by Darcy Town
He rubbed her hands. “We are connected now, I have seen them, experienced them already as if what he had done to you was done to me. I already have them. I can cope.”
“But they are me, I am them.” Belial pulled her hands back. “Without it, I will not be Belial.”
“No, that is not the truth. You are not that event; it is not what defines Belial.” Helion reached for her again. “Do you like the Belial you became? Let your heart speak, not the cancer that had been, but the heart that is in you now and answer me honestly. Does the sweet girl look upon the woman and approve?”
She closed her eyes, her answer immediate and ragged. “No.”
“The drive for death?
Belial shuddered. “His.”
“The violence?” He searched her gaze.
“His.”
“The ecstasy from killing and maiming?”
Belial gagged. “His. All of it was his.”
“Then what, out of all that you are now, is truly and only yours?”
Belial sobbed. “Love for you, for Dahlia. The rest, you are my family.” She looked at her hands. “I love colors, and flowers, and I love jumping with Andy. I love Andy.”
“You had this before Uriel hurt you?”
“Yes!” She nodded.
“That is Belial, the girl that loved to play, loved beauty and loved life. That is Belial.”
“Yes!”
“Belial, I want to give you back what he stole. You say those feelings, those memories you have are part of you, but are they? Or are they just pieces of him that remain in you? Do you keep him alive by holding on to the desires and feelings he buried in you?” Helion showed her an image of her pyre. “Andy and I killed his body, but through you his legacy lives on, his desire to hurt and kill lives on. He tortures you from beyond.”
Helion took her hand and pulled her to her feet. “Reclaim yourself and become the Belial that you should have been.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks. “Heli, I am afraid.”
He hugged her. “There is nothing to be afraid of, you are strong. You have family, you have friends, and you have Andy waiting for you.”
“But if I forget, I will be defenseless again.”
Helion kissed her forehead. “We will let no one hurt you ever again.”
Belial leaned against him. “Where did you get this strength from?”
Helion smiled. “Whitney gives me far more than she credits herself for and you, you give me the reason to be strong.” He kissed her cheek. “It is my turn to be the strong one. Let me support you.”
Belial squeezed her eyes shut. “Will I ever know what happened?”
Helion wrapped her in a wing. “When you have had time to develop on your own I will reconnect with you again and share if you wish, but not until you have had the chance, as I have, to grow up. No child should have to know of those things. No person should be defined by evil.”
Belial nodded. “You promise that you will share them if I ask?”
“I solemnly swear.”
She sniffled. “What will I know when I wake?”
“You will know that you were sick for some time, but that you are healed now.”
“What of Andy?”
“He loves you, Belial. You do not need to worry about Andy.” Helion smiled. “Go be yourself again.”
Belial blew air out of her cheeks and nodded. “What do I have to do?”
The image of the pyre twisted until it was Uriel at their feet. Helion handed Belial a knife.
Belial felt the blade in her hand. She looked at Helion. “I’m going to miss you, Heli.”
Helion shook his head. “No, Belial, you’re not going to miss a thing this time. Now, kill the motherfucker.”
Belial turned to Uriel and drove the blade into his heart.
***
“Bee aye tee. Bat.” Jegudiel looked at the chalkboard on the wall. “Bat! Right?” He sat at a small school desk in Paimon and Furcas’ living room. Dawn light made the room appear pink.
“Right-o. Bat.” Paimon nodded as he came in from the kitchen. “Bean?”
Bean sat next to Jegudiel at a similar desk. She wrinkled her nose and concentrated. “See aye tee. Cat!”
Furcas beamed from his spot on the living room couch. “She’s so smart.”
Paimon rolled his eyes and set out a plate of fresh baked cookies. He slipped off his apron. “Yeah, she’s my daughter.”
Jegudiel looked at the next word, sounding it out. “Dog!”
Bean watched Jegudiel and smiled. She’d aged since the pyre to a three-year-old. She giggled, stood in her chair, and bit Jegudiel on the shoulder. She tore through his t-shirt with her pointed teeth. Jegudiel hummed loudly, swearing in his head. He patted her on the head gently as tears seeped out of the corners of his eyes. Bean dug her painted fingernails into his skin and scratched trying to illicit a reaction.
