this is what happened: a guy was moving his cattle. I let them go.”
“What do you mean you let them go? Don’t you know what your orders are?”
I said, “Sure, Corporal, but he gave me a more sensible order. He gave me a hundred pesos.”
“Don’t screw me,” he says. “What do you mean, a hundred pesos? You may be just an innocent babe but you’re not going to risk a court-martial for a hundred pesos.”
So I said to him, “No, you’re right; to be frank with you, he gave me two hundred pesos.” Well, he now sort of half believed me, but he kept on lecturing me and bawling me out because I failed in my duty. Finally he said to me, “All right; give me a hundred pesos and fifty to this fellow and mum’s the word between you and me.”
I say this was the most important event in my life because if I hadn’t let that rancher go and hadn’t accepted the money, I wouldn’t have turned into the bad egg I became. This sort of thing happened a couple of times more. The third time they gave me two thousand pesos. But I didn’t know how to take advantage of all this money. It was for doing something bad, so I should have at least tried to be careful and cover up a bit, and invest the money wisely. Instead, I blew it all. I wasted it on my friends, on running around with women and on drinking. I got into the habit of throwing away my money.
I liked it a lot in the army. I became a corporal, but I didn’t stay out my full time. I don’t know why, but I rub people the wrong way, maybe on account of my dark complexion or because I have bad blood. Anyhow, this corporal had it in for me, he really did. Five or six times he tried to have me arrested for no reason at all. I would immediately put in a request to speak to the major. We both appeared before him, and the corporal gave his side of the case and I gave mine. The major saw I was getting a raw deal, and tore up the notice. “Go back to your detail,” he told me. The corporal could never get me arrested and always had it in for me.
Well, it happened that we were getting training in hand-to-hand combat, and it was my hard luck to have this corporal as my partner. We were simulating combat, but this fellow wasn’t simulating at all. He said, “On guard!” I put myself on guard, grabbed my rifle and got ready to parry his thrusts; he was just supposed to go through the motions, right?
But he didn’t do it that way. At first he made two or three simulated thrusts, then he aimed a real “fondazo” at me. Well, it was lucky we had already had some bayonet drill and I was able to deflect his thrust to the left with my rifle; I parried it so his shoulder came up against my chest, and we stood like that.
I said to him, “What happened, Corporal? You went too far that time”
“You son-of-a-whore, you’re not watching! Step lively or I’ll kill you.”
Well, when I heard him swear at me I grabbed my rifle and gave him a half-swing, socking him on the chin with my rifle butt. I really wanted to kill him right then and there. When I hit him he spun around, because I gave him such a terrific whack. I wanted to stick the bayonet in his back, but by the grace of God I was able to hold back. I came to my senses right off. If I’d stuck the bayonet in the corporal, I’d have pinned him like a butterfly. But all I did was to give him a light poke in his rear end.
The second lieutenant saw this and right away blew the whistle. This was the signal to stop, see? Everybody stops right where he is, without moving. The second lieutenant came up to me and said, “What did you do, you damned fool?”
“You see, Lieutenant, he made me do it. If I didn’t do this to him, he would have done it to me, and a lot worse.”
He said, “Shut up! You don’t even seem to know what you’ve got yourself in for; anyway, you’re in real trouble. Put down your gear!” I took off my belt and helmet and put my rifle on the ground. I thought, “Well, now, Negro, you’re going to die in jail.”
What a fuss they made over the corporal! They called out the medical corps. They bandaged up his wound. It actually wasn’t anything serious, just a scratch.
I went along with the second lieutenant. He said, “Look, my boy. if I hold you now and you go to trial, you’ll get at least eight or ten years in jail, on account of insubordination and the thing you’ve just done.”
So I said to him, “All right, Lieutenant, I’m ready to take my punishment, which I deserve, but I also ask that I be allowed to tell my story.”
“No matter what you say, you were insubordinate to an officer. You get the hell out of here as fast as you can.” Then he stuck his hand in his jacket, took out twenty pesos, and gave it to me. “Scram, and may God be with you, because I haven’t got the heart to …” According to the rules, he was supposed to turn me in, to arrest me right then and there. Only God knows if he got away with it. This was such a tremendous thing he did for me that I’ll never be able to thank him enough, because I’d still be in jail right now.
So I left the army without papers or anything, and I lacked five months to complete my three-year enlistment. The army is not that happy-go-lucky, because you sign a contract and you can’t get out before you finish your three years. So I didn’t have the right to leave the way I did. It’s a crime, and I was a fugitive. I felt pretty bad about getting out this way, understand? because I wanted to have an honorable discharge.
