“No. I’ll be fine.”
“I didn’t ask because I think you’re weak, Ken. I do like having you with me. And maybe it makes me a little nervous when I’m away from you.”
Well, that was better than feeling like a burden. “Thank you. I appreciate it. But I do need to take the next step toward getting past this.”
“I’d feel better if you told your friends.”
“So they will fuss over me? No, thank you. I’ll tell them later.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.”
“I am.”
“Have I told you how amazing you are?”
“A few times.”
“Yeah, but before I was mostly saying it to get myself out of trouble. I really mean it now.” He winked and pulled her in for a kiss.
* * *
Her apartment felt different as she stepped inside and parked her suitcase by the door to her bedroom. She then spent a good ten minutes checking the closets and under the bed for intruders before she went to unpack.
Zane called to check in three times. She hadn’t used the word fine so much since her mother died.
It would be difficult to convince anyone she was fine when she jumped a foot into the air at the sound of her own doorbell.
Scott Porter waited on the porch in his uniform.
“Hi there,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t ask her out again. At least this time she had an excuse. She had a boyfriend.
“Zane asked me to stop by to check on you.”
“Wow. He must really be worried if he called you.”
“He is.” He looked past her into her apartment. “Did you want me to do a sweep while I’m here? Just to be sure?”
“Actually, I just did it.”
“Okay.” He turned and she felt her chest freeze.
“But since you’re a professional, maybe you could look too. Just to be sure.” She had checked out the place thoroughly, but a sweep sounded more official.
“Can do. It won’t take but a second.” He looked in all the places she’d looked. But there was something about the gun hanging on his belt that made her feel more secure.
“All clear.”
“Thank you.”
“Not a problem. I’ll keep an eye on your place when I’m doing my patrol. You don’t have anything to worry about. The guy is still in the hospital and hasn’t made bail, so he’ll be in jail as soon as he can walk. You’re safe.”
“I know. It’s silly. It’s not like he could find me here. I’m just kind of nervous.”
“I’m not surprised. You’ll probably be rattled for a while.”
“I’m fine.” That word was getting old.
She texted Zane to thank him for sending Scott over.
She didn’t hear back, but he would have been in the air, so it wasn’t surprising not to get a response. Several hours later he finally called back.
“Hello.”
“Why aren’t you asleep? It’s after eleven.”
“It’s also a Saturday night and I’m only twenty-eight. If I go to bed before midnight on a Saturday, I’ll wake up an old person. That’s how it works.”
“Huh. You might be right about that. We’re the same age, but I’m way older than you.”
“I don’t know about that. During sex you’re still going strong while I’m exhausted and can’t catch my breath.”
“That comes from practice.”
She heard the smile in his voice. They’d been getting a lot of practice over the last few days. She couldn’t seem to get enough of him. When he was touching her, and making her body feel good, it was impossible to think about what happened.
“I’m not going to see you tomorrow. And I’m not going to be in the office on Monday. Something came up and I need to stay out here.”
“Okay.”
“I just want you to know I really do have to stay out here. I’m not staying on the road so I can avoid you. I won’t ever do that again. I swear.”
“Thank you.”
“If you need anything, call Brady. He’s back and he’ll help.”
“Okay.”
The empty bed spawned fitful dreams and restless sleep. Sunday she went to visit her parents. They asked how work was going and she told them it was… fine.
The armed robbery report was just a small blurb in the newspaper, and since her friends and family lived in another town, no one noticed. She knew they would be upset and worried if she told them what had happened. She would tell them when she knew she could answer their questions without breaking out in a sweat. Speaking about it now still made it too real.
While Vanessa hadn’t read the paper, she did know something was wrong as soon as Kenley stepped into her house the next day. Vanessa had been her friend for a very long time, and could read her like a book.
“What is it? Something’s wrong. Did Zane do something stupid?”
“No. He’s amazing.” She did her best to act normal, but she was too conscious of everything she said or did.
“What is with you? You’re skittish.”
“I’m not skittish.”
“You jumped out of your seat when Hannah’s toy hooted.”
“I had a run-in with some guy at the office. It was nothing.”
“Did he hurt you?” Her laser focus was on Kenley, no doubt watching for clues.
“No. Someone came in and stopped him.” Stopped him was not really the right word. From what Scott had said, the guy still couldn’t walk. Brady had been a mad man—his eyes unfocused on anything but the man with the gun. She couldn’t say she was sorry.
When it was over, she’d said Brady’s name, and it was like a light came back on. He’d looked around the office as if he was confused about how the guy had ended up bleeding on the floor.
“What happened?” Vanessa said, pulling her out of the memory.
“Can I get a pass for now? I promise I’ll tell you. Just not today. I need some time. The important thing is that I’m…” She swallowed. “Fine.”
“Uh-huh. Fine like you were when your mother died and you came back to school the next week?”
“It was finals. She didn’t want me to miss them.”
“Still, you weren’t fine then and I know you’re not fine now.”
