“And what if Greg doesn’t go for it?” I reflected back to the time I had spent in New York with Dallas several months before. “You once told me the affluent and powerful who seek out Simon’s services are only interested in money and not revenge. What if Greg only wants money? Then what do we do?”
“I believe Caston will want to eliminate Simon for both revenge and money. With Simon out of the way, Caston’s organization will be the biggest on the East Coast, making him a very powerful man. His hatred for Simon is well known and has been growing stronger throughout the years. I think the time is right to use that hatred to our advantage.” He watched me fidgeting nervously in front of him, “You’ll have to go to Caston and inform him of your decision. You’ll have to tell him you will agree to anything to be free of Simon. You’re going to have to be very convincing otherwise this could all blow up in our faces.”
“I don’t know if I can go to another person and ask them to kill someone for me, Dallas. That’s almost like pulling the trigger myself,” I said, wrapping my arms around my body.
“Just close your eyes and think of all the things Simon has done to you and David,” Dallas suggested. “Better yet, think of Simon and how nice he will look with a bullet hole in the middle of his forehead.”
Chapter Sixteen
As I lay in my bed, images of David, Dallas, and Greg Caston kept swirling around in my mind. I threw off the covers and blew out an exasperated sigh. I debated the prospect of getting out of bed and making myself a drink, but I knew that was a poor substitute for what I really wanted. Ever since I had run out on him earlier in the day, my thoughts had kept returning to David. I climbed out of the four-poster bed and let my feet settle on the cool oak hardwood floor. I looked over at the clock on the bedside table. There was only one place I wanted to be right now. But two o’clock in the morning wasn’t exactly the best time to go knocking on doors.
I dressed quickly and picked up the silver key David had given me from the top of my bedside table. I shoved the key in the pocket of my jeans then slipped out my bedroom and down the back stairs to the kitchen. I snuck out the back door and ran across the courtyard to the gate facing the street. As I looked up and down a darkened Royal Street, I could not spot a single soul traveling along the sidewalk. The porch lights from the adjacent residences cast eerie shadows all around me. Only the occasional sound of footsteps filled the night and the unsettling quiet of the usually busy street unnerved me. I knew the French Quarter streets were dangerous to navigate alone at night, but with my good judgment being blinded by desperate need, I decided to run to David’s. At least then, I reasoned, anyone wanting to mug me would have to really work for it.
Less than ten minutes later, I stood gasping for breath as I used my key to open the gate to George’s courtyard entrance. I looked up and down both sides of the street to make sure no one was around before I entered the wrought iron gate. As I stepped out into the courtyard, strips of bright moonlight were shimmering down from between the rooftops on either side of the garden walls. I dashed across the courtyard and soon found myself standing in front of David’s carriage house door.
I was about to begin lightly rapping on the front door when I realized I had placed myself in a rather precarious position. David’s hearing loss, combined with what I remembered about his ability to sleep deeply, could soon make my banging on the door to his little cottage an event loud enough to awaken the entire neighborhood.
I walked over to one of the windows and peeked inside, hoping to find some way to get in without being detected. As I was about to turn away from the window, I saw a figure walk by.
I was gently tapping on the window when the front door opened beside me and David came rushing outside. He was wearing a blue robe over his jeans and holding a mug in his hand. He had flecks of paint in his hair and on his face.
“Nicci?” He walked up to me. “What are you doing out here?”
I looked into his face and felt a swarm of butterflies take to flight inside of my stomach. “I wanted to see you,” I said, trying to sound casual.
“At two in the morning?” He moved closer to me. “How in the hell did you get here? Did Dallas drive you?”
“Dallas is probably still asleep in his bed. I ran from Val’s. It’s only a few blocks.”
“You did what?” he shouted and the sound reverberated throughout the patio. He quickly lowered the volume of his voice. “Are you insane? Do you know what could have happened to you? That was a stupid thing to do, Nicci.” He paused and raised one eyebrow at me. “What do you mean asleep in his bed? You and Dallas aren’t sleeping together?”
I shook my head. “He moved into another bedroom after he returned from your meeting yesterday morning. He also told me of your plans for him to go back to Simon’s organization in New York and abandon his work at his family’s boatyard in Connecticut. He made it very clear that he has pretty much tossed our relationship to the side as well. When were you going to clue me in on any of this?”
“I have my own plans for you, which you’re already bloody well clued in on,” he said, sounding more than a bit annoyed. “I swear you’re going to be the death of me,” he whispered.
I folded my arms and frowned at him. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.”
He looked at me and smiled. It was the same warm, wonderful smile that I had carried with me since that tragic day three years ago.
“Why are you here, Nicci?” he asked in a hushed tone.
I took a step closer to him. “I needed to talk to someone. I tried to sleep and I kept thinking about you, Dallas, and Greg Caston.”
“In that order I hope,” he said, grinning.
I took another step closer to him and stared up into his face. I reached up to gently touch the scar on his face but he quickly jerked his head away from my hand. He turned from me and put his mug down on the windowsill beside him.
I placed my hand on his shoulder and gently urged him to face me.