Furcas frowned. “She really needs to stop doing that. Bean, let go.” He walked over and picked her up. She clamped down harder on Jegudiel. Blood dripped down her chin onto her lacy dress.
Jegudiel stared at the chalkboard as his hands twitched. “Aye, bee, see, dee—”
Furcas tapped Bean on the nose. “I said let go. You are being naughty.”
Paimon jumped on her desk and made a face at her. Bean laughed and grabbed for his nose, releasing Jegudiel. Jegudiel sagged and clutched at the wound, covering it as it healed.
Furcas wiped her mouth off with a towel. “Why is she so bloodthirsty?”
Paimon shrugged. “Dunno, biting and scratching are your things, dear.” He stuffed a cookie into Bean’s mouth.
Jegudiel held his arm. “May I maybe not sit within biting distance of her? Or maybe I can just leave?”
“No.” Paimon erased the letters on the chalkboard. “You are still my ward and I say you stay. You need to learn how to read.”
Jegudiel frowned. “Why?”
“So you can write out all the stupid poetry in your head.” Paimon smiled and wrote down their next lesson.
Jegudiel eyed Bean. “But do I have to sit right next to her?”
“She likes you.” Paimon grinned. “Just buck up. I know you want to write out the poetry we heard you singing to yourself in the shower earlier.”
Jegudiel blushed. “How do you know I sing in the shower?”
Furcas grinned. “We had sex in your room earlier.”
“Twice.” Paimon looked him over. “You take long showers. What the hell are you doing in there?”
Jegudiel went white. “What?!”
Paimon shrugged. “The door was unlocked.”
“It’s my bedroom!”
Furcas leaned forward. “My house.”
Jegudiel stared at his paper. “I want a lock on my door.”
Furcas smiled. “No.”
“Then I am going to live with my brother!”
Paimon snorted. “Trust me; the freaky stuff he and Raphael get up to is not any better.”
Furcas grinned. “And you know, it’s kind of creepy to see your brother getting frisky with his girlfriend don’t you think?”
Jegudiel pointed at them. “He cannot possibly be worse than the two of you!”
Furcas grinned and bounced Bean on his knee. “It’s not him I’m thinking of, but the sex-starved shape-shifting Hellspawn that is his girlfriend. Just imagine what Lucifer and Dahlia would have been like if they had not consummated their relationship until a few hours ago. Epic, down and dirty sex.”
Jegudiel shook his head. “They are in love, that doesn’t mean they’re—”
“Fucking.” Paimon offered.
“Humping like bunnies.” Furcas grinned.
“Shagging.” Paimon made kissy faces at Jegudiel.
Furcas looked over at Paimon. “Making sweet, sweet love to one another.”
Jegudiel put his hands on his ears. “How can you say this stuff in front of her?”
Paimon and Furcas glanced at Bean. She grinned, looking be
tween all three of them. Paimon waggled a finger in front of her face. “She’s a grand total of what, a day old?”
“She’s a four-year-old now! She is aging right now.”
They frowned. “Well, yeah, but mentally?”
“She can spell and her handwriting is better than mine.” Jegudiel held up her paper. Her handwriting looked exactly like Furcas’ letters.
Paimon grinned. “She’s a genius baby obviously.”
Jegudiel looked back at the chalkboard. “You two are going to be way out of your ability to handle her shortly.”
Furcas smirked. “Ooh big scary Bean!” He went back to bouncing her on his knee.
Bean laughed and pointed at Jegudiel. “Retard!”
The three adults gaped at her. Paimon kneeled down to look into her eyes. “Where did you learn that word?”
Bean frowned. “Mommy.”
Paimon glared at Furcas. “When did you say it?”
Furcas scoffed. “I am not the mommy, dumbass.”
Bean grabbed Paimon’s nose. “Mommy, Mommy!”