“Okay. Maybe I’m not. But I need to be. I want to be. So just let me be fine until I really am.”
“Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.”
“I know. Thank you.” They hugged it out and she left to go home. She had made sure to be home before dark. After checking the place over she settled in with a book and twitched at every noise her home made.
The next morning she went in to work and followed her normal routine. She started the coffeepot, and greeted the men before they went out to the shop.
She was busy, which made the day fly by. It was after three when Brady came in.
“Hey, how you doing?”
“Good,” she said, keeping her eyes on her screen.
“Ken?”
“Yeah?”
“Look at me.”
“I really have to get this in.”
“Look. At. Me.” The demand in his voice made her head jerk up. He smiled, but his eyes were hard and intent. He reminded her of a wolf.
“Yes?” she squeaked.
“Can we please talk this out? I know I must have scared the shit out of you when I started whaling on that guy. I lose it sometimes. That was one of those times. But I swear to you, I’m not so bad that I would ever hurt you, okay?”
“Sure. I know that.” She still couldn’t look at him.
“You’re not looking at me again. What is it?”
“Nothing.”
“Bull shit. Tell me, or I’m just going to sit on the edge of your desk until you do. And I’m going to eat your candy stash from your second drawer while I wait.”
“Fine.” She reached out to stop him from touching her candy. “I just—I wish you hadn’t had to see me throw up.”
After the incident, Brady had taken he
r outside until the police came. It was a good thing too, because she’d tossed her lunch in the bushes in front of the building. He’d held her hair and gone back inside to get her a paper towel.
The confession of her humiliation was met with laughter. She glared at him and he did a fair job of trying to get himself together.
“Sorry. Here I thought I’d freaked you out, and you’re worried about me seeing you throw up.”
Yes. Did he need to repeat it?
“Sweetie, I was in the military. Between injuries, drinking too much, or being scared out of our wits, vomiting was pretty much a daily occurrence. I don’t think any less of you because of it.”
She couldn’t help but chuckle at his little speech. She nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”
“You have to stop thanking me. You’ve thanked me six-hundred-and-twenty-four times.”
“No, I haven’t. It’s maybe six-hundred twenty-one at the most.” It felt better to joke about it.
“I’m going to hug you, and we’re going to call it good. Then I’m going to ask you for a favor, but you shouldn’t feel obligated because I saved your life or anything.”
Again she chuckled as he wrapped her in his big arms. It was completely friendly. His hands stayed where they belonged.
“I want you to know I have a girlfriend now, which is why I’m not using my gallantry to weasel my way into your bed.”
“A girlfriend? Really?” She stepped back when he released her.
“It’s new. I’ll probably fuck it up, but I like her. She’s a doctor.”
“Get out.”
“No, really. And she even knows I’m an asshole. She’s seen me at my assiest and yet she still let me make out with her.”
“Wow. I’m impressed.” She nodded. “So what’s the favor?”
“Hunter is going through occupational therapy. Michaela thinks he’d be able to have a job. I wasn’t so sure until he stayed with you and polished up the fittings. I was wondering if you might be able to find more work for him. Odd jobs he’d be capable of doing. Zane said he’d find a place for him, but I don’t want it to be an inconvenience.”
“Of course it wouldn’t be an inconvenience. I like having him here.”
“Maybe make a list of things you think he’d be good at. I’ll run it by Mick and make sure he can handle it.”
“Sure thing.”
Brady turned to leave but came back.
“There’s one more thing.”
“I’m not hugging you again.”
“Would you stop throwing yourself at me, woman? You’re dating my boss and I told you I have a girlfriend.” He chuckled at his joke, but turned serious. “I do need you to do something for me.”
“Okay.”
“I want you to talk this out with someone.”
Kenley let out a sigh. “Everyone is worrying about nothing. There’s nothing to talk about. Nothing happened. So the guy threatened me. He didn’t have a chance to hurt me.”
“Do you dream about it?”
She shrugged and then, when he kept watching her silently, nodded.
“I know about the dreams. Trust me, they start to become more real if they aren’t dealt with.”
She opened her mouth to put him at ease, but he cut her off again.
“I’m not trying to boss you around or stick my nose in your business, but you should talk to a professional about this.”
“You mean a shrink?” Kenley shifted to her other foot. She’d spoken to a grief counselor after her mother died. It hadn’t helped. Time helped the most. Besides, she was… fine. “Nothing happened, and I have you to thank for that.”
“Something did happen. If the guy hadn’t done anything, I wouldn’t have beaten him into the ICU. Something happened. It might not be the thing that could have happened, but it was something.”
“Okay.”
“These things have a way of sneaking up on you when you think you’re fine. I know firsthand how hard it can be to keep things locked away, no matter how much you don’t want to think about them.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Kenley agreed, though she knew she would be okay. The guy had been desperate. She knew it from the way his hands shook and the panic in his bloodshot eyes. He probably wouldn’t have shot her. He just wanted the money.
