“What exactly?”
“This.” She gestured between us. “Us. This can’t happen.”
“Were you lying about the professor? Is there something going on there?” I felt rage flood me. She was mine. There was no question about that.
“No.” She sighed. “This has nothing to do with another guy.”
“Then what?” I kept my voice even. “Because I know it has nothing to do with a lack of attraction. You want me. Don’t waste your time pretending otherwise.”
“I’m not wasting any of our time. That’s the point. This can’t work.” She turned away.
I pulled her back as gently as I could. There was a fragility to her I hadn’t noticed at first. It may not have been physical, but it made me want to handle her more carefully. “This will work.”
“Why? I mean if you just wanted some you could have pushed harder for it last night.”
“And I already told you, my desires extend beyond sex when they come to you.” They included sex, but it also went further. I wanted her in every possible way.
“I don’t want a relationship.”
“Too bad.” I put a hand on her hip. “You’re already in one.”
“Kissing a few times doesn’t make a relationship.” She sighed. “I sound like a broken record.”
“It’s more than the kissing.” I took a risk. “Think about something for me. Okay? And answer my question only after giving it serious thought.”
“Okay.” She tilted her head to the side.
“Close your eyes and picture yourself with another man.” I hated to even say the words, but it would prove my point. It would prove to her that now that she’d been touched by me, she could never be happy with another.
She closed her eyes, squeezed them shut and then opened them. “I can’t.”
I grinned. “Keep trying. Picture anyone. Anywhere. Anytime.”
She closed her eyes again. “I can’t.” She made a frustrated groan. “It’s always you.” She opened her eyes.
“Perfect.” I couldn’t contain my excitement. I knew it would be the case, but there was a small part of me that worried I was wrong.
“There’s nothing perfect about it!” Tears streamed from her eyes.
“Why are you crying?”
“Because I don’t want to be stuck on you. I want to hope that one day I can be happy.”
“But you can be happy.” I ached from watching her tears. “You will be happy with me.”
She shook her head. “I could, theoretically, until you decide to leave. And then I’ll hurt even worse this time.”
Was that what she was upset about? “I’m not leaving. I’m in the same boat you are.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning I can’t think of another woman. You are the only one I want now.”
“That’s impossible,” she huffed.
“Nothing’s impossible.”
“Plenty of things are.” She put a hand on her forehead. “And I want to know what you did to me.”
I ignored her question. I hadn’t actually done anything to her, but I had let it happen. Kissing her had set off a chain reaction I had absolutely no intention of stopping. “You came out here to hike. Let’s do it. It’s early, and we have the whole day ahead of us, but I know of the perfect place to camp for the night.”
“We should go home.”
“Do you really want that?” I asked. “Be honest. Think about the answer.”
She sighed. “No.”
“Why not?”
“I like it out here better.”
“Good.” I held out my hand to her.
“I don’t need your hand.”
“But I need yours.” I wrapped my hand around her much smaller one.
“I should hate you.”
“Should?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Yes. You’re pushy and arrogant. I usually hate guys like you.”
“But you don’t hate me?”
“Nope. I want you.” Her eyes met mine. “This sucks.”
“It doesn’t suck. It’s a good thing.” I started walking deeper into the woods away from the trail. We weren’t camping anywhere that anyone would run into us. I was only going to be satisfied with complete privacy for our first night together.
19
Mara
I was crazy. Completely crazy. Either that or I was on a drug I hadn’t realized I’d taken. Or stuck in a particularly vivid dream. I couldn’t stay away from him. I couldn’t turn around. And I couldn’t think of any other guys—not in that way at least. I’d really gone off the deep end.
The kiss had been even more intense this time, and as the others it hadn’t been one sided. And the touch. The feel of his hand on my breast. It had been pure pleasure. If he’d gotten that reaction out of me from such a small touch I couldn’t imagine what other things would feel like. A chill ran through me as I pictured all the things I wanted him to do.
I should have been watching where we were going. I should have kept an eye on the path he was blazing through the woods. That would have been the smart thing to do. Instead I was picturing his hands roaming over my body and the sensation of sleeping in his arms— without clothes this time. But that couldn’t happen. I might have been in some daze, but that didn’t mean I was going to sleep with the guy. I’d share my camping trip with him, but I wouldn’t be sharing my tent. Or at least I wouldn’t be sharing my sleeping bag. It would be mean to make him sleep outside, at least that’s how I rationalized it to myself.
I shook away thoughts of Ian and focused instead on the gorgeous scenery all around us. Everything was so vivid here. The sky was the bluest I’d ever seen, and we were surrounded by thick foliage on every side. The trees appeared both impossibly tall and impossibly green.
“Are you getting tired?” He asked two hours into our way more intense hike. I’d been taking a slow and gradual climb, but his route went straight up the mountain.
My knees screamed at me, but I wasn’t going to let him know that. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” He stopped. “I don’t mind carrying you.”
