by Hood, Holly
But before I can say anything else Nona opens the door and comes into the room. She slaps a flyer down on the table and looks at me.
“He may have a girlfriend, but he plays five nights a week at the bar downtown.”
I pick up the paper. “Where did you find this?”
“I have my ways. Now let’s get you home and then you can worry about this guy.”
I have no objections to that. I stare at the paper, Slade Andrews takes the stage five days a week in my town. I have to be there.
Music to my ears
I’m out of the hospital and I have been out for weeks. And it feels nice to be home. But one thing is on my mind and it’s amazing I survived this long without sneaking out in the middle of the night to go find him—Slade that is. But I kept busy with routine doctor checkups and visiting with family. Everyone wants to see the miracle I have soon become now that I am out of my coma.
I greet every visitor. I eat all the food Nona plies me with and I take naps and medication and do everything they ask of me.
I push on and on, doing everything I can to show I am all right. If I am all right and everyone thinks that I am, the sooner I can get out of the house.
And finally, after another week of jumping through every hurdle possible everyone believes I am okay again.
I walk into the kitchen. The house we have is nowhere as shabby as the one from my coma. It’s nice.
I open the refrigerator and smile at the food. I grab an orange juice and shut the door and spin around to my dad. He’s sitting at the table with his laptop. I guess his work has taken off, and he is working on deals of his own. He’s his own boss and has an impressive advertising company now.
I take a seat. “More work?”
He nods. “If I finish up I will have the entire weekend free.”
“Well, that’s good.” I trail a hand across the table. “How did it happen?”
My father looks at me and he scratches his head. “We went over this.”
“You never told me about the day.” He told me a lot of things but not about the day it happened.
He sighs and sits back in his seat. “We got to Cherry, I showed you the house. You were upset about moving. I offered to unpack your room with you but you refused.”
That sounded right.
“I had a drink and went to bed. And you left. When I woke up in the morning you were nowhere to be found. I thought maybe you went to Nona’s. But when the police showed up at the door I knew that wasn’t the case.” He stands up and I know that’s all he wants to tell me.
I swallow the urge to ask more. I’m sure it’s pretty devastating to think you lost your daughter.
“Well, I’m here now. And I promise I’m not going to do that again,” I tell him. I stand up and hug him, wrapping my arms around him.
“I thought I lost you, kid.” He squeezes me tight. “But I never lost hope.”
And I am so glad he didn’t otherwise I might not be standing in the kitchen hugging him. We break apart and I wait until he starts working again to break the big news.
“I’m venturing out today… with Karsen.”
He nods. “That’s great, Kid. Stay safe.”
“I will, dad.” I assure him I will be just fine and then go to my room before he can change his mind.
When I get inside of my bedroom I grab the phone and call Karsen.
“Where are you?”
“I am at the library studying,” she tells me. “You seem to forgot about my education. I have a lot of making up to do.”
I chew on my lip. “I want to go to the bar.”
“You barely have been out of a coma and you want to get drunk?”
I shake my head. “I want to see him. I don’t care about drinking.”
Karsen goes silent, she is about to warn me against stalking him. “Hope, I don’t know if this is a good idea. He has a girlfriend.”
“I’m not trying to do anything but see him.”
“Fine. I’ll be back in an hour. So get ready.” She hangs up on me and I sit on my bed. I can’t believe she agreed to go with me.
I don’t even know what I will wear. Or what I will say if he talks to me.
***
After going through my clothes and trying on everything three times I settle on a pair of skinny jeans and a black off the shoulder shirt with the word hope on it. It was a gift from my parents years ago and I know it’s outdated but I haven’t been able to shop for clothes in four years so it will have to do.
I apply pink lip gloss and spritz on some perfume and head out the door to Karsen. She’s waiting at the bottom of the stairs.
“Where exactly do you stay?” We haven’t even talked about that. She’s been here for 4 years. She left everything in her life behind to be by my side. That means so much but I am worried her life has paused because of me and I feel a little bad.
“My parents have been paying my tuition so I could start school in California. At first I was staying in your bedroom but after I started school I moved into the dorm.”
Well that’s better than thinking she was just sitting by my bedside waiting for me to come back to her. I still can’t get over the books. But I don’t tell her that.
“Are you ready for this?” Karsen knows I’m not, but she also knows I am stubborn and if I have to I will suck up all the insecurities I have and do it.
The place Slade performs in isn’t that spectacular. It’s not that big and I can’t see how anyone could ever get their big break here. But I don’t question it any further, I slip inside with Karsen and look past the drinking patrons and woman dancing in the middle of the dance floor. But the stage is empty. The sign on stage says he will be up in ten minutes. Ten minutes never felt so long.
We find a table and sit. The place smells like old stale cigarettes.
Karsen wipes at the crumbs on the tabletop and makes a face that tells me she is just as grossed out as me.
“I could catch hepatitis in this place.” She smirks at me. “But if this is what I need to do for you to make a fool out of yourself then I will do it.”
