After having Dec around 24/7 for the last two weeks, I’ve come to rely on him heavily. Not so much for the basics like helping me sit or stand to go to the bathroom, brushing my hair and tying it up, or helping me get my shirt over my cast anymore. I rely on him for company more than anything else. He’s always here to making me laugh, pulling me out of my head if I get too deep into thoughts that aren’t pleasant, encourages me during my rehab work outs, stuff like that. Things that meant the world to me.
When Dec mentioned he and Lexi will be coming home with me, he was a little shocked I didn’t hesitate, or bother to argue when I agreed it was a good idea. I explained I did want him around, and it seemed to make him more than happy I wanted him with me, not needed him. I can’t help but be excited I’ll be seeing Abel, and yes, Monty again soon. Dad has had Abel since I’ve been gone, except for the couple of nights a week he went with Dec who was keeping Monty for me. Poor Dec got the short end of the stick with that deal.
Armed with the number of the outpatient clinic that will remove my cast and finish up my rehab work, mine and Dec’s bags, and a humongous stuffed unicorn from Uncle Max, Dec wheels me out, yes apparently all patients must leave in a wheelchair, to his SUV that’s parked on the curb. Placing an arm around my waist and helping me up, because let’s face it, I’m short and even with steps this thing is huge, Dec buckles me in. I smile at him and he returns it kissing my palm, placing my hand in my lap.
That’s another new thing since I’ve been back. Dec is extremely verbally, and physically demonstrative with his affections toward me. He doesn’t hesitate to kiss my hands, cheeks, forehead, and the top of my head. He constantly calls me sweetheart, baby, beautiful, babe, even fairy again occasionally. I have to admit, I love it because sweet Dec is just so adorable.
He tells me he loves me every morning when I wake up, every night before I go to sleep, and close to a million times in between. The first time I heard him tell me he loved me I thought I had dreamed it. Five years ago he wouldn’t hesitate in saying, ‘love you fairy’ or, ‘love you Kenny’, it’s different now, not only because he says, ‘I love you Kendall’, but because he says it with feeling and deep emotion in his voice.
I’ve waited for years to hear him tell me he loves me. At first I thought he was only saying it now because I was taken, and he was glad I was back. I built up the courage to ask him outright one day and he laughed at me and quickly dispelled the notion.
“No babe. I’m saying it because it’s long overdue and because I fucking love you to pieces baby.” That was all I needed to hear before I accepted his declarations and returned them. The look on his face every time I say, ‘I love you Dec’, back to him is one of wonder. Silly man, doesn’t he know by now that I’ve loved him forever? He tells me it’ll never get old hearing me say those words to him. I really hope it doesn’t because I plan on saying them for a very long time.
While Dec has become more affectionate and verbal with his feelings for me, we still haven’t had a conversation about what’s going on between us yet. I assumed he was waiting for me to get better, and home before he broached it, but I honestly have no idea where we stand. I’d like to think this was the beginning of something more, something deeper, the start of an actual relationship between us, but I can’t be sure.
At this juncture I have to say; a lot of you might think I’m weak, or pathetic maybe because I forgive Dec so easily seemingly overlooking what he did. You’re dead wrong. It takes a strong person to be hurt as I was, and still be able to offer forgiveness anyway.
If you had a choice, between being with the man you’ve loved forever, or being alone, miserable, and practically stalking him afar because you couldn’t forgive him, which would you chose? And, don’t say neither because you would have gotten over him already, remember I’ve loved him for my whole life. At the end of the day, it’s my choice, and I chose Dec. I personally believe the women that would have chosen to walk away are the weak ones. I was taught to fight for what I want, not to give up when everything got too hard, and to believe in second chances. If anyone has a problem with my choice, or my outlook on life, they can kiss my ass.
This relationship situation is something that I have to ask about before we get to the clubhouse. I know from the time we drive up, to the time I fall exhausted into bed tonight, we won’t have another minute alone. The discussion has to be had, and honestly, I should have broached well it before now, I just hadn’t been able to work up the courage.