Paimon gaped. “Oh, I don’t think so. We’re daddies, Bean-baby.”
“Mommy!”
Paimon made a face. “If anyone is a mommy, it’s Furcas. Furcas is Mommy, I am Daddy.”
Bean frowned and looked at Furcas. “He Daddy. You Mommy.”
“I am not a mommy! I’m a daddy too!” Paimon stood up and glared at Furcas. “You did this on purpose. How?”
Bean burst into tears. “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”
Paimon picked Bean up and held her tight. “I am sorry. Shh.”
Bean punched him in the eye. “Mommy!”
Paimon watched Furcas laugh. Bean cried into his shoulder and kicked him in the ribs. He took a deep breath. “There, there. No more crying, Mommy is here.”
Furcas hit the ground laughing.
Jegudiel went back to reading. “You guys are so screwed, and it is going to serve you right.”
Paimon and Furcas glared at him. “Shut it, retard.”
Bean laughed. “Shut it, retard! Shut it, retard!”
Jegudiel shook his head. “So screwed. You heard it here first.”
***
Andy walked barefoot on the burning sands of Ra-Giza. The land sparkled gold in the heat and haze of the scorching afternoon sunlight. This place was desolate, empty of Lilliam and life. It looked as he felt inside, desiccated and bleak. His face was blank; his eyes were the color of slate. His wings were drab and gray. He crested a sand dune and plowed into Whitney.
Whitney tumbled away. “Sorry!”
Andy scrambled to his feet. “Whitney?”
Whitney landed on her back and slid down a dune on her marbled wings. “Yeah?”
“What are you doing here?”
Whitney sat up and brushed sand out of her hair. “I like it here. The only thing around is rock for miles and miles and miles.”
Andy looked around. “Oh, yeah. Rocks are your thing.”
She opened her wings over her head to give her some shade. “Why are you here?”
“It’s empty. I thought it was empty. I can go.” He scrambled up the dune to leave.
Whitney raced after him. “Wait!”
Andy paused and looked over his shoulder. “Yeah?”
“I know you guys are really used to being alone for long periods of time, but I’m not.” She held back tears. “I don’t know how to do it. Can you teach me?”
He offered her his hand. “Come on.”
Whitney took his hand. “I can fly.”
Andy allowed himself a small smile. “True, but, can you go this fast?” He ran. He stopped and they stood in New York City.
Whitney gaped. “No.”
Andy walked down the street. Whitney trailed after him. “Why are we here?”
“This is my city. I’ve lived here ever since it was conceived. It’s kind of rundown at the moment, but it’ll get better once this whole war is resolved.”
Whitney nodded and looked around. She ran to keep up with him. “Andy?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think Helion will come back?”
Andy stopped and leaned on a dust-covered car. “I really don’t know, Whitney. I’d like to say yes, but I don’t know.”
Whitney nodded and looked at her feet. “I know, I—I just want to hear something positive.”
Andy took her hand. “Whitney, Helion and Belial, they were linked, two beings. I don’t know what her death will have done to him. He might not be himself anymore. Maybe he went away to collect his thoughts, maybe he...” Andy stopped, not wanting to voice what he really thought.
Whitney tugged on his hand. “You can say it. I’m not going to explode.”
Andy nodded. “I am not entirely sure one can exist without the other.”
Whitney blinked and tears ran through the dust on her face. “Yeah, I was thinking it might be like that too. He told me all about their past.” She wiped her eyes and stared at the street around them. “I just can’t help but think that he would have said something to me if that were the case, goodbye at least. I mean, I’ve had boyfriends before that just didn’t call, you know, the kind that can’t break up with you to your face.”
Andy nodded. “The ones that just fall off the face of the planet to avoid you.”
“Exactly! But Helion, he didn’t strike me as the type.”
Andy kicked a can down the street. “Nah, he’s not the type, that’s Belial’s style, gone without a goodbye.”
“Yeah?” Whitney caught him with his guard down for a second, his face ashen. He shook his head and recovered. She spoke softly, “We don’t have to talk about it.”