She shuddered at the memory. Would he have let her live after he’d taken the money? He’d done nothing to hide his face. She would have been able to identify him. Would he have taken out the witness?
“I know what I’m talking about. I’m still haunted by things I saw in Iraq. It comes out of nowhere. I sure as hell didn’t want to chat about it, but talking does help. Just remember that.”
Kenley nodded and watched Brady leave. She went back to her bills and thought about other things. Nice things.
Cookies, her niece’s hugs, margaritas, and Zane’s kisses. She suddenly realized she hadn’t heard any sounds coming from the back. She opened the door to the shop to check on the other men and found the place was dark.
Checking the clock, she realized it was after five. She hadn’t even noticed. Spooked to be alone, she hurried around the building, locking all the doors.
* * *
Unable to wait another second to get back to Kenley, Zane caught a late flight that night and got to her house a little after eleven. He had flowers in his hand and a big smile on his face when she opened the door.
“I thought you wouldn’t be back until tomorrow,” she said, smiling back at him. She was dressed for bed in a pair of cotton shorts and a T-shirt. He could tell there was no bra. One less thing he’d have to take off. But first they needed to talk.
“I missed you, so I came home as soon as I could.”
“Thank God,” she said as she stood on her tiptoes to press her lips to his. She took his hand and led him to her bedroom where he stopped. He almost gave in, but he knew he needed to stand his ground on this.
Instead of going inside he picked her up and carried her back to the sofa. With her on his lap he kissed her until she pulled back to look at him.
“You didn’t want to…” She nodded in the direction of her bedroom.
“I do. Very much. But I want to talk with you first. I don’t want this to just be about sex.” They’d been having a lot of sex. Part of him expected this since their relationship was new and she was making up for lost time on the sex front. But he wasn’t stupid. He knew she was also using sex to cope with what had happened. No doubt she thought if she could have sex with him she must be fine.
Fine. That goddamned word. He’d heard it so much he wanted it stricken from the English language. The worst part was that people didn’t seem to know what it really meant. All his past girlfriends had used it as a curse when he’d asked if something was wrong. They’d said they were fine, but what they meant was they were holding in their anger with plans to unleash it at a more inopportune time.
Kenley also had difficulties with the definition. She seemed to think it meant she would ignore the problem until it got easier to deal with.
“Okay. We can talk if you want.”
She pouted, which almost made him give in. But he needed to do the right thing. Brady had warned him of the dangers of letting her brush it off as nothing. He’d been there. He’d seen what happened. Zane trusted his judgment.
“I got a naughty cheerleader outfit. It took me forever to muster up the courage to take it to the counter and pay for it, but I did. Three cheers for me.”
He sat up straighter and looked at her. Was that what she thought this was about? She wasn’t just a fantasy come true. She was his reality.
“I’ll admit, maybe at first I just wanted to have sex. But now it’s about you. I want you, Kenley. The real you. Not the woman I made up in my head. I like so many other things about you.”
“Were you planning to list them now, or can I kiss you?” she asked with a grin.
“I’m planning on completely ruining the mood to talk about how you’re holding up. An
d if you use the word fine, I’m going to hold you down and tickle you until you hurl, and we already know how much you hate that.”
“Brady told.”
“Yes. He thought you were terrified of him. He was so happy it was just embarrassment.”
“He’s going to be terrified of me when I get hold of him.”
“He cares about you.” He kissed her hair and pulled her closer. “Not as much as me, of course.”
“He thinks I should talk to a professional.”
“I don’t want to take sides here, especially if it will wreck my chances of seeing the naughty cheerleader outfit, but I have to agree with him. Even if it’s not a miracle cure, it can’t hurt. I don’t like you being afraid. I can’t handle the guilt of leaving you alone, knowing you’re scared.”
“Okay. I guess I’ll give it a try before you stage an intervention.”
“I already ordered the banner.”
She smacked him and then kissed him in that way that melted his soul. She was done talking about it. He decided he would let it go for now.
After making out with her on the sofa for a while they talked about their day. She wanted to go to New York to visit her friend the next weekend. He was happy to see she wanted to go out. Maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe she would be okay after all.
“I have an idea,” she said as she bit her lip.
“I love your ideas. They make me more efficient, and in turn, make me money.” He kissed her neck, making her giggle.
“You know the app I made with all the pictures of items in the shop?”
“Yeah. I’ve been cleaning it out as I have time during layovers. I think it’s pretty up to date now.”
“There are things in there you’re not using.”
“Right.”
“What if we link the app to a website where people can buy the things you won’t use? Like a retail site.”
“Huh. I never really thought about it. It’s a good idea.”
“I don’t know if I can make the site though.”
“Don’t worry. I can hire someone to do it.”
“Maybe you can give the person a discount on a boat in exchange for the website.”
“I am amazed by your mind. I am so glad I talked my sister into hiring you.”
She laughed and rolled her eyes.
* * *
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