Adjusting in my seat as he hops into the driver’s seat buckling up I wait for him to put the car in gear, and drive the few streets before the start of the short stretch of highway between Clearwater and Blackwater that will take us home. Clearing my throat loudly, I listen to his deep chuckle,
“What are you thinking Baby? You want to talk about something because you’ve been drilling holes in the side of my head since we left the hospital Babe.”
Damn him for knowing me so well. I thought I’ve been discreet in my observation of him.
“Well, since you asked,” he chuckles again. “I have to know before we get back because it’s been eating at me for a while now.”
He reaches for my hand and pulls it in to his stroking the flesh between my thumb and forefinger with his own.
“You can ask me anything Baby, you know that.”
I do know that, hence why I’m bringing this up at all.
“I do, so, here it is big guy. What’s going on with us?” I use my free hand to gesture wildly between where we’re sitting. “As awesome as having you around all day, every day is, and trust me I appreciate everything you’ve done for me in the last two weeks, I’m kind of confused why things are so different between us now. I totally get me disappearing scared the crap out of you, and you’re worried about the risks now I’m back, but it doesn’t explain the rest of it Dec.”
I stop talking and let him absorb what I’ve said. It takes him all of ten seconds to reply.
“You want it straight Baby?” He cocks a brow at me and I nod in response. “Well here it is, promise me you aren’t going to do anything stupid like fucking try and hide from me, or shit like that if I give it to you sweetheart, yeah?”
I shake my head and give him the words I know he wants to hear.
“I promise Dec. Honestly, I just want to know.”
Nodding back he answers and in doing so blows my mind.
“In a way you’re fucking dead right. I’m fucking shit scared of the risks of having you home again, especially knowing those fuckers didn’t let you go willingly. And, you’re right again when you said that it scared the shit out of me you being taken, I’ve never been so scared of anything in my life before. ” I try to pull my hand from his, but he clamps his down around mine not allowing me to free, not hard enough for it to hurt, but hard enough for me to understand that I’m not getting it back any time soon. “Hold on a fucking minute before you go getting all shitty. That was only part of it, not fucking all of it Baby. Sure, I’m going to be on guard for-fucking-ever now after that shit, but that isn’t why shit has changed between us.” I relax a little and let him continue. “You being taken didn’t prompt this shit between us though Kendall, what you don’t know is I had every fucking intention of sitting you down the night you were kidnapped and telling you all the shit I’m going tell you now. I fucking hated that bitch I was married to, and I had no intention of marrying her, Alexis, or no Alexis. When she came to me and told me because she was carrying my kid I had to make an honest woman of her, I said ‘fuck no’. I told her just because we were having a kid didn’t mean we had to get married for that shit to happen. I mean fuck, half the brothers have got kids and they don’t even have fucking girlfriends, let alone wives, or ol ladies.”
That was true, because of the guys inability to keep it in their pants, excessive amounts of alcohol, and testosterone, lots of the brothers are part-time or barely their fathers. A rare few are full-time dads like Uncle Max and Uncle Pipe, and I suppo
se Dec now too that Isabella isn’t in the picture. Clenching his fist on the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn a bright white, and stick out harshly against the black rolled leather, he continues,
“The bitch wouldn’t take no for an answer, threatening to take my kid and not let me see her when she was born if I didn’t marry her.” I gasp and my hand flies to my chest, but not to be deterred by my obvious outrage, Dec keeps talking. “Fuck. I was eighteen-years-old, expecting a kid with a manipulative cunt that didn’t want to marry me because she fucking loved me, she wanted to get hitched because she knew I was going to be bringing in good money with the club, and would hold a position soon enough. I only fucking agreed to marry her because I was scared as fuck she’d take my kid Babe. The bitch made it plain as day, every day that she’d do too. No other reason behind it. I married her, but refused her demands to patch her in as my ol lady, no way in fuck was I doing that. I know there isn’t a difference to outsiders, and shit, but to me, I wasn’t going to give a woman my property patch unless she was the fucking one,” he said turning to look at me briefly.