“You have been so afraid of what I would think of this,” I said as I touched his scar. “That you never once stopped to wonder how I feel about seeing you again. Did you ever realize that maybe this is killing me? I did this to you. If it hadn’t been for me you would never have had to suffer through any of this,” I whispered. I ran my fingers down his cheek and gently touched the tracheotomy scar on his neck.
“Michael is the one who did this to me, Nicci, not you.”
“Maybe…” I hesitated as I let my hand fall back to my side. “Maybe it would have been better for you if we had never met. I feel like all I’ve done is bring you nothing but pain.”
He shrugged. “Some pain mixed with a hell of a lot of happiness. I would not give up one moment I’ve spent with you to be as I was before we met. You were worth every sacrifice.”
I felt a sudden rush of sorrow fill my heart. “But I’m not worth it now. I understand.” I turned away from him.
He reached out and grabbed my hand, stopping me. “I can’t help but wonder if your time with Dallas has changed how you feel about me.”
I spun around to face him. “Do you honestly believe another man could ever possibly change what I feel for you? What I have always felt for you since the day we first met at Myra Chopin’s debutante party.”
He let go of my hand as a smug grin spread across his handsome face. “I didn’t realize you found me irresistible even then. But as you can see I’m not the same man you met at that party so long ago.” He placed his hands behind his back. “But I’m still yours if you’ll have me as I am.”
“And what do I have to do to convince you that I want you as you are?”
He winked at me. “Use your imagination,” he whispered.
He went back through the front door without so much as a second glance.
I followed him into the small carriage house, feeling a slight ripple of excitement tweak inside my belly. I gazed around the darkened living room and found no sign of David. My eyes traveled up the spiral staircase. At the t
op of the staircase, the light of a single lamp shone down from the ceiling. I smiled, feeling all of my doubts suddenly stilled by my certainty. I wanted David at that moment. More than I had ever wanted anything in my life, I wanted to hold his body against mine. I wanted to smell the paint and sweat on his skin, to kiss his lips, and to feel… well, only the way David could make me feel. Emboldened by my desire, I walked over to the staircase and one by one, slowly ascended the steps to the second floor.
I found David in his bedroom studio sitting on a stool in front of an easel. Perched on the easel was an unfinished portrait of Jenny, dressed in black, sitting beneath the shade of a massive oak tree. Next to her was a small granite cross. It was the same granite cross that had marked David’s grave.
I walked slowly up to him. “I see you still like to stay up all night painting.”
“I don’t sleep very well these days. Painting helps pass the time.”
“Why don’t you sleep well?” I asked as I stood beside him.
“I haven’t slept well since the shooting.” He shrugged. “The truth is I haven’t slept well since I’ve been away from you.”
He reached out for my hand as he stood from his stool.I held his hand in mine. “Do you know how much I have missed you?”
“Show me how much you’ve missed me, Nicci,” he demanded in a low voice.
“What can I say, David.” I leaned in closer to him. “There is nothing more I want right now than you.”
He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I was instantly overwhelmed by the intensity of his kiss. I remembered how the same passion David had brought to his painting had carried over into our bedroom. And as his hands began to explore the hills and valleys of my body, I felt my desire for him consume me.
I anxiously pushed the robe off his shoulders, desperate to feel his warm flesh beneath my hands. He grabbed at his robe and placed it over the easel behind him. I let my fingers traverse every inch of his paint speckled broad chest, arms, and back. I laughed as I took in his paint-splattered body.
“You always reminded me of a walking Picasso,” I said.
I kissed his scarred cheek and then let my lips travel down to the left side of his chest. I noted the long white scar over his lower ribs and tenderly kissed it. I covered his chest with kisses and when I reached his left nipple I bit down hard on the pink tender flesh. He gasped in surprise.
I closed my mouth over his and let all of the hunger inside of me free. He pulled my T-shirt over my head and tossed it away. I reveled in the feel of his hands against my flesh. I undid the buttons on the fly of his jeans. Eagerly, I pushed the jeans down and let my hands explore his firm backside. Then I reached around and gently stroked his erection. He bit into my shoulder and I could feel the blood bounding beneath his skin. He unclasped my bra and began teasing my nipples with his thumbs. I was undone by the sensations he was awakening inside of me. David unzipped my jeans and quickly eased the heavy denim fabric from around my legs.
Naked before him, I closed my eyes as his hands caressed every inch of me. As I savored his touch, an unwanted image popped into my head. I saw Dallas’s slender hands traveling up and down my naked body in almost the exact same way.
I opened my eyes and pushed David away. “We have to stop,” I whispered.
David’s eyes searched mine. “What is it?” he asked breathlessly.
I cast my eyes down to the floor, feeling suddenly ashamed of my behavior. I had offered myself to David, but I had not completely freed heart of Dallas. The realization instantly quelled my desire.
“I, ah…” I looked up into his bewildered eyes. “I shouldn’t have come. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
He sighed and ran his hands over his face. “I understand. Don’t be sorry. It’s my fault. You’ve been through so much and I should have given us more time. I just hoped…” He was silent for a moment. “Is this about Dallas? Do you still feel something for him?” he eventually asked.
