Sasha leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees. “I guess I don't mean perfect, but look at how you handle everything. Even when we were kids, I knew you were different. You pulled through anything, always stronger than before. Just look at this. Anyone else would have dug a deep hole to crawl into. But you—” Sasha shook her head with amazement. “You just move on.”
“What you see is my dependency on God. I don't have any other choice.”
They both sat up when the doorbell rang.
“That's our food.” Sasha stood.
Anya pushed herself from the floor. “I'm going to wash up a bit. I'll be back in a moment.”
“Hey, Anya,” Sasha said, her face deep inside her purse, as she searched for her wallet. “Wake me up for church in the morning.” She finally lifted her eyes.
Anya nodded. “Okay.”
“Oh, don't get any big ideas. I just think I should be with you, that's all.”
“Sure.” Anya started up the stairs. At the top, she paused to get her breath. No matter what happened now, something good was going to come out of all of this.
“You go, God!” Anya laughed as she waddled into her bathroom. “You are too awesome for me.”
Chapter 53
Congratulations, Braxton. You've never finished a manuscript so quickly.” Carolyn flipped through the loose pages. “I can't wait to read it.”
Braxton took a sip of water and smiled, saying nothing.
Carolyn pushed the pages to the side. “Do you want to order?”
The sun was shining directly into Braxton's eyes and he had to squint a bit. He looked into the hazel eyes of his editor. She was smiling, a bit flirtatiously, Braxton thought. He held her gaze. “No, I don't want anything.”
Slowly she moved her hand and covered his. “You haven't seemed yourself lately, Braxton. Is there anything I can help with?”
First he looked at her hand, then back at her. He pulled his hand away. “I have to leave. I'll speak to you sometime next week.”
“I'm more than just a good editor,” Carolyn persisted. “I make a great friend.”
Braxton said nothing.
“I don't get to Los Angeles often,” Carolyn continued. “And I've done nothing but work these past two days. I was hoping you could take some time and show me around.” With a gentle jerk of her head, she flipped her blond hair over her shoulder.
Braxton chuckled inside. Even if he wasn't still thinking about Anya, Carolyn would never be his choice. He didn't go that way.
He stood and put on his sunglasses. “Thanks for fitting me into your schedule.”
“You're our best; I would do anything for you.” Her voice was suddenly husky. “Why don't you stay? We could have a light lunch … and you never know how good dessert could be.”
This time, he chuckled aloud. “See you later, Carolyn.” As he walked away, he said over his shoulder, “Speak to you soon.”
While he waited for the valet, he thought of all the women who had tried to slip into his life over the past months. He felt like he was wearing a sign: I'M A FREE MAN! But he wasn't free.
Many days, he spent his time trying to figure out a way to call Anya. But he could never do that. Friends told him that she was having the baby and making plans to keep it. He sighed. He'd taken the gamble and lost the bet.
When the valet handed Braxton his keys, he tipped him with a five-dollar bill, then jumped into his car and turned onto Wilshire Boulevard. A few blocks down, he slowed as he passed Anya's office. He didn't really expect to see her on a Saturday, though almost every day, he'd hoped for a chance meeting. It had never happened.
He punched the CD player button.
I thought, that I was through, trying to find someone exciting and new
He reached to change the CD, then pulled his hand back. He hadn't listened to this song in a while.
You taught me how to love, showed me how simple things could mean so much
How to feel good without a touch, slow down and not rush
Anya had taught him how to love. She had taught him how to love, even though he couldn't control her. It was her independence that he loved, though in the end, it was her independence that allowed her to walk away.
He wondered if she ever thought of him.
I'd cry, I'd cry if you left my side …
He clicked off the CD, pushed the EJECT button, and tossed it over his shoulder into the back seat. He had cried enough tears, and if he kept playing this song and thinking these thoughts, there would be more tears to come. He didn't need that. It was time to find a way to get over Anya.
At the light, he made a U-turn. Maybe if he hurried back, he would be able to catch Carolyn. And, that would be a start.
He slowed as he approached the restaurant. She was still sitting at the table, sipping her glass of wine. Braxton turned into the valet area, but when the man came to take his keys, Braxton waved him away. He sucked his teeth as he headed home. When was he going to get over this? He had to find a way.
Chapter 54
The church service was almost over and Anya took a quick, but complete glance around the sanctuary as she'd been doing every Sunday for months. She was still looking over her shoulder when she felt Sasha stand. David was standing beside her.
Was it time to leave already? She hadn't heard the benediction. She closed her Bible, and reached for her purse.
“We're not leaving,” Sasha whispered. “Pastor Ford just asked if anyone wanted to know Jesus as their Savior. That's what we're going to do.”
Anya's eyebrows rose, but she moved aside, as Sasha and David stepped over her. All thoughts of Braxton disappeared, as Pastor Ford prayed over them and others who stood at the altar. When it was time for Sasha and David to be led to the counselors, Anya followed.
By the time she got to the back, Anya's surprise had turned to joy. She walked to Shirley Johnson, the head counselor. “Shirley, that young woman is my cousin. Would you mind if I counseled her?”