In Guadalajara I had a novia who really loved me, and when I deserted, I went to say good-bye to her. I shouldn’t have done it, because she insisted I take her with me. It didn’t matter to her how we would live, all she wanted was to be with me. At first I told her I was being transferred to Mexico City, but when she kept on insisting, I had to tell her that I was going to desert and couldn’t offer her any kind of a future at all. Despite this, she said to me, “I don’t care, I want to be with you.” But of course I had to leave her. My love life has been a failure, except for her. She really loved me.
Manuel and his wife, Paula, may she rest in peace, were living in the Casa Grande with my sisters when I got back. My fathe
r was staying at Lupita’s house because Antonia was still not well. I went to see her on a few occasions, but then my papá told me not to bother her any more. He wanted to know what business I had there and why I should be hanging around the house making a nuisance of myself. I found out Lupita had complained that I kept looking at her daughters in a peculiar way. I was offended and I rarely went after that.
Sometimes I borrowed a bicycle and rode over to a bar near Lupita’s house. I would sip beer and peek out of the door to see if Antonia had gone to buy tortillas or bread. I knew what time she usually came out and just seeing her was a consolation. Once, I was riding by on my bicycle when she came out of the vecindad to get some matches. I had cigarettes and two boxes of matches in my pocket, but I couldn’t think of any better pretext to get close to her than to go into the same shop for cigarettes.
I rode in the wrong direction on a one-way street and when I came up to her I swerved the wheel and made an eagle stop. She was coming out of the shop and she kept looking at me out of the corner of her eye. I stared right at her and went in for my cigarettes. Then I went back to the bar just so she could see me. I ordered another beer and there I stayed.
She got me into trouble with my father by lying about me. She said I tried to run her down with my bike and that all I did was hang around spying on her. I didn’t see her much after that, until she moved back to the Casa Grande.
Meanwhile I got to know my sister-in-law Paula better. I had met Paula when my brother first presented her to my father. That was when my father warned Paula that my brother was a canaille, a bum, a man without balls … he was so hard on Manuel that even I felt small listening. Paula felt bad about it and thought my father’s character was too strong. But by the time little Mariquita was born, Paula and my father were joking together.
I was happy when I learned I was going to become an uncle and when Mariquita was born with white skin and blue eyes, what pleasure I felt! I said, “At least one person in the family will have blue eyes.” My papá joked about it, “Listen, Paula,” he said, “might there have been a little cheating in this matter?” I, too, I am sorry to say, teased my sister-in-law by saying that a blue-eyed baby in our family must be contraband. Poor Paula! She turned red, green, yellow and all colors. But in a short while Mariquita’s eyes turned as brown as Manuel’s.
Anyway, my papá took on the responsibility of Paula and the babies that were born one after another. My brother began to fail in his work and didn’t give his wife expense money. When I had money I gave it to Paula for medicines or shoes for the children. I gave her “Sunday money” every week, and it didn’t bother me at all to do it. My brother kept on playing cards and dominoes and became less and less responsible. I gambled too (though I never played with Manuel because I felt we were competing), but then I had no one depending on me.
I never understood why my brother had two women at one time. I once saw Manuel with his great love, Graciela, and I asked if she was his sweetheart. “Yes,” he said. “I mean no, she is just a friend.”
“What do you mean, just a friend? Poor Paula! How you are deceiving her.” I don’t know if Paula ever found out, but I believe she must have because there is always someone who runs to tell the wife her husband is fooling around.
I was getting over my appendix operation when Manuel laid his hand on Paula and beat her up. Ay, how that hurt me … I cried and limped over to stop him, but he even hit me. And Paula was so good! That woman cried for me when she learned I was going around fighting with knives and razors and guns and when she saw me after I had been stoned or kicked. She kept giving me advice and told me that I could have a good future if I gave up being a tramp. She made me promise to stop fighting, but that was impossible in my neighborhood.
I was still wearing my uniform and it gave me a bad reputation and got me into fights. It was well known that the army was full of vice and soldiers were not liked. On the second day I was home, I got into a brawl when I went with Consuelo to buy bread. As it never failed, there was a wise guy who passed a remark at my sister. I don’t mind them throwing compliments such as “Good-bye, good-looking,” or, “What a doll!” or, “What a pretty little body you have,” or any reasonably decent thing, right? But when they say, “Good-bye, hot mama, what a delicious little piece you are,” or when they say to me, “How goes it, brother-in-law?” I cannot overlook it.
So I threw a dirty look and insulted his mother and the attack began. With the “look” you can say as much as a Huastecan swearing parrot and it is one of the things that has gotten me into fights. Well, I was a boxer in the army, but when I got home, they considered me a professional. I was so quick with my fists, they called me Attila. Then I began to use a knife and wounded a few guys. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t fight at all, but I have to get even with all those damned people.