Andy shook his head. “No we should talk about them. We should. She uh, let’s see. She and I would have these fights you see. Really crazy ones.”
“Like what?”
“Oh, tearing through cities kind of fights. Nothing recent, this was way back in the day before I stopped being so destructive.” He waved the thought aside. “We’d destroy places. Her screaming and driving people mad, me aging stuff when I lost my temper. We were a scourge to everyone around us when we were angry at each other. After our fights, when the dust had settled, literally, she’d be gone, run off to somewhere without a word to me.”
“What did you two fight about? You weren’t a couple?”
“Well, looking back I suppose we were, but just in the platonic sense. I’d get pissed because we would hang out, doing everything that couples would except for the physical stuff. I wanted to be with her, but she always said she had to put her duty first—”
“A career girl.”
Andy laughed quietly. “Yeah, focused on the killing humans stuff. I wanted to start a—”
“Family.”
Andy shrugged. “Of sorts. I wanted her to settle down. At the time, I thought that if she just settled down we could be together. I didn’t know about Uriel.” He covered his mouth. “I didn’t know.”
Whitney reached for him, but he shook his head. Andy looked to the sky. “I couldn’t understand her and I got angry with her for it. She couldn’t bring herself to tell me, so she was angry with herself and angry with me for not being able to tell that she was hurting from something else.”
Whitney nodded. “You’d ask what was wrong, she’d reply with nothing.”
“Pretty much.”
“But that’s not your fault.” Whitney skipped alongside him. “I mean, you could have been more open to her feelings a bit, but she did make the choice not to tell you.”
Andy balled his hands into fists. “I should have known, Whitney. I really, just, I really just should have. I mean, come on. Uriel has her, I knew how he felt about her, and she comes back different, unable to be touched. I just should have known. But I didn’t want to know.” His voice broke. “I didn’t want to know.”
Andy stared into the empty shops around them. “I couldn’t accept it as a possibility up here.” He tapped his temples. “So I told mys
elf it wasn’t the case until I believed my own story and forgot the details of the truth.” He looked at Whitney. “She might not have told me, but I never really asked her for the truth, not in time at least.”
Andy closed his eyes. “She would have told me, I think. If I had really asked and been open to hearing it. Maybe…” He shook his head. “I can’t think like that.”
Whitney kept pace with him. “She’s in peace though now.”
Andy nodded. “Finally, yes, I suppose she is and I’m happy for her.” He nodded. “I really am.” He blinked back tears. “She—” He sighed and clamped down on his feelings. “You mentioned earlier about not knowing how to be alone.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know how to be alone. I’m a good faker.” Andy wiped at his eyes. “I made my home in New York City, before that it was Paris.” He pointed down the street. “Now they’re one in the same. Before Paris I was in Rome, Babylon.” He watched birds land on rooftops. “And if I am truly by myself I talk to the birds.”
Whitney nodded. “That’s okay; I talked to my cats when I had some. They never stayed around though.”
Andy smiled and looked down at her. “Cats?”
“Before Helion I was making myself out to be a genuine cat lady.”
“And now?”
Whitney frowned. “Now it seems I am back on track to being a cat lady again.” She closed her eyes. “I think I will go take one of those islands Dahlia built and put up a stone tower like a lighthouse. Then I can be dreadfully romantic and stare out at the sea, waiting for my lover to come home.”
Andy smiled. “But you’d be alone.”
“With my cats. I shall make a cat paradise on my cat island!”
Andy laughed. “I will take the next island over, and I shall have a bird paradise, free of your cats.”
Whitney held up a finger. “Ah, but what if your birds come over to my island. I am afraid my cats will eat them for supper.”
Andy stared at the sky. “I will save each and every one. What else will I do with my time?”
Whitney laughed and twisted her fingers. “I hope Helion comes back, I do not want a war of pets on our hands.”
Andy tsked. “Think of the bloodshed.”
Whitney closed her eyes. “I want a pizza.”
“Hmm?”
“I eat when I get depressed. I’m not hungry, but I want one.”