Shirley smiled. “Girl, go ahead. Isn't that wonderful?”
Anya took Sasha into the far corner of the counseling room and hugged her. “I am so happy for you, but I'm surprised. You didn't say anything—”
“It's because of you, Anya. I know God's been trying to talk to me for a long time, but I didn't want to listen. But as I've watched you, this is the life I want. I want to have your peace.”
They hugged again and Anya glanced to where David was sitting with Elder Watkins.
Sasha said, “Do you want David to join us?”
Anya was thoughtful as her gaze rested on David. The greatest gift she could give her good friend was to lead him to the Lord. But he was speaking with Elder Watkins, one of the older, true men of God.
As if he felt her eyes, David looked up, smiled, and nodded.
“David's fine,” Anya said, feeling tears come to her eyes. She cried a lot these days, sometimes for no reason at all. But today, it was joy that brought this water.
She turned her attention back to Sasha. “Our pastor believes that everything must be done by the Word of God. I'm going to review scriptures that will help you understand what we're doing. Sasha, being born-again means that you're entering into a personal relationship with God. You're asking Jesus to come into your life and into your heart. You're saying that if Jesus died for you, you're going to live for Him. But most important, you're saying that you want everlasting life. That you know that this life is not the end; eternity is the most important thing.”
“Wow!” Sasha exclaimed.
“Is it too much?” Anya asked worriedly.
“No, that's not it. I just never realized it was all of that. I can't wait for everything in my life to change. I need this.”
Anya rubbed Sasha's hand. “Sweetie, that's what many people think. That accepting Jesus is going to be like being struck by a sudden bolt of lightning. It's not going to be like that. You're going to be different, not necessarily feel different—coming to the Lord is not about
emotions; it's about a change that will come inside gradually. You'll grow in God. Do you understand?”
Sasha nodded, although Anya could see the questions on her face.
“Answers will be part of your growth. You're not going to know and understand everything today. Prayer and studying your Bible will bring revelation. Listen, instead of me talking, let's go through this.”
Anya opened her Bible and began to read and explain scriptures. She had Sasha turn first to John 3:16, then to Romans 3:23, and Colossians 1:14. Finally, they turned to Romans 10:9.
“In this scripture, God tells us how to become saved. That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
“You just say it and believe it?” Sasha asked, as if she missed something. “It can't be that simple.”
“It is. We're going to pray something called the Sinner's Prayer, which simply asks Jesus to come into your heart and be your Lord and Savior. Once you do that, you're saved. You'll never have to ask God for salvation again. It's eternal.”
Sasha inhaled a deep breath. “It sounds so heavy.”
“It is.” Anya took Sasha's hand. “This is the most important thing you will ever do.”
Sasha bit her lip, then nodded. “Okay, I'm ready.”
“Repeat after me. Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you as a sinner in need of a Savior. I confess with my mouth that Jesus is the son of God and I believe in my heart that God raised Him from the dead. I believe, Lord, that you died and shed your blood for the remission of my sins and I thank you for it. And now, Jesus, I ask that you come into my heart so that I may become your child. So that I can know your mercy, your glory and your power. I want to walk this walk of faith that leads to everlasting life. I accept you, Lord, and ask all of this in the name of Jesus. Amen.”
And with the final words, Anya took Sasha into her arms and they cried.
Braxton picked up his ringing cell phone.
“Hey, are you on your way to Crossroads?” Carlos's voice boomed through the phone.
“Yeah, don't tell me you're going to be late?”
“On my way to church, I got a page. I'm at the office.”
“Ah, man, so you're canceling?”
“Well, actually, I was hoping that you would still go to Crossroads and order take-out. We could eat a quick lunch here. Would you mind?”
“Naw, I'll do it. I'll be there in less than an hour.”
Braxton clicked off the phone. At least he would still get to talk to his best friend. After what happened with Carolyn the other day, he needed someone to talk to.
He pulled up to the restaurant's valet, and jumped from the car.
“I am so proud of the two of you.” Anya beamed across the table. They'd come to Crossroads straight from church for a celebration.
Sasha and David smiled at each other.
“What made you do it today?” Anya asked.
David said, “I planned to. God spoke to my heart a couple of weeks ago. It was time for me to take the next step. But what about you?” he asked Sasha.
She shrugged. “I don't know. I think it was all the things Anya and I talked about yesterday and then when you got up, there was nothing holding me back.”
“I've been praying for both of you.” Anya smiled.
“Well, then, that's what it was!” David laughed.
“And you can't be around Anya too long without picking up something. Thanks for the prayers, cuz. I can't wait to tell Madear. In fact…” She pulled her phone from her purse. “I'll call her now.” She stood. “But, I'm not going to be like all these other L.A. folks. I'll go to the car.”
After Sasha walked away, Anya took David's hand. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you. It's because of you—”
“Oh!” Anya squealed.
David was startled. “Is it the baby?”
Anya waited a few beats before she spoke, “Yeah, the baby is happy for you too.” She grimaced as the baby kicked again, then grinned at David. “Do you want to feel?”
He smiled sheepishly, as she took his hand and laid it on her stomach. At the first kick, he pulled his hand away. “Wow!”
