“Kenley, we’re together now. I will be there next to you when you face that man.” It was an easy thing to promise. He’d been making things more difficult than they needed to be. He needed to stop thinking so much and just go with his heart.
“Thank you,” she whispered as he held her tightly and kissed her hair.
They were together. And there was nothing to fear. He would see her through this trial and then, when there was nothing else standing in their way, he would tell her he was ready to take the next step. Together.
* * *
Brady showed up at Michaela’s duplex a little after three. When he told Zane he’d received a subpoena to appear in court, Zane had given him the rest of the day off.
He’d begged Mick to spend the afternoon with him. It didn’t take much persuasion. She opened the door when he knocked and ran upstairs, with him chasing behind.
“Damn, woman, slow down. I only have one foot.”
“Please! I’m not falling for that trick.” He laughed as he caught her at the top of the stairs. He picked her up and carried her the few feet to her room, throwing her on the bed and falling on top of her.
She giggled until he kissed the laughter into a low moan. As she reached for his pants someone banged on the wall with a hammer.
He jumped back at the sound, his heart rate soaring from the fright.
“What the hell?” he said over the sound of an air-nailer.
“Renovations.” She pulled him back down, catching his ear with her teeth. “They’ll be done by next week.”
“You’re getting new neighbors?”
“I guess so. I’ll have to run an ad.”
He pulled back to look at her.
“You’re a landlord?”
“I’m going to try it. My father is an investment broker.” She shrugged it off and then her eyes went wide. “I just had a great idea.”
“What is it?”
“The place would be perfect for Hunter.”
“You want Hunter and me to move in next to you?”
She shook her head slowly, a crooked smile on her lips. “I want Hunter to move in next to us.”
Oh.
He felt himself pulling away both physically and emotionally. He knew how he felt for Mick. She was great, and he’d never been so happy with a woman before. He’d been ready to tell her he wanted to commit, that he loved her, but shacking up? That was more than he was ready for. It meant more than just sharing the things he wanted to share and having a standing date every weekend.
Living together meant day in and day out. It meant her seeing him when he was in pain, or when he was dealing with bad memories. He wouldn’t be able to hide the truly frightening things.
No way were they ready for that. And if she left, where would that leave him or his brother. It wasn’t safe for Hunter to get too attached. He’d lost enough in his life already.
Brady shook his head.
“Thanks for the offer, but we’re not ready for that.” He’d meant him and Mick weren’t ready, but she misunderstood.
“It would be perfect. Hunter would have his independence, but we’d be right here if he needed us. He’s ready, Brady.”
“I’ll make that decision if and when the time is right. It’s not right.” He stood and ran his hand over his hair. He felt trapped. “I need to go.”
“Go? What’s wrong? It’s okay. We don’t have to do it. It was just an idea.”
An idea that would continue to grow until it became a reality. While she might brush off the idea of moving Hunter in next door, she was thinking of Brady moving in with her. She was at that level and he wasn’t. No matter how much he might want it, he couldn’t just slip into a normal life.
He panicked.
Without being consciously aware, he was suddenly in his truck, driving away.
* * *
Zane gave the waitress a nod—the nod that meant he wanted a beer—and sat between Brady and Josh at the bar. Brady wasn’t looking so good as Josh went on with his story about how his daughter had made him a sandwich for lunch.
“It looked like a regular PB and J but when I bit in, there were M&Ms and a slice of bacon.” He tilted his head to the side and smiled. “It was actually really good.”
“I have a big problem,” Brady said out of nowhere.
“What’s up?” Zane automatically assumed it would have something to do with the trial.
“No offense, boss, but you’re not going to be able to help. You’re worse off than me.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I thought maybe I was in love with Mick, but the second she mentioned moving in together, I turned into a pussy and ran off. I’ve faced down enemy fire, and the first time a woman shows serious interest in me, I practically pissed myself.”
Zane held up his hand. “I could use some help in this area too. I’m going to be making a move soon. Any pointers would be appreciated.”
Josh and Paul looked at one another for a second before bursting out in laughter. “Rookies,” Paul said.
“Pull up your panties, boys. Love isn’t for sissies,” Josh warned before going into a step-by-step tutorial on how to survive having feelings for someone.
By the time he got to childbirth, Brady was looking a little green, and Zane couldn’t blame him.
“The basic point he’s making,” Paul interrupted, “is that you can’t be afraid to just go for it and know the other person has your best interests at heart. If she’s the one for you, she’ll take special care of your heart. Always.”
Zane had no doubt that Kenley would take special care of his heart. He worried he wouldn’t be able to take care of hers. Especially while she faced her biggest fears—a courtroom and the man who had threatened her life. She would be depending on him, and he didn’t want to let her down.
* * *
It was July.
Kenley should have been enjoying the summer with Zane on his boat. She should have been picking out a dress for the reunion they were going to in a couple of weeks. But instead she was in the courthouse, getting ready to come face-to-face with the man who frequented her nightmares.
Dr. Fulmer had prepared her for this day, and Zane was with her. She was as ready as she would ever be to get this over with so she could truly put it behind her.