I wrapped my arms about my naked body. “What I feel is…guilty.”
David placed his hands about my face and stared angrily into my eyes. “Are you saying he does mean something to you?”
I removed his hands from my face. “Of course he means something to me, David. I almost married him for Christ’s sake.”
David glared at me. “I thought you said you didn’t want to marry him.”
I sighed as I placed my hand against his chest. “I know now I would have been content with Dallas, but I would never have been complete. He was not you. No one ever was.”
David nodded and took a step back from me. “I think Dallas suspected that.” He bent down and picked up his jeans from the floor.
I frowned at him. “What makes you say that?”
“If he wanted to fight for you, Nicci, he wouldn’t have moved out of your bedroom,” he explained as he pulled on his jeans.
I shook my head as a twinge of remorse rose from the pit of my stomach. “God, David, I feel like all we have done since we have been together is hurt people. First Michael and now Dallas. It’s like we’re doomed or something.”
He snickered as he buttoned up his jeans. “Michael was a nut job. And Dallas knew how we felt about each other.”
“But he never counted on you coming back from the dead,” I argued.
“No. But for a man seeing a long lost friend back from the grave, he didn’t act very surprised. In fact, he never showed any emotion at all.” He turned from me. “I guess I never realized before how much being Simon’s prized specialist had changed him,” he admitted over his shoulder.
He walked back to the easel and picked up his robe.
“He misses his old life,” I said, recalling my conversation with Dallas. “He told me how shadowing me the other night at the party excited him. It made him feel useful again. Building boats with his uncle has never been enough for him.”
David quickly returned to my side. “I got that impression too,” he agreed, placing his robe about my shoulders. “In the past he always joked about wanting to take over Simon’s organization. I figured with you out of his life he would want more now than ever to get back in the game. That’s why I offered him Simon’s little empire. After we get rid of Simon, Dallas can take care of everything in New York. Leaving you and me to start a new life together.”
I pulled the robe around my naked body. “You might have thought to ask me if I wanted to start a new life with you before you discussed it with Dallas.”
David let out a long sigh and then he lowered his gray eyes to mine. “All right, I’m asking. What do you want to do? Paint pictures with me or build boats with Dallas?”
I gawked at him “After what we almost just did, how can you ask me that?”
“That was sex, Nicci. I’m talking about love. Which one of us do you love?”
I already knew the answer to that question. I had always known the answer, but I had never once told David of it. In the short time we had been together, before Michael had intervened, I had never truly declared my feelings to him. I had always believed feelings were like wishes best kept locked away inside a genie’s bottle. Because once the feelings were proclaimed and set free, they could never be taken back. And those feelings would always be there between us, like an exposed truth that you hoped you did not one day live to regret.
“And then there is silence,” David said as he stood next to me. “Seems there was always silence from you whenever we got around to talking about your feelings.”
I shook my head. “Shouldn’t actions speak louder than words?”
“Here we go again,” David whispered. “Nicci, it isn’t that hard. Just tell me how you feel. Don’t you think after everything we’ve been though, I deserve to hear those words from you?”
I stared at him, feeling more hurt than angry. “What are my words some kind of prize you feel you’re owed? You’ve come back from the dead for me and now I’m supposed to declare my undying love for you.”
“Undying or othe
rwise, I’ll take whatever I can get from you at this point,” he said, shaking his head.
“This isn’t about love; it’s about trust, David. Since I have met you have done nothing but betray me and leave me. It’s just not that easy for me to start trusting you again.”
“You can trust Dallas, but you can’t trust me. Is that it?” he asked angrily.
“But I’m not in love with Dallas!”
“Well, if you’re in love with me, then you should at least be able to tell me, Nicci,” David said, raising his voice.
“And do you know what happens if I tell you how I feel. You’ll leave me…again,” I told him. “Once you let people in they leave you, David. Better to never give your heart to anyone and spare yourself the eventual betrayal.”
He waved a frustrated hand at me. “Your mantra has always been that you don’t trust anyone. Is that why you’re so afraid of opening yourself up to others? Because you think they will leave you or betray you?”
“Yes! Trust someone and they will leave you or hurt you or…die on you.”
“Nicci, no one chooses to die. It just happens.”
I shook my head and looked down at the old hardwood floor. “When my mother died, I was so devastated. I withdrew from the world and I felt safe until you came along. Then you went back to New York, and I was so heartbroken that I turned to that lunatic Michael Fagles to help me forget about you. And when I thought I had lost you forever, it was as if every fiber of my being had been ripped into a million tiny pieces. It hurt so much and I can’t ever…” I was silenced by the emptiness I felt surrounding me.
David placed his arms about me. He held me close and gently kissed my forehead. “I’m not going anywhere, Nicci. I promise no one will ever tear us apart again.”
Images of David, and all the promises he had made to me in the past, rolled across my mind like a movie montage. He had promised to love me, to stay with me, to take care of me, but he had never kept any of those promises. I pulled away from him and picked up my jeans from the floor.
“You made a hell of a lot of promises to me in the past, David. None of which you ever kept. Why should I believe you now?” I asked, pulling on my jeans.
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