“I don’t need to be carried.”
“What about want? I get that you can technically keep going, but would you like to be carried?”
“No,” I answered immediately. “Not a chance.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not weak.”
“What does weakness have to do with letting me carry you?” His brow furrowed.
“Everything. Strong people don’t need to be carried.”
“Yes they do.”
“When’s the last time someone carried you?” I figured that question would stump him.
“It’s happened.”
“I doubt that, but I am doing just fine.”
“You’d be really annoyed at me if I picked you up right now, huh?” He grinned.
“Very.”
“Real annoyed, or your hot and sexy annoyed?”
“I don’t have a hot and sexy annoyed.”
“Oh, yes you do.” He grinned even bigger.
“No.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“You have it right now.”
“No.” I scowled.
“And there you go begging me to kiss you again.”
“I am not!” I stepped away from him. “Where do you come up with this stuff?”
“You want me to kiss you.”
“Nope.” I shook my head.
“Yes.” He stepped closer. And it was as if I were frozen in place. “You want my lips on yours.”
“Dream on.”
“So if I kissed you right now you’d push me away? Stop me?”
“Probably.” I tried to sound confident about my answer.
“Probably?” He laughed. “That doesn’t sound so convincing.”
“It’s meant to be convincing.”
“I want to get something straight. I’m never going to push anything on you. Anything. Well, unless it involves
your safety or you running away from me again. If you tell me you don’t want me to kiss you or touch you, I’ll take your words for what they are. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to ask you what you want enough times that I get the answer that will make us both happy.” He stepped closer again, his lips mere inches away from mine.
“And what answer is that?” My head spun from his closeness.
“Do you want me to kiss you?”
I nodded without knowing what I was doing.
“Is that a yes?” His lips brushed against mine in a tease.
“Yes,” I whispered the word while I fisted my hand to avoid reaching out for him.
“That’s what you really want? You want me to kiss you?” He brushed his lips against mine again.
“Yes.” This time my hands reached out for him on their own accord, pulling him close to me.
“Then why didn’t you just ask me to?” He smiled before pressing his lips against mine.
I opened up to him, taking in his taste as if it were oxygen. He backed me up against a large tree, trapping me between the rough bark of the tree and a different kind of hardness pressed against me.
He broke the kiss. “Do you want me to step away? Give you space?” He ran his lips over my neck.
I closed my eyes, searching for a way out of the daze, but I didn’t want to leave the bliss, and I gave up easily. “No. Stay.”
“Then what do you want?”
“This.” I slipped my finger through his belt loop and pulled him closer.
“What else?”
“This.” I pulled off his t-shirt, determined to let my eyes see the bare chest I’d already had the pleasure of feeling.
He didn’t disappoint. I ran my hand down his chest.
“And then the question is whether we’re playing fair.” His eyes twinkled.
“Playing fair?” I continued to explore his exposed skin. I was positive he didn’t mind.
“Do I get to do the same thing to you?”
“Yes.” I surprised myself with the swiftness of my response. I glanced over my shoulder even though I knew there was no one else around for miles. Even the trail had been empty. A stray thought flitted through my mind of whether that was his reason for choosing the new path, but I found I didn’t care. I felt completely safe with Ian, and I didn’t want to leave.
“Now that’s a great answer to hear.” He pulled off my t-shirt and tossed it to the ground on top of his shirt.
I removed my hand from his chest so I could cover myself. He watched me with such an intensity I felt exposed.
“Mara?” He said my name gently.
“Yes?”
“Is there a reason you’re blocking my view?”
I thought about it. “Not really.”
“Then would you mind giving it back to me?” His words were light, but his eyes were heated.
I did something crazy. Something I’d normally never do. I always let the guy set the pace. To undress me. To make all the decisions when it came to intimacy. But not this time. I reached around and unclasped my bra. I let it hang for a second while Ian met my eyes. They were filled with an excitement and curiosity. I dropped my bra onto the pile of shirts and closed my eyes. I may have been brave enough to shed my bra, but that didn’t mean I was brave enough to watch his response.
He didn’t keep me waiting. He simultaneously took one of my breasts in his mouth while he took the other in his hand.
I kept my eyes clenched shut while I enjoyed the pleasure his mouth and hand were giving me.
He removed his mouth. “Open your eyes.”
I listened and found his face inches from mine. “I didn’t know such beauty existed.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I just stared back.
“I want to see all of you.” He rubbed my back gently. His arm was separating my bare back from the rough bark of the tree.
“Here?”
“Now.”
I considered saying no and continuing on with the hike, but I didn’t want to. Instead my hands went to my boots. If I was getting naked, I was taking them off. I wasn’t giving him a weird first image of me without my clothes on. Once my boots were off I moved to the button of my jeans. Then I stopped. “Wait. You first.”
“Me first? Are you giving me a test?”