A group of girls around our age take the table next to us. Three of them to be exact. One blonde a brunette and a redhead. The brunette is the boss of the group. She orders the redhead to go get drinks and then she slams her purse on the table and begins texting someone on her phone.
“Brooke,” the redhead yells from the bar. “Do you want the usual?”
Brooke waves her hand dismissively and sighs going back to her text. The blonde girl next to her giggles and looks down at whoever she is texting.
“Are you really texting him tonight?”
Brooke shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Why wouldn’t I be? Have you seen him?”
Her friend seems a little worried. It’s written all over her face as she stares up at the stage where Slade will soon be coming.
Karsen listens in on the conversation.
“You are such a slut,” she tells Brooke. And Brooke nods enjoying being one. I have only known her existence for a few minutes and I don’t like Brooke.
“Ladies and gentleman. Give it up for, Slade Andrews.” There are a few dry coughs and a couple claps.
And then this Brooke character cheers. “That’s my boyfriend!”
I freeze, this cannot be true. Out of all people you’re telling me he picked this girl, this girl with the bad attitude who is probably cheating on him.
Slade gives a wave and take the stage. He sits on the barstool and looks out into the audience. Long enough to notice his obnoxious girlfriend. But before he tunes the guitar in his hand he looks again and his eyes settle on me. He’s looking at me.
I can barely breathe. I don’t dare move or even give a wave. I sit there like I just found the place on a whim. I hope he isn’t thinking I am stalking him—because technically I am stalking him.
But he drops his head and strums. And now I can take him in without the fear of being judged by his blue eyes. His voice is bea
utiful. It gives me goose bumps just listening to him sing. His words, they speak to me. I’ve heard them before and I can’t even explain how. I’m in love with this man, even if I am not supposed to be.
Brooke doesn’t get him. She isn’t connecting with his voice or his choice of song. She is pecking away at her cell phone. I’m the one looking at him. I am the one watching. The song is over way too soon. And I clap and whistle. He’s a talented guy. Why doesn’t this crowd see that?
Karsen claps too. “Not bad, Slade!”
Brooke looks back at us, and the way she glares tells me she doesn’t like his newly formed fandom. But I don’t care, I keep right on clapping for him. And when I look back up I see a hint of a smile on his face. He stands up for the next number and motions someone over from backstage.
I look at Karsen. This is the man she is supposed to love. I thought she did love Kidd. I smile at Kidd’s black fingernails and the many scarves wrapped around his neck. He’s the same as I imagined.
They start the next song. One I am sure I have heard before on the radio. I love covers. But dear god this is too much for me. He is playing the song I remember. Someone has to be playing a sick joke on me.
Brooke gets up from her seat and walks out of the bar with the phone to her ear. And it bothers him. He keeps his eyes on the door she left out of and it makes me sad for him. His girlfriend should be his biggest supporter.
“This next song is a favorite of ours. Sing along if you know the words.” Slade grips the mic, his tattooed arms on display. They are muscular and everything they should be—perfection. And he wears the grey cut off t-shirt so well.
And I’m singing. Word for word I match him, mouthing the lyrics, and when he looks at me I sing them out loud.
Dear god, the only thing I ask of you, is to hold her when I’m not around, when I’m much too far away!
We all need, that person who can be true to you, but I left her where I found her, and now I wished I stayed.
Cuz I’m lonely and I’m tired of missing you again!
I’m the biggest fan. I hope he knows it. I sway to the music, swept off my feet. It’s like he’s singing for me. He’s looking at me.
And then Brooke ruins my view and the moment.
Slade finishes up the song and it ends. He jumps off stage and walks right over to her. And they kiss right in front of me. It’s a dagger to the heart to see him cram his tongue down another girl’s throat
She hangs all over him. But she never tells him how great of a job he did. I want to tell him he was awesome. I want to tell him I understand him way better than Brooke.
Karsen touches my arm breaking me away from the suck fest going on in front of me. “We should go.”
I nod in agreement. I have no reason to be standing in front of Slade Andrews. No matter how I feel about him this isn’t true. He’s not my boyfriend. He’s just a weird thing I can’t shake from my mind.
He’s here because I almost died. He’s my beautiful nightmare. And the pain in my stomach at the realization I can’t have him is too much.
I collect my things from the table, shoving my phone in my pocket and taking my purse.
Karsen sighs. “Slade. Come here for a minute!”
He does. And his girlfriend goes back to her phone letting him.
Karsen gives him a wave. “I’m sure you remember who we are.”
He nods, he remembers us. “The girl in the hospital bed and her book reading friend.”
I point at my shirt, giving an awkward introduction. “Hope.”
He looks at my breast where the flashy bedazzled words rest. “Do you wear that shirt so you don’t forget who you are?” I’m not sure if he is joking with me or trying to insult me. I drop my hand.
“We wanted to say great job,” Karsen tells him. “You should start a band. And break away from this shit hole.”
He shrugs, happy with the shit hole. And his stupid girl. “I’ll take that as a compliment. See ya.” He turns and walks back to his girlfriend.