She took his hand again, urging him to stay in place. “Can you believe that?”
“It's incredible.” He smiled. “So no doubts?”
“No, but that doesn't mean I'm not a little scared. I guess that's normal for any first-time mother who's eight months pregnant.”
He took her hand. “I'm getting as excited as you are.”
She smiled. “David, I can't thank you enough for all that you've done. But, there is one more thing I'd like to ask.” She took a deep breath. “If it's too much, tell me, and I'll understand because …”
“Anya,” he laughed, interrupting her. “You know I'll do anything.”
She bit her lip, then placed his hand back on her stomach. “I cannot think of a better man to be my baby's godfather.”
David smiled widely. “Anya, I can think of only one thing that would make me happier. Thank you for asking me.”
“I wouldn't want anyone else. You've been an incredible friend.”
Very gently, he lifted their hands from her lap and brought her hand to his lips. “And if my godchild's mother ever wants to move beyond friendship, I'd love that more.” Still holding her hands, he leaned over, and kissed her softly on the lips.
From the window outside, Braxton watched. Then, he turned around and ran, bumping into the Crossroads sign as he fled.
Braxton tried to open the heavy glass doors, but they were locked. He pressed the button and stayed on it until Carlos appeared in the lobby.
“Hey, man, what's the urgency?”
“I didn't feel like standing out there. I forgot the doors would be locked.”
“Well, there's something else you forgot. Where's our lunch?”
Braxton stuffed his hands deep into his pockets. “Can we go into your office?”
“Sure.”
Carlos led the way back, but as soon as they stepped into his office, he asked, “Qué pasa?”
Braxton dumped his jacket into the chair. He looked at Carlos, and shook his head. “I just saw Anya.”
“Oh, that's why we don't have any food,” Carlos said, trying to lighten the mood. “What did she say?”
He paced the entire floor from the window to the door. “She didn't see me. She was with David Montgomery.” He stated the name as if it were a spoiled piece of beef. “They were holding hands…and kissing.” He punched his fist into his palm.
“Ohhhh,” Carlos moaned. “Well, what did you expect? Anya's an attractive woman. She's smart, she owns her business, is financially well-off, funny—”
“I don't need you to go down a list of her attributes,” Braxton stated angrily.
“I thought maybe you'd forgotten. You're acting like you're surprised that she's moved on, and that there's another man who wants her in his life. Did you really expect her to sit back and pine over you?”
“I haven't rushed into anything! The other day, my editor threw every part of her body at me, and do you know what I did? I walked away, because Anya was on my mind.”
“So Anya shouldn't move on because you're thinking of her? Man, you're a fool.” He paused. “Look at what you've done to your life. You got rid of Anya, you've tossed most of your friends away—man, you don't even go to church. Not even the second service, not Men's Prayer, nothing. You have messed up everything!”
Braxton stopped, and looked at Carlos like he was crazy. “You have got to be out of your mind to talk to me that way.”
“You're the one who's not making sense. You left Anya because she was doing something that she had to do, and now you don't want her to have a life?”
“I love Anya.”
“Braxton, your definition of love is control and manipulation. Admit it, man. The reason you're upset is because this didn't turn out the way you planne
d. Because if you truly loved her, you'd be with her right now.”
They glared at each other, then Braxton grabbed his jacket, and stomped out the door.
Braxton slammed his front door. He was still breathing heavily when he threw his jacket across the room like a football. His steps were hard, as he climbed the stairs to his bedroom.
“I can't believe Carlos.” He slapped his fist into a pillow. “I should go back there and tell him what I really think of him.”
He heard Carlos's words in his head. “You got rid of Anya.”
“She gave me back the ring,” he justified aloud.
Carlos's words continued to play in his mind. “You don't even go to church.”
“I couldn't keep going to the same church. What was I supposed to do?” The image of Anya and David had planted itself in his mind and he closed his eyes, needing to expunge it. But it played repeatedly, like a bad song, over and over. He could see them—David's lips touching Anya's.
He sat on the edge of the bed and held his head in his hands. Oh, God, how he still loved her. Why couldn't she just get rid of that baby?
When he lifted his head, memories flooded him. Memories of how they dreamt together. Memories of their plans.
“I've got to get her out of my mind.” His eyes wandered to the Bible on his dresser. He hadn't opened it in months.
That's what I need to do, he thought. I need to pray her away.
He got on his knees, clasped his hands together, but he couldn't think of what to say. What was he supposed to ask? He thought for a moment, then searched his heart for the right words. But as God spoke to him, all Braxton wanted to do was cry.
David turned into the gas station and stopped in front of the full-service pump. A man dressed in jeans and a blue jacket with a Mobil insignia trotted toward him. David handed the man his credit card. “Fill ‘ er up.” Then, he leaned back, and closed his eyes.
The sun had already retreated and the blue-black of the first hours of darkness was drifting over the city. But as people were settling into their homes, David was driving aimlessly, as he had been doing for hours.
How had this day, with so much promise, turned out this way? A time that had been set aside for new beginnings, had dragged him deep into his past.
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