She was fine.
They walked into the courtroom hand in hand. Brady was already sitting toward the front so she and Zane went to sit next to him. Brady’s knees were bouncing, the only outward sign of his anxiety.
She glanced down at her dress pants and brushed off a piece of lint with a steady hand. She was completely fine, as she’d told Zane and everyone else since it had happened. But now, with Dr. Fulmer’s help, she felt it might actually be true.
Nothing had happened to her. The man had grabbed her arm and yelled at her. It was no big deal. Except she knew this was just the lie she’d told herself when she was trying to hide. She couldn’t hide anymore.
The door along the wall opened and a man was escorted into the room. At first she didn’t recognize him. He looked like a normal guy in a dress shirt and khakis. His hair wasn’t in wild disarray as it had been that afternoon. Her blood turned to ice water when she heard him speak to the man next to him. It was suddenly difficult to get air into her lungs.
When the bailiff said, “All rise for the honorable Judge Margaret Billows,” her legs wouldn’t move. All this time she’d thought she was fine.
She wasn’t fine at all.
* * *
When the scrawny man walked into the courtroom, it took every bit of control Zane had to stay seated next to Kenley and not fly over there to start whaling on him. Then he took a good look, and realized he still looked a little roughed up from the encounter with Brady. The man was on crutches, a cast running from his toes to his hip.
“I thought I remembered the sound of a femur snapping,” Brady said with a low chuckle. Zane had already given Brady a raise, which he’d tried to refuse since Zane had agreed to employ Hunter.
Hiring Hunter hadn’t just been a favor to Brady. He did a good job and was a valued employee. Not to mention Kenley seemed to feel better when someone was in the office with her.
When the bailiff ordered everyone to rise, Zane moved to stand, but was weighed down by Kenley grasping his hand. She wasn’t standing, instead she was staring at the man on the opposite side of the room, panting and looking pale.
“Ken?” Brady said while motioning for her to stand. She didn’t move. It was as if she was frozen there.
With a nod to Brady they pulled her to her feet so she wouldn’t be in contempt of court. A serious-looking woman in a black robe came in and told everyone to be seated.
Kenley slumped back in her seat and blinked up at him.
“I can’t do this,” she whispered. “I have to go. I have to get out of here.” Her eyes were frantic, which made telling her she couldn’t leave almost unbearable.
“You have to stay. If you don’t he could be released without so much as a fine.” The district attorney had told them the man hadn’t taken a plea, because he didn’t have much to lose. He’d robbed a few other people and would be going to jail no matter what. He’d pleaded not guilty in the hopes of some miracle. Kenley not testifying would put him on the path to that miracle.
“But he—The gun—I couldn’t—”
“Shh.” He pried her fingers from his leg before she drew blood. The district attorney glanced over his shoulder and gave her an encouraging look, but she couldn’t have seen it with her gaze still fixated on the man who had hurt her. “Look at me.” He had to place his fingers on her chin and guide her face up to make her take her eyes off her attacker. He’d wanted her to be here for Brady’s testimony so she knew what to expect.
Her therapist suggested she be in the room before her testimony so she had time to adjust before having to go up on the stand.
“We only need to stay until you go up there and tell them what happened. Then we can leave. You’ll never have to see him again. I’ll be right here the whole time. He can’t hurt you. You can do this. I know you can.”
“… and our testimony will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that this man threatened the life of Ms. Carmichael. Had it not been for the heroic bravery of Lieutenant Brady Martin he might have killed her for a few hundred dollars. I assure you her life has more value than that. The defense will paint this man as a victim of his addiction, and that may well be. But Ms. Carmichael is the victim in this case and I ask you not to forget that.”
The district attorney wrapped up his opening remarks to the jury. While his words were true, and had a certain dramatic flair that might help get a conviction, Zane felt a need to protect Kenley from hearing them. And maybe himself.
He wasn’t foolish enough not to know what could have happened. It was obvious when you combined a desperate heroin addict and a loaded gun, the outcome could have been deadly if Brady hadn’t come in. But still, sitting there in the same room, hearing it spoken as fact while Kenley trembled beside him, he felt completely helpless.
“The defense calls Lieutenant Brady Martin to the stand to testify.”
“Christ,” Brady muttered as he squeezed out of the row. He patted Kenley on the shoulder before he walked to the front of the room. With his hand on a Bible he repeated the oath that assured everyone he would tell the truth.
The truth Zane wasn’t sure he wanted to hear.
Brady spoke about how he had originally planned to leave, but he’d decided to drop off the paperwork before leaving for the day.
“I heard shouting as I walked from the shop up to the door to the office. It was a man’s voice. I didn’t recognize it, so I stopped outside the door and only opened it enough to see into the lobby.”
“And what did you see?”
Brady swallowed and ran his hand over his hair.
“I saw that man with his arm across Kenley’s throat and a gun pressed against her temple.” Brady swallowed again and kept his eyes on the attorney.