The boardwalk
I’m sitting at a restaurant with my dad and Nona. They insisted on taking me to dinner. Every day is a gift because I am alive and they want to celebrate all the time.
So I do my best to enjoy it. I order a big bowl of pasta and a side salad and even order wine now that I am old enough to drink it. And I sit there acting like a normal member of society eating pasta and salad and talking with my family.
“Have you been thinking about school?” My dad asks me.
“Not really.” I admit. School hasn’t been on my mind. I’ve been racking my brain on why life is not the way I feel it should be.
“There are a lot of good colleges around here,” Nona tells me. She saws into her chicken and stabs a piece taking a bite before she looks at me. “What do you want to do with yourself?”
Right now I want to hurl myself off the boardwalk into the sand. They want to figure things out for me that even I can’t figure out at the moment. And school will not change how much time I lost.
“I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to be a dancer.” I shrug that was a real dream at one time. Now it’s just a faded bit of memory. I used to love ballet. I used to be good at it. I used to be good at a lot of things.
“You want to be a stripper?” Nona shakes her head.
Dad drags a hand down his face and tosses his napkin. “Mom, she doesn’t want to be a stripper. She wants to get back into ballet, right Hope?”
I nod, throwing my napkin down when I see him walk into the restaurant. I stand up and touch my hair. “I need to use the bathroom.” And I hurry away from the table.
He’s standing at the counter. And he’s talking to someone. I’m not sure if he is there to eat. But he’s there. I need to say something to him. But I don’t know what to say or why I am even standing in the middle of the restaurant stalking him once again. I hide behind a bush before he sees me and listen.
“I’m telling you I just met her,” the waiter tells him. He raises both hands up like he is being held at gun point. “I didn’t know she even had a boyfriend.”
I can see from behind the plant that he is angry. His body does a terrible job of hiding it. I watch his shoulders tense up and his chest rise and fall at a high rate of speed. He balls his fist.
“You’re full of shit. Your name is in her phone. You are messaging her on Facebook. There aren’t too many other douche bags named Tucker around here.” Slade grabs him by the shirt and slams him against the wall.
My feet take over and force me out from behind my plant.
“I’m not lying. I didn’t know she had a boyfriend. She told me she was single. If I had known I would have never talked to her,” Tucker holds on to Slade’s fist.
I need to say something before he bashes this guy’s face in and gets hauled off to jail. He’s too hot for jail. “What’s hitting him going to prove?” I ask. I can’t believe I even said anything.
He looks at me. “It will prove that I can break every bone in his face with one punch.”
“Highly unlikely.” I step closer, staring at his grip. My heart kicking a hole through my chest. What the hell am I doing? “I don’t think it’s even possible to do that.”
His jaw muscle flexes and he looks back at Tucker debating whether to prove it and then lets him go. He looks at me ready to attack for stopping him from killing this guy.
Tucker backs away, and I shoot him a look telling him to get the hell out of there before it’s too late. Slade crosses his arms and studies me. All of me, my jean shorts, my billowy white top I picked up the other day at a thrift store. And my sandals with the cute seashells on them. They don’t feel so cute anymore when he’s looking at them. Now I feel stupid for ever spending ten bucks on them. “Did the doctors say you were brain damaged?”
I let out a puff of air between my lips. And shake my head at him. “Did you ask me if I am stupid?”
“Damaged.” He corrects me. His eyes are bluer when he’s angry.
<
br /> “If you must know, they gave me a clean bill of health. They said I was a medical miracle.” I raise an eyebrow at him. “I like to think that’s pretty impressive.”
He’s not so impressed. He’s not even blinking, he’s just staring. “You slept for four years and then woke up and you think that is miraculous?”
I hold back arguing about my life any further and glare at him. “Your girlfriend must love you.”
He makes a face. “What does that even mean?”
“That you’re an ass.” But he’s not, he’s the guy for me. The guy I dreamt about for years. “No wonder she cheats on you.”
He steps closer in my personal space. “And you are a stalker. And just so you know, Stalker. I don’t have a girlfriend anymore. Update your diary.”
I nod and he nods and we both stare at each other. I want to tear his black t-shirt off of his stupid body and lick his arm muscles. I wonder if he is standing like that to make me notice them.
“I don’t have a diary,” I inform him. “And I am glad you broke up with her. She was not the one for you.”
“Oh, so you’re an expert in love as well?”
“Maybe I am.”
“Maybe you’re crazy.”
“Maybe you’re stupid,” I toss back.
“Maybe I have a big dick,” he slings another one in my direction and gets even closer, a small smile forming on his lips.
“Oh, don’t even try that.” I bite down on my lip at the thought of his dick. “Any guy who claims they have a big one is packing a cocktail weenie.”
He bites down on his lip ring. “You want to find out?”
My cheeks warm. I do. “Take me to dinner first. I’m not that easy.”
“Pick you up around seven,” he tells me and he walks toward the exit.
“You don’t even know where I live,” I tell him. “How are you going to pick me up?”
“I cleaned your room for four years, I know enough about you,” he tells me. “And make sure you shave, it’s been four years I can imagine what the downstairs looks like.”