Dad had explained it to me when I was twelve, and didn’t understand the difference between being married and being an ol lady, I’d overheard some of the guys at the club talking about it, so I asked him about it. Women didn’t get a property patch, and their man’s name tattooed on them, most of the ol ladies had that done before even getting their leather, unless it was a forever thing. ‘Leather in, Never out’, I’d been hearing that phrase since I was young. Basically it meant, once you got a property patch, whether you were married or not, there was no disowning your man, or a man his woman. Divorce was far easier to do than discarding your property patch. Thinking about it, I’ve never SEEN a dissolution of a brother and his woman. Ever. It just doesn’t happen.
Breaking into my revelry Dec goes on,
“Anyway, that shit went on for years. Bullshit like spending all our money, ignoring Lexi, going out all the time, picking fights with me for no reason, just stupid shit. I never gave a fuck about the money because in the end, I got smart and started putting shit away where she couldn’t touch it, and I’d earn more so what-the-fuck-ever. I’ve never needed much anyway, and I made damn fucking sure Lexi never went without.” I agreed. Lexi never missed out on anything. So much so, I thought Dec spoilt her a little too much at times. That was just my opinion though. “Neglecting Lexi though? That shit wasn’t on, but I just worked it so she was barely ever alone with her. Lexi’s was either with Brenna, you, dad, or me. It made things easier, and I didn’t have to worry Lexi was getting fed, or picked up. The fucking cunt couldn’t even pull her head out her ass long enough to even tuck her in at night.” At that I mutter a low, ‘fuckingg cow’, and Dec laughs. “Yeah Babe, but fucking cow doesn’t quite cover what that bitch was. The fighting didn’t bother me either, I mean, I hated Lexi hearing it, but it was what it was. Lexi got it. It’s sad she had to, but I told her that parents fight and it wasn’t because of her. After that shit at the club when the bitch grabbed my baby and you put her in her place, dad bailed me up and made me spill all this shit, that’s when we went to work trying to get rid of her.” Hmmm, I didn’t know about that, but I remember that day like it was yesterday. I had never been so angry in my whole life. If I could have beaten the shit out of Isabella that day I would have. “Offered her money, one hundred fucking grand to be precise, but the bitch wouldn’t take it. She was to happy fucking with my head to walk away. Anyway, the night I kicked her out I couldn’t have been happier Baby, not because I was finally rid of her, but because I could finally come to you. I’ve been waiting years to do that. ”
Tears start to slowly make tracks down my face, I keep silent though because I don’t want him to notice or stop talking.
“Was going to talk to you the night you were taken and tell you all this shit, beg you to fucking forgive me for being an epic fucking asshole, and breaking your heart five years ago. Fuck Babe, I was going to tell you that night that you’re the only woman for me, and I’m so in love with you it fucking hurts.”
I sob. Not because I’m sad, but because Dec just spoke the words I have ached for, dreamed of, burnt for, for the last ten years at least.
“I can’t stop here Baby. I wish I could pull over right now and take you in my arms, look in your big green fucking eyes, and tell you I’ve been in love with you since I was fucking nine. The day you fell out that tree, was the day I realised I was in love with you. There hasn’t been a day since that I haven’t been. I pushed you away so hard five years ago because I couldn’t have you in my life the same way knowing I was having a kid that wasn’t yours. It fucking gutted me, it still does, Lexi didn’t come from your belly, made by me and you. It fucking killed me having to marry that cunt knowing the only woman I wanted to have my rings was you. I fucking hated myself for doing it, I hated myself more for you having to watch it.”
I lean over and trail kisses all over his tense jaw and whisper,
“It’s okay Dec. It doesn’t matter how Lexi came about she’s still yours, and because she’s yours that means she’s a part of me too.” Leaning his head over and resting it on top of mine keeping his eyes on the road, I nuzzled into his shoulder.