It took me a moment to catch the meaning in his words. “Not a test.”
“I have no problem going first.” He unbuttoned his jeans and stepped out of them revealing himself before I had the chance to chicken out and change my mind.
I made myself look. “You’re not wearing underwear.”
“I’m not.” He grinned.
“I am.”
“I figured as much.” His words were light and casual as if he weren’t standing there buck naked in front of me.
If I didn’t already know he was aroused I knew it now. I also knew he was huge. “I’m not having sex with you right now.”
“Right now?” He smiled. “That implies you plan to have it with me at a later time, so I’m going to take that as a very good thing.”
“I guess it’s my turn.”
“I’d like that, but totally your choice. You’ve been more than fair already.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“This is silly. We’re not kids playing I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”
“What’s silly about it?” He took a small step toward me. “We’re getting to know each other.”
“Getting to know each other by stripping in the woods?”
“Is there a better place to be doing it? I happen to prefer the outdoors to a bedroom.”
A thrill spread through me. “Just remember my doing this doesn’t mean sex.”
“I got it.” He smiled.
I slipped out of my jeans and underwear and waited a full ten seconds before I could meet his eyes.
“You’ve made your feelings on sex loud and clear, but does that also apply to touching you?” There was a struggle in his eyes, and I purposely kept my gaze at his eye level. Looking down would get me in a lot of trouble.
“No. No rules there.”
“Good.” He slipped his hand between my legs.
I tensed up.
“Do I make you nervous?” He left his hand where it was.
“Standing naked in the middle of the woods makes me nervous.”
“It’s just us here.” He took my hand in his free one. “Just you and me.”
I relaxed. “Just you and me.”
“Exactly.” He ran his lips over my neck while he slipped a few fingers inside of me.
I moaned and reached out to take him in my hand.
“You’re killing me, Mara.” His voice was husky.
“You stopped calling me babe and the other nicknames.” I surprised myself by managing to get words out.
“Because you asked me to.”
“Thank you.” I started to lose my balance, but he caught me, pulling my body flush against his.
“Thank you.” He grazed his teeth over my neck.
I moaned louder as he continued to run his lips up and down my neck.
“Am I allowed to change my mind?”
He removed his hand. “Yes.”
“I didn’t mean that.” I pushed his hand back to where it was to emphasize my next words. “I mean about not having sex.”
“Normally yes, but not this time.”
“Why not?” I dropped my hand from around him.
He groaned. “Because you seemed really big on that decision.” He kissed my breast lightly before picking up my underwear. “I did promise I’d try to be a gentleman.”
“You promise this isn’t because you don’t want me?” I hadn’t meant to speak my fear out loud, but I did. I’d gained weight since starting law school, and I wondered if it made me less desirable.
“Are you kidding me?’ He gestured down between his own legs. “Can you ask me that question with a straight face?”
“I never said you were press
uring me.”
“But I was using some unfair tools of influence.” He took the underwear from my hands and moved down to his knees. He lifted one of my legs to put my leg through the hole before moving on to the other. He slowly slipped them up my body. Getting dressed by a guy wasn’t supposed to be that sexy.
“Everything about you is an unfair tool of influence.” I allowed him to slip my bra back on.
He moved behind me and clasped it. “I feel the exact same way about you.”
“Is it bad that I don’t want to get you dressed?”
“I am perfectly capable of doing it myself.” He was still behind me, even though that part of the dressing process was done. He put his hands on my hips.
As much as I wanted to push back against him I didn’t. That would have been teasing. “I meant I enjoyed seeing you naked.”
“If you asked me to finish this hike naked I would.”
“Yeah, no.”
“Why not?”
“First it’s not going to be fun for you, and second it won’t be fun for me.” Not fun in the slightest.
“Why won’t it be fun for you?”
“Because it will just remind me of what I want and can’t have.”
“Oh, Mara.” He turned me around in his arms. “You can have exactly what you want, and you’re going to have it soon enough. I promise. And I can also promise it’s something you will be experiencing over and over again.” His words were velvety as they slipped off his tongue.
I kissed him. He responded for a moment, letting my tongue tangle with his before he abruptly stopped. “There’s a stream right near here. I’m going to need it.”
“Why?”
“Because otherwise I’m never getting these jeans on.”
I laughed. “Ok. Got it.”
20
Ian
I wasn’t my brother. Jonovan would have had her against a tree four times already. He wouldn’t have been trying to clear his head while dunking in cold water.
I wasn’t Jonovan, and I refused to ever be. Becoming Alpha didn’t mean I had to accept everything that came with it. I could fight off that part of my nature. I had Mara. She would be mine, and she’d let me have so much already. I could wait for the rest. It would be so much better for the waiting. I wanted to have her when she needed me. When she was unable to resist the pull. Until then I could hold myself back, but it wasn’t going to be easy.
Hunt (The Grizzly Brothers Chronicles Book 1) Page 10