“He was yelling at her to give him the money, and Kenley was telling him she didn’t have any money. He pulled her off her feet and told her he knew a man had come in with cash that morning. He called her a liar and said he was going to blow her brains out if she didn’t give him the money.”
Zane hadn’t known it was this bad. He’d heard the police report, but it sounded more clinical when not told with Brady’s personal experience. Zane looked at Kenley, who was sitting beside him with an eerie calm. A hint of anger stirred. Why hadn’t she just given him the money?
It wouldn’t have been any guarantee of safety. The man still could have shot her if she had given it to him, but still for her to put herself at risk rather than give up his money…
“And then what happened?” the attorney prompted when Brady didn’t continue on his own.
“I—I’m not exactly sure.”
“According to the eyewitness, you grabbed Mr. Grubb by the arm and dislocated his shoulder before pushing him to the ground and kicking him in the ribs. When he attempted to kick you away, you seized his leg and broke it with your elbow before choking him until he was unconscious.”
“I don’t recall,” Brady said.
“Are you saying you didn’t touch this man?” the judge asked.
“No, ma’am. I’m saying I don’t remember the details. When I realized what he was doing to Kenley, I kind of… snapped.”
“But you were able to call an ambulance.”
“That was after I calmed down.”
“And you assisted Ms. Carmichael until help arrived.”
Brady shrugged it off. “She was shook up, but didn’t seem injured. Except for the marks on her arm and temple.”
“Ladies and gentleman, a skilled marine doing what he was trained to do.”
Brady looked more and more uncomfortable as his testimony wore on. He seemed to be struggling to keep his language in check when the defense attorney painted him as a menace to society.
Eventually he was done and he took his seat next to Kenley again. Brady put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her over so he could kiss her head and whisper something in her ear.
She nodded and relaxed slightly. Until her name was called.
Kenley made no move to get up. His earlier anger had faded. He realized she hadn’t done anything different than what he would have done in her place. He couldn’t fault her for her determination and loyalty. They were two of the many traits he loved about her.
“You can do this,” Zane whispered. “You are the strongest person I know. Go up there and keep your eyes on me. Don’t look at anyone else but me, okay?” She nodded and stood.
While she was being sworn in, Zane leaned over to Brady.
“What did you say to her?”
“I told her Mr. Grubb was too busted up to hurt her, and if he tried, I’d be more than happy to break a few more of his bones.”
Zane watched as she sat in the same seat Brady had just vacated. She looked so small. Her gaze was on him the whole time she told her story. He’d heard it already, but it affected him the same way. He felt utterly helpless.
He worked to make sure he didn’t show his anger, since she was watching him. He needed to be strong on the outside, even if he was falling to pieces on the inside.
Chapter 19
That night when they got back to Kenley’s apartment, she didn’t talk about the trial and he didn’t have the courage to bring it up. She crawled into bed next to him and ran her hands up his chest. He knew what she was doing. He’d allowed her to do it many times because he’d honestly thought she was okay. But after seeing the way she’d reacted in the courtroom, he couldn’t let her hide anymore.
“We need to talk,” he said. The look of horror on her face clued him in that he’d said something terribly wrong. “Oh. No. Not that kind of talk.” He shook his head and waved his hands in front of him, hoping to erase the concern on her face.
“What do you want to talk about?” She still looked worried.
“I think it’s time to admit that you’re not as fine as you thought you were.” She frowned, and he wanted to give in and just love the hurt away, but that wouldn’t work. Not in the long run.
She let out a sigh and nodded.
“I was okay until I saw him. In my memories he was a lot bigger. I remember being scared. But then I saw him and I felt so weak. The guy was barely bigger than I am and I couldn’t defend myself.”
“He had a gun, Kenley. He was also high, which would have made it difficult to fight him off.” He brushed a piece of hair behind her ear. “I know you’re strong enough to heal from this. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to use sex to block it out.”
She nodded. “Okay. You’re right. Dr. Fulmer and I prepared for this, but I don’t think anything could have readied me to see him again. I’ll talk to her about it at my session next week.”
Instead of sex, he held her close to him all night, glad her part of the trial was over. She didn’t want to hear the rest, so the next day they planned to go out on the boat and move on with their lives. If only he had a clear idea of what to do next. She’d assured him they didn’t need to worry about the future. They only needed to live for now. He’d been planning to take the next step after the trial, but was she ready?
* * *
Stepping into Dr. Fulmer’s office made her feel stronger already. She was determined to get through this so she could be free. She didn’t want to cringe when she saw someone who reminded her of the man who had scared her. She didn’t want to have flashes of memories that terrified her. And she didn’t want to obsess about what could have happened until she was afraid to be alone. She wanted to take back her life, and assure Zane that she wasn’t using sex to hide from what happened.
After the meeting with Dr. Fulmer, Kenley felt better about the trial, though she was still not clear what her next steps with Zane should be. She just knew she wanted more.
Zane was supportive, and Brady was a huge comfort in that he came up with new and inventive ways to inflict bodily harm on anyone who would try to hurt her, and shared them with her to make her laugh. It probably wasn’t the healthiest of ways to deal with things, but it made her feel better.
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