I often got into trouble because of my sisters. As usual, I took charge of them when I lived at home. Twice, I caught Marta in the street with this guy Crispín and I had to punish her. She was still very young and he didn’t look good to me. He was older and more mature and I knew the type. Consuelo also caused me a lot of headaches because of the way she danced and flirted.
One evening, Marta didn’t come home and I looked everywhere for her, asking around discreetly if anyone had seen her. I felt desperate, thinking an accident had happened to her, when it suddenly occurred to me that she might have gone off with someone. I felt it was my fault for not having watched her better and I ran up and down all night looking. That night was pure martyrdom for me!
In the morning, I met her with Crispín. How furious I was to see that cursed character with his mocking face. I still cannot explain why I let him go without doing a thing to him. But I hit my sister because I understood that she was no longer a virgin. I told her that now she was a woman of the world, that she must get married and be respectful and faithful to her husband. She said they would marry, but they never did.
That miserable wretch! He was always jealous and gave my sister a rough time. He was even jealous of me! Why, once, when they had their apartment, I went to visit Marta and his sister came in. Marta and I were sitting on the bed and my sports shirt happened to be hanging loose outside of my trousers. I don’t know what that woman told Crispín but she insinuated something that would have been pure infamy. I have done terrible things in my life, but she was degrading me to the level of a beast.
When I saw her again I said, “Look, señora, be grateful that we are in my sister’s home and that you are a woman, because if you continue your insinuations I will have to bust you right where it hurts.”
Then Crispín piped up, “Don’t you speak to my sister that way!”
“You go frig your mother! And as for you, if you take it out on Marta, if you touch a hair on her head, you are a dead man, your days are numbered.” That’s what I said and I meant it from the heart.
I really couldn’t stand the guy because he deceived my sister. It hurt me very much to see what had happened to her. If it were in my hands, and I’m going to sound like an irrational beast, I could kill him as easily as I am saying it, because he is not a man. I think the midwife made a mistake when she said he was a man.
When Antonia came to live at the Casa Grande I had more headaches. I was working as a varnisher at the time. I went in at seven o’clock and at ten they gave us a half-hour to go home to eat something. I liked that fine because it gave me a chance to check up on Antonia. One day I came in and discreetly asked Enoé where Antonia was. Enoé said that my sister had gotten dressed up and had gone out. That made me very angry and at the same time I had a presentiment of something.
A few days before, I had persuaded Antonia to have her picture taken at a studio. I thought she might have gone to take out the photos, so I decided to walk over there. I grabbed a knife and stuck it into my belt, because the studio was located in a street where the flower of the underworld lived.
Sure enough, there was Antonia walking arm in arm with Otón, a
boy I had seen her with before. The moment I saw her with her novio, my eyes clouded over and I felt completely blinded. My blood went down to my feet and my body got chilled. I felt very bad, but continued walking automatically until I caught up with them. Antonia pushed Otón away from her side and he looked plenty worried when he saw me. I had warned him the last time to keep away from my sister.
I had said, “Look, I know you’re crooked. You are just like me and worse and I don’t want you to go with her. She deserves someone better than you. I’m telling you nicely now, but the second time it won’t be so nice, see?” I was sincere when I said that because I knew she could never be mine and I wanted someone better for her. I was right about Otón because now he is a first-class drug addict.
Antonia, who was also short-tempered, was furious with me. “What business is it of yours?” But she was smart enough to start for home when I told her to get going. Then I asked Otón if he was armed, because I was, and that he should get ready to defend himself. But he didn’t want to fight.
“Wait, no, Roberto. Calm down and listen … your sister and I are novios. I spoke to her and she corresponded.”
“Don’t be a jerk, Otón,” I said, “you grab at anyone … you’ve been around, and that’s why I want you to leave her alone. Get on guard.” And I opened my jacket to show him my knife.
“Look, I too am carrying something to fight with, but one shouldn’t fight for a woman. It is not worth the trouble.”
When I heard that, I punched him in the face. It made me mad to hear him say my sister was not worth the trouble. She was worth more than trouble! I wanted to fight with this guy, but he wouldn’t, so I went home.
I scolded her and told her Otón was one of the worst … that he smoked marijuana and took morphine, that he robbed and was a vagabond and an adventurer. It wasn’t true then, but, well, I was trying to discourage her. Then I said more than I wanted to say. “You are right, Tonia, it is none of my business. I see clearly that what I feel in my heart for you is impossible.”