“I know Baby, and Lexi loves you like a mom anyway. The kid couldn’t be happier than if you were to take that job on. I’m not saying we don’t have shit to sort out with you being back now, but just know, I’ll give you all the time in the world Baby, and I’ll take this as slow as you want. You’re driving this train, not me.”
I giggle at the thought. Dec patient? Ah, not likely.
“What you giggling about over there fairy? You find something about what I just said funny?”
Chuckling now, I let him in on the joke.
“Ah yeah Dec, it’s funny all right, you are NOT a patient man. Not only that, but I think I’ve been patient enough for both of us and then some.” Understatement of the century. He frowns and I go on, “You really think that spending twenty-three years waiting for the man you love more than your own life, watching him have a child you love desperately with another woman, watching that man marry a nasty whorebag, having a near death experience, and then having that man admit he loves you the same way you love him, isn’t patient enough then I don’t know what is.”
Pulling sharply on to the green strip just before our exit, Dec slams the SUV in park, unbuckles his seat belt, jams his chair all the way back while carefully lifting me so I’m straddling him across his closed knees. Without blinking he says,
“Glad you feel that way Baby because that means I can do this.” He tangles his hand in the back of my hair making sure to avoid my still sensitive scar, and angles my head. Dropping his lips to mine he crushes our mouths together.
At the first taste of Dec my senses all flare to life, it’s like a long drink of water after spending years in the desert. Running his tongue over my lips he parts them and delves inside not wasting any time, and for that, I’m thankful. I’ve waited forever to kiss this man, and I wouldn’t be able to handle it if he took his time now. He tastes like spice, man, and a hint of the coffee he drank before we left the hospital. His tongue teases mine, so strong and sure, and he kisses me like the world is ending and this is only thing he wants to do before it does. Deepening the kiss I grab at his shoulders crushing my breasts to his chest, and plunging my tongue deeper. My nipples tighten and tingle inside the lace of my bra.
A low growl builds from deep in Dec’s chest, the hand not tangled in my hair meets the soft skin of my back raising my shirt in its quest. He strokes leisurely up and down my spine conflicting with the heat, and demands of his kiss. The slow, sure movements make my skin break out in goose bumps.
I can feel his huge erection pulsing against my core, throbbing almost angrily as I grind down on him, pushing the denim covering us harder against where I need it the most. I have never in my life been kissed like this before. Sure, I’ve kissed a few guys, not many, but a few, and none o
f them have made me feel like I’m flying, like I need their kiss more than my next breath.
A rush of fluid dampens my panties and I’m so turned on I’m Dec can feel it. I know I can feel how hard he is, he feels so good against me, he’s hard where I’m soft, so my body moulds to his perfectly. It has to be hurting him to be confined, nearly crushed violently between us as I wriggle in his lap.
After what feels like an hour, but is more likely only a few minutes Dec pulls back breathing heavily and stares into my eyes. I feel lightheaded, and I’m trying desperately to pull him back to my waiting mouth. He doesn’t kiss me again though, he just trains his beautiful grey eyes on mine, and looks like he is waging a war within; and losing badly. His chest is heaving, I can see the rapid rise and fall beneath my own.
“I’ve got to stop Baby. Fuck. I don’t want to, but I also don’t want to rip your clothes off and fuck you in my SUV the first time we’re together either, and I’m about five seconds off doing just that.” Whimpering at the thought Dec growls again. “You like the sound of that Babe? Me stripping you out of those jeans and your panties, seeing how fucking wet you are for me?” I hum a noise of approval against his throat that I just have to lick. The light stubble on his neck and jaw scratch at my tongue making my whole body shiver. Dec seems to like what I’m doing to him, because his Adam’s apple bobs up and down furiously. “You want me to open my jeans, pull my cock out and test your sweet pussy, see if it’s dripping for me Kendall?” Oh fuck, yes, yes I do.
Burnt: A Devil's Spawn Novel Page 18